Foreshadowing the Unexpected

Chapter 24 - Tests and Trials

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." - William Jennings Bryan

Professor Lupin returned to the school on a Saturday, ten days after he'd left for Tasmania.

Connor knew this, because he happened to be looking at the Marauder's Map at the time, and spotted Lupin walking slowly up the lawn toward the front entrance. Ms Grayson hurried down to meet him, and from the way their labels overlapped slightly, Connor guessed that she was hugging him.

They made their way to the castle, seemingly arm-in-arm. Then it occurred to Connor that Ms Grayson could very well be helping Professor Lupin back to the castle because he was hurt. Hadn't Ms Grayson told the students that Lupin had been unavoidably delayed on his trip? Connor had taken that as a good sign; perhaps the new potion he'd volunteered to try had worked better than expected. But what if it was just the opposite?

Determined to find out, Connor jumped up from his bed and ran past his startled roommates, through the common room, and out the portrait hole.

As he hurried through the corridors, Connor wondered why Lupin was coming to the castle, instead of going to his home at the Shrieking Shack. Did he need Madam Cosgrove? If he was hurt, why didn't he go to St. Mungo's? Why not take a Portkey straight to the infirmary?

By the time he skidded to a halt at the main entrance to the castle, his mind had conjured all sorts of awful scenarios for his imagination to feed on, and he looked anxiously out the front doors. Lupin had still been closer to the gates of the school than to the castle when Connor had made the mad dash from his room. If they were moving slowly, they might not be visible from the front of the castle yet.

Or maybe Lupin's collapsed, his imagination supplied unhelpfully. Connor jogged down the front steps of the castle and down toward the huge oak that was a popular studying place in warmer weather. He wished he'd brought the map along with him, so that he would have some idea of what was going on. He half-expected Ms Grayson to come into view levitating Lupin's unconscious form in front of her.

Connor decided to climb the massive tree a short way to see if it would afford him a better view.

He swung easily onto the lowest branch, and then hauled himself up onto another and another until he was about fifteen feet from the ground, and able to see the forms of two people just over the rise that had been hiding them from the view of anyone on the ground. Ms Grayson did have her arms around Professor Lupin, but she didn't appear to be helping him back to the castle. In fact, they weren't moving much at all.

Connor felt his cheeks heat when he realized that they were kissing rather passionately, and that they had likely chosen to stop in that spot to avoid being seen. Connor was embarrassed to be witnessing such a private moment between his uncle and Ms Grayson, and hurriedly scaled back down the tree and walked quickly back to the castle.

He felt foolish now for suspecting the worst, and running off the way he had. He walked slowly back up toward Gryffindor Tower, cheeks still flushed, chiding himself over the whole episode. The fact that Ms Grayson hadn't been accompanied by anyone else should have been a good indication that Lupin hadn't sent word ahead about being hurt. She had simply gone down to welcome him back after being away for so long, and Connor had believed the worst.

--------0--------

When Connor got back to his dorm room, he found Ivy, Rachel, Quentin and Zack sitting around the map, and looking up at him expectantly. They had obviously tracked him after he'd rushed out, and the memory of what he'd seen made him blush again.

"I knew it!" Ivy said smugly, grinning at Rachel, who was nodding in agreement.

"Were they really kissing?" Quentin asked.

Connor nodded, embarrassed. "I don't think that Lupin would want us using the map to spy on him," he said hurriedly. "I just went down there because I thought he might be hurt or something."

"It's not so surprising," Zack said as Rachel gave the passwords to wipe the map clean. "They were at school together years ago, and they have loads of stuff in common."

"Could we talk about something else?" Connor asked uncomfortably. "I really don't want to think about my uncle's love life, thanks very much."

"What about your love life, then?" Rachel asked with an air of someone with a secret.

"What do you mean my love life?" Connor asked, nonplussed.

"Yeah," Quentin added, "what do you mean his love life?"

"Is there something you're not telling us, Con?" Zack asked with a growing smile.

"No!" Connor denied vehemently.

"That's not what I've heard!" Ivy said in a sing-song voice.

"What did you hear?" Quentin demanded eagerly.

"There's nothing to hear," Connor said, unable to stop his cheeks from heating, even though he knew the girls were only teasing.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Rachel asked with mock innocence.

"Tell us!" Zack said.

"Well, there's a rumour going around that Connor here," Rachel said, obviously enjoying herself at her cousin's expense, "has been meeting someone in secret."

Ivy giggled and nodded.

