Unforgivable Promises

Unforgivable Promises

Chapter 22

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Harry tried to concentrate on his Charms textbook, but the warmth of Severus against his side was too great a distraction. His move to the other side of the couch had been more instinct than reason. The older man's words told of an acceptance of what they meant to each other as friends, but Harry also suspected an underlying invitation. He knew Severus would never claim any feelings toward Harry unless he was sure they were reciprocated. Wondering just how deeply those feelings went, and not a little unsure about his own feelings, Harry finally spoke.

"Severus? I can't help but wonder," Harry said, closing his book but maintaining contact with the man. "What prompted . . ." Harry wondered what to call their current situation.

"The cream in the cupboard?" Severus suggested; Harry chuckled. Laying his own book down, the Potions Master replied, "On the surface, because we both seem to enjoy each other's company, and you have been doing a poor job of finding excuses to come see me–Gryffindors being what they are. I am merely taking pity on you by not requiring any excuse at all."

Harry had figured that much out on his own, and pressed for a better answer. "Okay, that's the surface, then. Below that?"

"Well, that's more complicated, isn't it?" Severus gazed into the fireplace, lost in thought. Harry was content to sit in silence until he spoke again. "Have you ever been completely content? I don't mean a few fleeting moments of peace garnered because you managed to forget your troubles for a while. I mean, have you ever had a time when you could look at the whole of your life and truly say you were content?" He let out a soft sigh and slipped his arm off the back of the couch, laying it across Harry's shoulders.

"I suspect you have not. I certainly cannot claim to have been, nor know if I ever will. But others can. It seems so, at least. There appears to be an entire group of people who like their lives exactly as they are." He grew silent again, his brow furrowed as if in need of the same answers as Harry. Finally, he reached over with his free hands and brushed Harry's hair away from his forehead, revealing his scar. "You've seen what Death Eaters do. You may not know details about my actions, but you know the kinds of things I've been ordered to do. That thought is, at times, terrifying. But I will never have to confess to you, because you already know my crimes." Harry rested his head against Severus's shoulder in reassurance.

"I can ask you the same question," Severus pointed out after several minutes of silence. "What prompted your move to this side of the couch?"

"You were on this side," Harry said simply, resting his hand on Severus's chest.

"That is the surface answer," Severus replied smoothly. He laid his hand atop Harry's. "And below?"

Harry took some time to collect his thoughts before answering. "A lot of what you said, I guess. But you already knew that, didn't you? You know what I've seen, what I've done. It's the worst part of my life, and it's nothing I want to share with anyone. It frustrates Ron and Hermione when I say they won't understand. But I don't want anyone to understand. Not because of me. You already do, though." Severus's hand squeezed his. "And you came back . . ." His voice softened and he concentrated on the feeling of the hand covering his own. As he spoke, his own thoughts became clearer. "When I first came to school, everything was so clear. Slytherins were bad; Gryffindors were good. That's all you needed to know, because people fit where they belonged. Good people did good things; bad people did bad things. But it's not always that clear. You were one of the first people to teach me that, by the way. At first it was scary. I liked knowing for sure what good and evil was. There's darkness inside me now. I don't know if it was always there, or if it's something Voldemort gave me when I was a baby. Maybe it's from this scar.

"You liked Voldemort's darkness, at first. You joined it. But you got to a point where it was too much, and you came back. I need to know people can do that. They can have darkness in them and still be good people. And I need someone who can understand that side of me.

"I don't know if I'll be content like you said, but it seems easier to imagine it lately."

This time, it was Severus who offered the silent assurance, resting his cheek against the top of Harry's head.

Neither moved for some time, and the afternoon slipped quietly away. Finally, Severus lifted his arm from Harry's shoulder and spoke softly. "You should return to your tower before dinner. We both have work to finish by tomorrow."

Harry sighed softly. "Yeah." He left his head on Severus's shoulder and did not move. With a chuckle, the older man pushed himself up, leaving Harry alone on the couch.

He gathered his books and stood. "I guess I won't finish this chapter down here." Ready to leave, Harry looked over to Severus uncomfortably. "If I finish early, can I come back here?"

"If it is not too late. I do have work to do, though, so I may not be good company. But as I said before, you are always welcome." Harry smiled and stepped toward the wall, which disappeared before him.

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Harry knew he had a goofy grin through much of dinner, but he could not seem to get rid of it. Instead, he chose to ignore Severus sitting at the head table. He knew his grin would only grow wider and subject him to Severus's taunts later. Ron commented on it, and Harry shrugged it off as simply an unusually good mood. As the meal drew to a close, Professor McGonagall handed him a folded note asking him to see the headmaster.

