Over My Head

Chapter 9: Bring on the Night

"There are things coming that you'll never forget."

The smell of burning somewhere in the distance.

A fire, most likely. Strange that I noticed it at the very moment that Remus Lupin happened to walk up to me. Strange that my first thought was something along the lines of childhood mentor and strange that I instantly understood he was there to talk to me because my mother either could not or would not.

"So are you here to tell me about whatever the hell I am?"

"Wow. Good guess." He walked up to me, leaning against the fence where I had been just a few moments ago, where a vampire had been not long before that. He stared intently into the Shrieking Shack, his tired eyes searching.

"So. Tear me up. Show me my inner demons."

He took a breath.

"Your biological father was something called a Renai demon."

"Does that matter? I mean, does the name you give a monster change it at all?"

"Well, not to most people. Most people couldn't see the difference between a vampire, or a Renai, or a...werewolf."

"I guess you know what I'm felling right now, don't you?" I looked up at him, at his eyes. They were so old and sad...I wondered briefly what he had felt when Sirius...

"That is why they sent me."

"They?"

"Your parents, the Order, Dumbledore." He looked back at me. "I'm not going to lie to you Ginny. Everyone's rather worked up about this. About your abilities, and your weaknesses. There've been people watching you ever since you killed your first...monster. So I'm not here to tell you that it isn't important or that you shouldn't worry about it or that it doesn't change who you are. It's very important. You have to worry about it. And it changes who you are in every way you can imagine."

"Well. I certainly feel better now."

"I'm not trying to make you feel better."

"Then what are you trying to do?"

"Prepare you."

"For what, the war?"

"Right again."

"Spare me. I know what's coming. I know it's gonna be bad. I know that most of the people I've ever known will die."

"Actually, that's what I'm supposed to tell you about. They don't have to." He stepped away from the fence to look me straight on. "I can't tell you everything."

"But...?"

"Sometimes people are given opportunities to change things. Sometimes people are chosen for greater things."

"Are you seriously trying to tell me I'm chosen for something? Are you on some kind of medication? I'm Ginny Weasley, remember? Well, maybe not Weasley, but...the point is, I'm not a hero. I'm a selfish little bitch with nothing going for her. I'm destined to grow up and be some kind of bitter Rita Skeeter type with lots of colorful pens living off of Draco Malfoy's immense wealth. I'm...Harry's the one you're looking for, Lupin."

"You want to know the one thing that makes people heroes?" He looked concerned somehow. "It all lies in just one question."

I took his bait. "What's the question?"

"If you had the chance, would you give up your life to save the world?"

"I don't like it. Too direct. That's not the way things work."

"Well, the idea is that it might not be necessary. As in, would you do it even if there was a possibility that someone else could? Would you do it even if it might not work?" His face never turned from me, never lost that clouded look. "Would you try to save the world, even if it meant dying?"

"Everybody dies."

"Most people die peacefully and painlessly in their sleep, never knowing what it's like to be trusted with the safety of everything."

"True."

"On the other hand, those people also live their life without any sort of purpose or meaning. Most people die for no good reason and no noble cause."

"I'd do it. I mean, if it came down to that, I would."

"You don't know what you'll have to face, Ginny. You think vampires are ugly, you should see V-Volde-"

"You still can't say it, huh?"

"I doubt I ever will be able to."

"You used to, before-"

"I know."

We stood in silence for a few more moments.

"So someone's been watching me ever since I killed my first vampire?" He nodded. "Erm...are they watching me all the time? Is someone in my room when I go to sleep, or something?"

"Oh, no. They stop following you when you enter Gryffindor tower. Apparently they tried to follow you in there once. I think it was Tonks, yes. She said she followed you up to your room and then decided you'd both be better off if she left." He smiled wickedly. "She didn't divulge too many details."

"Oh dear lord." I rolled my eyes up and hung my head. "Well, you must know then..."

"That you're...erm..."

"Not interested in the opposite sex at all."

"Yes. Yes, I know."

"My parents?"

"Don't have any idea. At all."

"Well that's good." I turned around, facing the Shrieking Shack, finding it interesting that we couldn't manage to look at each other for too long not that he was finished talking, and attempting to seem like I had a reason for it. "I really need to kill something."

"Do you think that will help?"

"Not with all this insane hero shit, but I haven't gotten laid in a while-"

"Ginny, despite my highly enlightening discussion with Tonks, I prefer to delude myself into believing that you don't know what sex is, so if this conversation were to take a slightly different turn, I'd be much happier with it."

"Alright. Tell me about Renai demons."

"Well, they're a rare breed, and one of the stronger ones."

"How much can demons vary in strength?"

