Neville's Revenge

Neville's Revenge

"Once more I would like to send my congratulations out to those of you who had the mental capacity to actually pass my test this week," Severus Snape said as he stalked about the classroom smacking test parchments in front of their owners. He stopped for a quick second in front of Neville Longbottom, who merely swallowed and trembled.

"Though clearly Mr. Longbottom will be finding himself in my weekend remedial classes once again this year. Don't look so miserable Longbottom, save some misery for me. It's not as if I actually enjoy seeing you blubber and ruin everything I love about potions every Saturday and Sunday evening," he snapped at Neville and pulled out his parchment.

"Dear me, twenty-six and a half percent. How you manage to blink and breathe at the same time is really beyond me," Snape said and smacked the parchment down on the table with enough force to make Neville jump. This got a chuckle from the Slytherin side of the room, while the Gryffindors leered treacherously at Snape. Neville merely sat there silently and waited for the beast to go away.

Five years; That's how long he'd known Severus Snape. Five agonizing, grueling, excruciating years. How he was going to survive this one was a mystery to Neville. The man was so harsh and cruel. Every year when he got on that train he secretly wished that Snape had magically decided to take a swan dive off the astronomy tower during the summer and there would be a smiling replacement awaiting him in the Potions classroom.

Of course this never happened, but he was now looking forward to his last two years at Hogwarts without taking classes with Snape. There wasn't a prayer in the world that would get Neville into Snape's NEWT level class.

When Snape walked away, someone tapped Neville on the shoulder. He turned around and Harry Potter handed him a note. He opened it up.

'Snape is a greasy git You're better then him so don't let it get you down'

"Sir!" Draco Malfoy spoke up Snape turned to him

"Yes Mr. Malfoy?"

"Potter passed Longbottom a note sir," he said and looked at the two with a malicious grin.

"Did they now?" Snape asked and glided back over to Neville and snatched the bit of parchment out of Neville's hand, and read it. Neville's throat turned dry.

"Let's see, five points from Mr. Potter for passing the note in class. five points from Mr. Longbottom for accepting and reading the note. Five points for causing a disturbance in my classroom and another five from Potter for poor punctuation. And we'll take another ten for the rude remark. I'll be seeing you both in detention this evening. Class is dismissed!" he said and stalked back to his desk.

"Neville I am so sorry, I shouldn't have passed you that note!" Harry said to Neville after they'd left the classroom. Neville nodded.

"I know Harry. At least I won't have to be alone in detention though," he said darkly.

"I wish there was a way to get Snape off your back. He's always just so rude to you. There's no excuse for it," Hermione said as she patted Neville on the shoulder sympathetically. Neville stared blankly ahead.

"I'll be ok. I just have to last this year before I am out of his classes forever. It's only nine more months."

"Woah!" said Ron as he ran up to the group. "Did you hear that Hermione? Only nine more months till exams. Shouldn't you be studying for them already?" he chuckled as he hoisted his book bag onto his back.

"Oh, grow up Ron. If you took school even HALF as seriously as I do..."

"What, I would be a prefect?" Ron said and pointed to his prefect badge.

"Never mind," Hermione grumbled to herself.

"I wonder what you're going to do in detention?" Ron said.

"Knowing Snape, it won't be something pleasant I'm sure," Harry said as they headed to the Great Hall.

"I wish there was someway I could get back at him," Neville sighed as he dumped his books on the Gryffindor table and sat down. "I mean I'm doing ok in all of my other subjects, and Gran gets down on me for doing poorly in his class as well," Neville said as he grabbed an apple from the bowl in front of him and took a bite.

"Who are we getting back at now?" Fred asked and sat down with the group. George sat down in the seat opposite of Fred.

"Professor Snape," Neville said.

"Sheesh. Old Greasy never gives it up does he?" George said. Harry shook his head. Neville quietly took another bite out of his apple.

"Does anyone know where I can find a boggart? Maybe I can turn it into Snape in a cocktail dress and have someone take a picture so I can blackmail him with it," Neville said and smirked. Harry and Ron laughed.

"I liked him better dressed as your grandmother!" Ron said in between giggles. Neville smirked at this.

"I'm sure we could get Colin Creevy to take a picture, goodness knows he certainly has a camera. I'm sure he would do it if I asked him to," Harry suggested. Neville looked thoughtful for a second before slouching and shaking his head despairingly.

"Nah, I bet it would just develop with me casting the charm on the boggart. Everyone would just know it was a boggart, and know that I am still afraid of him," Neville said and finished his apple. He poured some stew into a bowl and began stirring it around lazily with a spoon.