"Looks like Dumbledore is back," Harry told his friends, noticing as he did so that McGonagall was whispering something to Severus. As the Potions Master stood and left in the direction of Dumbledore's office, Harry decided to follow. "I'm going to go up now. I'll let you know what I can."

He caught up Severus in the hallway. "You may as well go up with me," Severus told him. "I am sure we are being called for the same reason."

Harry stopped short. "But we didn't do anything . . ."

"That is not the subject of this meeting." Harry was not convinced. "There is no need to panic. I know what the Headmaster wants, and it has nothing to do with this afternoon. Though on that note, I don't think I need to point out that many people will not understand about the time we spend together."

Harry nodded. "I didn't plan on telling anyone. Not yet." Satisfied, Severus led him to the gargoyle and into Dumbledore's office.

The Headmaster greeted them warmly, as always. "I am glad to see you two arrived together. Please sit. Candy? No? Then I will get right down to it, shall I? Severus, Minerva informed you of the proceedings of the Wizengamot, yes?" At the man's nod, Dumbledore continued. "Then you know what I need from you. I ask that you stay here while I discuss this with Mr. Potter, though."

"As you wish," Severus replied.

"Thank you. Now, Harry, I have a bit of news. Good news, I believe, though for now I ask you to trust me in this." Harry shifted in his seat; clearly Dumbledore had information that he would not enjoy hearing. "I would also like to express how pleased I am that you and Professor Snape have overcome your differences. He is truly the best suited to help you against the Dark Lord, and it is comforting to see you have matured enough to trust him despite his past."

"Uh, thank you, sir," Harry replied. Severus had said this was not about the two of them, so what was Dumbledore getting at?

"Now then, please bear all that in mind. I have spent the weekend, as you know, in an emergency session of the Wizengamot. Our purpose was to hear a request for asylum and assure ourselves that it was safe to grant it."

"Are you sure about this, Albus?" Snape interrupted.

"Of course, Severus. You, and now young Harry, thanks to your teaching, are the only two wizards in this school who could possibly lie to me undetected. I, and the rest of the Wizengamot, am assured that Mr. Nott is neither a spy nor under the Imperius curse."

"Theodore Nott?" Harry asked.

"Yes. It seems he found out about Tom Riddle and has rethought his role in this. I have promised him what protection I can give, but as you know, that is limited due to the Mark. Once the Dark Lord hears of this . . ."

"Of course, Headmaster. Professor Snape can give him a piece of cork-"

"Harry, I must insist that you treat this seriously. I cannot force you to help him, nor would I do so if I were able. But Mr. Nott's only mistake-"

"Headmaster, I meant I'll help him. I'm glad he did this. I told him to look into Riddle the day he and the rest were arrested. And I told him to ask you for protection." Dumbledore's bushy eyebrows nearly disappeared into his even bushier hair.

"Then I owe you an apology, Harry. I had thought you were making some kind of joke. Why did you not tell me of this before?"

Harry shrugged. "Everyone's always trying to protect me. I figured you'd be mad for offering to protect them."

"And the cork?"

"Sev-" Harry caught himself before using the man's name. "Several days ago, Professor Snape made a thing with a cork. So I'd know if he needed me. Do you still have your piece, Professor?"

Severus produced the half-cork, and Harry fished his own piece out of his pocket. "If Professor Snape doesn't mind making another one, that should work fine."

"Give him that one," Severus said. "That was a temporary solution. I will work on something more trustworthy. Since it seems that Hogwarts may host numerous traitors in the future, it would be best to come up with a method that will allow Mr. Potter to know which of us requires his aid. The Dark Lord surely will not make another attempt on my life this weekend."

Harry was not entirely convinced, but kept his concern to himself. Logically, he understood that Voldemort would want to test the Mark when he had a chance of succeeding. He had already failed with Harry and Dumbledore in the castle.

"Excellent," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "And Harry, one final thing. I had not intended on asking this, but I underestimated you, it seems. It will be a few days before Mr. Nott joins the student body again. He will surely face suspicion from most students. He may even be in physical danger from students on either side of this fight. I will do what I can to quell such problems, but I fear he will be in dire need of a friend."

"Well, sir, I don't really know him that well . . ." That was mostly true, and what little Harry did know of him, Dark Mark aside, had never led him to like the boy before.

"I would not ask you to befriend someone you may not even like. But I hope you will at least give him a chance and not judge him by what he bears on his arm. And if you do end up disliking him, let him know you find him arrogant or obnoxious or boring."

"That I can promise, sir. And I'm sure my friends would be willing to do the same."

