Circle of Darkness

There comes a time, when we lose our grip on the here and now and are lost in our own world. A world filled with pain, despair, and desperation. When we connect with that world, we lose all sense of reasonable thought and lash out on instinct.

Circle of Darkness- part 4

I´m not sure how much time had passed, but it was still dark out when I woke. Slowly my memory returned. `Uncle Vernon...Beatings...Draco...Wait! Draco Malfoy was here! He saw what happened! I´m not sure that was such a good thing. On one hand, it´s a great relief to have someone to share my secret with. Plus the small possibility that he´ll be able to somehow help; but what if he tells Dumbledore and Dumbledore tells Sirius?´ I shudder at the thought of what my Godfather might do.

`Then again, this is Draco Malfoy we´re talking about, who´s father is the leader of Voldemort´s Deatheaters. If he tells his dad... I´ve had it. But if he doesn´t, Uncle Vernon may kill me first. Sunk either way. (Sigh) I wonder what Malfoy was doing here anyways?´ By now, I had managed to drag myself across the floor over to my bed. My body complained at the movement as aches and pains made themselves known.

~I cannot take this anymore
I´m saying everything I´ve said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance~

"Get up boy," called Aunt Petunia as she unlocked Harry´s door. Harry groggily rolled out of bed.

"Don´t I ever get to sleep in?" he mumbled on his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later, dressed and ready for the day, Harry limped into the kitchen.

"What took you so long? My Dudley-kins is starving! Now hurry up and cook breakfast," demanded Petunia, taking her fat son into her arms.

To tired too care and in too much pain to protest, Harry pulled four bowls from the cupboard filling them with cereal. He poured the milk then passed the food around the table. He sat down in his usual spot to eat. He hadn´t taken more than a bite before something struck his shoulder. Harry dropped his spoon, gripping his left shoulder in pain.

"What was that for?" Harry snapped, cautiously eyeing his Uncle and the whip he held.

~Less I hear the less you´ll say
But you´ll find that out anyway
Just like before...~

My head spun as Vernon backhanded me. I knew I´d gone too far. Uncle Vernon wasn´t a man you talked back to without paying the price. Unfortunately, I wasn´t sure my body could withstand the price. Not after what Dudley and his friends had done at the park and then with Uncle Vernon´s beating last night. I was stiff and sore, and my limbs were functioning under massive protest. Through my dazed vision I saw Vernon advance, his face a deep shade of purple as he gripped the front of my shirt.

"I´ll teach you to disobey your aunt and talk back to me!"

The room suddenly spun, then came to an abrupt stop when I hit the counter with a cracking sound. I slid to the floor cradling my ribs and pulling the drying dishes with me. I heard my aunt screaming about the mess I´d made and Dudley´s laughter in the background. I tuned out what they were saying. My mind went blank; my eye´s resting on a sharp cutting knife lying beside my hand. I wasn´t really sure why I kept staring at it, even after Vernon began hitting me repeatedly with that blasted whip.

~Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I´m about to break~

The sound of screaming broke through my trance, only for me to discover the sounds were my own. In a blinding rush of pain and anger, I grabbed the knife handle and thrust it upward into the hovering mass above me. I quickly jumped to my feet and made a mad dash for the door.

"I´LL KILL YOU BOY!!!" Vernon clutched at his right breast to stop the blood as I pulled my only defense from his fat body. Aunt Petunia reached for the phone to call the police.

~I need a little room to breathe
`Cause I´m one step closer to the edge
And I´m about to break~

Panicking, I rushed out of the kitchen and down the hall, only vaguely aware that I no longer had my glasses. Blindly, I pulled the front door open, dropping the weapon as I passed outdoors. `What have I done?´ My mind screamed; tears escaped my eyes as I began to panic. Surly I had killed my uncle. I was a murderer! I was just like Voldemort!

I was so consumed by my panicked thoughts that it never crossed my mind to look before running into the street. The speeding car didn´t register till after it was too late. Some believe that when one is faced with an untimely or violent death their soul will sometimes leap from the body prematurely, allowing it to view in seemingly slow motion, the events taking place. Giving us all the time in the world to think and reflect. I´m sure that´s what my soul did just then.

Some part of me watched from afar with detached interest, the happenings of the next few minutes. While another part of me took the time to commit every detail to memory, even the unimportant things, such as the color of my shirt. My mind screamed in pure terror; my body merely tried to still itself for the pain that was to follow. I shut my eyes only to find the darkness more of a threat than an escape and forced them open again.

