New Beginnings

Harry Potter was sitting slumped against the wall in the attic room of number 12 Grimmauld Place staring glumly at the opposite wall. It had been a long summer that he was doing his damned best to forget about. However, now that he was back here, it was fairly difficult to forget past events...past people.

He frowned slightly and looked down to see Buckbeak clawing affectionately at his arm. Quite the opposite of what he'd done to Malfoy three years ago. Harry sighed deeply. The Hippogriff was a constant reminder of the life he'd once had. The life he now dreamt he could have back. But as Hagrid had said, what will happen will happen, what will come will come and we all just have to deal with it and accept change.

Screw change. Harry loathed change. For once in his life, he just wanted some fucking consistency. He was at the point of being so bitter, he'd even started to think that living with the Dursleys the way it had been six years ago would have been better than what he was dealing with now.

It was okay for Ron and Hermione. They had their parents. They had their uncles and aunties and their cousins, brothers and sisters. And they had each other. Who did Harry have? No one. Absolutely zilch.

He still remembered what had happened when he had confessed his thoughts to his two best friends. "Oh, but you have us!" Hermione had cried in shock.

Harry had retorted bitterly by asking if she intended to give him loving parental advice (what with her many years of experience) and guide him through the war against Voldemort herself. That had shut her up. Ron had just shuddered at the thought of the war and had put a comforting arm around her.

"At least I have you," Harry mumbled to Buckbeak who was now nuzzling his hand cordially. Although the Hippogriff lingered as a reminder of all Harry had lost, he did feel a sort of refuge when he was with Buckbeak. At least he had preserved the life of Sirius for a while...Where as Harry had done the opposite.

He shook his head quickly. He was not getting into that again with himself. The whole summer at the Dursley's he had blamed himself over Sirius. It was like a leech that sucked out all his will and spirit and left him miserable and despondent. Everyone had noticed it once he'd arrived at Grimmauld Place. Many members of the Order had tried to talk some sense in to him, to tell him it wasn't in any way his fault. Tonks had tried morphing herself into funny characters to make him laugh. Mrs Weasley had cooked him huge meals. Fred and George had tried to show him their most recent skiving snack box creations. Snape had even tried to talk to him about Quidditch! But no one had got through.

Harry just couldn't get over the fact that Sirius was never coming back.

And Remus Lupin hadn't helped at all, thought Harry bitterly. He'd tried to tell Harry to snap out of it and to not be so ridiculous. But Harry knew. When Harry had first met back up with Lupin, he had noticed straight away. They both felt the same way. They felt the guilt. The heartache. Lupin had tried to force a smile when he had greeted Harry, but it hadn't reached his eyes and Harry knew. Harry knew exactly how Lupin felt. He hadn't seen much of Lupin at all, really. Harry figured this was due to the fact that he was a constant reminder of the guy's past. Of the happier days he had once known. Harry didn't blame him one little bit.

But it still didn't make Harry feel any better. Lupin was always so bloody unemotional - Harry hated him for that. For once he just wanted to see Lupin break down in fits of tears. Then maybe Harry himself would, too. Mr Weasley had tried to tell him it was okay to cry sometimes. But he wouldn't. He just couldn't.

There was a knock at the attic door, which made Harry jump slightly in surprise.

"Harry, dear, there's someone here to see you." Mrs Weasley's voice drifted softly into the musty room.

Oh god, just what he wanted. Another visitor bound to give him another lecture.

"Er, okay, I'll be down in a second," he called back.

"If you don't mind," a voice said rather gruffly and suddenly, " I'd rather come in."

Harry knew that voice. That was Lupin's voice. He stood up so sharply his actions caused Buckbeak to ruffle his feathers in displeasure. He stalked towards the attic door, grabbing the handle and hesitantly creaked it open. It was then that he came face-to-face Remus Lupin in all his shabby, greying and frayed around the edges glory.

"Hullo, Harry." Lupin spoke softly and tried to sound warm and enthusiastic. He planted a smile on his face in a bid to look cheerful. As usual, Harry saw right through it. Lupin's smiles never reached his tired, weary eyes these days.

"Hi Professor," said Harry automatically, still standing in the doorway looking at him expectantly.

"Harry, I'm not a Professor anymore," he said quietly. His eyes flitted quickly across Harry's face and then lowered to the ground.

"Sorry Profes - I mean, Remus." Harry couldn't help it, he grinned. He'd hardly ever called him that before in his life.

Lupin smiled another sad smile as if pondering over what to say next. He took a deep breath, looked back up; frowning slightly, and then spoke. "Harry, can we have a little chat?"