"Actually Neville, I think the boggart is a great idea! I hear there's one upstairs in the suit of armor near Filch's office. I'm sure we could get it for you," George said. Fred leaned in close on the table and laughed.

"Oh yes. We'll definitely need Colin's camera for it. I have some mad ideas that could make it work," Fred said. George grabbed a pear from the fruit bowl and sank his teeth into it.

"And VOILA! One instant blackmail photo!" George said and laughed and waved around his pear.

"It might just work Neville," Ron said.

"Ron! He can't just go around blackmailing a Hogwarts teacher!" Hermione said in a shrill voice.

"Oh come on Hermione, Snape treats every single one of us like muck on his boot heels, but he's even worse to Neville and you know it. Don't you remember how you felt when he said that horrible thing to you after Malfoy cursed your teeth? Well Snape is like that to him all the time. Imagine how you would feel in his shoes," Harry said.

"But-" Hermione started, now sounding less sure of her argument.

"Oh don't worry, we know how to make this all very hush-hush, so no need to worry thy pretty little head about it!" Fred said and put his arm around Hermione and hugged her in a buddy-buddy fashion. Hermione just raised her eyebrow at Fred.

"Since when is anything hush-hush with the two of you?" she asked. George only smirked.

"Don't worry Neville, we'll be more then happy to help you out! We'll get everything ready this weekend, Snape'll wish he'd never crossed your path, much less opened his mouth to say anything to you!" George said.

****

That evening, Harry and Neville made their way down to Snape's classroom, escorted by Mr. Filch, who in his usual grumpy fashion, complained about his gout and how much he missed the old days when he could give the students, 'what they deserved.'

"You know, that first time he ever led us out to Hagrid's hut in our first year, Filch really scared me. He just doesn't seem that threatening anymore," Neville said as he sat in the chair closest to the door, noting that Snape was not in the classroom yet.. Harry smiled.

"I think it has something to do with us no longer being eleven," Harry smirked.

"Ten points from each of you for talking during detention," Snape said as he stalked through the doors.

"You are here to serve detention, not socialize and reminisce about dear childhood memories. If the two of you so much as share a smirk, I'll have fifty from the each of you. Now Mr. Longbottom, while you are here tonight, you will be absolutely silent. You will not move, and you will not speak. I will have none of your blubbering or whining. Every time you move, five points will be taken from Gryffindor. Every time you make a noise, ten points will be taken from Gryffindor," Snape said. Neville bit the inside of his cheek to keep his face from flushing. Snape smirked and rounded on Harry, who never broke eye contact with Snape, and scowled hatefully.

"Mr. Potter, since you are so incredibly fond of writing as demonstrated this afternoon, we're going to put that wonderful wit to work. You will write me an essay on EVERYTHING you have learned in your five years of potions with me, every potion, every ingredient, and every tip and trick you have ever been taught. Though knowing you, Potter and your lack of attention span for anything important, you will have exhausted your entire knowledge of potions in under three minutes. For every minute that you do not spend writing about potions, five points will be deducted," he said.

"Sir I wasn't informed that I was going to be writing an essay...so I didn't bring quill or parchment," Harry said defiantly. Snape smirked.

"Is it my fault that you came unprepared Potter? You will just have to borrow a pot of ink, and a quill from my supplies, as well as some parchment. Five points for the use of my supplies and the attitude," Snape growled as he towered over Harry. Harry seethed.

"Well? What are you waiting for Potter? You know where the supply closet is. Go and get them, or must I hold your hand and walk you over there?" Snape asked in a scathing tone. Harry curled his hand into a fist and quickly pushed away from the table, causing his chair to scrape across the floor at a deafening volume and almost fall over backwards one he'd stood up. Snape smirked as he watched Harry walk over to the supply closet and open it up. A bottle of ink, a black quill and a stack of parchment were all neatly placed in the supply closet among the various potion ingredients and cauldrons of various sizes. It looked as if Snape had purposely placed them there for Harry earlier. Harry snatched the supplies and stormed back over to his desk. He set out the parchment and opened the bottle of ink.

"What am I to do if I should run out of ink?" Harry asked. Snape smirked once again.

"Well then I suppose you would have to stop writing wouldn't you?" Snape said and walked away from Harry. Neville arranged himself in the most comfortable position he could attain as Snape walked back to his desk.

After Snape was seated, he reached towards an hourglass on his desk. It was made of dark mahogany and had acid green sand in the bottom bulb. Its design incorporated elegant lines and curves with no frivolous ornamentation. He picked up the hourglass and turned it over. Detention had begun.

