Killing and Running

Chapter 1 - Alone

December 31, 1979

I stood outside of the forest for a long time that night, completely alone. If anyone had noticed me, they might have mistaken me for a beggar with no more than a couple Knuts in his pocket, seeing the rags I was wearing. They would have been wrong, of course. I have plenty of money. I simply choose unique ways to spend it. Some might say I squander it.

I am a potion addict. At that very moment, I was waiting for my dealer He's always late for our meetings. Bloody idiot. He was a Gryffindor, of course. Still, it's not as if I could get the ingredients I'm looking for from Diagon Alley. Even Knockturn Alley wouldn't sell some of the stuff I'm looking for. No sane person would attempt to capture Nundus and Manticores, or drain the blood of a Basilisk. Again, all I can say is that the person I was waiting for was in Gryffindor.

Rory Hiltern, that's his name. Went to Hogwarts, '68 to '75. Something of a disreputable chap nowadays. Oh, and my name is Severus Snape. '71 to '78. I was in Slytherin, of course.

I don't like it when he's late, but I suppose I've gotten used to it. Sometimes, I even come early, just to give myself more time to think. My thoughts are very complex when I'm alone. Sometimes, I start thinking about my own death. I wonder what would happen if I didn't really know anybody else, if I were totally alone in a world full of people. I don't think I'd kill myself. No, too many people would still depend on me. Mouths to feed, potions to make, Mudbloods to kill. I've learned to exist without love before, and I could do it again.

Sometimes, I wish my thoughts weren't so complex, that I could think of things simply as good and evil, love and hate, and weakness and power. But I can't, the real world just isn't like that.

I suppose that's why I like sky at night.

It's always black and white.

* * *

August 31, 1971

Though he was only eleven years old, Severus Snape knew what it felt like to be completely alone. He had felt alone his entire life.

It was not that he didn't have a loving family. His parents, Claudius and Julia Snape, always took very good care of him. They certainly never beat him, or subjected him to any other cruelty. And he always got what he wanted since his parents were never really short on money. And his older sister Arabella, when she had lived in the same house, was also very kind to him, aside from the occasional practical joke. He really liked her. He didn't hate his family. He just felt... different. The were polite, and had plenty of friends, while he often told jokes that were so dumb that people only pretended to laugh to humor him, and which had the effect of alienating potential friends. His family was very religious, and he couldn't care less about God (sometimes he would fall asleep during the services). Severus often felt like he didn't belong with them.

What he really wanted was to go to Hogwarts. He would be starting tomorrow, and for the first time in his life, he sincerely wished for something: he wanted to meet people who weren't so different from him, and to find a place where he could belong. And of course, he loved the idea of learning new charms and jinxes.

However, Hogwarts was in the future, and in the present, Severus had to get up. Upon arising from his bed, he bent over and picked up the previous day's clothes off the floor, where he had hastily tossed them before going to bed, belatedly depositing them with the rest of the dirty laundry. He subsequently went over to his closet and chose a set of casual black robes. One more day, he thought to himself. Then I... His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his mother's voice from downstairs.

"SEVERUS! Wake up, honey, it's time for church!"

Crap! He had forgotten it was a Sunday. Quickly, he slipped on the robes and entered the closet, closing the door behind him. Before the door closed, plunging him into darkness, there was enough light for him to catch a glimpse of the ridiculous muggle clothes he was supposed to wear to church every week. They were much more complicated than his robes, and so... white! He hated white!

Severus heard some noises from outside of the closet. Then there was a brief pause, followed by the sound of his mother's voice saying "Dammit." Severus wasn't sure what that word meant. All he was worried about now was the fact that his mother's footsteps sounded like they were approaching the closet!

And sure enough, the door opened and the closet was once again flooded with light. Silhouetted in the foreground was the shape of his mother. Not knowing what else to do, he leapt toward his mother and wrapped his arms around her, gleefully yelling "Mommy!" and attempting to surreptitiously reach into her pockets. He quickly parted from her.

"SEVERUS!" she said. "Give me back my car keys!"

Severus opened his hand, revealing the set of car keys he had attempted to pick pocket. She swiped them out of his hand, then looked down at him and sighed. "For Pete's sake, Severus," she said, "put the right clothes on."