Harry and Severus left the office, Harry to return to his tower, Severus to decide how best to insert the refugee back into his House without endangering him. Severus saw Harry to the Fat Lady's portrait and asked, "Are you so sure about your friends?"

"Sure I am. None of them really dislike you any more, you know. At least, no more than they dislike any other hard teacher."

"As a favor to you?"

"No. Well, maybe at first. Once we got through our . . . stuff . . . with the Pensieve and everything, I guess they decided to give you the benefit of the doubt for my sake. But after all the time we spent in the attic, I think they started to respect you more. They definitely appreciated that you didn't have to teach any of them anything. Not that Ron's going to invite you over for the holidays."

"Thank Merlin for small favors," Severus replied coolly.

"Yes," Harry said firmly. "I'm sure if they hate you it's because you're nasty and horrid now, not because you were nasty and horrid years ago."

"That is certainly fair." Severus smirked. Voices down the hall grew louder, heralding the approach of a group of students. "Goodnight, Mr. Potter."

"Goodnight, Professor." Harry gave him a bright smile before the two parted ways.

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The news of Nott's return was met with unease back in Gryffindor Tower.

"I'll give him a chance," Ron agreed, "but only because Dumbledore says he wasn't lying. But I don't think any of us should let our guard down. Right now he may not want to be a Death Eater, but he did once. Maybe he'll change his mind again."

"He can't," Harry said. "Voldemort would kill him for it. He doesn't forgive people."

"I just hope he knows that," Hermione said. "You have to admit, if someone wanted to get in good with Voldemort, you're the best target."

"Speaking of that, Harry," Ron spoke up. "You haven't been keeping your promise, have you? You aren't supposed to be out in the castle alone."

Harry frowned guiltily. Ron was right, and as much as he wanted to be able to just walk around wherever and whenever he wanted, he knew his friends would worry. He renewed his promise to be careful, and Hermione, to Harry's relief, suggested they all get back to studying.

Once Harry finally finished his Charms work, he decided it was too late to return to Severus's rooms. Plus, he thought Ron might get upset if he ran off after being reminded not to. He supposed he'd have to get into the habit of carrying his invisibility cloak with him just in case.

As it was, the issue of Harry being alone in the halls did not come up for a few days. Monday meant more lessons with Severus and Professor Jones. This time, Severus, Jones and Hermione faced off against Harry. On the other side of the room, Ron was tasked with protecting Luna–who had been permitted to join them but was still a bit behind the rest–from Neville and Ginny.

Harry finished the night physically exhausted. He had managed to defend himself reasonably well throughout the night, even at the end when he had felt his strength waning. Granted, the others must have been feeling the same way, as their spells had a good deal less power behind them as the evening progressed. He lagged behind his friends as they left the practice room, hoping to steal a little time with the Potions Master, but the older man explained that Dumbledore was expecting him, so he settled for trying to get a decent night's sleep after the strenuous workout he had had.

By lunch on Tuesday, Harry could no longer concentrate on anything but getting to spend time with Severus again. He also worried about telling Ron and Hermione about this change in their relationship. It was true that none of his friends bore Severus the kind of animosity they once had, but did that mean they would accept what he had come to mean to Harry?

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Dinner finally over, Harry convinced Ron that going for a walk alone was safe enough if he took the map and his cloak. Had made his way quickly to the dungeon and hissed at Salazar. When the archway appeared, Harry quickly stepped through, but stopped short when he discovered Severus had a visitor. With his back to the wall Harry had come through, Nott was unaware of the archway. Severus's eyes flicked toward it, though, and Harry slipped his hand out of the folds of the cloak to give a quick wave before stepping quietly into the corner.

"For now, you will be rooming alone. That will change once I am satisfied that suitable roommates are available," Severus said, not faltering as Harry's disembodied hand waved at him. "I am sure you have received enough platitudes from the Headmaster, so I shall spare you unnecessary sentimentality. But I tell you this as someone who knows better than anyone else that the consequences of your decisions will follow you for the rest of your life. But you need not allow a single mistake to dictate your choices forever." Nott said nothing, and Severus continued.

"The Headmaster told you we can protect you from the Dark Lord's punishment, did he not?"

"Yes, Professor. Potter said the same thing when he got us arrested." Nott's tone left little doubt about his dislike for Harry.

Handing him the piece of cork that matched the one Harry had in his pocket, Severus said, "If you feel the Mark burn, invoke the Rejoining Charm on this." Nott looked at it skeptically, but agreed. "It is not my place to explain what form the protection will take, but I am certain you will not like it. Remember that you are Slytherin. Though you may find it distasteful, this is your only means of survival."

