Marauder MST - The Philosopher's (Sorceror's) Stone

Chapter Four; The Keeper of the Keys - Part 2

//"You knew?" said Harry. "You knew I'm a -- a wizard?"//

"WHAT?" James shrieked, dropping the book as he jumped up in fury. Peter recovered it quickly before it could get ripped to pieces. "THEY KNEW?"
"Apparently," Remus said, looking somewhat scared by this sudden outburst. His gaze flicked to Sirius, who was sitting quietly in a corner, his hands balled into fists and glaring pointedly at anything that came near. Logic intervened. "Well, after all, she was your wife's sister... and Dumbledore wrote that letter, remember?"
James punched the wall, in almost exactly the same place as Sirius had earlier. Remus winced as plaster cascaded from the dent.
"I hate her," he muttered, kicking the white dust around (and treading it into the carpet as he did so). "I haven't even met this woman and I hate her already." Helpless in the face of two Marauders' wrath, Remus looked to Peter, who waved the book hopefully.
"All the same, don't you want to know what happens next?" he suggested. Remus could have kissed him, but didn't because he knew for a fact that Peter was straight and wouldn't appreciate it.
"Yeah!" Padfoot and Prongs exclaimed as one, rushing back to the middle of the room.

"Knew!" shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly.

James - Yes, you knew, didn't you? Admit it!

"Knew! Of course we knew!

James - Thank you!
Remus - Er... James? I don't think she can hear you... it's a book, remember? A book? A bo- never mind.

How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was?

Sirius - *snarls*
Peter - *backs away from James and Sirius simultaneously* Guys... calm down, please?

Oh, she got a letter just like that

Remus - Most of us do.

and disappeared off to that - that school -

Peter - Ten out of ten, Mrs. Dursley. Hogwarts is indeed a school. *glances at Remus, then at James and Sirius* Aww, c'mon guys... laugh? Smile? Grin? Smirk? Display amusement? Please?

and came home every holiday with her pockets full of frog spawn,

Sirius - *wrinkles nose* Ew...

turning teacups into rats.

Remus - Wormy? You're a teacup?
Sirius - Where's your handle?
Peter - I am not a teacup! (to James) Another one to put on the sue-the-author-for list...
James - *glares*
Peter - *sighs*

I was the only one who saw her for what she was -- a freak!

James - WE ARE NOT FREAKS!
Sirius - No, of course not... it's Remus who's the freak.
Remus - Oy...

But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that,

Peter - Lily... white Lily, water Lily, pink Lily, purple Lily... I'm out.

they were proud of having a witch in the family!"

James - *grumpily* And so they should be!

She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on.

Peter - Oh, God... it's a bitching session...
Sirius - Watch who you're insulting, rat-boy.

It seemed she had been wanting to say all this for years.

James - Stupid cow.

"Then she met that Potter at school

Remus - Hmm... we're in fifth year now, so that's either next year or the year after... and there's only one Lily in Hogwarts...
James - Please, God, no!
Peter - Exchange student? Beauxbatons does them sometimes...

and they left and got married and had you,

Sirius - And not neccessarily in that order.
James - *lunges at Sirius*

and of course I knew you'd be just the same,

Remus - She's never heard of Squibs, has she?
James - My son is not a Squib!

just as strange, just as -- as -- abnormal --

James - For the last time, woman, wizards are not abnormal!
Sirius - (to Remus and Peter) Unless they're called James Potter...
Remus/Peter - *snigger*
James - What did he say?
Sirius - *looks innocent* Nothing...

and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up

Sirius - *bows* Thank you, thank you, one and all!
Peter - *looks through the book* Uhh... Sirius... I think it was You-Know-Who who blew them up...
James - Voldemort's a prankster?
Sirius - And he blew you up. I bow down before his greatness, his intelligence, his -
James - *lunges at Sirius again*
Remus - *to Peter* Y'know, sometimes I wonder if he means it when he says that...
Peter - What, Sirius? I doubt it.

and we got landed with you!"

James - Mental note: Make Sirius Harry's guardian. It'll save a lot of grief.
Sirius - *nods vigorously*

Harry had gone very white.

Sirius - Like a sheet.
James - My son's a sheet?
Remus - *cough*Prescription*cough*
Sirius - My, Moony, that's a bad cough you have. Should we get you some medicine?

