Over My Head

Chapter 11: So Like a Rose

Sleeping with ghosts

It's such a lonely experience

The stars are out tonight

Only they can hear you breathing

You're so like a rose

I wish you could stay here

-Garbage

I stayed in bed for half an hour after I woke up. I didn't want to start the day, because after all, that would mean I would also have to end the day. Unfortunately, my dreams of falling back asleep and never waking up again were killed by Hermione's cat as it jumped on my chest and started licking my face.

"Fuck off, cat."

"Meow."

"I'd rather not, thank you."

"Meow."

"Shut up."

"Meow."

"I don't care."

"Meow."

"No! Stop it! I don't want to!"

And then it just stared at me.

"You make a good point, I suppose. Damn you and your inscrutable cat logic."

"Ginny, are you talking to my cat?" Hermione asked from the door connecting our rooms.

"Well he's quite the conversationalist."

"Gin, I think you've lost it."

"Oh yes, this is quite possible. It is most certainly gone. I actually doubt that I ever really had it to begin with."

"I think we should go down to breakfast now."

"Oh right, breakfast. Up, cat."

"Come on Crookshanks," Hermione called and he leapt right off.

"Did you just break up with me, Crookshanks? You bastard." Hermione laughed as I stood up.

I walked over to my wardrobe and changed quickly, deciding that since I wouldn't be attending any classes, I wouldn't wear my school uniform. I walked into Hermione's room, took a deep breath, and froze.

"Hermione, is something wrong?"

"What?" She looked over at me, puzzled and annoyingly adorable in her skirt and robes. "No, nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know." I took a deep breath, and it took a moment for me to realize that I was sniffing. I was sniffing the air, and something smelled different, odd, yet slightly familiar. "I...I think I'm...I think it's a demon thing."

"Oh!" She looked fascinated, even excited. "Tell me about it!"

"Uh...it's smell. I'm smelling something different. I don't know. Maybe you changed shampoos and for some reason I'm picking up on that."

"I had to use Parvati's shampoo today because mine ran out. Maybe that's it." Something passed over her, but I was too caught up in this new sniffing ability, similar almost to a superpower, to discern what it was.

"I guess. Urgh, let's just go to breakfast.

***

I saw Draco just before I entered the Great Hall and waited for him to catch up, while Hermione went on inside. He raised his eyebrows after her, and I shrugged.

"Did you two...you know?"

"Last night? No. She had homework."

"Are you...erm..."

"Am I what?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I looked at him inquisitively.

"Blaise said-"

"That girls talk about stuff like that. I get it."

"Yeh."

"I'd rather not go in there. I feel that if I don't go in, nothing ever has to happen."

"But...you want things to happen eventually, right?"

"Well, I don't know. I suppose so."

"Then you have to start."

"You and your inscrutable cat logic."

"Cat logic?"

"Mm-hmm. Crookshanks said the very same thing to me earlier."

"Exactly how many times did your mum drop you on your head when you were little, eh?"

"Did you just say 'eh'?" I asked, unbelieving.

"Yes. Shut up."

"Oh...ok..." I walked in, began to follow him over to the Slytherin table when I sniffed again. The same scent, odd and familiar. I shot out my hand and pulled Draco to a stop. "I smell something."

"Apparently she tossed you around quite a bit," he replied, looking concerned despite his comment. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes.

"I'll be over in a little bit. Actually, don't count on that."

"Alright." He looked at me for a moment more before finally walking away. I went over to the Gryffindor table, following the scent, and found myself standing right beside Hermione, Ron, and Harry.

"That's not shampoo," I whispered, so that none of them could hear, except possibly Hermione if she was trying.

"Hallo," I said softly, some hint of murder in my voice.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked angrily.

"Not wasting my breath on you," I replied curtly, sniffing once more. I couldn't be certain...

"You might want to go Ginny," Ron said, nodding towards the rest of the extremely pissed Gryffindors. "Nobody wants you here."

"I never really thought they did," I answered, trying to puzzle together something straining on my brain. I thought of something.

I leaned over to grab and apple. There it was. There it was.

"Oh god," I said quite audibly and quite miserably. "Oh god," I repeated as the realization dawned on me in shattered pieces. I felt my eyes widen for a moment; I clutched at my stomach for something to hold on to. "Not shampoo. I...god, I have to go."

"Ginny," Hermione whispered, knowing that I'd figured it out. "Ginny, don't, please don't-"

"Don't talk to me," I muttered, turned away from her, started to walk away.