Quentin snorted in disbelief.

Zack roared with laughter at the horrified look on Connor's face.

"What?" Connor spluttered. "Who?"

Rachel nodded and said, "Well, bets are being made that it's a Slytherin, since you've been spending so much time in the dungeons. Apparently you've been seen coming and going from empty Potions classrooms and shadowy corners of the library."

"I've been brewing potions and studying!" Connor said indignantly. "When would I have time for meeting some girl?"

"Connor," Zack said gravely. "You can tell us about her, you know. We're your friends."

"There is no her!" Connor insisted.

Quentin leaned toward Connor and asked quietly, "Is it a him, then? We won't judge you, you know."

Connor knew that his friends were just having a bit of fun, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling exasperated. "Very funny," he said with a curled lip. "Are people really saying stuff about me?"

"When aren't people saying stuff about you?" Rachel asked, rolling her eyes.

Ivy took pity on him and grabbed his hand, tugging him down to sit with them on the bed. "There's been some talk that a few girls fancy you," she said soothingly. "There's been a couple of hopeful rumours--nothing more than that. With Valentine's day coming up, and it falling on a Hogsmeade weekend, it's all talk."

Rachel nodded in agreement. "Probably just some girls trying to get you to ask them to go to Hogsmeade with you."

"Who?" Connor asked. He wanted to know who he should be avoiding.

"Mostly second years," Ivy said dismissively. "No one you need to worry about."

"Unless you really are looking for a date," Rachel added slyly.

"No." Connor said emphatically, relaxing a bit. "That's the last thing I need."

"You're such a heartbreaker," Zack teased.

"You're such a--" Connor began.

He was cut off by Ivy. "All right, enough about that. Are we going to work on the map today?"

"Sorry, I can't," Connor said regretfully. "I have--"

"Extra lessons," the other four finished for him.

"Sorry," he said again. "It's another check-up from Madam Cosgrove. I should be able to meet up with you in the library in an hour or so."

"All right, Connor," Rachel said, sounding as though she didn't really believe his excuse, but not having any reason not to. "We'll see you there."

Connor nodded, and left the room, but stopped just outside the door to listen to what his friends had to say.

"What do you think he's really doing?" Ivy asked quietly.

"Maybe he's telling the truth," Zack said. "I mean, it might seem weird to us that he's always got stuff going on, but every time we've checked the map, he's been where he said he'd be."

"I don't think he'd lie to us without a good reason," Quentin said, sounding stubborn, as though this was an old argument. "I think we should just wait until he's ready to tell us whatever it is he's hiding, if he's hiding anything."

"You're right," Rachel said with a sigh. "I just have a hard time believing that Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry would make Connor keep going for check-ups every week unless something was really wrong with him. What if he's really sick, and no one wants to tell us?"

"He doesn't seem sick," Ivy said.

Connor stopped himself from going back into the room to reassure them that he was fine. If he went back, he'd be too tempted to explain everything and just swear them to secrecy. Then he'd probably have Ms Grayson and Lupin up here casting Memory Charms on his friends.

With a heavy conscience, Connor continued on his way to the hospital wing, wondering how long his friends had been using the map to check up on him.

-------0-------

Connor was surprised to find both Professor Snape and Professor Lyra in Madam Cosgrove's office when he arrived.

"Connor," Madam Cosgrove said without preamble, "Professor Snape has volunteered to be our test subject today."

Connor looked at Snape, then at Madam Cosgrove, not sure what to say.

Seeing his hesitation, Madam Cosgrove continued, "Severus will inflict two small wounds on himself, and allow you to heal each, one at a time, using first a wand and then your Healing talent. I've checked him over thoroughly, and he is otherwise fit and healthy. There should be no interference from other illnesses or wounds to distract you or drain your magic while you work."

Connor swallowed hard. He hadn't expected to perform an actual healing of any kind today, and suspected that it had been planned that way so that he wouldn't have time to worry over it.

"Professor Lyra is here to help in case you have problems with your mental barriers," Snape added. "You've studied this for long enough. It's time to put your efforts into practical application."

Professor Lyra winked at Connor and said, "You won't need me. It's just a precaution."

Madam Cosgrove smiled at Connor encouragingly. "The wounds will be quite shallow. You won't have to worry about anything but repairing the skin. Are you ready?"

"Yes?" Connor said in more of a question than anything. He didn't think that stalling was wise with Professor Snape standing there looking impatient.