As soon as he found his voice

James - What were all those voices doing down the back of the sofa? First Uncle Vernon's, now Harry's...
Peter - Strange and mysterious goings-on, that you know not the wont of.
Remus - *groans* Not again...

he said, "Blown up?

Remus - I told you those wet-start Dungbombs were a bad idea.

You told me they died in a car crash!"

Sirius - A car crash?
Remus - We've been through this before. They were covering up.
Sirius - *mutters about cars and not trusting James with one*

"CAR CRASH!" roared Hagrid, jumping up so angrily that

Peter - The sofa finally gave in and collapsed under him, killing Harry.
James - *gives Peter a dirty look*
Peter - What?

the Dursleys scuttled back to their corner.

James - They're beetles!
Sirius - Stag beetles!
James - *gives Sirius a dirty look*
Sirius - What?

"How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter?

Peter - Quite easily. If it can kill anyone else in the world, I'm sure it can manage James and his-wife-who-is-not-Lily-Evans...
James - The whole world's turned against me!
Remus - I haven't.
James - You don't count.
Remus - *sticks his tongue out at James*

It's an outrage! A scandal!

Sirius - Extra, extra! Read all about it! Potter Scandal, exclusive by Rita Skeeter! The latest news!
James - Rita...? Isn't she that prat who started the school paper? The one we had to memory charm last term to stop her writing about Remus?
Remus - That's her.
Peter - You know, I swear she's been looking through our Animagus work...
Sirius - Don't worry, Rocky. Even if she did, she'd never understand it.

Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!"

"But why? What happened?" Harry asked urgently.

Peter - Yeah, Hagrid, tell us! We want to know!

The anger faded from Hagrid's face. He looked suddenly anxious.

Remus - He doesn't know, does he?

"I never expected this," he said, in a low, worried voice. "I had no idea, when Dumbledore told me there might be trouble gettin' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know. Ah, Harry, I don' know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh

James - Neither do I. Just don't introduce him to Cutesie, OK?

-- but someone's gotta --

Sirius - Ooh, ooh, me! I'll do it!
James - If only we could find out where in heck you are, that'd be fine. But you haven't turned up yet. I'm beginning to worry.
Remus - Only now? I started worrying the second Hagrid mentioned that flying motorbike.
Sirius - I must find out where to get one of those.

yeh can't go off ter Hogwarts not knowin'."

Peter - Why not? Muggle-borns do.
Remus - Ah, but Harry isn't Muggle-born, is he? And he did something to defeat Voldemort.

He threw a dirty look at the Dursleys.

Sirius - You know, throwing things in a small, confined area is not a good idea.
James - As you found out last term, just ten years behind the rest of us. Ten years! I'm proud of you, Padfoot.
Sirius - *lunges at James*

"Well, it's best yeh know as much as I can tell yeh --

Peter - Now, considering this is Hagrid, how much do you think we'll find out?
James - Next to nothing - down, Sirius, DOWN!
Sirius - *sits on the floor* Stupid domesticated animals and their stupid, stupid training...
Remus/James/Peter - *snigger*

mind, I can't tell yeh everythin',

James - Thought not.

it's a great myst'ry, parts of it...."

Peter - Only to Hagrid...
Remus - They should speak to Dumbledore. He's good with mysteries.

He sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds, and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with -- with a person called --

Sirius - James Potter, who decided one night to get drunk and get it on with the worst girl in the school.
James - Don't make me get the rolled-up newspaper out.

but it's incredible yeh don't know his name,

Peter - We do.

everyone in our world knows --"

Remus - And therefore, Harry doesn't.
Peter - Ah.

"Who?"

James - Persistent little bugger, isn't he?
Remus - Yep.

"Well -- I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does."

Peter - Ah, it's You-Know-Who.
Sirius - No, I don't actually. Pray tell.
Peter - James! He's trying to make me say the name again!
James - *thwaps Sirius with a rolled-up Daily Prophet* Bad dog!
Sirius - *whimpers*

"Why not?"

Sirius - Yes, why not? I'm still curious about why every time I try to get Peter to say Voldemort I get whacked on the head...
Peter - *flinches*
James - *glares at Sirius*

"Gulpin' gargoyles,

Remus - And gallopin' gorgons. Hagrid's two favourite sayings.

Harry, people are still scared.