"I understand, Professor."

Dismissed, Nott turned and left as the wall once again disappeared. Harry caught sight of the boy's expressionless face and distant eyes and wondered what he would face in the Slytherin dorm tonight. He pushed that thought aside, though, with the realization that he was again alone with Severus. Still invisible, he stepped quietly up to the man and wrapped his arms around him. Severus returned the embrace as if he had seen Harry all along. He stayed there, unmoving, for some time simply enjoying the contact. Then Severus's words came back to him.

"So, I'm distasteful, am I?" Harry shook his head so the cloak fell from his face. The corners of Severus's mouth tipped up slightly. Harry watched as dark eyes roamed his face. This close to Severus, Harry realized how much he had grown over the summer, as he was now only an inch or two shorter than the other man. Severus's eyes finally focused on Harry's mouth, making him decidedly self conscious. He licked his lips nervously, which earned him a blink from Severus, who pulled back slightly but kept his arms firmly in an embrace.

"I thought I made that clear. Though it seems one builds a tolerance with time."

"Lucky for me you're so tolerant, then."

They settled on the couch, both easily taking on the same position they had spent much of Sunday night in.

"What happens if he's in the Slytherin dorms and he needs me?" Harry asked.

"You know where the entrance to the Slytherin common room is?" Severus asked in reply. Harry nodded. "Ideally, you will come to me first. But if that is not possible, and only if you have your cloak, you can enter with the password, 'Cadbury'."

Harry chuckled. "I guess the Headmaster picked that."

"It certainly would not have been my first choice."

"Will he be okay in Slytherin? Do you think someone will try something?" Harry asked.

"I have already spoken to the house. There are enough monitoring charms on the rooms to warn me if anyone uses hostile magic."

"And some of the others would help him, wouldn't they?"

"What makes you assume that? They are Slytherin."

"Well," Harry replied, resting his head on Severus's shoulder. "They aren't all followers of the Dark Lord. And I have it on very good authority that Slytherins can be quite selfless."

"If I discover which Slytherin you are referring to, I will see that he or she is re-sorted immediately."

"Bit late for that." Harry draped his arm across Severus's chest, amazed for a moment that he could do such a thing at all. Their normal silence settled over them, and Harry's thoughts turned to the look in Severus's eyes earlier.

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"Severus?"

Lost in the feeling of the young man draped across him, Severus replied with a simple, "Hmm?"

Severus looked down to see Harry blush. "Were you going to kiss me before?"

He took several minutes to answer, but finally said, "The thought had crossed my mind, yes." He refused to start lying to Harry now, no matter how awkward a question may be.

"But you didn't."

"No."

"Okay," Harry said simply. He grew silent again.

"You're young, Harry. Very young compared to me. And I'm your teacher. This is complicated."

"If I were your age, would you have kissed me?"

Severus pulled Harry close to him, letting the young man know that despite his decision earlier, he valued his presence. Again, he chose complete honesty and replied, "Quite soundly, I imagine. Assuming you did not object." Severus knew his answers were surely leading to more questions as well as new worries.

"I guess I understand. You've a lot more at stake."

"I would argue the opposite is true," Severus said. "If you mean my job here, I suppose that may be an issue. But I gave up guessing how Albus would react to anything long ago. And surely the public at large would assume the worst of me, but they already do, so little would change. You would face similar problems from the press, no doubt."

"I don't care what the newspapers write about me any more. And I don't care what the world thinks of me."

"I know that," he said, placing his hand over the one Harry had resting on his chest. "I worry, though, that my greater experience may lead you to feel you need to take things further with me than you are ready for."

"I'm quite ready to be kissed, I promise."

"I know, but . . ."

"It's complicated," Harry finished for him. Severus felt Harry's breath on his neck in a small sigh. "Nothing's ever simple, is it?"

He knew Harry's questions was rhetorical, but it struck a chord in Severus's thoughts. It was that mutual search for something simple, something quiet and reassuring, that had brought them together. "Harry," he said softly, and when the young man lifted his head up to look at him, he caught his lips with his own. He deepened the kiss as Harry knelt on the couch, wrapping his arms around Severus's neck.

Finally, Harry pulled back, breathless. "Wow."

"To hell with complicated," Severus said.

Harry's green eyes sparkled mischievously as he leaned forward. "Well, that was good, but I'm not sure I'm as soundly kissed as you'd promised."

"Never let it be said that I shrank before a challenge. Especially a challenge made by Harry Potter."

A good while later, Severus took in Harry's blushed cheeks and wide green eyes and decided he liked the look of a soundly-kissed Harry.