I retreated safely within myself. I was unaware of the impact at first. Feeling nothing more then a slight pressure in my legs as the bumper connected with my knees. I was swept off my feet. I knew then that I´d been hit and a terrible pain would follow. I almost welcomed that pain. My body was forced onto the hood of the car where I rolled upward into and through the windshield. The driver and passenger were showered with blood and glass. The driver panicked, turning the wheel sharply to the left. I listlessly jerked to the side with the movement of the vehicle; my head slamming into the steering wheel.

Regaining some sense, the driver stomped on his breaks with a lead foot. I was ripped from the window, my eyes briefly seeing the dark skid marks left by the wheels on the pavement as I flew over the side of the vehicle. My body twisted oddly, dangling half off the spinning car. I tried to cry out as the glass from the broken windshield gripped my arm like fingers, refusing to release me from its deadly hold. While the window may have saved me from falling and being dragged under the wheels of the car, it damaged my arm considerably. I felt the bone snap under the stress, several fragments shredding my skin from the inside out. My arm was decorated with four or five ashen-red thorns. Loud screeching filled my ears, both from the car´s tires and my own tortured throat.

No sound, no sight; it was as if my senses had shut down. Even my breath abandoned me. The only company I had, was the endless ringing in my ears. Not even pain could penetrate the trance-like state I was currently in. Time ticked by. Each second was a desperate battle for breath. Stars danced before my eyes, then blinding white; its brightness caused a massive headache in my temples. The headache brought with it the rest of the pain that saturated my abused body.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered why I was just now feeling it. Shouldn´t I have felt the pain a long time ago? But then I realized that time was fleeting like the blink of an eye, and not the extended eternity which I´d withdrawn into. I was in shock; the pain had always been there, I just didn´t know it. To bad I didn´t stay unaware for a little longer.

~I find the answers aren´t so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again~

The front end of the car slammed violently into another car. The jolting freed my arm from the windshield. I dropped to the ground only to realize that I was now lying directly in the path of another car.

Never had I imagined such pain, nor felt its like. I didn´t think, didn´t have time to. Reflexivity I sat up, despite my injuries, as I tried to move to safety. I wasn´t quick enough; the second car connected with my body. Everything happened in a rush then. Pain burned along my veins, effectively paralyzing me, and I was left winded and terrified.

Time was against me; I was left without the use of magic, the aid of others, or the ability to think straight. I was robed of all but the painful tingling sensation surging through my body. I was going numb from lack of blood, so weakened now that I´d not be able to get up again. This was the end for me.

The part of us that is human nature to fight for life and not give in tried to take over. It tried to convince me that I had hope left. Hope? The meaning of that word was almost lost on me, for I´d given up hope the moment I saw what destiny had in store for me. If I was to defeat Voldemort and have any decent chance of living a normal life, I´d need a lot of therapy. For if I survived this ordeal I´d never be the same again. Any chance of surviving through this was quickly slipping away.

The car struck me so fast and with such force that I felt my left shoulder blade shatter and the surrounding skin rip open to form a large gash in my back. I felt the cool concrete against my overheated cheek, as I lay there unable to move. Blood was everywhere. Then the tires of the car hit my body with a thud, bouncing into the air as its hulk jumped over me. There is nothing more painful then feeling your legs getting smashed against the unyielding ground, and the tension of muscles straining before they are ripped apart. My body rolled several times, turning head over heels as the cars continued to trample over me. I tired to cry out, wishing it would all stop.

I quickly realized it wasn´t over yet. Why couldn´t I just DIE! As the two cars danced around each other, my foot caught on something underneath one of them. I was pulled along into the spinning dance, my back dragging along the pavement. Pinning my arm beneath the tire of one, barely missing my head. The two vehicles came together in a hug as a moving truck smashed into the side of one, forcing them off the street into a parked car. They lunged into each other, becoming one giant metal mass. And from somewhere above me I could hear a baby crying.

My world spun out of control and for a moment, went dark as I found myself back in my body. The darkness was like the embrace I´ve never had from my parents. I held onto it, begging to disappear forever. My breath hitched in my throat as I chocked on something coppery. I strained to open my eyes; I had to see if the baby was okay. Darkness decided to proclaim mercy on me then; she dimmed my world to the dull ache of unconsciousness. Before my sight fully disappeared I looked down to see a large shard of glass protruding from my chest.

~Shut up when I´m talking to you~