The Potter and the Kettle Black

Chapter 5

Harry blinked, wondering what he should say, when Lupin stood up, looking around the pub. Harry didn't know if he was glad or sorry for the sudden reprieve, and looked up, inquisitively.

"Would you mind taking a walk with me, Harry? I think we have some things we need to talk about."

Harry nodded and followed Lupin as he turned to leave. Rosmerta cast an inquisitive look at them, but Lupin cordially assured her he'd bring Harry back shortly, safe and sound. They stepped outside, and Lupin led Harry on a charming path a little away from the main thoroughfares.

"I'm sorry about that, Harry. But perhaps it's better if we're out of earshot. There's some things I should probably tell you, and I have a feeling you have a rather interesting story for me as well. Do I dare assume that you know what I'm talking about?"

Harry nodded, awkwardly. He was glad, in a way, that Lupin was taking the lead in this conversation. While he had carefully planned things out to the point of getting Lupin to look at what little evidence he had, his imagination had helped him very little in planning out what he actually would say. It sounded stupid to say that he had believed Black, because in all honesty Harry had found the story to be a little far-fetched, and despite what Black said about never having had a trial, he had trouble believing that no one had investigated any of this.

"I think so."

"And one other question: were you planning to have some sort of chat with me, or am I forcing you into this?"

"No. I mean, I didn't quite know what to say, but..."

"Good, that makes this easier for both of us. I once had three very close friends. And one way or another, I feel like I've seen all of them again today. It's rather a strange feeling, after so long. But I'm talking circles around this. We need to try and straighten some of this out. Shall we start with your dog? Padfoot, shall we call him?"

"Actually, he asked me to call him Snuffles."

"Snuffles? That's an interesting variation."

"He said there were still a few people out there who would recognize the other name."

"He probably meant me, although there might be one or two others who recognize it. You have talked to him, then. Forgive me, but I have to ask, he didn't do anything, or threaten you in any way?"

"No, he hasn't done anything. If he meant me any harm he's had plenty of chances."

Lupin nodded thoughtfully. Harry got the impression he was weighing what he should say, and that he wasn't sure how he, Harry, would react.

"That's something. Are you very fond of him, then?"

"I don't know."

Lupin looked at him, inquisitively.

"I mean, it's hard not to feel bad for him, isn't it? He really does look quite terrible, like he hasn't had a square meal in decades. But..., look, I didn't even know he was supposed to be after me until he told me himself, and he really has had a lot of chances to do something to me if he wanted to. But it's not like he's trying to make friends with me, either, exactly. He's very single-minded."

"I'm not sure if you realize, Harry, that he's been in a place which very few people have ever been able to leave with their sanity intact. And he was there for a very long time. I think we have to assume that he doesn't quite know what he's doing. He was a very close friend of your father's for a very long time before things went wrong. And, as I've already said, you do look uncannily like James. It's almost impossible to tell what Padfoot is thinking when he sees you."

"So you think he's mad, then?"

"It would be almost impossible for him not to be, at least a little bit. Of course, Padfoot does have a habit of achieving the impossible. How he got out of there when no one else has managed it is an abiding mystery. But you're the one who's talked to him. What did he have to say?"

"He's not insane, I don't think. He doesn't think I'm my Dad, though he did mention the resemblance. But everyone does that."

"And he told you the whole story, did he, and asked you to get in touch with me?"

"No, not at all. He wants me to stay out of the whole thing, actually. He says he just wanted to see me; he wouldn't even have talked to me if I hadn't been planning to go to the Weasleys. He didn't think it was safe, with Scabbers there. And he didn't want me to talk to you. He said you had every reason to want to kill him, and he wouldn't blame you. It's a bit frightening, actually; he says he just wants to commit the murder he was imprisoned for."

"He's frightened you?" Lupin asked sharply.

"No! Not like that. He's incredibly sorry about what happened; he thinks it's all his fault. And he's very intense, and that's a bit scary, sometimes, but he's funny, too, and he talks about my Dad all the time, and my Mum. He just... he doesn't think I should have anything to do with this, or you either. He says he wants to fix it by himself, so I'll be safe. I don't think he believes that anyone in the world cares about him at all."

"And what do you think?"

"Is it true that he never had a trial?"

Lupin nodded, sadly.

"Yes, that's true. He was sentenced directly. It was a difficult time, in some ways. Voldemort was gone, but they were trying to round up all the Death Eaters before they got away. Padfoot was apprehended at the scene of the crime. A dozen Muggles were dead, and all they found of Peter was finger. An entire street had been blown to pieces. And Dumbledore himself vouched for the fact that your parents had told him that he would be their secret-keeper. They didn't think he needed a trial. Even if he had had one there wouldn't have been much by way of a defense. There were a lot of trials like that in those days. Very few people wanted to testify in favor of suspected Death Eaters, or defend them."

"What is a secret-keeper, anyway? Snuffles mentioned it, but I don't quite understand what he meant."

"I don't suppose you're familiar with the Fidelius Charm, Harry? It's the concealment of a secret within a single living soul, the Secret Keeper. Other people may know the secret, if they're told directly by the Secret Keeper, but they aren't able to pass it on any further. That's how your parents were protected. The only person who could possibly have betrayed them to Voldemort was their Secret Keeper."

