Harry Potter & The Thousand Mysteries

6/?

The crowd of fifth year Gryffindors waited patiently inside the stifling Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, on the third floor. It was the last lesson of their first Wednesday back.

'Wonder where she is,' said Ron, dreamily.

'Mmm...' said Hermione, as she leafed through her textbook. She had also brought along a copy of her Owl Survival Guide, which she presently picked up and began to leaf through.

After a few moments, she slammed it shut, and put it down on the table in frustration.

'This isn't a very good book, you know,' she said, shortly. 'I can't believe the school recommended it! I mean, come on! They say that every student should aim for eight OWL's! Eight!'

'How many were you planning on getting?' asked Harry. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ron wink at Lavender. He rolled his eyes mentally.

'Well,' said Hermione. 'I'm hoping for a basic, general and advance Transfiguration, that's three, and the same in Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and hopefully Care of Magical Creatures, although I'm kind of depending on Hagrid for that. Hopefully he'll be lenient on us.

'So altogether that's twelve! If I were being optimistic, I think I might just sneak a basic Arithmancy, and my names down to sit the Divination exam, but you can bet your bottom dollar there's not a cat's chance in hell of me going anywhere near anything like that!'

'Oh,' responded Harry. 'I see/'

At that moment, the door connecting the classroom to the Professor's office opened, and Professor Janney stepped out.

'Good afternoon,' she said, in her American accent and walked briskly up to her desk. 'I'm Professor Janney, your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.' She sat down behind her desk, and began piling papers around.

'She's wearing a muggle suit!' Hermione whispered to Harry. He realised that she was indeed wearing a grey muggle suit- it looked quite out of place at Hogwarts. Oh great, he thought, another eccentric.

She began taking the register, before walking around her desk and perching to the side.

'Welcome to Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL Course,' she said, clasping her hands across her stomach. Her American voice was lulling and soothing, an experience Harry had never experienced. 'I am Professor Claudia Janney. I was educated at Green Oaks Witches School in Vermont, before working at the United States Department of Magic for the past thirteen years, where I had risen to the rank of Deputy Vice-Minister, before I came here to teach you lovely people. And, I might add, a huge pay cut. Are there any questions?'

The class sat in silence. They were all calmed by her voice.

'Okay then, let's begin at the beginning, I always say it's a very good place to start.

'In your first and second years, you were tested on your general ability in this field. You will not be tested on what you learned in first or second year specifically- those years of work were to give you a grounding in the field, to allow you to progress on to fighting Dark Creatures in third year, and Dark Curses in fourth year. Is that correct?'

There was a general murmur of assent from the class.

'Excellent,' she continued. 'Strictly speaking, you've covered everything that's gonna come up in your exam- I don't think there's anything else that you need to know. So, you can take the year off. I'll see you on April 25^th for your exam- don't forget to study!'

She turned around, sat back behind her desk, and began leafing through various pieces of parchment. The class sat in an uneasy silence.

'That's it?' asked Hermione incredulously.

'That's it,' said Professor Janney, nodding her head in a particularly Americanistic fashion, and looking up. 'You're well ahead of the rest of your year. Take some time out this year- surely a bunch of teenagers can think of something to occupy their time with?'

'So we can just go? We don't need to come back until April?' said Parvati, her face white with shock.

'You don't have to, no,' said Professor Janney, standing up.

'Why, do you want to work? Because if you do,' she stepped out from behind her desk, her muggle high-heels clipping on the wooden floorboards, 'Professor Dumbledore and I have come up with a backup plan. We've met over the holidays to discuss this class, and I don't mind telling y'all he's got a very high opinion of you. Excelling in every way, was the phrase he used.'

She stopped pacing, and turned to see them. Her tanned face looked at them, the light from the window reflecting on her red hair.

'What's in this, this backup plan?' asked Hermione. She looked a bit unhappy that a teacher was giving them the year off.

'Oh, I can't tell you,' she said, clasping her hands once more over her stomach. Her eyes took on a more playful look, rather than the businesslike one they had assumed prior to. 'Not unless you sign up for it.'

'That's cruel,' said Lavender.

'That's life,' responded Professor Janney. 'Isn't it wonderful.'

'What can you tell us about it?' asked Seamus.

'Well, have you ever heard that attack is the best form of defence?' She looked at them poignantly.

'Well, I'm in,' said Harry.

'Me too,' said Hermione.

'Me three!' said Ron.

As soon as Ron had signed up, Lavender signed up too.

'Come on, Parv!' she pleaded.

'I dunno, I quite fancy a year off...'

'Come on, Parvati,' said Harry. 'What've we got to lose?'

'Okay then,' she said, quelling under Harry, who smiled back.

Soon, the entire class had signed up.

'Okay, so you've gone for what's in the box rather than take the money,' said Professor Janney, pacing the floor once more.