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Harry drifted back to Gryffindor Tower in a haze. He had not stayed out too late, so Ron was awake when he got back to his room.

"Was beginning to worry, there," Ron said.

"Oh, sorry. I ended up in the kitchen and Dobby started talking to me. You know how he can be when we don't visit in a while." Harry was smiling so wide that his cheeks started to hurt, but he could not seem to stop.

"Anything good to eat down there?" Ron asked, giving him a curious look.

"Just some leftovers. You didn't miss much." It occurred to Harry that he should at least tell his friend about Nott's return. "Anyway, Professor Snape found me down there and told me Nott's back."

"Any idea what Dumbledore's going to tell everyone?"

"None. Guess we'll find out at lunch."

Ron agreed, and the two prepared for bed, not that Harry expected much sleep–not with the taste of Severus still on his lips. He lay there for an hour, replaying that first kiss–and the many subsequent kisses–over in his head when the rustle of cloth caught his attention. Sitting up and peering out of the curtains around his bed, Harry's eyes widened at the sight of his robe sliding off the trunk and creeping toward the door. Suspicious of an attempt to lure him outside his room, he watched the robe moving across the floor until realization struck. The cork was still in the robe. Sweeping it up off the floor and pulling his invisibility cloak from the trunk, Harry hurried from the room. Once in the hallway, he broke into a run. Voldemort's attacks on Severus had been coming on fairly slowly so far, but he was not sure how long ago the cork had been moving. He decided time was more important than fetching the Severus and made right for the common room door.

Once inside the Slytherin dorm, he pulled the cork from his pocket and tried to figure out which room was Nott's. Luckily, it took little time to find the right one, and he pushed the door open quietly. Nott was curled up on the bed, his body shaking. Harry stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Dropping the cloak, he ran around to face the Slytherin.

"Nott?" Harry asked, trying to keep his voice low. They were alone in the room, but voices could still carry through the door if someone decided to take a walk down the hallway outside. "Can you hear me?"

Nott opened his eyes and focused, briefly, on Harry. "Potter," was all he said in reply.

Kneeling, Harry grabbed his arm and started pushing up the boy's sleeve. "Listen, when the pain goes away, move your arm away from my hand, okay? I may not be able to." Hoping Nott was aware enough to understand, he took a deep breath and gripped the boy's forearm.

Nott's eyes were closed again, so Harry was greeted by darkness. The pain was intense–far worse than anything Snape had suffered outside of that first attack. Thankfully, it was not as bad as the night Luna had been rescued. As before, the pain stopped within moments of Harry's contact with the Mark. Harry sensed Nott's disorientation as relief flooded him. He rolled over, pulling his arm away from Harry as he moved.

Harry returned to his own body just in time to catch himself from falling sideways. Nott was taking deep breaths in front of him. "All right, Nott?"

"I'll live, I guess."

Sympathizing, Harry asked, "How long was it going on before I got here?"

"About ten minutes," he replied.

Harry blanched. "I'm sorry about that. I'm not sure exactly how long it took me to notice the cork. It was in my robe, and I was already in bed. It's not usually that bad. Normally I get him to stop before he gets that far."

"You felt it?" Nott sat up and looked at Harry in surprise.

Only now realizing his slip, Harry knew there was no getting out of his admission. "I probably shouldn't talk about it, I'm afraid. It's nothing personal, honestly. We're just not sure about a lot of what's going on."

"I guess it's not my place to ask, anyway. I'm hardly in a position to demand answers. I'm still alive, for now." He straightened out his bedclothes, and Harry noticed his hands were still shaking. "I suppose you're keeping Professor Snape alive too."

Harry saw no reason to deny that. Dumbledore trusted Nott, and he knew enough now that there was no point in trying to keep that information a secret. "Yes, ever since the week before school started. The Dark Lord asked him to do something, and he refused."

"Was that when he decided he didn't want to follow the Dark Lord any more?"

That, Harry decided, was too personal for anyone but Severus to answer. "Maybe you should be talking to Professor Snape about that, not me. It's really not my place to say."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"Why not? He's been through it too, after all."

"Listen, Potter, I appreciate what you did for me, but-"

"It's okay, I'll go if you want." Harry stood. He was not going to pretend to understand what the other boy was feeling; respecting his wishes seemed the best course. "He doesn't try twice in one night, by the way. We don't think he knows it's me protecting Snape, so he's testing what he can get away with. This failed, so he probably won't try again unless someone like Dumbledore or Snape leaves the school." Nott just nodded an acknowledgment, so Harry left the room, pulling his cloak about him once again. He would seek out Severus tomorrow morning, he decided, and fill him in on what had happened.