Unforgivable Promises

Unforgivable Promises

Chapter 3

Leaving Remus to rest, Harry spent the rest of the morning trying to find out what Tonks had been up to the night before. He had no success, of course, as only Mr. Weasley and Hagrid remained in the mansion. Mr. Weasley refused to give any details, and Hagrid was in the dark about the whole mission.

"But Hagrid, you must know something about what happened. You were out looking for Remus, surely you knew where he'd been," Harry said.

"Well, urm, I s'pose I mighta 'eard som'in' 'bout where Tonks'd gotten 'erself inter trouble," Hagrid replied. "But I tole every'un I wouldnae tell ya, 'Arry."

Harry let it go, knowing he just needed to get the giant distracted enough later on and he'd know everything Hagrid did about what went on last night. He spent the rest of the afternoon combing through the spellbooks in the library for interesting looking hexes as his mind wandered over the events of the past day.

The details of Tonks's and Remus's adventure the night before, he knew, were likely of no real importance. No more important, at least, then any of the daily threats the members of the Order of the Phoenix faced. But Harry hated being kept in the dark, and besides, he had nothing else to do over the next few months then hound everyone for information. He certainly needed something to do besides Occlumency and potions.

As his mind turned to Snape's abrupt behavior, Harry started worrying about his next Occlumency lesson. The last time the professor had gotten angry at him, he had refused to continue the lessons. Maybe Remus would be taking over for Snape now that the former Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor was safe again, as was the original plan. Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice calling him from downstairs.

"All right, Harry?" Ron must have been shouting from the first floor.

Harry dropped the book he had been flipping through and rushed to greet his friend.

"Ron!" Maybe the day would not be a total waste.

"Hey there, Harry. Mum's brought me and Ginny here for a few days." Harry gave Ginny a smile.

"Hello, Ginny. How's Dean?" Harry remembered the conversation on the train at the end of last term.

"We haven't seen each other since the train, but we've written everyday," Ginny said as a silly smile spread across her face.

"Do we have to talk about this?" Ron asked with a pained look. "Anyway, Harry, Mum said we were to stay here for a bit. Looks like the Order is up to something. Any idea what?"

Harry lead them to his room and closed the door. He explained the events of last night to the pair, only leaving out the details about Snape's sudden departure that morning. Harry had never told Ron about the memory he had seen in the Pensieve. The thought of what Snape would do to him if he did left Harry with no desire to fill his friends in.

"You let Snape go looking for Remus? Why didn't you go with him?" Ron asked.

Harry shook his head and replied, "How? He Disapparated, didn't he? Besides, there wasn't anything I could do." Doesn't Ron remember what happened the last time I tried to rescue someone?

"But Snape?" Ron continued. "Maybe if it was Moody, or anyone else. How'd you know he wasn't going to turn Remus in? Snape hates him. You know that!"

"Then why make the wolfsbane potion for him, Ron? If Snape wanted to hurt Remus, he could."

"Snape's a spiteful git, Harry. He'd turn Remus over to the Death Eaters just for laughs. And Remus was the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had. Not to mention that he hates you almost as much as You-Know-Who does, and he knows you like Remus. Seems to me Snape's got a lot of reasons to betray him."

"So Remus can be tortured into telling Voldemort everything?" Harry asked.

"Exactly! What does he care? It's not like Snape likes anyone," Ron replied.

"Geez, Ron!" Ginny interrupted. "You really are bloody thick, aren't you. If Professor Snape turned in Remus, he'd be as good as dead once You-Know-Who found out Snape's gone traitor."

"Great way for Snape to get back in good with the Death Eaters, though. Say he was spying on us the whole time."

Ginny rolled here eyes and her older brother, and Harry chose to stay out of the conversation. "Mum and Dad don't think You-Know-Who is very forgiving about his Death Eaters keeping secrets from him. Besides, it would only take a bit of Veritaserum and they'd know Snape was really on our side."

"If he really is on our side, that is." Ron said.

"You really are being stupid, aren't you?" Ginny muttered.

"Look at how he treats Harry," Ron went on, and Harry jumped at the mention of his name. "The only people who hate Harry as much as Snape does are Death Eaters and You-Know-Who. He resents that Harry keeps surviving no matter how hard they try to kill him. Why else would he hate Harry so much?"

