Owls and Musings

Chapter 4

Notes flew back and forth between the two friends through the winter and spring. Severus had taken her observations of the original edition of Moste Potente Potions and set up several experiments using the original ingredients that were noted in the book. Some of the ingredients had been difficult to obtain and he was beginning to believe that was the reason for many of the later substitutions. He was beginning to believe, as well, that many of the substitutes were included to make up for the lack of the chants in the later editions. He wrote down these and other observations and sent them on to Esme, as he was coming to call her.

During the Easter break he set up a normal healing draught that he periodically made in large quantities for Madame Pomfrey. The beauty of the potion was that nothing had changed since the first edition except for the removal of the chant in later editions. This situation was rare he was beginning to find. Normally other ingredient changes took place, as well.

He divided the first stage between three different cauldrons. The first he continued to brew in the normal manner; the second he chanted to during the halfway point and the third as he added the last ingredient. The chant was one notated for this potion in the original edition and after pouring over his old notes, and re-checking with Professor Flitwick, he was sure he had come up with the correct way to perform the line. Unfortunately, the text did not indicate when the chant was to be sung during the preparation: therefore, three cauldrons.

Labeling the batches as A, B, and C, he took the finished products to Pomfrey and let her know what he required: observations as to the effectiveness of the different varieties. She said she would let him know and bustled him out of the infirmary. He met up with Dumbledore in the corridor.

"Professor Snape! I was just looking for you."

"How may I assist you, Headmaster?" Snape asked as he kept pace with Dumbledore toward his office.

"Actually, I was keen to find out what you are up to these days? I've been noticing the amount of exotic mail birds you've been receiving at breakfast this year." He gave the password ("Licorice Wands") to the gargoyles and they ascended the spiral staircase. "Care to illuminate?"

Not really, thought Snape but he told the headmaster, "That, yes...well I guess you could say I have a pen friend," he prevaricated as he sat down in the overly soft chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

Dumbledore stepped behind his desk and offered his visitor a sweet, which Severus declined. "A pen friend, at your age?" His eyes twinkled as he sat down.

"An acquaintance," Snape elaborated. "We are corresponding concerning some research with which I am assisting her."

"Her? Does this acquaintance have a name?" Stroking his beard, he sat back in his chair, a knowing smile on his face.

"Esmerelda Scott." Here it comes, he thought.

"Ah, Miss Scott - Minerva's niece, I believe?"

You know bloody well she is. However, he kept his silence and only inclined his head.

"And is Minerva aware that you've been corresponding with Miss Scott?" the headmaster asked, steepling his fingers.

"I haven't mentioned it to her and I doubt if Esmerelda has either."

"Be careful, son," Dumbledore said in a low but warning voice. "Minerva knows your past; does Miss Scott?"

"I don't know; it's never come up in conversation." And I don't intend to ever bring it up.

"It's good to have friends, Severus, and it's better when you can trust them. You and I have that type of relationship; do you want that with Miss Scott?" He gazed keenly at his potions master over the top of his glasses.

Severus was silent for a moment before he answered. He had learnt over the years that when his mentor asked him questions like these that it would do him well to answer as honestly as he could.

"Sir," he said slowly, "I think I could become very good - friends - with Miss Scott. She is very intelligent and straightforward and we have many of the same interests." He hesitated a moment, adding truthfully, " I am becoming very attracted to her."

Dumbledore smiled. "Have you discussed this with her?"

"Not yet, sir. I really don't know how she feels about me, other than our friendship. We have only met twice. It is mostly through correspondence that we keep in touch with each other."

Dumbledore was silent for a moment longer, nodding his head while considering the information Snape had just imparted. Feeling as if this line of questioning had come to its natural end, he switched tactics.

"What is she researching? I believe she works for the Ministry now, doing research projects. Minerva seemed to indicate that the last time we spoke. She is quite proud of Esme's accomplishments."

Perfect, Severus relaxed, change of subject. He proceeded to tell the headmaster of their current experimentation and where the ideas had come from. Dumbledore seemed very interested.

"You will let me know what Poppy says about the different formulations?"