"A fair amount. Some aren't any stronger than humans. For instance, empath demons aren't particularly strong, because they don't need to be. Their powers lie in reading the emotions or destinies of other beings."

"Huh."

"The Renai also have a high ability to channel power, thereby making them able to cast spells without using a wand or saying anything." I looked over at a tree, and within a few moments I was holding one of its smaller branches.

"Like that?"

"Yes. And you have wizard blood, which might make your powers greater or lesser to some extent."

"What do you mean 'might'?"

"We don't know what it will do."

"I was an experiment."

"Yes, and so far you've been successful, although for years we'd believed that you wouldn't be."

"Because I was never good at anything."

"Because we thought you would refuse. Because your parents began to hope that you would, tried to build you into something different. And then there was Tom Riddle."

"You know, I've decided that I don't want to hear about this. Just tell me about the Renai."

"Well, this ability to channel power includes power that isn't their own."

I remembered my dream.

"You mean," I began, "If say, three people got together and decided to perform a sacrifice in order to do this ritual that would enable a Renai to destroy the most powerful dark wizard of the time, who also happened to be an old friend of theirs?"

"You know the story of the founders."

"Yes. It's interesting that the fact that a demon had to defeat Slytherin is always left out of the books. It's a rather important detail of the final battle that happens to just sort of...disappear when it's convenient."

"When the first books were written, demons were unspeakable."

"And it's such a very different situation now?"

"No. They are still unspeakable."

Silence. I heard something moving in front of me. Damn.

"Lupin, get down."

He obeyed me just as the thing jumped over the fence, hurtling itself toward where he had been. It was not a vampire.

Its eyes were red and its skin was black and lumpy. It wore a rusty metal plate over its chest and it was equipped with two long spikes that protruded from its lower underarms. Its mouth contorted open long enough to emit something along the lines of arrrgghhh before lunging at me. I dodged him and spun around, landing my foot in its chest.

"Urgh...must remember not to kick the metal-protected areas..."

It stood up, obviously unaffected by my efforts, although his spikes had receded. He moved forward once more and punched the air several times before hitting me in the face. His eyes flared brighter as he grabbed hold of my stunned form by the shoulders and threw me to the side.

"This is a Shelomari, Ginny," Lupin called out from his hiding place.

"Thanks," I grunted back. "Any thoughts on killing it?"

The Shelomari twisted its head around and sniffed the air before coming after me again. It picked me up, with no obvious effort, and put me over its shoulder before beginning to walk off. Panicking, I grabbed onto its waist and used it as leverage to flip off.

"Shit, Remus, you're not helping!"

"Well, it seems like the eyes are vulnerable. Oh, look out!"

I turned back around and managed to move out of the way of its fist. Still undaunted, he swung out again. I wasn't as quick, and the spike shot out of its arm again, scraping almost entirely through my cheek. I tried to shout at Remus but found that I couldn't move my mouth enough to form more than a sputter.

I grabbed the Shelomari's arm instead, twisting it back onto itself, listening to the sickening, satisfying break I found myself enjoying more and more in these nightly murders of mine.

Eventually I killed it. Remus pulled me up to the hospital wing, my hand clutched to my cheek that refused to heal itself. As Madam Pomfrey examined me, he went on to explain that a Shelomari is closely linked to a Polgara, as if I was truly interested. He talked on, and eventually I noticed that Pomfrey was growing exceedingly alarmed. After a while, she hurried away without a word into the corridor outside.

"Professor?" I said in a small voice, feeling suddenly very, very young.

"You don't have to call me that anymore, Ginny," he replied in a worried, careful tone. He looked so much older than I remembered him.

"Why did she go? Is something wrong?" I panic I hadn't expected in the least began to rise in my chest.

"I don't know."

"Oh." I pause, thought out how to phrase what I wanted. What I wanted so badly. The words couldn't find themselves properly and began to spill from within me before I could stop them. "Hermione. I need you to go get Hermione. I have to...have to talk her. She said she would always...tell her it's not that bad, will you?" My hand flew up to my cheek, where Pomfrey had placed some sort of warm bandage to stop the ever-intensifying flow of blood.

"Of course." And he left, and I was alone again.

When I first met Lupin, I had felt that same unexpected panic rise within me, then brought on by the Dementors. The Dementors. Bringing with them endless images of Tom, and even more images that I could not identify or remember.

Hermione had been there, too. She had tried to comfort me, but she knew it was futile, knew that she had no idea what was racing through my head, knew that she had no way to protect me from it. Why had I asked for him to get Hermione?