"And everyone believes that Snuffles was my parents' Secret Keeper?"

"Yes. They told all of us that they would use Padfoot, when they said their goodbyes. But there is one thing. Padfoot could have told any of us, and we wouldn't have been able to do anything with that information except to visit your parents. Even if they thought I was the traitor, they would have been perfectly safe. And he didn't. So you see, I really have no conclusive way of knowing whether or not they switched. And I don't think Professor Dumbledore does either. I know he didn't visit James and Lily after they said goodbye to all of us together."

"So could Padfoot have a trial now, if there's all of this missing evidence?"

"In theory, yes. But that's not what the Ministry have in mind for him if he's apprehended."

"What's going to happen to him?"

"How much do you know about Azkaban, Harry?"

"Not much. I know Hagrid was terrified of being sent there last year, because of the Azkaban guards. And I've heard over at the Three Broomsticks that they'll be sending those guards to guard the village and the school."

"They're discussing it, for the school year. Perhaps a little sooner, now that you're staying here, at the village. Professor Dumbledore's fighting it tooth and nail."

"Why? What's so scary about them?"

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain hope, peace, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Go too near a dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself...soulless and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life. And their worst weapon... It's called the Dementor's Kiss. It's what the dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. They clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and - and suck out his soul."

Harry shivered. Even on this warm summer's day, it was as though his idyllic Hogsmeade surroundings had receded, leaving him in some cold and lonely place.

"That's how they kill? By sucking out..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Oh, no," said Lupin, "Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you have no sense of soul anymore, no memory, no... anything. There's no chance of recovery. You'll just - exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever... lost."

"Is that what'll happen to - to Snuffles?"

"It's quite likely. He had a life sentence before. But now that he's escaped... No one's ever escaped from Azkaban before. If he's caught, I doubt they'd just throw him back there."

"He doesn't deserve that," Harry said, reflexively.

"Does anyone?" Lupin asked, lightly.

Harry blinked, not feeling up to an examination of his ethics. He was uncomfortably aware that there were those in the world that he might otherwise have happily subjected to such a fate, but having seen Black's state, it was hard to wish such a destiny on just about anyone except perhaps Voldemort himself.

"I don't know. But I think I understand a little better why he's so desperate; why he thinks he's so alone. I don't think he's even thought about being properly free. He just wants to kill Scabbers before he's sent back."

Lupin shook his head in remorse.

"If he's innocent, he should never have gone haring off after Wormtail in the first place. He still had friends then, if he had bothered to explain things... if he hadn't been found laughing at the scene of the crime. But that was always Padfoot, acting before he thought. If it had ever crossed my mind that it happened any other way..."

"If he's telling the truth, I don't want him to become a murderer just for me. And I'm not a little kid, either; I'm in a better position than he is to do something about this, and I wish he'd understand that."

"So do you think he is telling the truth now?"

"I want to believe him, but I don't know that, do I? I've made mistakes about whom to trust and whom not to before. You've seen the picture. Scabbers is my best friend's pet. He's lived in the same dormitory with me for two years now. He bit Goyle for us back in first year. It's very difficult for me to believe that he's been there all this time if he meant me harm. I didn't even know wizards could go around turning into animals. I don't know what to think."

Lupin sighed.

"Yes, I suppose it's my turn to tell you what I know. Wormtail, like your father and Padfoot, was an animagus. A rat, as Padfoot seems to have told you, and one that bore an uncanny resemblance to that photograph you showed me. And the missing toe - I told you, didn't I, that the largest piece of him they ever found was a finger?" He shook his head slightly, as if trying and failing to see something in his mind's eye, "If Sirius was going after him, and he transformed in self defense, it's actually quite unlikely that a finger would just have been spelled off. And he hasn't shown himself in twelve years, which is a sign too. Even if he wasn't sure early on, he'd have to have found out in all these years that Voldemort isn't exactly a danger anymore. Especially living with a wizarding family. Do you know how long he's been with the Weasleys?"

"I think it's been a while. He used to belong to Percy, but after he became a prefect he got an owl and Ron got Scabbers."

"Ordinary garden rats don't live that long. Unless it's some sort of magical rat... does he do tricks or anything?"

"Not really, he just eats and sleeps. Except for that one time, when he bit Goyle."

"Right. If it were a real trained magical rat he'd show off and do tricks all the time."

"So is there any way to make sure if it's him?"

"I can think of several, at close range, but if your friend's still in Egypt there's very little we can do."

"If it is him he should have a trial and go to prison. I don't want Snuffles to kill him and go back there."

"You're right, of course, although if he's telling the truth I can't say I blame Padfoot." Lupin was wearing a grim, determined expression, that rather startled Harry, who had grown accustomed to his pleasant comforting features. "Where is he now, anyway?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I told you, he didn't want me to get in touch with you. It didn't make any sense. He said all sorts of great things about you, said you'd be a fantastic teacher, but when I told him I'd owled you already, he said he couldn't risk having you turn him in. He's run away. I have no idea where he is right now."