"Ginny, wait-" she was getting up to follow me when I spun around and looked at her, finally.

I could see some sort of panic in her eyes. The table behind her was entirely silent, having had their eyes set determinedly on me since I had walked over. Within seconds, the entire Hall seemed to have shut up.

"Ginny-"

"Don't talk to me!" I repeated, violence beating savagely in my quiet voice. I turned and walked away again, trying not to hear her running after me.

"Ginny," she called as she entered the corridor behind me.

I turned around and waited for her to catch up with me. When she did, she was silent. I decided to talk for her.

"You slept with him."

"I just-"

"You had sex with Harry."

"I...how? How do you know?" Her voice was on the verge of breaking. She seemed unable to think of anything else to say.

"I smelled him on you." My voice was cold and hard and full of hatred.

"Oh." She seemed to deflate, her head fell forward and she stared at the floor.

"You had sex with him," I said once more.

"I know. I'm sorry." She looked up at me again. "I had to be sure, Ginny."

"Sure of what, exactly?"

"I had to be sure..." Her head dropped again. "That I didn't just feel more for you because of what we do..."

"That's sick."

"What?" Her head snapped up, her eyes were surprised. I looked behind her and saw that Draco had followed us out. He was walking slowly forward.

"You heard me." I continued to stare down at her, somehow using my height to be crueler.

"I don't...understand." Seamus Finnigan had also wandered out into the corridor, but he was too far away to hear what we said. I bit my lip hard for a moment, letting the blood pool inside my mouth. I decided to hurry up.

"Then understand this."

I stepped forward and grabbed her arms, roughly pulling her up to me, and sealed my mouth over hers. She let her head fall back, let me push her mouth open. I bit down on her lower lip until our blood mixed. She gasped with pain. I let go, dragged my arm across my mouth.

"I love you," I whispered with all the violence left in me.

"Yeah," she whispered back, but her voice was soft and tired and sad. "I love you too."

I looked at her for one bewildered moment before fleeing out onto the grounds. She didn't move at all, but Seamus and Draco followed me out. I sighed and stopped once more. A nod to Draco and he knew to keep out of things.

"Ginny," Seamus said, apparently trying to use my name as an insult.

"What?" I replied, annoyed to no end.

"I think we need-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You want to beat the crap out of me. You think that'll like...I don't know, defend your honor or something. Let's just get on with it, ok?"

"What did you do to Hermione?" He asked.

"Are you stalling?" I answered, incredulous. "Come on! I could use a real vile kill."

"What did you do?"

"I kissed her, fuckwit. Now come on."

"What?" He was genuinely confused.

"Well it was kinda poetic actually. See, I wanted her to know exactly what I was feeling, so I got all messy and bloody. Violence is a wonderful thing."

"What?"

"Never mind." I walked up to him and punched his face. He fell over, out cold. "Next time, try biting off a bit less, kid, and you might not choke." I looked at him. "Actually, maybe you should just stop biting altogether. I don't think you're cut out for it."

"Hey Ginny," Draco said from behind me. "What are we doing?"

I turned around. One of these days I'm gonna have turning fucking outlawed.

"I need you to tell Hermione that I have to think for awhile."

"Done." He paused to stare for only a moment before he went back to the castle, and I went in the opposite direction.

***

I had never been inside the Shrieking Shack before. I tore off a back door, amazed at my own ability, and lay down on what was left of the cushions of a couch.

What had I expected? They were dating for Christ's sake. I had never claimed her in any way, nor had I any reason to believe that she wouldn't....But I had. I had believed she wouldn't. And that had been everything.

I think I drifted off. Funny that I could do that again.

"You made quite a scene," Remus said, sitting across from me and picking at the hem of his robe.

"What time is it?" I asked, groggily sitting up.

"Lunch is just starting," he replied, still not looking at me.

"Why are you here? Not that I'm not overjoyed or anything, but I am a bit confused."

"You made a scene."

"Yeah, and?"

"And now everyone's all worried. And apparently too afraid to actually talk to you about anything. Plus, nobody's quite sure why you...made the scene."

"I was angry."

"Were you now?"

"About things. Harry. His girlfriend. Things."

"Harry has a girlfriend?" Remus finally looked up. "I didn't know that."

"When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Ahh...too long ago. Much, much too long ago."

"I don't blame you. He doesn't really even talk to Ron or Hermione anymore. I'd probably feel bad about it like everyone else if I didn't hate him."

"You hate him? When did this happen?"