"I will, sir. Also," he hated this next part of his life - but it was the price he had agreed to pay, four years previously, "I received a letter today from Lucius Malfoy inviting me to one of his get-togethers next weekend. I believe he is trying to get former Death Eaters together under the guise of his son's fifth birthday party. I assume you would like me to accept?" Although a child's birthday party was the last thing he wanted to attend, even without the added pleasure of conversing with his former associates.

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I need to know what activities they are up to, now."

"Of course, sir," he said stiffly as he rose up from his chair. "If there is nothing else, I need to return to my office; I still have some essays to mark," he explained.

"Off you go then. And Severus - think about what I've said concerning Miss Scott. She could become a very valuable friend for you."

"I'll think about it, sir. Good evening."

"Good evening."

Walking through the corridors, Snape reflected on his conversation with the headmaster. Should he tell Esmerelda about his former activities? Would she understand? Or, more likely, would she repudiate him and their budding friendship for the mistakes he had made when he was a younger and definitely more foolish man? When he was honest with himself he recognized where he had gone wrong; the ache for power over his enemies, the elusive but tantalizing lust for control over his world.

The doubts continued to creep in as he descended the stairs leading to the dungeons. How could he hope that she would understand this secret of his, when he could barely stand and live with it, himself. No, he decided, it would probably be best to keep it hidden, for now.

When he finally gave the password that opened his office, he found an eagle owl awaiting his return with a note. He untied it and reached for some owl treats he kept in his desk, bunging a few in her direction.

He unfolded the note as the owl munched.

Severus,

Do me a favor; don't send this owl off to the Owlery just yet.

I thought after getting to know you so well this past year, I better tell you one last little secret of mine. I hinted at it, a bit broadly to be sure, when we first met last summer. Remember when I told you that I got Aunt Minnie's transfiguration genes? I meant what I said. I am the last registered Animagus on the books - so far. This owl is my form.

"WHAT?" he boomed at the bird. She flew off, in the force of his blast, to stand on the seat of a chair and slowly before his eyes, flowed up into the form of his friend.

"'Lo, Severus," she finally said as she sat there primly waiting for him to explode some more. But he didn't; he just stood in stunned silence frowning down his nose at her.

She tried again, "Say something?"

"It took you nearly a year to tell me?" he spat out.

"Severus," she said evenly, "it is a matter of public record. It has been on the books since my fifth year." She took a breath. "I was a bit precocious, like my Aunt," she explained, a tad apologetically.

"Why would I have a need to check the Animagus records?" he inquired, a bit snarkily.

"Och, I don't know," she said with a trace of exasperation in her own voice. "Look, I thought it was something you should know about me. I'm not bragging about it - but I do tend to tell my wizarding friends about it when I've known them awhile and I couldn't see treating you any different." She rose and started pacing.

Severus was actually taken aback by her reasoning. She considered him a good enough friend to share this secret. Should I return the trust? Dumbledore obviously thinks I should.

"Well, if it's a night of honesty..." He braced himself mentally as she turned to look at him unbuttoning and rolling up the sleeve of his left arm to expose his forearm with its faint outline of the death mark. She came closer for a better look. He was astonished to see there was no revulsion in her face.

"Ah, so that's what one looks like," she said softly.

Hunh?

She noticed the look on his face as she straightened up and he re-buttoned the sleeve of his frock coat. "Severus, I knew of your former affiliations before I met you last summer. I am a ministry employee. I'm sure you would not remember; however, I was present in the courtroom when your name was brought before the Wizengamott and Dumbledore explained you had already turned spy for our side."

He was flummoxed again.

"You knew?" He tried to maintain his composure, but it was becoming very hard. "You knew and you never said or indicated..." His hand fluttered in the air as he was suddenly at a loss for words. She had known even when they had met last summer.

She came and sat on the corner of his desk facing him.

"I knew, and it doesn't matter to me. What matters is the type of person you are towards me. And I really like that person," she said in a low voice full of conviction. He was silent as she laid her hands on his, his head bowed.

"Esme, why did you do this tonight?" he finally asked, raising his head to lock his dark eyes on her olive ones.

"Frankly?"

He nodded.

