Self Conclusion

Fade in, start the scene.
Enter beautiful girl.

Katie Bell walked along the edge of the cliffs at Caerfai Bay, Wales. The sun was setting, a bright orange glow reflecting off the turbulent waters of the sea. Some dark patches of seaweed moved leisurely beneath the waves, floating just above the sand. Her long hair fanned out gracefully behind her as a light wind blew off the sea.

She wore a tank top, because it was a warm summer. Her arms were tanned and smooth. If one looked closely, they might have seen the faint scars carved into her skin.

Her long, white cotton skirt swirled around her legs as she walked. A breeze off the sea was blowing into her face; she loved the sea.

But things are not what they seem.
As we stand at the edge of the world.

A man was standing up ahead in the shadows near her cliff. His silhouette was slightly hunched over, as if he was looking down into the sea. He looked like he may have been tall when he stood, but Katie didn't take much notice. She didn't care, she'd just speak to him, perhaps get him to leave. Would she be nice? Probably not. Probably, she would be brutally harsh and truthful. Why? Because that was what you had to do when you wanted to get your way, and Katie was in no mood for arguing about her choices and about her future. This was the only was to do it, she decided.
"Excuse me, sir,
but I have plans to die tonight
oh, and you are directly in my way
and I bet you're gonna say it's not right."

Katie's voice was strong and sure. There wasn't even a tremor of fear in her voice, it was quite emotionless. Katie even amazed herself with the calmness of her words. The man turned and looked at her in surprise; he didn't know her, but he was quite sure that he couldn't let this happen.

His name was Remus Lupin.
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
but do you have the slightest clue
of exactly what you just said to me
and exactly who you're talking to?"

Katie wasn't surprised by his response. Of course anybody would want to stop her killing herself; most strangers would not just walk away and let her jump - most people had more emotion than that. She wished they didn't - she didn't really want a fight about her death, or the reasons that she was intent on committing suicide. Katie looked closer at the man - he looked young, even with streaks of grey in his light brown hair. Prematurely aged, perhaps? She didn't know.
She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me."

Remus fought back a grin; it was like teaching again. He then thought: Why am I laughing? She could kill herself! Did he know her from Hogwarts? He hoped not. She was such a young creature too; younger than twenty, he was sure. Remus wondered, his thoughts swirling madly as he spoke.
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully."

Katie was stunned. Not stunned at the fact that he was trying to get her not to kill herself, but the fact that he wanted to get to know her before she died. Normal people didn't do this; they simple begged and pleaded with you until you acted like you had changed their mind - she had been told by a friend that this was what people did when they were going to kill themselves. Faced with a suicide on their hands, most people panicked and tried to prevent it at any costs. But she had never heard of this before. Was this normal good Samaritan behaviour?

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

"Please," said Remus, "you don't want to do this! There's so much out there that you can do, so many things you haven't yet tried! Why this? Why entrust yourself to a fate that you can never change?" He let the passion grow in his voice as he spoke, becoming more confident that she was listening to him, indeed, taking heed of his words. "This is a one way path, I'm sure you know that as well as I do! What do you have to live for? The grass, the sky? This very cliff? Standing here? Looking out at the sea as the sun sets?"

Remus hoped that his words had got to her; it would be such a waste if she jumped - she was so beautiful, so intriguing. He wanted to get to know her better; learn her name, her past, what made her laugh and what made her cry. He couldn't let her jump.

Katie spoke again, although this time there was doubt in her mind:
"You make it sound so easy to be alive
but tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
when everything inside me has died?"

Remus thought desperately for an answer suitable. What could he say that would convince her not to jump? She just couldn't! He wouldn't let her! What he said he didn't even expect himself.
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
but I offer you this easy choice-
instead of dying, living with me."

Katie stared at him, wondering if he was insane. Her mind was racing, faster than she'd ever felt it go before. She looked at him more closely, trying to interpret his face - it was expressionless, but in his eyes there was a slow hint of fear - fear of what? Katie couldn't help wondering, but she was very sure of one thing - this was defiantly not what the normal person trying to stop a suicide would say.
She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."

Remus was ready for her retaliation; he had seen the words forming in her eyes before she even spoke them. He hoped that his own face didn't give away as much as hers; he liked to keep his emotions more secret until he knew the person better.
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully."

The same words again, Katie noticed. This man needed to get a life. Hell, she heard herself think, so do I!

She thought about why she was standing there - the break-up of her marriage to Lee Jordan after only two years, her miscarriages, her endless depression and self pity. She hadn't known what to do; this had been the easy way out. Or at least, it had seemed easy when she hap planned it - all the letters posted, all the funeral plans and her will left on her bed.

Suddenly, Katie was biting back tears - she didn't know why, but she was overcome with anger and sadness - and a feeling of complete hopelessness. How she hated that feeling! Katie shuddered as the wind became colder, sweeping up from the crashing waves below.

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
of self conclusion in one simplified motion
you see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
no matter how unbearable this misery gets.

Remus had a thousand thoughts running through his brain. He hadn't even asked her name, and yet he could only think of her beauty, and what a waste it would be if she jumped. He tried to think of a way to convince her to stay alive - he wanted to be with her, watching those strange light brown eyes every moment of every day. He thought he loved her - but how could that be? He'd only just met her! Remus spoke again, his voice gentle beneath the darkening sky;
"I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
and all this cliché motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
but what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose."

Katie didn't know what to think. Was it worth saving her life for a stranger? She honestly didn't know, she felt so strange. There was a blank feeling in the back of her brain; it was numb and cold. Katie thought harder, and looked up at Remus. She felt close to tears - was she actually crying? Unsure, Katie brushed her hand along her cheek and tried to think about what to say.

She didn't expect the words that left her mouth. They sounded so small, so helpless.
"All right, you win, but I only give you one night.
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me, I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
and you'll never see it coming."

Remus realized that he should stop lying. He thought of why he was there, Tonks's death only a few months ago, the last battle ending with so many casualties, his emotions spiralling out of control, his transformations getting worse...

"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through!
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too."

Katie had tears on her cheeks as Remus continued watching her. There was surprise in her eyes, and Remus wondered if it was about her decision or about his.

"Don't cry."

"I don't really know why I am." Katie wiped away the tears on her face, but they were immediately replaced by more. Remus sighed, and gently brushed his fingers across his face.

"I don't even know your name."

"Does it matter?"

"Not really, I suppose."

"We've just saved each others' lives. Names are not important, not now."

Katie thought about how right he was, and this only brought more tears to her face.

"Hey, don't cry."

"I can't help it."

"Will this help?" Remus wrapped his arms around her skinny form, his face less than an inch from hers.

"Yeah. That helps."

Remus laughed, a gentle laugh. Then he slowly leaned in and kissed her.

Katie kissed him back, their movements tender and unhurried beneath the star - strewn sky.

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
of self conclusion in one simplified motion
you see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
no matter how unbearable this misery gets.