"Excellent!" Madam Cosgrove said. She took him gently by the arm and led him over to a small table draped in a white linen, and looked over her shoulder at Snape. "Whenever you're ready, Severus."

Professor Snape joined them, placed his left hand, palm upturned, on the table, and used his right hand to make a sharp slashing motion with his wand over his left palm. An inch-long slice in the skin appeared on the fleshy heel of his hand, and began to seep blood slightly.

"All right, Connor, you know the incantation and wand movement," Madam Cosgrove urged, making no comment about the fact that Connor had flinched when the cut had appeared on Snape's hand.

Connor nodded and pointed his wand carefully. "Expurgo!"

There was a faint sizzling sound as the spell cleaned the wound. Connor doubted that such a precaution was actually necessary, but everything he had read had emphasized the importance of always cleaning a wound before healing.

"Good," Madam Cosgrove said approvingly. "Now the healing charm."

"Sanare!" Connor said with a slight jab at the cut.

He was gratified to see the wound seal itself and leave behind only a faint pink line as evidence that it had ever been there.

"Not bad," Madam Cosgrove said. "In time, you'll learn to do it without leaving a mark at all."

Connor nodded and looked at Snape, only to find his face impassive.

"Are you prepared to do it without a wand this time?" Madam Cosgrove asked.

"I've never really done it on purpose before," Connor said uncertainly.

"That doesn't matter, Connor," Professor Lyra said as she stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Your magic will know what to do if you allow it to come through. Concentrate on making a small hole in your mental barriers to let the Healing instinct come through. Your magic should do the rest."

Connor took a deep breath, put his wand in his pocket, and nodded. As if waiting for that cue, Professor Snape made another slashing motion with his wand, and another small cut, identical to the first, appeared beside the pink line of the newly healed wound.

Connor didn't feel even the slightest twinge in his hands as he mentally envisioned letting his Healing magic out. He reached out a single finger, and touched it to Snape's palm, just below the cut, and pushed, ever so slightly, with his mind. There was a spark of warmth that vanished so quickly that Connor wondered for a moment if it had actually even been there. The wound was gone, as was the faint pink line that his wanded healing had left behind. He felt a prickling in his left hand, and lifted his hand to see a smear of blood, hardly more than a drop, drying on his own palm.

"Excellent!' Madam Cosgrove said with a clap of her hands. She picked up a clipboard and made a few notations on it, smiling broadly all the while. "Severus--your observations?"

"A mild, momentary sensation of heat, and then nothing." Snape said.

"No dizziness, weakness, nausea?" she asked, making another note.

"None," Snape said, examining his hand closely.

Connor stood to the side and waited. Professor Lyra spoke quietly in his ear. "Make sure your barriers are whole again."

Connor closed his eyes and concentrated, but there didn't seem to be any weaknesses in his mental shields. He smiled at her and then looked back to Snape, who had just been checked over by Madam Cosgrove.

"Your hand, Mr. Potter," Snape said expectantly.

"My hand?" Connor asked. He was so elated at his success that he had forgotten that he had absorbed Snape's injury. "Oh! It's gone."

He held up his hand to show the dried blood, and Madam Cosgrove seized it and looked it over closely, performing several diagnostic charms on it.

"Perfectly fine," she declared, cleaning the dried blood away with a flick of her wand. "How do you feel, Connor? Tired? Dizzy? Nauseous?"

"No, ma'am," he said. "I feel great!"

She made more notes on her clip board.

"Excellent!" she said again. "Wonderful! I think that will do for today. If you experience anything out of the ordinary at all in the next few hours, I want you to come straight back here and report to me."

Connor nodded in agreement, and turned to thank Professor Snape and Professor Lyra for their support.

"Don't think," Snape said before Connor could thanks him, "that this in any way gives you license to use your Healing magic outside of a controlled testing environment."

"I know," Connor said, slightly insulted. "I won't."

"Don't go around using healing charms, no matter how small, either," Madam Cosgrove warned sternly. "It could cast suspicion on you and on these weekly 'check-ups' we've been having."

Connor didn't mention that his friends were already suspicious. He simply nodded and thanked them all before heading to the library to help his friends with the Marauder's Map.

---------0---------

When Connor got to the library, it took him several minutes to find the others, huddled around the map in the most secluded spot they could find. They were crowded into a tiny nook beneath a high stained glass window, in a space hardly big enough for three people, much less five.

"No way anyone's going to sneak up on us in here," Quentin pointed out when Connor asked why they were crammed in shoulder to shoulder.