****

Three hours later, Harry and Neville made their way back to the dorm. Neville's foot had fallen asleep during the last hour, so he was now limping every time he stepped on that foot to avoid the annoying pins and needles feeling as much as possible. Harry was massaging his hand in a methodical manner.

"I must admit, it was better then detention with Umbridge," Harry grumbled.

"I can't believe he just burned the parchment in front of you without even looking at it," Neville said to Harry. Harry didn't look at Neville.

"I can. I figured that was going to happen. The last three pages were mostly just filled with nonsense words and phrases. In one paragraph I described how you were sitting so still. You didn't lose a single point for moving," Harry said and smiled for the first time that night. Neville grimaced.

"I'm paying for it now though," he said as they arrived at the painting of the fat lady. Once they were inside Fred and George met them with a devious grin. There was a medium sized black hatbox next to the fireplace. Neville eyed it and swallowed hard.

"Is that the-"

"Boggart? Yeah that's it. We had a bugger of a time getting it in there. We needed to find someone who was afraid of something small. Lee Jordan is apparently afraid of severed hands, so we had to have him with us. It was pretty amusing to watch it dance into the box though when we cast the Riddikulus charm on it," Fred smiled.

"Now Harry, we can't have you here . I know you like fighting dementors and all, but," George said and put his hands on Harry's shoulders. He shrugged indifferently.

"No need to ask me twice. Goodnight! Get him good Neville!" Harry said and went up to bed. Neville nodded after Harry and looked back at Fred and George. George grinned and held up Colin Creevey's camera.

"I didn't know you all were going to do this tonight. I thought you said we were waiting till this weekend," Neville admitted.

"Well, you could wait until tomorrow evening, but we figured it would be perfect tonight. No one is awake, and you just got back from detention so we figured you'd be all fired up from your latest bout of torture," Fred said.

"So what did Snape have you do anyway?" George asked. Neville looked down.

"Well, Harry had to write an essay on everything he knew about potions. I had to sit perfectly still and quiet the whole time. Can you believe Snape actually took points away from Harry for not bringing writing supplies for his detention? We weren't even told what we would be doing until we got there," Neville said.

"That's too rough," Fred said and casually flicked his wand at the box in the corner. The lid flipped open.

Watching a full grown Snape step out of a hat box was amusing though a bit frightening. First an arm, then a head followed, with the arm grasping onto the floor feeling about for something to hold on to. The next arm can out and grasped the side of the box and pushed the torso up into view. The hatbox fell over and Boggart Snape slid the rest of his body out and brushed himself off. Finally, he stood tall and sneered at Neville.
"Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Longbottom," Boggart Snape said. Neville's heart raced. Fred leaned over and whispered in Neville's ear. Neville gulped and held up his wand.

"RIDDIKULUS!" he said.

BANG!

The Snape Boggart turned into Snape in a tutu. Snape looked down at his new accessory and looked back up at Neville. Fred and George cringed at Snape's exposed, hairy legs.

"He needs something else Neville," George said.

"RIDDIKULUS!" Neville shouted again.

BANG!

This time, Boggart Snape had on a bright white and pink striped tube top and a pair of white vinyl go-go boots. This only seemed to anger Boggart Snape even more.

"Neville, you need to put more power into it! Yes, you are imagining him wearing this stuff, but you are also imagining him being furious at you. You need to make him funny enough for you to laugh at!" Fred said.

Neville dug deep and pulled every ounce of courage out of his being and held his wand up one more time

"RIDDIKULUS!" He shouted.

BANG!

A sign appeared in Snape's hand that said "Neville's #1 Fan." It was covered in pulsating pink hearts. He immediately began to smile and dance.

"Gooooooo Neville! Neville Neville Neville! Hooray for Neville! Everyone looooves Neville!" Boggart Snape sang as he danced around and kicked his legs happily.

"PERFECT!" George shouted and began snapping pictures. Fred and Neville just stared.

"I don't know if I can help you defeat that thing now. Snape wearing and doing something like that is just about the most terrifying thing I have ever seen, so it will just stay the same," he gulped.

"Oh stand aside!" George said and shoved Colin's camera in Fred's hands. He moved in front of the Boggart and it immediately turned into Percy Weasley.

"Hello George. I would like to inform you that I am about to become a father," Boggart Percy said. Fred now stood in front of the Boggart. It stayed as Percy and just looked at Fred.

"We're having septuplets. All Boys. They're going to look and act just like me!"

Fred quivered with fright as Boggart Percy continued talking.