"No specific moment. Gradually. Just got worse a few hours ago though."

"Oh. Oh! Hermione is Harry's girlfriend? And you got mad because...oh..."

"Hm. Good guess."

We were silent for a moment.

"And you know the most disgusting part of it? I smelled him on her. I walked into her room and smelled something odd, and at breakfast I figured out it was him." I pause a moment. "I think everyone's got a distinct smell. I know you do."

"Oh? What's it like?"

"I bit like a library," I replied, smiling. "You know, like books. And a little like candles." I sniffed the air. "Oh. A little blood too. I'd say the full moon was about two nights ago."

"Very good," he said, returning my smile.

"I...I want to know more about all of this. I feel like there are things I haven't been told."

"There are," he whispered gravely.

I turned my head to the side to look at him and then slid down and crawled over to where he sat. He had little scars, barely noticeable. I had one long gash across my cheek the stood out rudely. I wondered for a moment...

"Professor-"

"You don't have to call me that."

"Okay. Lupin. It's a bit trivial, but did anyone notice my face? I mean, do you if people have started to talk about it? It's just that I haven't really had the chance to explain it to Draco yet..."

"Ah, yes. Yes, some of your classmates did notice, and the rumors about it are quite remarkable, some even more so than how it actually happened."

"Yeah?"

"One is that you and Hermione were in a duel over Harry, or possibly Mr. Malfoy, and that she pulled a sword out on you. One is actually that it was a rather nasty paper cut. And interestingly enough, one determines that you were attacked by an angry house-elf, or that you simply fell on a knife."

"Children are weird. Why did you ever want to work here?"

"I had nowhere else to work. And when I was your age, I was much happier."

"Than me or than you are now?"

"Both work."

Silence fell again.

"Could you...could you tell me the things?"

"Some of them I don't know. But I do know how you can find them out."

"How?"

"I think you already know."

"I have to go into the chamber again, don't I?"

"That's where it is."

"Where what is?"

"I've heard that it's something like a sphere, almost like a crystal ball. That's what you need. Not yet, of course. You may get it any time you please, but it will not open until you have figured out how, and that won't happen until it's time."

"Oh, wonderful."

"Yes, quite."

"I...I don't know anything yet, do I? I mean, what's coming, it's going to be beyond...everything I know...it's all nothing."

"Yes." His face was solemn and quiet.

"And I...I'm not going to get through it, right? I'm not supposed to make it."

"I don't know, Ginny. I prefer to believe that we are not sending anybody off to an inescapable death, but if we are, I'd say it first for you."

"Well that's lovely."

"Ginny."

"Hmm?"

"I can tell you one thing."

"Yes?"

"This channeling power you have, it works for other things. You'll know what I mean soon enough."

"Well, maybe that'll entertain for a moment. That's all anything is, right? Distraction?"

"Sending babes to the slaughter."

"Yeah. Yeah, that tends to be the nature of things."

***

I went down. I knew I could have waited, but I didn't really care. I went into the Potions classroom, while class was still in session, and stood waiting in the back, silently polishing a well-hidden knife. I looked up once and saw that Hermione and Ron were in the room, but Harry was not. I also saw that several students were turning around to look at me every once and while. Some pointed to me and then to their own faces, in the place where the scare would be if it were on them.

The bell rang and the students began to stream past me. Some went in fear. Seamus passed with a look of hatred, although it appeared that he had forgotten what I had said to him, or that surely would have passed around campus by then. When Ron passed, he didn't look at me, and when Hermione passed, she tried desperately to make me see her, but I refused.

"Yes, Miss Weasley?" Snape asked.

"I'm supposed to get some sort of potion from you. Dumbledore told me to."

"Ah yes." He walked over to a shelf and pulled out a vile of orange liquid. "Here. Take it."

I took it from him and drank it.

"It takes about twenty-four hours to go through a person's system. This time tomorrow you will have all the knowledge you will need. The day after that you may begin your specialized training." He began to walk away.

"Hey, Professor?"

"What do you want?"

"Why me? Why am I training with Harry?"

"You are best equipped to."

"No, no, I think that would be Hermione or Draco. It looks like Harry and I have different brands of magic entirely. You know, I'd guess it's me because I can screw around with him. Because that's what Voldemort will do, right? What I mean to say is, it's me because I can destroy Harry best, and Harry needs to be destroyed before he can win."

"This is an experiment. If your training sessions work, other students will begin them as well."

"Well there it is then."

He didn't even bother to look back at me.