"Any luck finding the books the original Marauders used?" Connor asked. He felt bad that he hadn't been around his friends enough to know the answer to that without asking.

"It strange," Zack said. "We've figured out the charm to find books that've been checked out by them, but we keep coming up with books about transfiguration."

"And we can't figure out why they'd need to know so much about transfiguration to make a map." Ivy said.

Connor just grinned at them, surprised that Rachel didn't already know the answer to this.

"What?" Quentin asked, seeing the smile. "You know something."

"My grandfather, and two of his friends were probably studying to learn how to become Animagi," he said. At Zack and Quentin's blank looks, he explained: "When Lupin was a school, her friends learned how to become animals, so that they could spend the full moons with him."

"I knew that," Rachel groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I was so focussed on the map, I didn't even make the connection!"

"They became animals?" Zack asked curiously. "Can we do that?"

"Not likely," Rachel said, shaking her head. "It took them years to figure it out, and even then, it's illegal to do it without proper Ministry supervision."

"What animals did they pick?" Zack asked, seeming intrigued with the idea.

"You don't get to pick," Connor said. "I guess the magic chooses for you."

"You four should be learning about it in class this year," Rachel told them. "I've heard McGonagall even comes and gives a demonstration."

"McGonagall?" Quentin asked in surprise.

"She's one of the last people who've registered in the past fifty years," Rachel said. "She can turn into a cat."

Zack was full of questions about human to animal transformations, but Rachel finally brought the subject back around to map making.

"I'm fresh out of ideas," she said. "I think that they used some sort of blanket spell over the entire area within the boundaries of the map, to allow the map to identify everyone on school grounds, but I don't know how. There have been thousands of people passing through here since the map was made, and the spell has never needed to be renewed, that we know of."

"I've got a couple of ideas to do with potions," Connor said. "But I want to do some tests first, to see if they're worth following up on."

"Like what?" Ivy said.

"There are certain types of steam that we can saturate the parchment in before we start, to make any charms we cast on it actually become part of the parchment. I got the idea from working with the broomsticks in my dad's factory over of the summer. It's hard to describe, but any charms will kind of soak in and stick there." Connor said. "And then there's this powder I've been reading about that we can mix with the ink, or dust over the ink while it's wet, to kind of track things."

"What do you mean, track things?" Zack asked.

"I'm not explaining it right." Connor sighed, trying to translate everything he had read into plain English. "Mixing the powder with the ink, and then using the ink to draw out the map, will show us any entities within a certain distance from the walls, or anything else we draw using the ink. It's kind of like a tracking spell, but it won't tell us who or what the entities are - just that they're there."

"I think I get it," Quentin said, looking down at the original map. "All of these dots moving around represent a person or a ghost. We know who each one is, because the labels tell us."

"Right," Connor said, gesturing for him to continue. "So you're saying you can make the dots appear--but not the labels."

"In theory," Connor said with a nod. "I want to try it out by making a test map of a smaller area - like the common room or one of the classrooms."

"That makes sense," Ivy said, "but wouldn't that mean that we'd have to hand-copy the map, instead of using duplication spells?"

Connor nodded, thinking about where they were going to get some of the ingredients he knew were involved in the powder. "We might have to charm each line as we draw it, as well."

"No wonder there's only one map," Quentin said with a sigh. "This bloody thing's turning out to be one big headache."

"Let's make a list of everything we'd need for a test map," Rachel said pragmatically. "From there, we'll know if we're on the right track."

"There's still bound to be several overlapping charms," Zack said thoughtfully. "Even if we manage to get the dots to appear, we're still going to have a hard time figuring out how the map knows who each of those dots are."

"I told you it could take us years to figure it out," Rachel said, wiping the map clean, then folding it up. "Let's get to work."

-----------0----------

Connor and Zack were sitting in the common room working on their homework, while Ivy, Rachel and Quentin were at Quidditch practice. It was quiet, and most students seemed to be off enjoying their weekend somewhere, or else trying to get caught up with their studies.

"Con, can I ask you something?" Zack asked as he took out his Potions book.

Connor looked up and saw the book, and nodded, thinking that Zack had a questions about his Potions assignment. "Sure. What's up?"

"Are you sick, or something?"

Connor put down the quill he had been using to take notes, and asked carefully, "Do I look sick?"

"No," Zack admitted, "but you've been a bit...odd since Christmas break, and you were in St. Mungo's over the holiday, and then when we come back, you're having all of these check-ups and extra lessons, you had to quit Quidditch, and you're not in most of our classes anymore..."

