Harry Potter & The Thousand Mysteries

‘Cho,’ said Alexandra from her bed. ‘Have you been drinking?’

‘No!’ she said, flopping onto her bed. ‘Well, maybe just a little!’ Again, she burst into peals of laughter. A few moments later, Harry flopped down beside her, and joined her laughing.

‘Some people are trying to read here!’ said Alexandra fussily. Were all Ravenclaws such rotten fun? thought Harry.

Cho and Harry began to draw the curtains around them, and turned off the sidelight.

They listened as Alexandra breathed out heavily in annoyance, and slammed her book down on the floor.

‘Good Night!’ she said irritably, and they listened as she violently shut her own hangings.

Harry and Cho both removed their robes, trousers and T Shirts, although the underwear stayed on. (Harry couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed- after all, he was a red blooded male).

Cho giggled, and began to make some *noises*.

‘Uh! Uh! UH! OH! Oh, yeah! UH! OOH!’ She prodded Harry as he lay beside her to play along.
To anyone who suddenly drew back the hangings of Cho’s bed, it would have seemed very strange. Both of them were lying, with at least a foot in between them, with their under wear still on, faking orgasms simultaneously.

‘Uh! Cho! OH, god! Uh! UH! UH!’ Harry tried not to laugh as they both made the most unchristian sounds.

Harry looked at her, her face bright red from holding back the laughter and the exercise, and mouthed the word

NOW.

‘Uh! Uh! UH! UHHH! OOH! AGH! UH! UH!’ They were reaching their fake climax.

‘OH! HARRY! HARRY! UH! UH!’

Their moans and grunts subsided, and both flumped the cushions a bit to make it seem as if they were falling onto them. Harry simply couldn’t believe that he had just had simulated sex with Cho Chang, the most popular girl in the whole of Hogwarts.

‘Oh, that was good,’ said Cho.

‘Oh, yeah, you are so good in bed,’ agreed Harry. Cho snorted into her pillow.

‘Oh, I need a fag,’ she said, and reached out the hangings to her bedside table. A moment later, she pulled in a packet of ‘Wizard Lites’, the cigarettes of the wizarding community, and lit one with her wand.

She reached under the covers, and pulled out a strip of parchment.

Why are you smoking? scrawled Harry on it.

I always do after sex- if I don’t she’ll get suspicious.

Who have you slept with? he asked, rather cheekily.

Huh! None of your business. Who have you slept with?

Parvati, was the only word he wrote.

Parvati Patil? Is that all?

Yeah. Now you tell me

Okay- Cedric, obviously, and Roger Davies. George Weasley, Lee Jordan, Micheal Braithewaite, and Ron.

You’re such a slut!

Oh, that’s nothing. Can you keep a secret?

Sure.

Angelina, Fred and I had a threesome last year after the exams.

What?

So? We’re at high school.

That’s a bit scurrilous!

I don’t care.

You’re the village bicycle- everyone’s had a go.

Cheeky!

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Cho, after extinguishing her cigarette, picked up the quill once more.

Guess who I saw sneaking off with Ron yesterday?

Who?

Janney.

Ron Weasley?

The very same. They were sneaking off up the astronomy tower.

Were they…?

I don’t know, but Millicent Fawcett says she saw them actually KISSING in her office. She was going in to hand in some late homework, and she saw the two of them…

That’s disgusting!

You’re telling me! To think I actually slept with him.

Ron’s going out with a teacher!

Whatever *will* your dear friend Hermione say?

Harry was dumbfounded. Ron was dating a professor. Was that even allowed?

Cho wiped the parchment clean with her wand, before they settled down beside each other for some sleep.

***

‘Harry!’

‘Wha…’

‘Harry! Get up!’

For a moment, Harry thought he had died and gone to heaven when he woke up in bed beside Cho Chang, but the realities quickly dawned on him

‘She’s in the shower! Go!’

Harry got out of bed and walked across the peach carpet to the bathroom. Inside was Spartan and austere compared with the eloquence of the dorm and common room. Two grey doors led to the toilet cubicles, and a chipped steel sink in one corner was the only one in the room. The shower stall was in one corner of the low ceilinged chamber, lit only by a minuscule square window less than ten centimetres wide. Its two visible sides were made of darkened, brushed metal, at the moment covered with little beads of perspiration, and a large red sign read ENGAGED beside the handle. Nevertheless, Harry opened the door, and a huge cloud of steam rushed at him.

‘AHHHHHHHHH!’ Alexandra screamed loudly as the steam cleared, exposing her completely naked with soapy hair.

‘Oh, sorry!’ said Harry. Then he looked directly at her forearm, and saw the dark mark engraved on the joint.

‘You’re a Death Eater!’ he said conclusively. Startled, she looked up at him.

‘Get OUT!’

‘Stupefy!’ cried Harry. His wand had been hidden in the belt of his white boxers.

Stark naked, Alexandra slumped against the wall, and the water continued to beat off her as she fell to the floor.

‘What is it? What happened?’ said Cho, in character, for the benefit of the other two housemates who had been woken by the scream.

‘Alexandra’s a Death Eater,’ said Harry. ‘I saw the mark on her arm- she’s stunned in the shower.’

‘What?’

‘You heard. I’ve got to get Dumbledore.’

He walked out the room, and Cho ran after him.

‘Should I take the potion now?’ she whispered.

‘Yes!’ he hissed, and sprinted out of the Ravenclaw wing.

***

‘Harry!’ said Dumbledore cheerily, as he emerged from behind the stone gargoyle. ‘Good morning!’