"Yes, I was thinking about it though, I really don't want to raise them, so I ordered a Ministry Decree that forces you to raise them all for me!" Boggart Percy said and smiled slyly at Fred.

"Move out of the way!" Neville said and stood in front of the Boggart. Again it turned into Snape.

"Riddikulus!" Neville shouted. Snape immediately appeared in his grandmother's clothes, the same trick he'd pulled in Lupin's class two years before. Fred got a hold of himself and the three boys all laughed at the Boggart at the same time. It disappeared with a wisp of smoke.

"Fred, Remind me to never let you face a Boggart again!" George said and clapped Fred on the shoulder. Fred shook his head.

"I wasn't prepared for that. Usually he just tells me that he's been made Minister of Magic, but the whole breeding Percy thing just...uhhhg," Fred said and shuddered. Neville giggled.

"Well the important thing is that we have the pictures," George smiled and held up the camera.

****

The following week, Fred and George caught up to Neville in the Great Hall around lunchtime.

"Hello Longbottom. Fine weather we're having!" Fred said and grabbed a sandwich. George sat down next to Neville and slid him a folded up piece of parchment. Neville immediately stopped what he was doing and opened up the parchment. Inside was a photograph of Snape doing a Britney Spears-esque dance with the 'Neville's #1 Fan' sign. Neville threw his hands over his mouth.

"It's perfect!" he said.

"You'll notice that we blacked out the background. No need for there to be Gryffindor banners hanging about in the picture.

"Well, the sign does have my name on it. He's immediately going to know it's me," Neville said and frowned as he thought about this fact for the first time.

"Oh no he won't," Fred smirked and flipped over the portrait. On the back were handwritten words.

"Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes presents SNAPE IN A TUTU!"

"You're taking the fall for me?" Neville said, sounding astounded. Fred and George smirked.

"Sure. We'll get detention, but it's nothing that we aren't used to! We've figured out how to charm the picture so the sign will say anyone's name, so we can sell them," Fred chuckled.

"There are already 400 copies of this photo plastered about the school. I even owled three of them to the Quibbler telling them that the Hogwarts Potions Master was bitten by a new type of beast called the "Singing Snuggleskunt" and that it makes people act out of character. Luna Lovegood and her father are already making plans to try and find one this summer!" George snickered as the doors to the Great Hall blasted open. Severus Snape stood at the entrance staring down the Gryffindor Table.

"WEASLEY'S!" He sneered and stormed up to the table with a copy of the portrait crumpled in his fist. A vein was bulging in his forehead and his eyes were wide and manic looking. One was twitching.

"My office, IMMEDIATELY! You too Mr. Longbottom!" He sneered.

"Good morning Severus! What seems to be the problem this morning?" Professor Dumbledore said as he walked up and unconsciously rubbed his beard.

"Sir, these, these..." Snape said, enraged with a finger pointed at the three of them. Dumbledore looked over Snape's shoulder and curiously picked up the portrait. Fred and George immediately began explaining themselves to the headmaster.

"Sir, we were...just so sick of seeing Neville get picked on-"

"Just a joke sir-"

"-didn't mean any harm by it,"

"Messrs Weasley, this is quite serious. Professor Snape obviously takes deep offense to this picture," Dumbledore said looking down his nose at the two twins.

"Yes," They both said.

"We'll take them down at once," Fred said.

"Serve detention-"

"Cleaning the chamber pots?" George asked.

"Not sure what Mr. Filch will have the two of you doing, but I'm sure you realize one week of detention is needed in this case, and ten points from the both of you?" Dumbledore said truthfully and looked at Snape. Snape looked as if ten points was grievously under what should have been taken. Indeed if it had been up to Snape, he would have taken the remainder of Gryffindor's points and assigned the brother's two months of detentions for the prank, if by a miracle something had stopped him from expelling the two all together.

"Severus, the reason I came over was to discuss the status of this years Pepper-Up Potion supply. If you will," he said and motioned towards the head table. Severus gave the three one last slashing glance and walked away. If looks could kill, Neville would have been decapitated then and there.

"I can't believe the two of you are doing this for me. Thank you so much. How can I ever repay you?" Neville said. Fred and George smiled as they pulled some candies out of their pocket.

"Well, you could start with a few well placed investments," Fred smiled.

"We'll give you a special discount of course," George said and smiled.

Neville's face cracked into a grin.

"Well, I suppose it's the least I can do. I'm sure I can find SOMEONE to give some Canary Creams to," he smiled and looked towards the Slytherin table.

Finis