* * *

And so, after much fussing over his clothes, Severus was once again forced to attend church. The preacher had talked about temptation this time, and as usual, Severus thought it was the most insipid thing he had ever heard, and he had hardly been able to avoid dozing off on his mother's shoulder once again.

Once the service was over, the Snapes returned to their brand-new car along with the McKinnons, a recently married couple that was carpooling with them. Severus was nervous about sharing the back seat with them. His clothing made him feel so insignificant next to a grown wizard and witch. Julia was driving.

"How old is Severus?" Mr. McKinnon asked after having expressed his admiration of the new car. "He looks like he's about old enough to start Hogwarts."

"He will be, tomorrow," Claudius replied.

"Tremendous!" said Mr. McKinnon. He turned to Severus. "What house do you think you'll be in, boy?"

"Uh..." Severus started.

"Gryffindor, of course," said Claudius quickly. "It's a family tradition."

Severus sighed in relief. He didn't know that much about all the Hogwarts houses. He had mostly only heard his parents and sister talking about how proud they were to be in Gryffindor house. He had learned about the other houses from books he had read when his parents weren't looking, but he still didn't know much about them. I wonder what Gryffindor will be like, he wondered to himself.

"Like father, like son, I suppose," said Mrs. McKinnon, chuckling. "Say, how's Arabella? We were such great friends at school and I haven't been able to write her in quite some time."

"She's just finished Hogwarts and now has her own place outside of London, which she shares with her fiancé, Wesley Figg. She'll be visiting us again tonight and tomorrow. In fact, she'll be taking Severus to King's Cross, we're just too busy," Julia said.

"What are you doing that's more important than Severus?" said Mr. McKinnon curiously.

"Uh..."

"Work," Claudius interrupted, looking at his wife.

"I see," said Mr. McKinnon curiously, though he clearly did not.

Severus could tell that the two adults sitting next to him were becoming somewhat tense, though he wasn't sure why. He decided to try to lighten things up. "Why did the flobberworm cross the road?" he asked Mr. McKinnon.

"I don't know. Why?" Mr. McKinnon asked.

Severus struggled to remember the punch line. "Uh... I don't know," he finally said with resigned disappointment.

Everyone in the car still laughed, though. People always laughed whenever young Severus said something stupid like that.

* * *

Arabella didn't arrive home until 7:07, which was well after the time she had said she would be coming. When she did arrive, she came accompanied by a man who Severus immediately recognized as Wesley Figg.

Julia immediately walked over to Arabella and the two embraced fondly. "I've missed you, mother," Arabella said as tears started to collect in her eyes.

"And I've missed you, dear," said Julia, not letting go. She looked over Arabella's shoulder and saw Wesley. "Oh, hello Wesley, how are you doing?" she said, extending her right hand while still embracing Arabella firmly with her left.

"I'm getting on fine," Wesley said, shaking hands with Julia. "You're Mrs. Snape?"

"Yes I am, we've met before," said Julia. "Remember when Arabella was arriving home from the train..."

"Yes, now I remember you," Wesley said quickly.

Severus could tell he was lying. However he did not say anything about that, instead choosing to approach Wesley after Julia was done and extended his hand saying, "I do hope you remember me, Mr. Figg. I'm Severus Snape, Arabella's younger brother."

"You're Severus?" Wesley exclaimed. "My God, you're so cute!" And before Severus or anyone else could object, Wesley scooped up Severus and held him over his shoulder, patting him on the back repeatedly.

"Lemme go, lemme go!" Severus cried out, but he was ignored. Eventually, he couldn't stand this treatment anymore and attempted to bite into Wesley's shoulder. However, he was in such a poor position to attempt said action that all he accomplished was to knock his assailant to the floor on top of him while banging his own nose on Wesley's back.

The result was Wesley rolling on the floor laughing like a madman while Severus slowly crawled away. Or rather, he attempted to. Wesley quickly got up and jumped in front of Severus, holding out his hand. "Sorry about that," he said, "I suppose I did hold on to you for a bit too long. I'll help you up."

