Dear Nobody

Additional disclaimer: This is a translation! I (pandora903) am not the author! The original is written in German by Zerengeb, it can be found here. Translation done with author's permission. Reviews made here will be forwarded to the author.

A/N: Disclaimer: Still, nothing belongs to me, pity, actually.

Here's the first letter and the memories combined with it in the form of flashbacks. I hope you'll get it the way I intended it to be.

T/N: Thanks again to Melissa for improving my sometimes really awful style.

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Slowly, he dipped the feather into the inkpot and started writing.

He had decided to proceed chronologically, and the very first person that had died in this war had been Sirius Black.

That had been the beginning, at least for him. It had been the first, but by far not the last time he had taken part in the battles.

Almost unconsciously he ran his hand over the scars that drew along his arms.

A brain stored in the Department of Mysteries had caused them with its thoughts. It had never really healed and still reminded him of this incident. Their recklessness and failure.

The first mistake, the mother of all mistakes, in which every following had its source.

Ron's feather scraped calmly over the parchment as he wrote:

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Dear Sirius,

I really don't know what I should write to you, after all you haven't been here for ages, and we still don't know if you're really dead.

But I don't cherish an illusion, you very likely aren't alive anymore.

I hope you're happy on the other side, reunited with your friends - Lily, James and Remus. Give him my regards.

You might not be aware of it, but you didn't influence only Harry's life, but mine as well. I remember, as if it was yesterday, the moment when we first met.

I carried Scabbers, or, in better words, Pettigrew and you dragged me in your Animagus form under the Whomping Willow, breaking my right leg.

I was horrified when I noticed who you were, but I just couldn't sense that it had been Wormtail who betrayed everybody and not you. But Remus and you managed to convince us all, and Harry in particular.

Your innocence was a terrifying fact which I scarcely could manage to believe.

Such a fatal mistake it was that had once led to your imprisonment and I felt guilty for believing you a murderer as well.

Although I'm not responsible for it I want to apologize. But how does one apologize for 12 years in hell? How does one apologize for 12 years in Azkaban?

I don't know and you'll never be able to answer me.

But to get back to topic, I'm writing to you because the headshrinker instructed me to. What idiocy.

I'm sure this written soliloquy amuses you, wherever you are right now, for you always appreciated a good lacing of humour. Yes, just laugh, I know it's ridiculous. But I'm sure you can understand it.

I'll never again go near a Dementor, and you can understand it like no one else.

As I said before, you've very much influenced my life as well.

You've always been so loyal to your friends and your godson. That's what I've always admired.

You stood by his side, even when I was jealous and envious. Like during the Triwizard Tournament when I didn't begrudge it to him. I was fed up with being his side kick, even though he needed me. No, I only saw the Galleons and the fame linked with it. I was so envious that I couldn't, or didn't want to, I don't know, see that danger and pressure.

At least you and Hermione were there for Harry. I'm ashamed of the envy I felt then.

I've never been as good a friend to Harry as he deserved.

But you showed me what friendship is. Your example made me a better man. You took every risk for Harry; which also brought you to your death.

I also admired this absolute love that Harry returned.

I didn't see you falling behind the veil. But I saw the consequences.

Harry has never been the same again, just like Remus, Tonks, Hermione and me.

Your death really took it out of us.

From time to time I look up at the sky and see your star.

Sirius, the dog star, what irony, don't you think so?

You left a great emptiness behind.

Harry didn't even have a grave to mourn at; only the stars and the sky. But maybe it is good that you didn't have to undergo the following years.

You didn't have to live to see Remus and Harry turning into wrecks more and more. How they lost their center. How life slowly disappeared from everybody's eyes and they became warriors, who possessed scarcely any human emotions.

Those were hard times. If one could believe the older members of the Order, it was even worse than the first war.

But maybe you already know all of this.

Maybe you've always watched over us.

I don't know, but we'll meet again once my time comes.

But now I only can write to you. No advice will be coming from you. At the same time, maybe you could explain to me how I could cope with the nightmares and feelings of guilt.

We've always resembled each other very much, you and I.

I, too, would have died for Harry and a few times it nearly got that far, but my time hasn't come yet, this I know now.

Whatever, I believe that's all I have to tell you.

Except maybe that you're always with me and inspire me. You're still a role model to me.

We'll meet again, some day.

Ron

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Ron let himself sink back into his chair and read the lines one more time.

Yes, he could leave the letter like this.

It had been difficult to write, for the memories caught up on him and overwhelmed him.

He really should deal with it. So he got lost in his memories for a while...

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Flashback One

"Now come on, Harry. Maybe we should just get away from it all for a time," Hermione pleaded desperately.

The black-haired boy blinked at her and shook his head slightly.

"No. I want to have worked through this book by this evening," Harry Potter replied, stubbornly.

"Hermione's right, you're studying way too much," Ron agreed. "This just can't be healthy.

Harry got slightly angry since they didn't want to leave him alone.

"You of all people, Hermione? You wanna tell me I'm studying too much? For it is you who always preached I should dedicate myself to studying. Here I am studying and now it's wrong to do just that. What, in fact, do you want?"

Ron rolled his eyes.

"Listen, Harry, you're too stressed, you need a break. Come on."

Harry lashed out at his friend angrily and yelled, "LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST GET INTO SOME BROOM CUPBOARD AND COPULATE BUT QUIT BOTHERING ME!"

Hermione and Ron, too, stared at him, horrified, just as the rest of the common room.

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes and without a word she ran away.