Harry kept silent. He knew he couldn't answer that. Not right now, and maybe not ever. Ron mistook Harry's silence as agreement and smirked.

"Let's check on Remus, okay?" Harry changed the subject, and the two siblings quickly forgot their argument.

-----

Later that day, after the Weasleys were satisfied that Remus would be fully recovered by evening, the group spent several fruitless hours trying to unearth the Order's latest plans. Something was in the works, that much was certain. Hardly an hour passed without someone leaving or returning, though all the adults insisted on being tight lipped.

"If only Hermione were here," Ron lamented after the trio had retreated to the library.

"Oh?" Harry grinned.

Ron punched Harry's arm and explained, "She's always the one who puts this stuff together. She'd know how to figure out what's going on. I hate being in the dark."

Ginny scrunched her nose up in thought. Her eyes lit up as she said, "Well, we can get her here easily enough. They're up to something, right?" Harry and Ron nodded. "And whatever it is, it'll likely upset You-Know-Who, right?" More nods. "So just tell Mum that you're worried about her. The Death Eaters can't find us or Harry here, but what's keeping them from going after her? Her parents are Muggles; they can't even protect her."

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.

"Bloody devious, Sis," Ron said. "George and Fred would be proud."

"She's right, too," Harry added. "I should have thought of that before. They should have thought of it too. I wonder if there are any protections on Hermione's house."

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Ron grinned. "Let's go talk to Mum before she leaves again."

Ginny shook her head. "Not us. Harry should go alone. Mum doesn't trust us."

Harry gave the girl a smile as he headed out to find Mrs. Weasley. They may have another evil genius in the making, and with the twins gone, Harry was sure they'd need someone to take their place.

-----

Forty-five minutes later, Hermione had owled that she could be packed and ready in no time. Mrs. Weasley hadn't wanted to worry her parents, so she simply sent a letter explaining that Harry was visiting, and would she like to come for a little stay too? An hour after that, Hermione's trunk was next to Ginny's in one of the second floor bedrooms, and the group, now a foursome, had their heads together.

"So." Hermione cut right to the subject at hand. "What's going on? The letter said it was just for a visit, but if we're here, it must mean they want to keep us safe."

Harry let Ron fill Hermione in on what had occurred over the past day. The day had been something of a blur, and Harry still needed time to digest some of the things he'd been thinking about. When Hermione heard of Ginny's plan to get her here, she commented, "I bet George and Fred would be proud."

"Somehow," Ginny replied, "that sounded better when Ron said it earlier." Harry chuckled, Ginny giggled, and Ron shrugged.

"That's Hermione," Ron explained. "She never did appreciate the twins. Got to admit, though, they did get us out of some tight spots.

"And into even more spots, thank you." Hermione's voice went up in pitch as she went into her lecture mode. Ron's eyes went blank; Harry knew Ron usually ignored her when she started in on one of her lessons. "There are rules for a reason, after all, and breaking them for the sake of breaking them is not what responsible wizards do. They may not have cared if they were expelled, but what about the other people that got into trouble with them? Honestly..."

Harry wasn't sure why her words annoyed him so much, but her tone set him on edge. "Really, Hermione. We've broken enough rules ourselves. How many times have we been out after curfew? How many rules, hell, how many laws did we break last month?"

Hermione blinked. "That's different, Harry! We had to do those things. George and Fred were just playing jokes. They never saved anyone's life by filling the boy's dorm with purple flobberworms."

"They never killed anyone doing it either." The words fell into the room, leadened with the weight of Harry's soft voice. Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but Harry cut her off as he stood up, "I have some things I need to think about."

Harry knew his words stung though he hadn't meant them to. He wasn't accusing her or Ron of anything. It had been his own actions that night that led to Sirius's death. Before he pulled the door closed behind him, he offered in apology, "I am glad you're here, Hermione."

-----

The four students shared a subdued breakfast the following morning. Ron made a few attempts at conversation, but both Hermione and Harry seemed lost in their thoughts, and Ginny was busy writing yet another letter to Dean. Finally, Mrs. Weasley left the kitchen and Hermione whispered, "I spoke to Hagrid this morning. He'll be home today. I'm going to try to talk to him. I bet I can get him to tell us everything that's been happening."