Severus looked up at the hand, and decided it would probably be safer for him to get up on his own. He stood up, and, ignoring Wesley, walked over to Arabella, who had finally managed to separate herself from Julia. He hugged her waist. "I missed you, Arabella," he said.

Arabella looked down at him and after a moment's thought, gently lifted her smaller brother up into her arms and embraced him. "I missed you too, Severus."

They held onto each other long after Claudius yelled, "Dinner!" from the kitchen.

* * *

Severus woke up around 9:00 the next morning and quickly finished packing his trunk. By this time, his parents had already left for work, and so Arabella and Wesley helped him carry his personal items downstairs to the car. After everything had been loaded into the car, Wesley kissed Arabella goodbye and Disapparated to work.

Severus found car travel to be much better when Arabella was driving. Unlike Julia, she was confident behind the wheel, and was comfortable with going faster when the occasion warranted it. Also Severus got to sit next to Arabella in the front seat, and could see the passing countryside better. It was also nice to have a separate seat.

By the time they reached King's Cross Station, all thoughts of home had vanished from Severus's mind. All he could think about now were thoughts of all the friends he would be making on the train, and how wonderful Hogwarts would be. He wanted to be there NOW! Arabella helped him unload his things from the trunk and into a trolley, then walked with him through the barrier so she could say goodbye to him properly.

"Remember, now," she said to Severus, hugging him, "that no matter what happens, you'll always be my brother, and I will always love you."

"Thank you," Severus said quietly. "I'll miss you too. Thank you for taking me to the train." He let go of her, and they parted. "'Bye."

"Goodbye, Severus," she said as he got on the train. He did not look back.

Upon entering the train, Severus quickly found an empty compartment and sat down. Checking the time, he found that the train would not leave for another five minutes.

* * *

An hour later, Severus was still alone, immersed in reading the book Curses and Counter-curses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying, and Much, Much More) by Vindictus Viridian. He didn't think he'd actually need it, he was simply reading because he found the stories of the people who had suffered the various curses described in the book amusing. Reading such stories had been a favorite pastime of his for many years. At this moment, he was reading about the Invisible Zebra Jinx:

Zebrotus Chamalos (ZEE-broat-us ka-MA-lohs) - the Invisible Zebra Jinx. The reader must be careful when using this spell, as it can easily backfire. The effect of the jinx, if performed properly, is that the intended victim's feet and hands will change to hooves, and their skin AND clothing will change colors to match their surroundings for twenty-four hours or until the counter-curse is cast shortly following the transformation. If they are not freed by the counter-curse, following the end of their twenty-four hour transformation, their skin will be striped according to their personality for an addition twenty-four hours, or until the counter curse is administered. Yes, this will result in the victim being unable to easily manipulate objects or be seen by potential allies for a short time, but beware: invisibility and hooves makes it that much easier for the "victim" to attack you physically without you being able to properly fight back. It is suggested that this spell be used when the caster is at a safe distance from the victim, so that said victim cannot retaliate. Also, be careful with the pronunciation, for if mispronounced, the curse could result in the intended victim being turned into an actual Zebra.

Severus snickered to himself as he skipped past the countercurse to the stories about the curse's use. He was halfway through the third one when a slightly tall boy with messy black hair and glasses who looked about his age entered the compartment.

"Hello," he said quickly, looking down at the seated Severus. "Hello. My name's James Potter, and I'm trying to get to know as many people as I can. What's your name?"

"Severus Snape," said Severus cautiously, extending his hand.

James shook it eagerly. "Yes, my father told me about your family. Gryffindors, right?"

"Yes," Severus answered mechanically.

"Glad to hear it. So am I! My father told me to stay away from people with an all Slytherin family, they're just so mean and all that."

"Have you met any such people yet, James?" Severus said, trying to be polite. This was his first attempt at making new friends, and he didn't want to fail, despite the fact that he wasn't quite sure he liked the way this conversation was going.

"No! Well, I met this kid named Nathaniel Lestrange about half an hour ago, and his father's side was all Slytherin. But his mother was a Ravenclaw. I left pretty quickly, it wasn't that hard to find an excuse. I mean, wouldn't you?"