'What?' asked Ron. Only Harry and Hermione looked like they knew what she meant.

'It's a muggle thing,' she said. 'Anyway, here's an outline of the course.' She handed them each a brown cardboard folder. Harry flipped his open, and began to read.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

GRYFFINDOR HOUSE: FIFTH YEAR

DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS

Dear Harry,

I am delighted that you have accepted my offer of a two-term course in defending yourself through attacking others.

I must stress before we begin that under NO circumstances should you attack anyone else until you have completed this course. Also, I herby vindicate myself legally from the effect of my teaching you this course.

I am placing a great deal of trust on your shoulders. The Headmaster and myself agree that, especially in these turbulent times, it is best to have young people as well defended as possible.

Whereas in the past you have been taught how to fight curses and dark creatures, in this course you will be taught how to cast them, or act like such creatures.

The first part of the course will be based on casting curses commonly used in duels.

Claudia Janney

Professor

Harry waited for the rest of the class to finish reading, and then Professor Janney began.

'As the letter introducing you to the course says, you will have to become familiar with the twenty Duelling Curses.

'There are twenty-five curses recognised by the British Ministry of Magic Duelling Regulation Office. Five of them are useless, as you can probably cast them already. They are the Disarming spell, the Stupefying spell, The Nosebleed spell, the Strobe-Effect Spell and the Nauseating Spell. All very basic and, it must be said, very childish.

'So, what twenty curses will we teach you? We'll start with the Tempo spell. It makes everything the victim sees speed up to five times its usual speed. The most beneficial effect to you is it simply disconcerts them. Be warned, however,' she paused, looking around the room, 'many practising Dark wizards will probably be accustomed to this spell, and it may only disorientate them for a couple of seconds. But in a race for life, a few seconds could be just what you need to get the upper hand.

'Let's give it a whirl, shall we? Go into pairs and try to disorientate your opponent enough to disarm them. That is the only spell you are allowed to use- the Tempo incantation is Tempus Allegro!'

Harry and Hermione worked together, and Ron was working with Dean.

'Tempo Allegro!' cried Hermione, pointing her wand at Harry. A thick green beam hit Harry in the stomach.

'What the hell?' he cried as everything around him stopped moving. He looked at Hermione, her face contorted with concentration. Tempo Allegro? She had meant Tempus Allegro. Harry smiled to himself. Not a good idea to give this to your opponent on a plate. Harry walked up to Hermione, examining her closely. Upon inspection, she appeared to be moving, although very slowly. Harry watched for a while as her face changed very, very slowly from concentrated to alarmed. It was quite funny to watch, but after a few minutes it got boring. Harry plucked her wand from her hand. He could have a little fun with this.

He walked over to Ron and plucked his wand from his hand too. Once he had everybody's wands, he put them all in his pocket. Then, he walked behind Hermione, took out his wand, and whispered,

'Finite Incantatem'.

'Aahhhh!' screamed Hermione. 'Where is he? What have I done? Where's my wand?'

'Behind you!' he said in her ear. She screamed again.

'AHHH! Harry! Oh, thank god, you're all right.' She swept him into a hug.

Why was Hermione acting so weird? thought Harry. It's only been a few minutes.

'Where the hell's my wand?' asked Lavender.

'Yeah, mine's gone too!' said Dean.

'I wonder...' said Harry playfully, 'where they could all have got to?'

'Hand them over, Potter!' said Ron, smiling.

'Hand them over?' asked Harry in amazement. 'Are you accusing me of something?'

'I can see them in your pocket,' said Ron.

'Oh. Here,' said Harry, handing everyone their wand back. 'Don't know how they got there.' He felt a bit stupid.

'Ready, Hermione?' he asked.

'Hang on a min...'

'Tempus Allegro!' cried Harry, and a laser-thin shot of light hit Hermione square on the forehead. She began falling about and saying things very fast, looking like some kind of druggie.

Eventually, Harry heard her unnaturally fast voice squeak

'Finite Incantatem,' and she resumed her normal speed. Her hair was everywhere and she looked very red. Without even pausing to breathe, she turned her wand on Harry.

'Tempus Allegro!'

The next thing Harry knew, everything around him was going at a thousand times its normal speed. Outside, he saw clouds shoot past the window. Hemione was walking around him at a thousand miles an hour. He could see the rest of the class in a blur. He trained his wand on Hermione, trying to keep up with her.

'Tempo Allegro!' he cried. The moment he said it, he cried 'Oh, shit!'

Suddenly, the world around him ground to a halt. He felt his body give way beneath him, and he fell onto the wooden classroom floor. He heard a thumping noise beside him and looked up to see Hermione sprawled across the floor beside him.

'What the...' she said, breathlessly.

'I said the wrong spell,' he said, flushing red.

'So what the hell's happening?' she asked. ;Is this what I did to you?'