‘Sir! There’s a…’ he was out of breath from running. ‘Death Eater…in the…Ravenclaw Dorms.’

Dumbledore dropped his cheeriness immediately.

‘Have they been subdued?’ he asked.

‘I stunned her.’

‘Who was it?’

‘Alexandra Smith.’

Dumbledore looked gravely at Harry.

‘You are being absolutely serious with me, aren’t you, Harry. This isn’t some kind of a joke?’

‘No, professor!’ said Harry.

‘Very well. Come with me to the Ravenclaw Wing, if you will.’

Dumbledore swept round, and strode purposefully down the corridor, leaving Harry hurrying after him. They passed three first years, idly chatting to each other on a staircase.

‘Frederick, will you please go to Professor McGonagall and tell her to go at once to the Ravenclaw Common Room. Julian, can you please pass on the same message to Professor Snape, and Georges, can you please tell Professor Flitwick the same.’

The first years leapt up, and skittered off up the staircase, after mumbling in the affirmative.

When Harry and Dumbledore reached the entrance to the Ravenclaw Common Room, Professors McGonagall and Snape were both there.

‘Albus, what’s wrong?’ asked McGonagall.

‘You’ll soon see. Where is Phillip?’

‘Professor Flitwick will be here momentarily,’ said Snape coolly.

‘Very well. Severus, will you please disperse the crowd, and ask the whole school to convene in the Great Hall for the moment.’

It was an order, not a question.

‘What is Potter doing here?’ spat Snape.

‘All will be revealed in due course.’ Dumbledore was giving nothing away.

‘Harry, will you lead Minerva and myself to the scene?’

‘Yes,’ said Harry plainly, and they climbed the stairs and crossed the balcony to Cho’s dormitory.

Inside, Cho was in floods of tears, lying on the floor wearing nothing but an open shirt and a bra, with a towel wrapped around her waist.

‘Oh, Harry,’ she sobbed. ‘It’s true! It’s true!’ She flung her arms around him, and sobbed openly into his shoulder.

‘What is this?’ asked McGonagall, stepping into the bathroom. She had to hitch up her robes, revealing high heeled dragon hide boots, as Alexandra had blocked the plug and the water from the still flowing shower was now two inches deep on the chipped white tile flooring. Someone had had the decency in Harry’s absence to drape a white towel with a navy blue trimming over Alexandra Smith’s naked body.

‘What’s happened?’ cried tiny Professor Flitwick, head of Ravenclaw House, as he came tearing into the room.

‘Alexandra Smith was the Death Eater at Hogwarts,’ said Dumbledore soberly.

‘Oh, sweet heavens,’ said Flitwick, before falling in a dead faint on the floor.

‘Really!’ said McGonagall, taking charge of the situation. ‘Albus, take the Potter and Chang to your office immediately. You two,’ she snapped at the other dorm residents, ‘go to the Great Hall and join the rest of you housemates. I will try to revive Phillip and remove Alexandra from here and take her to the hospital wing. We will contact her parents after questioning her.’

‘Will you use a revalidation Charm on Phillip?’ asked Dumbledore.

‘No,’ she replied bluntly. ‘FLITWICK!’

The tiny wizard woke up immediately after McGonagall bawled in his ear and nudged him with her toe.

‘Yes?’

***

Everyone followed the deputy Headmistresses instructions to the letter, even Dumbledore.

Once he had Harry and Cho in his office, they explained everything to him. They told him about how Cho had discovered Alexandra’s secret, and how she had told Harry, and how they had concocted the scheme so that Harry would be the one to find out about her sinister tattoo, and about their little charade behind the hangings, and their potion making skills.

‘What I don’t understand,’ Dumbledore had said, as he questioned them in his office, with Fawkes at his side, ‘is why Harry had to be the one to discover her.’

‘It’s quite simple really,’ explained Harry. Cho was still crying. It seemed that she had taken slightly too much of the potion, and was still weeping inconsolably half an hour later.

‘If Cho found out, she might become a target for the Death Eaters. If she told you, they might find out that it was her, and we couldn’t risk anyone finding out that she knew beforehand- that’s why we gave her the Tearfulness Potion.’

Cho sobbed harder than ever, holding her thirty sixth tissue.

‘But if it were me who found out, then that would be fine- Voldemort’s after me anyway as it is.’

‘Well, I have to say, that’s very brave of you both.’

The door opened, and Professor McGonagall walked in.

‘Smith is completely resuscitated and dried, and is in the Hospital Wing. She told me everything- it looks like her father forced her into it.’

‘That is very often the case among children,’ said Dumbledore sadly.

‘Quite.’ McGonagall agreed stiffly. ‘She also told me that you pair, stumbled into her dorm last night, intoxicated, and promptly began fornicating wildly and audibly in the dorm.’

Hearing McGonagall describe this, and seeing her blush as she was now, Harry couldn’t help but laugh. Cho, even in her floods of tears, laughed aloud, and even Dumbledore permitted himself a small chortle.

‘My dear Minerva, I assure you; they are quite innocent of anything of that nature. Indeed, I believe even Severus will praise them for their use of applied Potions.’

‘Quite,’ McGonagall’s lips curved slightly in a small smile. ‘I wasn’t aware Severus was in the habit of showering deflowered students with praise, but times are changing.’

‘I couldn’t have put it better myself,’ agreed Dumbledore. ‘Now, Miss Chang and Mr Potter, will you please go downstairs and have some breakfast, I imaging you’ve worked up quite an appetite.’

At this remark, McGonagall snorted into a handkerchief.

‘Really,’ she said primly, straightening up. ‘I don’t know what’s got into me!’