Ron on the other hand was furious and he didn't think of holding back.

Alright, Sirius died a few months ago, but that just didn't give Harry the right to scream at everybody.

"Shall I tell you something, Potter? Sirius would be really pissed of all the crap you're launching out. We're your goddamn friends and, hell, we only want to help you! If you don't want to deal with us anymore, fine. Drown yourself in self pity. But you won't get rid of us by throwing some crap at us. Listen, Sirius is dead. Dead! Neither your anger nor anything else will bring him back, understood? And now I need some fresh air. It stinks!"

The whole common room had listened with bated breath as Ron retaliated.

Ron turned around and left behind a furious Harry....

End of Flashback One

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Flashback Two

Harry stomped his foot, angry.

"I don't want to go back to Grimmauld Place," he said for the tenth time now.

"Want to or not, we have to. After all it's the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. And since you killed Kreacher it's quite comfortable there, honestly," said Ron calmly.

"You don't understand. There, they locked up Sirius. Everything there reminds me of him. I don't want to go there."

"We will go there, or I'll tell Hermione that it was you who strangled Kreacher!"

Harry's eyes widened.

"You wouldn't dare."

Ron nodded grimly and explained, "I do dare, don't challenge me. Besides, Remus is there, too. He needs you. You're all he's got now. Moony needs you."

Harry shoulders sagged.

"Well then, you're right. But why, of all things, does the bloody Headquarters have to be there?"

Ron shrugged.

"Because it's safer than anywhere else, except maybe Hogwarts. Come on now, we have to go."

Harry rose sluggishly, and together they wandered to the D.A.'s fireplace in the Room of Requirement to travel from there to the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix...

End Flashback Two

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Flashback Three

A green flash swept closely over Ron's ear.

"You won't escape me, sweethearts!" Bellatrix Lestrange said, her voice mocking and sickly sweet.

"We don't want to escape you at all, Bella. We only want to play with you," Harry replied from the other side of the hall.

Ron kept creeping forward so he could see Neville and Luna, who had taken position in another place.

He made a few signs with his hand.

Neville nodded and showed that he had understood. He shifted his position and passed the message on to Hermione and Ginny.

They had managed to surround Lestrange. By their own little spy in Voldemort's circles they had found out when and where they'd have to strike.

Harry had drilled his Defense Alliance perfectly.

It was already the sixth time they were chasing Death Eaters, unnoticed by the Ministry or the Order of the Phoenix. It was Harry's private Army and they'd become quite exceptional.

Three Death Eaters already lay on the ground, lifeless. Ron himself had killed one of them.

He wasn't as bothered as he was the first time.

Irony of fate it had been that the first Death Eater whom Ron killed had been Draco Malfoy.

Maybe that was why it hadn't taken it out of him that much.

But now wasn't the time to zone out, for Hermione and Ginny started their red herring.

Ginny rushed forward to the position, where Bellatrix probably lingered, while Luna, Neville, Hermione, Dean, Parvati and Cho all put their energy into the ward that protected Ginny.

Ron recognized Lestrange who ventured to come out of her hiding place to foist the Killing Curse on Ginny.

But before she got around to doing so, two red light beams had already overthrown her.

One from his own wand. The other from Harry's.

The D.A. Members all came out of their hiding places and gathered around the unconscious Lestrange.

All of them knew what would happen now. Harry had been planning it for a long time.

He nodded towards Hermione, who pointed her wand at Bellatrix with a grim expression, murmuring some complicated incantations.

What Harry was going to do with this woman even pleased Hermione, after all Lestrange had murdered her parents and her little sister.

Ron still got sick today when he thought of how this brainless Ministry Worker had explained to Hermione matter-of-factly that her ten-year-old sister had been raped a few times before her death, just like her mother.

This nearly destroyed Hermione's humaneness.

In fact, it was her who had had the basic idea for Bellatrix' punishment. And she had also found and combined all formulas to make this revenge, which would now follow, possible.

Hermione showed that she had finished and nodded towards Harry, who now stepped forward and awoke the unconscious Death Eater.

Lestranges eyes flitted uneasily before they locked onto Harry and she laughed.

She was completely cracked up, but that laughter would die away soon, it crossed Ron's mind.

"What are you planning, little Potty? The Cruciatus Curse? Do you think I'd end up like Longbottom's parents? Or do you want to kill me?"

Her laughter was shrill and maniacal.

"Definitely not, Bella. For you, we thought of something really special. Killing you is not exactly satisfying."

He nodded towards Hermione who performed the last formula, smiling widely.

Bright flames blazed up and Bellatrix Lestrange cried out, inhumanly loud.

She burned and healed at the same time.

She'd burn forevermore while her body would heal again and again. And when finally someone came to put out the flames eating her up, her blood pressure would rise until she'd finally burst.

Satisfied, the D.A. watched their work.

A horrible punishment, the most terrible they could think of.

Hermione laughed coldly as she watched the Death Eater in her agony, just like Harry and Neville.

Ron on the other hand was tempered more thoughtful.

All of them, including him, had lost their humaneness. They weren't better than the Death Eaters. But that was a side effect of this war. But one day, he'd have to make allowance for it.

One day, they all would have to justify this to themselves and their children. Until then, they'd keep on fighting, killing, tormenting. One of too many atrocities, of too many on both sides...

End Flashback Three

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Ron jumped from his memories.

Thoughtfully, he eyed his letter and rolled it up.

He'd hand it over to Padma in the next session.

Until then, he didn't want to burden himself with his memories.