'Yup,' said Harry, standing up and brushing the dust off his robes. 'I've slowed down time... a lot. I don't know why it's you and me, though.'

'Never mind that,' she shrieked. 'I gave on Time Travel two years ago! I'm not about to get mixed up in it again! This could have all sorts of side effects. I read a book once about Curses Gone Wrong. I should never have signed up for this. I could be practising my Transfiguration or something.' She said all this very fast.

'Hermione,' said Harry soothingly.

'Never you mind Hermione this and Hermione that!' she wailed. 'We need to get out of this! In the name of God, Harry, we could be stuck here for an eternity. We could die and nobody even know! How the hell did you get out of this before, Harry? How long did you have to wait?'

'You're the clever one,' said Harry sulkily. 'I would have thought you would have figured it out by now.'

'So you're not going to help me? Typical! I should have known! You men are all the same!'

Lazily, Harry lifted his wand and drawled. 'Finite Incantatem.'

The class returned to its normal state. Nobody even seemed to have realised what was going on.

'Oh, thank god,' said Hermione breathlessly, collapsing into a chair. 'You had me scared for a moment, Harry,' she said.

'Mmm, I figured,' said Harry, looking at her coyly.

'All right, class,' called Professor Janney. 'That was good work- I think you all mastered that particulary well.' She looked around the room, surveying her dominion.

'Now, for homework,' she said, pensively. 'I think at three hundred work essay on the Tempo Curse, and next lesson we will be studying the Desiccation Curse, so I'd like you to research that for me. Also, by the end of next week, I'm expecting you to have managed in the Inversion Curse and the Dissolvation Curse. You can research those too, if you want.' She smiled at them, cattily.

'Professor, what do you mean by research? Can we just read a book?' asked Seamus.

'Pardon me, what's your name?'

'Seamus, Professor.'

'Seamus What?'

'Seamus Finnegan, Professor.'

'Nice to meet you, Seamus- when I say research, I'm actually expecting you to read several books, consult various sources, make detailed notes which include diagrams, and list the various counter-curses which can be used. Please keep your research clearly ordered in the folder I gave you, which I will collect every Friday and hand back to you every Sunday. Does that clarify matters for you?'

Seamus mumbled indistinctly.

'Fabulous! Class dismissed!' She wheeled around, and clipped out of the room on her muggle-style high heels.

Hermione was ecstatic.

'Oh, can you believe it? Finally, some proper work!' she began cramming everything into her already full bag. 'Hurry, you two, for Pete's sake!'

'Why, Hermione, dinner isn't for another half an hour?' asked Ron, slowly opening his bag.

'Of course! Half an hour in the Library! Get a move on!' She slammed her bag shut, whisked it over her shoulder, and sped out the room at top speed.

'I've got that sinking feeling,' said Ron to Harry, as the two of them walked out the class.

'Tell me about it,' returned Harry.

When they entered the Library, they found Hermione next to a tottering pile of books, several lying open, scattered around her chair, and her hand zooming across some parchment at alarming speed.

'Hi,' said Ron, sitting down in one of the old chairs beside her.

'Oh, thank god you're here!' she said. 'I found this on the Desiccation Curse. It shrivels the skin of the victim- it's not permanent, and the effects can be reversed, but it is unpleasant. Look,' she flipped through one of the books beside her to a particularly horrid picture of someone covered in shrivelled, dry, leathery skin.

'That's disgusting,' said Harry. 'Listen, Hermione, we can come back after dinner, but can we go and dump our stuff at Gryffindor Tower first?'

Reluctantly, she accepted, but not before making Harry and Ron agree to carry as many books as they could up for her.

On the stairs, they passed two guilty looking second years. They had their hands behind their back.

'What are you two up to?' asked Hermione prefectorialy.

'Ask no questions and be told no lies,' replied one of them.

'You're a Slytherin, aren't you?' asked Ron. 'What are you doing?'

Slowly, they put their hands out in front of them. They each had a Dr. Filibuster No-Heat Wet-Start Firework in their hands.

'Ten points from Slytherin,' said Hermione, looking smug.

'Each!' said Harry.

'And if we ever catch either of you at anything, we'll report you to Professor McGonagall straight away. Now get back to your Common Room.'

The two second years slinked away.

'We just took twenty points from Slytherin!' exclaimed Harry. He could barely believe it.

'I know! It's worth being a prefect for that alone, never mind Hogsmede!'

'We shouldn't only be Prefects just so we can take points of Slytherin! That's biased and unfair!' said Hermione.

'Oh, don't pretend you didn't get a cheap thrill out it too, Hermione!' said Ron, putting his arm around her shoulders.

'Well, maybe just a bit...' She grinned sheepishly.

'Of course you did,' said Harry. 'You're a Gryffindor like the rest of us!'