"Brilliant," Ron replied. "See? I knew Hermione would get the job done. Harry's been here almost two days and hasn't found out anything."

Initially, Harry kept silent. He did not like the idea of tricking the giant into telling secrets. Yes, in the past the group had found out some very interesting things from Hagrid's loose tongue. But usually that information just came out when Hagrid didn't expect it to. Purposely leading him to betray his promises of secrecy seemed dishonest. And dangerous. If Hagrid was trying to keep information from them, it was likely to try to keep the young wizards out of harm's way.

Though he knew it would do no good, Harry spoke up. "Maybe we shouldn't bother Hagrid."

"How else will we find out what's been happening? It's been three weeks since Malfoy and the rest were arrested. Voldemort is still out there somewhere. We have to get information somehow," Hermione countered.

"Do we?" Harry asked. Ron and Hermione looked at him, puzzled, as Ginny put down her quill. "Why do we have to know everything? No, why do you have to know everything, Hermione? Can't we just leave well enough alone? You can't bear not knowing something, but these kinds of secrets put people in danger. Let's just try to enjoy the summer and let the adults handle Voldemort."

"You're just scared, Harry," Hermione said. "After what happened with Sirius, it makes sense that you're afraid to act. But you needn't worry, as long as you don't go running off without us. After all, if you'd listened to me last time, instead of insisting on going to the Department of Mysteries. . ." Hermione left the last unsaid, though they all knew what she had intended to say. If you'd listened to me, Sirius would still be alive.

Furious, Harry rose to explode at the girl. So, the whole world should just let Hermione make all the decisions? She's love that, wouldn't she. Rather than yelling, though, Harry sat back down. "That's it, isn't it?" Harry asked. "You don't mind running off to save someone, unless it's someone else's idea. It's okay to act the hero as long as we're listening to you? It drives you crazy to think that someone may be making a decision without checking with you first."

"That is not what I said!" Hermione said shrilly. "I just meant that if you hadn't stopped those lessons, Voldemort would never have been able to trick you. And I told you how important those lessons were."

Harry shook his head and interrupted her, "Yes, you did. So did Sirius and Remus. So did Dumbledore. So did Snape, for that matter, until he stopped giving me the lessons. And no, I won't tell you why he stopped. So maybe it's all Snape's fault. He had a good reason for stopping my lessons, though, and I don't blame him for it. Besides, I could have told Dumbledore about it, and he could have made Snape keep teaching me, but I didn't. So maybe it is my fault. But Dumbledore had a few things he didn't tell me. And if I knew them, maybe I wouldn't have been fooled. So maybe it's Dumbledore's fault. But Sirius knew he wasn't supposed to go out in public, and he went anyway because he was worried about me. So maybe it's Sirius's fault.

"Maybe I really do crave the attention. Maybe I really do want to be a hero. Maybe it's your fault for helping me find the Philosopher's Stone, and the basilisk, and for going with me into the Screaming Shack that night. Maybe if you hadn't, I never would have thought I could save Sirius. Maybe it's everyone's fault."

Harry held his head in his hands as weeks of struggle and thought spilled from his lips. "All I know is that I did what I thought was right. And if you say that you didn't think we were doing the right thing by going to the Department of Mysteries, then you're either a liar, or you're not the person I thought you were."

For once, Hermione was silent. "There's only one person to blame for Sirius's death. A lot of people made mistakes, but none of those mistakes would have mattered if it wasn't for Voldemort. It was his plan all along, and it's his fault. And now I have one more reason to want him dead.

"You were right about one thing, though, Hermione. I shouldn't be running off trying to save people, and from now on, I'm not going to. Not because I'm afraid. I've lost my family twice now, and I know when I die I'll see them again. But I'm done thinking that I can save the world. I can't, not alone. No one can. Have you noticed that everyone in the Order knows what the others are doing? They aren't spying on each other and going on secret missions without telling each other. And if they're not telling us stuff, it's because we don't need to know. They don't need our help--not yet. But one day they will. So we can either act like we're still first years and pretend we're better and smarter than everyone else, or we can try to be ready for when they do need us."