"Er...Sure." He stepped aside and gestured with his hand to lead Lupin into the attic.

"No, not here."

"Okay then, the kitchen?"

"No, not here, Harry. As in not in this house."

Harry frowned vaguely. "Okay...then where?"

Remus studied him closely before he reached into his satchel and recovered a mouldy old gumboot.

"Take hold of this."

Harry knew in an instant what it was. "Remus, where are we going?"

"I'll explain in a second," he muttered as he held out the gumboot for Harry to take a hold of.

Harry looked at him in surprise. Remus looked right back at him and Harry immediately saw absolute truth and untainted honesty in his eyes. After seeing such a, well, parental and fatherly look reflected in Remus, Harry took hold of the gumboot within a split second.

"Portus," muttered Remus as he tapped his wand gently on the forlorn boot.

Harry felt a sharp pull behind his navel...

**********

They both landed with a loud thud on a luscious green-grassed clearing. Harry looked over at Lupin to make sure he was okay - he was already standing up and brushing the dust and dirt off of his robes (like it mattered). He then turned to Harry and smiling rather crookedly, held out his hand to pull him onto his feet.

"Remus, where the hell are we? What are we doing? Where are we-"

"We're in a place you may have heard of before, Harry. A place called Godric's Hollow." Remus announced this and started briskly walking off towards a cobbled pathway that led into some gathered trees. Harry stared in awe at the back of his disappearing back. Why they hell where they here? Of all places, why did he want to "chat" here?

He sent off at a pace and managed to fall into a stroll next to Lupin. They walked in silence for a little longer.

"Do you know of Godric's Hollow, Harry?"

"It's where my parents used to live when I was a baby. Before...everything."

Lupin smiled again. "Yes, yes it is."

And that was all he said. For ages, that was all he said and the both of them walked on in silence along the cobbled path amongst the trees. Harry kept glancing at Lupin quickly to see any sign of what might be happening. Every time he looked he noticed Lupin had a vague grin curling on his lips.

As they walked on, Harry noticed a gate and picket fence up ahead that was bordering on the side of the path. Behind the gate, there was a little pathway leading off to...

A strange clearing. Actually, it wasn't really a clearing; it looked like a place where a house or a cottage once may have stood. But all that remained now was a burnt, blackened sort of rubble. As they came closer to this sight, Harry noticed there was a little mailbox standing next to the gate in the shape of a cottage. Harry guessed it was one of those letterboxes that were a miniature version of the real house they collected mail for. Now this mailbox was the only thing along with the white gate and quaint picket fence left in reminder of the house that had once stood there.

Remus was slowing down. In fact, he had come to an abrupt halt in front of this peculiar setting, right beside the gate.

Harry turned to Remus and frowned. "What are we doing here?"

"Have a look at the letterbox, Harry."

Harry obeyed and quickly leant down to inspect the unkempt letterbox. It was a yellowish little cottage with burgundy window frames and a bright emerald green door. He walked around to inspect the side of it when he saw the writing. His eyes widened in shock and he looked at Remus in disbelief. Lupin simply nodded grimly.

On the side of the letterbox, it had written: J.H. & L.E Potter.

Harry was lost for words. He tried to open his mouth to say a series of things but found himself to be simply gaping at Lupin in a mix of terror and excitement.

"Come on." Lupin smiled again slightly, and opened the gate. Harry didn't move but instead watched him walk down the pathway and stand in front of the rubble for a moment. He then watched as Lupin sat down beside it and put his face in his hands as his shoulders started shaking.

Harry followed cautiously down the path and stood beside Lupin, staring at the remains of the cottage.

"That was where the door would have been." Lupin's words were muffled as he still had his hands covering his face. "Your father insisted on painting it emerald green so as to always be reminded of your mothers eyes." He paused and looked up at Harry who was startled to realise he had actual tears pouring silently down his cheeks. Lupin sniffed. "Sirius tried to paint huge pink polka dots on it once."

Harry stared at Lupin for a moment longer and then diverted his eyes back to the remains of the cottage. Not only did he feel he should give Lupin some privacy while he cried, he was in absolute shock at what he was seeing and hearing.

"I...I used to live here?"

"Yes..."

Harry looked back at Lupin, his eyes wide and his mind whirring. He sat down next to Lupin and continued to stare at the rubble.

Then he snorted. Lupin looked up to see Harry grinning from ear to ear. He started giggling at a perplexed looking Lupin and in no time Harry was laughing uproariously.

"Pink polka dots!" He exclaimed and continued to seethe with mirth.

Lupin grinned at Harry's temporary happiness. At least he'd made him laugh. But... He was laughing so hard now that Lupin found it rather alarming.