Sirius - *opens his mouth, notices the newspaper and shuts his mouth again*
James - Good boy. Hey, this is pretty useful. I can train Sirius to sit -
Sirius - *sits*
James - roll over -
Sirius - *rolls over*
James - And beg!
Sirius - Stop it! Please! I'm begging you - damn...
Remus - (to Sirius) I could bite him if you want.

Blimey, this is difficult.

Peter - So's trying to read while James trains the dog. It's such a noisy dog, too...
Sirius - Apparently rats make 'clean, healthy, friendly pets for children of all ages'. Hey, James, why not pick on Peter for a while?
James - Nah, there's no fun in that. Read on, McWormtail.

See, there was this wizard who went...

Sirius - Insane.
James - Round the bend.
Remus - Completely psychotic.
Peter - Like Remus at full moon, only more so and all the time.

bad.

Sirius - *whimpers* But I didn't do anything!

As bad as you could go.

Sirius - *whines*
James - He's not talking about you, idiot.
Sirius - Oh.

Worse. Worse than worse.

Remus - Typical Hagrid. Overdramatising again, I see.
Peter - Reckon he's drunk?
James - Nah. He'd've set something on fire by now if he was.

His name was..."

James - Voldemort?
Sirius - *grabs the newspaper and whacks James over the head with it* BAD STAG!
James - Ow! What d'you think you're doing?
Remus - It's the Canine Revolution! Bow down, evil dog trainers!
James - *mutters*

Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.

Peter - Words don't usually come out when you gulp.
Sirius - No. It'd be very odd if they did, wouldn't it?
Peter - Yeah... it'd sound something like a hiccup...

"Could you write it down?" Harry suggested.

Remus - *writes IT on a large sheet of parchment* Yep, I think Hagrid should be able to do that.

"Nah -can't spell it.

Remus - What... sweet Diana, he can't be serious!
Peter - No, because he's - mmph!
Sirius - *removes his hand from Peter's mouth* That joke is too old to be funny.
Remus - And when Sirius says that, you know you're in trouble.
Sirius - *glares at Remus*
James - Can I get up yet?
Sirius/Remus - No.

All right --

Peter read the next word to himself, gulped and looked up. James was still kneeling on the floor in the aftermath of the 'Canine Revolution', while Sirius tapped him repeatedly on the head with the newspaper. Remus was watching them with a sort of self-satisfied smirk on his face. Silently wondering if he was the only sane one left, then realising that he'd just told the Sirius/serious joke and deciding they were contagious, he cleared his throat. Sirius and Remus turned to him and James took advantage of the pause to rub his head, until Remus slapped his hand away without looking back.

"Can someone else read it?" He asked, trying not to sound too cowardly. Cowardice was not a good trait in a Gryffindor. "Only I don't think I want to read the next bit..."

"Ooh, I'll do it!" Sirius exclaimed, dropping the newspaper (which James quickly hid) in his hurry to get to Peter. Looking helplessly at Remus, Peter relinquished the book to the five times winner of the Most Hyperactive Gryffindor Award. Sirius settled himself on the bed, looked at them over imaginary glasses and said, "Are you all sitting comfortably? Then I'll -"

"GET ON WITH IT!" James roared, his temper finally getting the best of him. Remus pushed him down gently as Sirius looked mortified.

"How dare you insult the Bearer of the Book?" He shrieked in a rather good falsetto. "Well, just for that, I'm not going to read."

"Oh, give it here," Remus sighed, reaching for the book, but Sirius snatched it away, opened it and, resuming his normal voice, began to read it.

Voldemort. "

Peter - *flinches*

Hagrid shuddered. "Don' make me say it again.

James - OK, Pete, you can have the book back now...
Sirius - No! My book! MINE!

Anyway, this -- this wizard, about twenty years ago now,

James - Closer to seven, actually.
Remus - Twenty by the time Harry's eleven, though.
James - Oh yeah...
Peter - Hold on... that makes us... *scribbles on a piece of parchment* Nineteen when this kid is born? James, you idiot!
Sirius - *sniggers*

started lookin' fer followers. Got 'em, too -- some were afraid,

Remus - The unfaithful ones.

some just wanted a bit o' his power,

Sirius - My parents.

'cause he was gettin' himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn't know who ter trust,

Peter - Nonsense. I know I can trust you guys.
James - Ditto.
Remus - Uh-huh.
Sirius - Yup. We're a very trustworthy bunch. Gryffindors to a man! Er, or werewolf.
Remus - Thank you.

didn't dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches...