"I wanted to see the look on your face when I transformed," she laughed. "And it was worth it!"

A smile tried to crack through his severe pose at her sheer cheekiness. She cocked her head as she saw it and bent over to lay a soft kiss on his cheek, then dropped his hands after giving them a quick squeeze and paced around his room. She came to a stop where his music stand stood with an open, well worn, violin case on a small table next to it. The leather on the case showed it had seen a lot of use, and the sheen of the polish on the violin indicated loving care. She looked over at him.

"You play?"

"Some. Not in your caliber, perhaps, but I enjoy it as a hobby," he admitted.

"Oh, I don't play the violin at all - that belongs to other friends of mine. I play the Viola De Gamba, a medieval precursor to the modern day violin family. However, they are fretted - which the violin is not. I've always preferred fretted instruments." She looked at music on the stand, a Strauss waltz. "Would you play for me? I'd love to hear you."

He was feeling better after his earlier talk with her, and was more than willing to share this small part of himself with her - at least it was something they both loved. He rose, casting some silencing charms on the door and walls so that sound would not leak out, and walked over to the music stand.

She relaxed in one of his wingbacks, kicking off her shoes, as he rosined his bow and tuned his violin. When he was satisfied, he waited a beat then began to play the waltz. Esme listened and watched him as he let himself go in the music, letting it flow over and around her. At the repeat, she surreptitiously recorded it with her wand. As he let the last notes fade away, she came over to stand near him. She plucked the instrument out of his hands, waved her wand to start the music and taking the hint, he gathered her in to waltz around the room together. The small space of his office made it a bit hard to keep from running into things, and if the waltz had been an energetic one, they probably would have ended up in Pomfrey's infirmary. Luckily it was a slow dance and they were able to complete it without bodily harm.

Severus guided her nimbly, never letting her misstep. As the music neared its end, he found himself gazing into her eyes with a shy smile on his lips, and as before at Christmas, an electric spark ran through their hands and her face pinked up quite nicely. After the music was over, he held her a moment longer before letting her step away to resume her seat.

"How are the experiments coming?" she asked, in an attempt to cover up the mildly awkward moment.

"They are going quite well. In fact I just took up three variations of a healing potion to Pomfrey earlier today and she is going to keep track of the efficacy of each one."

He proceeded to tell of the difference in each one and where he had sung the chant. They continued to talk for some time about his experiments and then on to other topics of common interests. She had ended up curled up in the armchair in front of his fire nursing a small glass of elf wine. She startled herself with a huge yawn.

"Oh, my - sorry! It is getting late," she said looking up at the carriage clock on his mantel.

"You aren't going to fly home tonight, are you?" he queried.

"Oh, not all the way, no. I'll just fly to the far side of Hogsmeade and Apparate from there. No problem; it is certainly quicker than walking out of here." She stretched out her legs and arms, wiggling her feet and hands to wake them back up. "Besides, we wouldn't want to startle the students or begin a scandal, now do we?"

"Are you sure?" he asked, deliberately ignoring the latter part of her statement, as it was dangerously close to what he wished he could do. But he did need to keep up appearances and while he knew there was an obvious attraction on both their parts, he was unsure as to whether she wanted a more physical relationship. Besides, he did not want to jeopardize their friendship.

"Positive. Look, I was going to ask you this later, but I might as well ask you now. What are you doing this summer?" she asked leaning over to pull her shoes back on her feet.

"Normally, I go air out my mothers house for a few weeks then I come back here to stock and rotate inventory for the next year."

"Well, I wanted to see if you would like to take a real vacation for a week or two and visit me at the cottage?" She straightened back up, resting her elbows on her knees, a lopsided grin on her face.

Maybe she is thinking this could be more than friendship. "Let me think on it. I'll let you know before June," was all he said as he stood up to say farewell.

"Fair enough," she said rising from the chair. "I'd best be going." Before he could say anything she had transformed and had taken a short flight - hop to the casement of his window. He walked over and opened the leaded pane wide for her, pausing to run the back of his fingers over her chest to feel the softness of her feathers. She nibbled affectionately on his fingers a moment before hooting softly at him and took off through the window into the starry sky above the castle.