And then he saw the tears streaming down Harry's cheeks. He wasn't laughing at all. He was bawling his eyes out. His laughter turned into hysterical sobs as he covered his face in his hands and shook with the weight and pressure of the last 6 years.

"Why did he leave?!"

"Who, Harry?" Lupin tried to sound soothing as he rubbed Harry's back, but he already knew the answer.

"Sirius! Why did he follow me? He should have stayed put! Why was I so foolish, Remus, why?" He looked up at Lupin who saw his face screwed up and distorted with emotions and tears running rampant.

"That's just the way he was, Harry. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

"But it's still my fault! Mine! If I didn't have such a saving people thing, if I didn't attract trouble, if Voldemort didn't want to kill me, if I hadn't been the Boy Who Lived, hell, if I hadn't even been born in the first place I - "

"You wouldn't have blessed the lives of your parents or the people around you."

Harry scoffed and hastily wiped the tears still running freely down his swollen cheeks. "Yeah, great blessing I was. How many babies you know have killed their parents and their godfather and countless other innocent people?"

"Harry, look at me. Look at me. Do you know why I brought you here today?"

"No," Harry mumbled looking at his shoes.

"I wanted you to see. I wanted you to see everything that has been sacrificed for you."

"But I don't want people to sacrifce shit for me!"

"I know Harry, but they did. You were the most brilliant thing that ever happened to James and Lily. When you graced their lives...my god, they just," he paused as if trying to find the right words. " I mean they literally lit up at the sight of you. At the mention of your name."

"And I betrayed them."

Lupin let out one, miserable little laugh. "No Harry. We all know who betrayed them. Betrayed all of us. And it wasn't you."

"Doesn't make me feel any better."

"Look, I know this hurts like hell. I know you feel it's your entire fault and that some way or another you've killed off anyone that's ever mattered to you. But that's not true Harry. It was because they cared so much about you that they're gone. And so many people care about you, Harry. Dumbledore...Ron, Hermione...Me..."

Harry looked up at Lupin again to see him smiling sadly, his eyes still red and puffy.

"I know, I just..." His voice cracked again as tears spilled out from his eyes. "You can't care for me. None of you can. Don't you see? You'll end up dead if you have anything to do with me!"

"If we didn't have anything to do with you we'd still all end up dead anyway. Listen Harry, not everything you touches turns to shit." Harry looked up again quickly at Lupin's brash words. "Er, so to speak," he added quickly at Harry's look. " And I wouldn't care even if it did. The point I'm trying to make here Harry is that you have been loved from the start. This wreckage here serves as a constant reminder that people love you." He gestured with his hands towards the rubble. "So wont you care for the people, Harry? There are so many people that love you. Won't you love them back?"

"They're not my parents or Sirius, though," he mumbled as he picked at the ground with a twig.

"No, and nor could anyone ever replace those fine people. You and I, we're in the same boat. We've both lost the same people that we hold dearest to our hearts. But that doesn't mean that we shut off everyone else as well. You're parents and Sirius loved you unconditionally. Don't dishonour them by disregarding everyone else. They'd want you to be happy, Harry, not miserable."

Harry sniffed in response and wiped his six years worth of tears out of his eyes.

"We can do this together. I know we can. I lost my best friends and you lost your parents. But we can get through the grief together, okay?"

"Okay," muttered Harry as he looked up towards the sky and squinted as rays of the sun filtered down through the trees.

"Okay," said Remus softly. He stood up and held out his hand again so as to pull Harry back up onto his feet. Harry took it.

Once their heads were level, Harry realised that Lupin was smiling. A huge, cheesy, chesire-cat grin smile that reached right up into his twinkling eyes.

"C'mon, lets get back before Molly has a hernia," said Remus with a wink, starting down the path.

As they reached the little gate, Remus swung it open in order for Harry to get through. Harry stopped abruptly, turning to the miniature cottage letterbox. In one swift movement, he reached down and pulled it off the stake.

"Just as a reminder of the love." He grinned as he looked down at the mailbox and then turned to Remus who stood partially startled for a second before smiling once again.

As they made their way down the path and back to the empty paddock - Harry with the letterbox slung casually under his arm - they realised they had made a silent pact with one another that they would be all the family the other would ever need. And nothing could take that away from either of them.

"So honestly, pink polka dots?" Asked Harry.

"Oh yeah. I've never seen James so tormented. I mean it's not exactly the most masculine thing for a man's front door, is it?"

"Maybe I could paint some on here," Harry grinned as he pointed at the miniature green door of the letterbox.

Their ringing laughter could be heard all the way back up the pathway, levitating birds from the trees into the crimson sunset.