Remus - So remind me again, why are we friends with Sirius?
Sirius - Hey!

terrible things happened.

Peter - Like Sirius being born.
Sirius - Oy...

He was takin' over. 'Course, some stood up to him -- an' he killed 'em.

James - The interesting difference between my parents and Sirius' can be found in this sentence.
Sirius - My parents never killed anyone if it would make me cry, I'll have you know!
Remus - (to Peter) And that's how James' dad nabbed them.
Peter - Ahh....

Horribly.

Remus - Not that horribly. I've do- er, seen worse...
James/Sirius/Peter - *stare, then turn away pretending they didn't hear that*
Remus - (to himself) Phew, that was close...

One o' the only safe places left was Hogwarts.

Sirius - Yep. Too many students... we can become a powerful fighting force in times of trouble. All those corridor fights, y'know.

Reckon Dumbledore's the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of. Didn't dare try takin' the school, not jus' then, anyway.

Peter - Scared of the students?
James - Probably.

"Now, yer mum an' dad were as good a witch an' wizard as I ever knew.

James - *blushes*
Sirius - Hagrid! Stop making his head swell! His glasses won't fit!

Head boy an' girl at Hogwarts in their day!

James - *screams* Noooooooo!
Sirius/Remus/Peter - *fall about laughing*
Sirius - James is gonna be Head boy, James is gonna be Head boy...

Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side before...

Peter - He prefers to have discord sown in the enemies' ranks, perhaps?

probably knew they were too close ter

Sirius - Each other.
James - *lunges at Sirius*

Dumbledore

Peter - Oh. My. God. Bad mental image there, folks...
James/Sirius/Remus - *think about this* ERGH! Peter!
Sirius - (to Remus and Peter) Now we know what they really get up to when he gets 'detention'...
James - I HEARD THAT!

ter want anythin' ter do with the Dark Side.

Peter - Yeah, Dumbledore's had much more experience than the up-and-coming Dark Lord... *ducks as James lunges at him*

"Maybe he thought he could persuade 'em...

Remus - Peter, you have corrupted this book for ever and a day, you know that?
Peter - *smirks and nods*

maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way.

Sirius - Yeah, Voldie doesn't like it when people prefer Dumbledore's company...
James - *sulking*

All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living,

Sirius/Remus/Peter - *snigger*
James - *scowls*

on Halloween ten years ago.

Remus - We established that earlier on, when that chapter started Ten years had passed...
Sirius - Ahh, but we now know not to arrange a Hallowe'en party that year, don't we?
Remus - Yeah, but which year?

You was just a year old.

Sirius - The year Harry is one, apparently.
Peter - *gets out his piece of paper* Well, James is nineteen when Harry's born, so that will make us twenty... crap. Bad luck, chaps.

He came ter yer house an' -- an' --"

Remus - (helpfully) Slaughtered them?
Sirius - *sniffs and grabs the pillow he was crying into earlier* Anyone else wanna read?
Peter - OK. *takes the book*
James - *stares at Sirius* My god, they weren't joking when they said you were upset!

Hagrid suddenly pulled out a very dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with a sound like a foghorn.

Remus - *offers Sirius a tissue*
Sirius - *blows nose* Sorry, guys...

"Sorry," he said.

James - I'm sensing strange parallels here.
Peter - Oh? You should've done Divination.

"But it's that sad -- knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find --

James - *blushes*
Sirius - He's doing it again... making James' head swell any more isn't a good idea, Hagrid...

anyway..."

"You-Know-Who killed 'em.

Sirius - *buries his face in the pillow again*
Remus - *pats Sirius uncertainly* Hey, James? A little help here?

An' then -- an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing

Peter - They got up and turned into zombies, who then killed him.

-- he tried to kill you, too.

James - NO! He's only a baby!

Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then.

Sirius - *sniffs* The latter, I reckon.

But he couldn't do it.

Remus - Power drained, Voldie? Dear dear, what a shame...

Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh --

Sirius - Hey, cool. He got a scar for it!
James - And that makes everything else all right, doesn't it?
Sirius - *shakes head* But it's a start.

took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even --

Peter - Not Dumbledore? Where was Dumbledore?

but it didn't work on you,

Sirius - I wonder why not.

an' that's why yer famous, Harry.

Remus - Well, that explains a lot.
Sirius - Oh? Like what?
Remus - *sighs* Were you even paying attention while you were reading?
Sirius - Ohh, that!