Connor looked down at his parchment, wondering what he should say. All of this was true, but he couldn't tell the truth about all of the changes. "Look," he said after careful thought, "I've got some personal stuff going on. I'm not really allowed to talk about it."

"But you're not sick?" Zack pressed. "Rachel's worried that you're dying or something, and that no one's telling us."

"I'm not sick," Connor said firmly. "Not really."

Zack stared at him for a few moments, then seemed to accept this answer. "Not really? Has it got something to do with your precognition? You've had all those extra Occlumency lessons with Professor Lyra, and you haven't been getting up early to practice anymore."

"Something like that, yeah," Connor said, looking around to make sure no one was trying to listen in. He leaned further across the table, and Zack did the same. "I'm not supposed to talk about it, but things were getting out of control. You remember what happened after that one Hogsmeade visit, when I had to go to St Mungo's the first time?"

Zack nodded with wide eyes, listening intensely to every word.

"That was the beginning of the problem. Ever since we went to the Ministry last year and got hit by those stunners, my powers have been getting stronger." That wasn't necessarily a lie--it just wasn't the whole truth. "All of the check-ups and Occlumency lessons are to make sure I can keep it from getting out of control again. I have to make sure that my mind is strong enough to keep everything from crashing in on me at once. It's working fine, but I can't afford to stop the check-ups and lessons."

"What would happen if it crashed in?" Zack asked, biting his lip.

"That would be...bad." Connor closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that Zack wouldn't be able to tell that he was keeping a lot of things from him. "I could do wild magic and hurt myself or someone else, maybe. That's why I can't play, or go to Quidditch anymore. There's too much going on, trying to get in. Or my brain could decide to try to shut down again. Understand?"

Zack nodded and sat thinking silently about everything that Connor had told him. "So why the secrecy?"

"There's other stuff going on, too, but I just want to be normal," Connor said with a trace of real bitterness in his voice. "My parents don't want anyone knowing how vulnerable I am. Remember last year, when it got out about my precognition? I guess there's people out there who'd love to see Harry Potter's son lose his mind or something. Especially all those people who keep wanting me to predict the future and stuff, and then get mad when I won't. Not that it's going to happen, but there's people who'd do stuff to try to push me over the edge."

Zack looked horror-struck at the thought. "So, why the extra Potions classes?"

"Oh," Connor said, sitting back with a genuine grin, "I just really love Potions, and I'm good at them."

Zack blinked at the sudden change of mood, then laughed. "You really like them enough to spend extra time with Snape?"

"He's not so bad," Connor said with a laugh. "Well--not to me, anyway."

"You can have him," Zack said, making a face. "So. You'd tell us if you were in trouble or sick or something, right?"

"I'd tell you," Connor promised.

"Good."

---------0--------

After Connor's conversation with Zack, things seemed to settle down a bit with his other friends. It was obvious to Connor that Zack had shared what he'd been told with the others.

On Monday morning, Connor spent his time in History of Magic making a list of ingredients he would need to make a powder that could be added to ink on a map. Ivy occasionally glared at him for not paying attention to Binns, but he merely smiled at her, and flipped another page in the potions book he had concealed inside his History book.

"Where am I going to get Thestral tears?" he muttered to himself.

"What about Snape's private storage?" Quentin asked in a low voice.

"You take care of that for me, okay?" Connor whispered back sarcastically.

Quentin only smiled, shook his head and chuckled.

At lunchtime, Connor continued to study the book he'd found in the library titled, Potions in Cartography. He was making two lists, scratched out on a scrap of parchment, keeping track of which ingredients he wanted to try for both the powder for the ink and for the magical steam.

After lunch, in Potions class, he made sure that his list and the book were well out of sight. Connor didn't want Snape asking any awkward questions about his extra-curricular activities. Luckily, the lesson wasn't a practical one, so Snape had no reason to wander around the room to inspect their work. Connor made sure to pay attention and take notes, not making eye contact with Snape at all.

Connor met up with Ivy and Quentin in the corridor after Potions, and walked with them to the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom. Connor was distracted, thinking about the map, and absently took the biscuit that Ivy offered him, munching on it before he realised that his friends were laughing at him.

"What are you--" he began, and then felt the peculiar, yet familiar feeling of feathers sprouting from his head. Instead of finishing his sentence with laughing at? a loud chirp came out. He'd eaten a Canary Crème.