"That's ridiculous, Harry!" Hermione answered. "Whenever we do talk to an adult, they ignore us! They keep trying to protect us, even though we've come out on top against things that most wizards never dream of having to fight. Are you really going to sit around until you graduate and just watch as Voldemort kills off whomever he pleases? If you do that, then you aren't the person I thought you were."

"So which is it, Hermione?" Harry asked. "Do we fight even when others are telling us not to, or do we find Dumbledore and McGonagall and ask them their advice? That is what you wanted to do when I had those visions, isn't it? No, I think I was right the first time. You only want to take matters into your own hands when it's your idea. When it's someone else's, then it's time to follow the rules."

Once again, Harry stood up and walked from the room before Hermione could reply. Judging by the volume and pitch of her voice coming from the kitchen, Harry decided that walking out was certainly a better idea than bearing the brunt of her righteous anger. He did feel a bit of guilt at leaving Ron and Ginny there, but the feeling passed quickly. Ron's problem was not that he hated decisions made by someone else, he never seemed to made decisions at all. And Ginny could probably sneak out once Hermione's tantrum reached full pitch.

Upstairs, Harry had almost made it to his room when Snape's door opened quickly from across the hall. "Ah, Mr. Potter." Snape's voice seems particularly chilly this morning. "Enjoying a long breakfast, are we? Have you already forgotten about your lessons?" Hermione's muffled voice was still audible as Harry stammered an apology. Snape had been gone all of yesterday and Harry had not known the teacher had returned. "Perhaps Miss Granger would be in a better mood if you explained that you not being graded, and she is not missing out on an opportunity to study for a test."

Still annoyed at the girl, Harry chuckled at the Potion Master's comment. Snape raised an eyebrow at the response, but said nothing.

-----

Snape led Harry to the library for the day's lesson. The room was set up as it had been the day before, with one exception. A second Pensieve sat on the table beside the one Snape had used earlier. "Sit," Snape commanded, and Harry settled into a chair across from the instructor. Harry thought about bringing up the feelings that had led to the abrupt end of yesterday's practice, but thought better of it. Snape had not taken well to Harry's apologies in the past, and by now he knew that the teacher was not the type of person to enjoy bringing up such fleeting nonsense as emotions.

"From now on, you will be using this Pensieve before we begin," Snape said. "Pay attention as I explain its use." In a quarter hour, Harry was shown how to focus on a specific memory and extract it using his wand, just as he had seen Snape doing in the past. As Harry took a turn, Snape cautioned him. "Be careful what you remove." Harry expected yet another jab, waiting for the man to explain that Harry had little enough in his mind to risk losing anything, but Snape simply said, "You are completely removing the memory. While it is in the Pensieve, you will have no knowledge of the event at all. Memories spread over time, as you remember reacting to the memory and so on. Older memories are so deeply ingrained in who you are that even if you forget the event, you still remember how it made you feel. But newer memories are not connected to anything."

Harry did not understand what Snape was saying, and his confusion must have shown on his face as Snape snapped, "If you remove the memory of Black's death, you will stop mourning him. You will believe, while the memory is in the Pensieve, that he is alive. When you put the memory back, it will be as if you had just learned of his death. While I hardly care how you react after I no longer need to be here, you will also lose the understanding of why you need to learn Occlumency and I do not have the time to keep reminding you. So pick something else to forget for now." Harry nodded in response, and chose to pluck the image of Aunt Marge blowing up. At least he could expect a chuckle when he remembered it. Snape watched him and nodded shortly when Harry succeeded in removing the entire thread without breaking it and ending up with vague ideas about his aunt floating away.

"That will do," Snape said as Harry returned his memory to its proper place. "Now, Potter, listen very carefully to my instructions. I am Professor Snape. I have taught you Occlumency before, and I will continue to do so at Headmaster Dumbledore's orders." Confused, Harry was about to tell the instructor that he knew very well who Snape was and what they were doing in the library, but Snape continued. "Now, you will remove every memory you have of me, except what I just told you, and what very little you managed to retain from our previous lessons. You are to only retain memories that are directly related to Occlumency. The only thing you need to remember about the Pensieve is how to restore your memories. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Harry replied. So that is where he was yesterday, Harry thought. He went to Hogwarts to get the other Pensieve. Harry was unsure how it would feel to have almost no memories of Snape's constant insults. But he was certain it could only have a positive effect on his studies.