"Hmm. His mother didn't think there was anything wrong with marrying a Slytherin," Severus said quickly. He was starting to feel an intense dislike for the boy in front of him. Maybe I'm just imagining this, Severus thought, trying to stay calm.

"Well, some people are just stupid."

"That's not very nice, James," Severus said, and he knew now that he wasn't imagining it. He was beginning to feel utterly appalled at James Potter's attitude. He started fingering his wand in his pocket.

"It's the truth," James stated, evidently somewhat confused that Severus wasn't immediately accepting his viewpoint.

"I don't think so," Severus said, trying to look at James menacingly.

"Are you feeling all right, Severus?" James asked, sounding concerned, but not frightened. He extended his hand in an attempt to feel Severus's forehead.

That was it for Severus. He immediately whipped out his wand and pointed it at James, chanting the first jinx that came to mind: "Zebrotus Chamalos!" And amazingly, he saw James's hands turning into hooves.

Severus immediately walked over to the door at the other end of the compartment and held it open for James, saying, "I suggest you find an older student who knows the counter-curse quickly, you'll be turning invisible soon." James immediately ran out of the compartment, stumbling once on his new hooves. "Oh, it's the Invisible Zebra Jinx, by the way," he yelled after him.

After James disappeared, Severus returned to his seat and tried to resume reading, but found he could not concentrate. He had just successfully cursed another boy, and he found that he liked the feeling of control that it gave him. However, he was a little perturbed by the fact that he had been unable to frighten James with his stare. That would be something he would have to work on and perfect later.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, two more boys entered the compartment from the door James had left through and sat down across from Severus. Like James, the both appeared to be his age. However, they couldn't be more different from him in appearance, nor did they look like each other. The boy sitting to his right was about the same height as he was, and had short, neatly trimmed blond hair. He was holding a newspaper. The one on the left was bigger and more muscular, with fuzzy reddish hair and a slightly crooked nose. Neither wore glasses. The red-haired boy was the first to introduce himself.

"Hallo there, me name's Adam Wilkes," he said with an accent that suggested mixed Cockney and Scottish ancestry. "An' this here gent's Eeeeeeeee-van Rose-yay."

"Evan Rosier, you stupid prat!" the blond haired boy said to Adam, chuckling.

"Same bloody difference."

"My name's Severus Snape," Severus interjected, extending his hand. These two people seemed a lot more interesting to him at first glance than Potter had.

"Yes, you the lad who carsed that bloody Greefindor, warnt yeh? Crikey, that was bloody amazin' seeing him scoot past us like that with his legs a vanishin' an' all," Adam said, ignoring Severus's hand.

Evan, however, promptly took Severus's hand and pumped it up and down very enthusiastically. "I sure am pleased to meet you, Severus. That stunt you pulled with the Potter boy was brilliant!"

"Thank you. I was simply cursing him for speaking ill of Slytherins without ever really having met one," Severus replied, somewhat amused by their praise. He had never met anyone with such an interesting accent as Adam's before.

"Say, what's your family history?" Evan continued, removing his hand. "I don't think I've ever heard of the name Snape before. You are a Pureblood, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah, of course I am," Severus said. "My mother and father and sister and all their ancestors were Gryffindors, though. I'll probably end up in the same house, but I'm..." He trailed off.

"You're not sure that you really belong there," Evan finished, looking Severus in the eyes. Severus nodded.

"I can't emagine yer not a Sleetherin," Adam said. "No bloody Greefindor would have pulled a stont like what yeh pulled."

"I think I'll say 'thank you' to that, Adam," Severus said, grinning once more.

"Yer bleedin' welcome," said Adam.

"Sorry, my friend here's something of an acquired taste," Evan said. "He's from Scotland, but his mother spent some time in the Cockney part of London. She hasn't been right since, and it seems to have rubbed off - ow, Wilkes, why'd ya do that!"

"Never insult me mother, yeh dodgy dapper," Adam growled, his wand now pointed at Evan, "or else I'll carse yeh so bad yehl wish yeh were a Mooggle! I'd oo it right 'ere right now, if it weren't for the fact that yehve been me mate for years and years and I'd never forgive meself."

"Control that temper of yours, It'll be your undoing," replied Evan, doing his best imitation of an angry parent. Severus laughed.