A moment later, the floor was littered with yellow feathers as Connor molted, and the corridor was full of laughter.

"I can't believe you fell for it!" Ivy giggled.

"I can't believe you did that to me!" Connor said in return, laughing also.

Just then, Professor Lupin stepped into the corridor to let them into class, and saw all of the feathers. He lifted an eyebrow at Connor, who still had one or two feathers in his hair, but said nothing. The feathers were gone with a quickly muttered, "Evanasco!" from Lupin, and the students made their way into class.

"How are you, Connor?" Lupin asked as the entered the room together.

"Better than you, I reckon," Connor said, looking Lupin over for signs of obvious injury while he scratched at his hands.

"Do you need to be excused from class?" Lupin asked quietly, seeing Connor's scratching.

"No," Connor told him honestly. "I'll just sit in the back. Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'll be just fine," Lupin said, stepping away from Connor. "If you need to leave during class, go right ahead."

Connor nodded and went to the back of the room. No one seemed to find this odd, since he had lingered in the doorway with Lupin too long to claim one of the favoured front row seats, anyway. Once he was seated, the itching nearly vanished, and Connor quickly nodded to Lupin as a signal that he was fine.

It was troubling, though, that his uncle was making his hands itch. The Occlumency had been keeping things out lately, so Connor had to conclude that Lupin's illness, or injury, or whatever was wrong with him, had to be relatively serious.

Ms Grayson was absent during the lesson, which students spent taking notes on kelpies. Lupin spent the time leaning (seemingly casually) against the front of his desk while he lectured, convincing Connor further that he was in some sort of physical distress.

At the end of the hour, Connor gestured to his friends to go on without him, and remained behind, hoping to have a word with his uncle.

"Connor," Lupin said calmly after everyone else had gone, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be around me right now."

"Is this why you were late coming back from Tasmania?" Connor asked from where he was sitting in the back of the room.

Lupin considered his answer for a moment, and then said, "Yes."

Connor stood up and collected his bag, but stopped walking toward the front of the room when Lupin took several steps backward.

"You won't..." Connor began, startled that Lupin would back away from him. "I can still be near you. It doesn't bother me that much. The potion you went to try didn't work at all?"

"No," Lupin said with a sigh. "The potion apparently works on the inventor's son, but I experienced a full transformation, without the Wolfsbane Potion to help keep me sane. I was fortunate that they had shackles and a magically fortified shed to hold me for the duration of the full moon."

Connor took a shocked step forward, out of the instinct to comfort his uncle.

"I don't want to risk it, Connor," Lupin said firmly, holding up his hands to ward Connor off. "You are making improvements in your defences, but I won't be the one to help you test them."

"But, I wasn't going to try anything," Connor said, feeling a little hurt.

"It only took a few seconds near me before your hands started to itch," Lupin said pointedly.

"Can't Madam Cosgrove help you?" Connor asked, backing away toward the door, just to appease Lupin.

"There's only so much that can be done with self-inflicted wounds for a werewolf," Lupin said. "It just has to be left alone to heal as best it can. This isn't the first time I've gone through this."

No, Connor thought bitterly. Just the first time in decades, likely. "What if I tried, with--" Connor began, but was cut off immediately.

"No."

"But what if Madam Cosgrove and Madam Lyra were there to supervise?" Connor protested.

"I heard about your progress this weekend," Lupin said, sounding tired. "But there's a huge difference between a couple of tiny cuts and what's wrong with me."

"Why won't you let me try?" Connor asked angrily.

"Because I don't ever want you to know what it's like to feel this way," Lupin said, just as angrily, keeping his voice very low so that Connor had to strain to hear him. "You don't just Heal people, Connor! You actually suffer their wounds! I won't let you do that. Not for me."

Connor glared at Lupin for a few moments, then spun on his heel and left the room.

He made his way up to Gryffindor Tower without stopping to speak to any of the students who waved or called out greetings.

What good were his stupid powers if they wouldn't even let him try to help people with them?

He knew the answer to that, of course, but at the moment it didn't seem to matter. He hissed the password at the Fat Lady and climbed into the common room to find his housemates all laughing over Clio, who was perched on a chair just out of reach of Ivy's kneazle, Circe, who was trying to bat at the owl's tail feathers.

"Hey Connor, what's up?" Aiden asked when he spotted him.

"I don't want to talk about it," Connor said miserably. He ignored everyone else, and stomped up the stairs to him room in a temper.