How Not to be Seen, Hogwarts Style

How Not to be Seen, Hogwarts Style

A wide-angle view of the dungeon classroom.

Professor Snape: In this picture there are forty people. None of them can be seen. In this film we hope to show you how not to be seen.

Caption on screen: 'MINISTRY OF MAGIC, PUBLIC SERVICE FILM NO. 42 PARA 6. "HOW NOT TO BE SEEN"'

Professor Snape: In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. Weasley of The Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Weasley, will you stand up please.

In the back of the classroom Ron stands up. There is a loud crack and a burst of light from Snape's wand as Mr Weasley is knocked on his back.

Professor Snape: This demonstrates the value of not being seen.

Cut to another part of the classroom. A wooden packing crate sits on a desk.

Professor Snape: This is Mr. Potter of Number Four Privet Drive, Surrey.Mr. Potter, would you stand up please. (After a pause - nothing happens) Mr. Potter has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.

The crate explodes and we hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene with three cauldrons.

Professor Snape: Miss Granger of Muggle London, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which cauldron she is behind, but we can soon find out.

The left-hand cauldron explodes, then the right-hand cauldron explodes, and then finally the middle cauldron explodes. There is a muffled scream.

Professor Snape: Yes. it was the middle one.

Cut to a shot of Hagrid's cabin with a gigantic water butt, a wall, a pile of leaves, a bushy tree, a tied-up hippogriff, and lots of trees in the distance

Professor Snape: Mr, Hagrid, grounds keeper at Hogwarts, has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the hippogriff, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred trees in the forest. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel.

The water barrel just blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to a panning shot from the beach huts to beach across the sea

Professor Snape: Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy of Malfoy Manor, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were.

The camera pans around and stops on a obvious looking hut, which blows up. Cut to another manor with Crabbe's father standing out front.

Professor Snape: And here is the neighbour (he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to a shack on a rock in the sea) Here is where he lived (shack blows up - cut to a building) And this is where Goyle Sr. lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). so did MacNair who lived here....(shot of a house - it blows up) and Bellatrix Lestrange lived here.....(another building blows up) and of course here.....(Tom Riddle's house explodes, sending the obviously dead Voldemort sky high in a million pieces.)

Snape wakes up.

"Oh, what a lovely dream," he murmered, turning over and going back to sleep.