"You two have obviously known each other for a long time," said Severus.

"We're neighbors," said Evan quickly.

At that moment, a chubby blond-haired boy entered the car, holding an odd-looking book in his hand. "Hello there," he said very quickly, "you wouldn't happen to know where Lily Evans is, little red-haired girl she loaned this book to me at Diagon Alley, and I was supposed to give it back to her on the train, and now I can't find her, and I really want to tell her how much I liked it, by the way I'm Peter Pettigrew, and - "

"Is this a Muggle book?" Evan said contemptuously, standing up and grabbing the book out of Peter's hands. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Good God, it is a - "

"Willie Wonky?" said Adam, also standing, snatching the book from Evan and looking at like a little kid in a very forbidden candy store. As he skimmed through it, though, his face fell into a frown. "Willie Wonky?" he said roughly, forcing it back into Peter's hand. "I'll make yer willie wonky!"

Peter looked at Adam vacantly for a moment, and then the cruel double-entendre sunk in, and Peter ran away into the next compartment screaming.

"Good enough, I suppose," said Evan, sitting back down and picking up his newspaper.

"That was rather... cruel," Severus said to Adam, amazed at the similarities between him and the two boys he was with. "I think I liked it." Then he looked at Evan's newspaper and saw the picture on the front page. "Hey, that's my father and mother!" he said, pointing to the picture. Evan and Adam looked at it with interest, then Evan read a portion of it out loud:

...believed to be the work of foreign witches or wizards, quite probably of Communist origin despite the official denial of the Soviet and Chinese wizarding authorities, the attack is still under investigation at this time. The two Unspeakables investigating the case, a wizard and witch who choose to remain anonymous at this time, gave no comment.

"Are your parents Unspeakables?" Evan said, staring at the picture.

"I don't know," Severus said quietly, still in shock about his parents being on the front page of the newspaper, next to such an article. He didn't know what to think of his parents now.

* * *

Later that evening the train arrived at it's destination and the passengers began disembarking. Severus, Adam, and Evan, having spent the rest of their time on the train talking in friendly conversation, got off together. They quickly found the gamekeeper, a gigantic figure named Hagrid who had been yelling "First Years!" at the top his lungs. It was almost comical, Snape thought.

Hagrid led them to a group of boats scattered along the edge of a giant lake. There were four people per boat, and, naturally, Severus, Adam, and Evan went to the same boat, where, after Evan shooed away a Muggle-born by the name of Lily Evans, they were joined by another boy named Leonard Avery. Severus could see through the chaos James Potter getting into a boat with Pettigrew and two other boys who looked just as troublesome. He decided right then and there that he didn't like a single one of them, and he somehow knew that the feeling was mutual, even if Potter and Pettigrew hadn't snitched on him and Adam yet. Leonard, on the other hand, wasn't that bad, and it wasn't long before the four of them were great friends.

Upon arriving at the front door of Hogwarts, they were met by a middle-aged witch, Minerva McGonagall, the Transfiguration professor, who took them up to the Great Hall, explaining the sorting to them, and the various houses. Severus listened eagerly, wanting to learn as much as he could about the other houses. He was even more fascinated as he listened to the Sorting Hat's song. He now finally had a good idea of what all the houses were like, and if he was...

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden shout of the Sorting Hat, "Avery, Leonard!"

Leonard immediately went over to the stool where the hat was, and put it on. It quickly proclaimed him to be a "SLYTHERIN!" Severus watched with some revulsion as Lily Evans, James Potter, and his three friends all became Gryffindors, and also when the first "HUFFLEPUFF!" accidentally almost walked off with the hat, while he applauded very loudly when Evan became a "SLYTHERIN!" So much so, in fact, that he almost missed the hat call out his name.

Once he realized he had been called, Severus quietly walked over to the stool, sat down, and put on the hat.

"Ah," said the Hat, "I can see your mind quite plainly. Clear as day, it is. You're a... SLYTHERIN!"

All in all, Severus felt very relieved as he walked over to the Slytherin table. And when Adam finally joined them, he felt like he had found a new home. And his parents were the furthest thing from his mind.