He arrived back with her long before Pomfrey came back. She looked so scared when she saw me...Lupin looked from her face to mine before deciding to wait outside. As soon as the down swung shut behind him, she rushed up to me and kissed me, cupping my face lightly in her hands.

"Ginny, what happened?"

"Oh, I got into a fight at a bar. Some guy was hitting on Lupin, and I just had to defend him, being my territory and all."

"Ginny?" Hermione smiled, incredulous.

"Sorry, the gashing wound that shouldn't be so bad seems to have thrown my well-crafted bits of sarcasm off course. I'm rather miffed about it, actually."

"What happened?" She asked it patiently, and took my hand, looking at me expectantly, waiting.

"I was talking to Lupin out near the Shrieking Shack. He was telling me about the demon...about what I am. Anyway, something called a Shelomari attacked us, and I broke its arm."

"That doesn't explain the magic bandage."

"Well, I broke its arm after it broke my face." I tried a smile, but she just looked at me helplessly. "I should be fine. It wasn't that deep. It just rather...well, Pomfrey started getting antsy and took off."

"Took off?"

"It means she went to some elsewhere in a hurried manner."

"I see." She sat silently for a moment, staring down at our interlocked hands before kissing me again. "Don't do that anymore."

"Do what?"

"Get hurt." She freed her hand and bent down. After a moment I realized that she was taking off her shoes. "You should lie back." I did as she asked, feeling a sudden physical ache while she wasn't touching me. Finally she crawled under the sheet, wrapping her arms around me and leaning her head against my chest. "I don't want you to go away from me."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"But I'm afraid that you will. I'm afraid you'll go away because I can't claim you."

"Claim me?"

"I can't tell you that you're only mine and that you can't be for anyone else."

"I am anyway." I closed my eyes, moved my hand up and down her leg, eventually finding its place on her waist. "I'm not going away, and I'm not fucking around."

"You're also very literal."

"Well, I suppose I could have said 'I'm not love-making around' but that just seems to lack the directness I was going for."

"I like that you're literal. Harry's not. He dances around the truth, and sometimes he flat-out lies. He hasn't been the same since Sirius...you know."

"I remember."

"I don't think...I'm not happy with him. Not in the way I thought I would be. Not at all, really. Am I missing something, Ginny? Is it my fault? Maybe I'm just not good enough for him."

"Hermione, you're very, very stupid sometimes."

"Thank you. That's quite helpful."

"I'm not trying to helpful." I moved my self around so that I was on my side. My hand remained on her waist, though hers had fallen away and she looked limp and useless. I touched her hair, brushed it away from her hopeless, pointless eyes. She couldn't see anything, could she?

I brought my lips slowly to hers, brushing against her just slightly. Her eyes fluttered shut as I kissed her again, my lips moving slowly down to her throat. She was so oblivious sometimes. She let out a small little moan when my hand traveled inside her legs for a moment...

We pulled apart and she jumped out of bed as we heard voices down the hall. She looked at me, so enthralled, so wanting.

"The spell I have on her bandage has only temporarily stopped the bleeding-"

"Why do I suspect you're exaggerating, Pomfrey?" I heard his voice first, the nesting, sneering sound.

Professor Snape followed Madam Pomfrey in, and they were both followed by Lupin. Snape looked slightly confused when he saw Hermione, but he passed it off quickly.

"Shelomari, yes?" he asked quickly, surveying my wound from across the room and drawing out a small vial of liquid.

"Yes," Lupin replied quickly, before Madam Pomfrey could insert any opinion of her own.

"Easily dealt with. Of course, I shouldn't expect so much from the characteristically inept and incompetent staff members at this school...and the incompetent former staff members." He threw a look at Lupin before drawing a cloth out of his pocket and tapping some of green liquid from the vial onto it. He put the vial back in his pocket before walking steadily over to me and pulling off my bandage. Suddenly he became very careful and precise, patting my cheek delicately with his napkin. I felt a prickly sensation, my skin reforming itself. He stood up.

"She will by fine. However, because this was left to decay fro so long, there will be permanent scaring."

"Permanent?" Lupin asked warily.

"That is what I said. The Shelomari's shaft contains an acidic toxin, that only didn't kill her because..." I giggled then. "What is it Miss Weasley?"

"Oh...erm...the shaft contains an acidic toxin...er...nothing really." I looked at Hermione, who was smiling and simultaneously shaking her head at my bad thoughts.

"Yes, well." He turned back around. "Pomfrey, next time one of these 'emergencies' occur, please notify some other teacher...preferably one who cares." He stalked off into the night. I wondered for a brief, disgusted second what Pomfrey had interrupted in his schedule. God. Men and their shafts.

Lupin went with Hermione and me back up to our joined rooms, noticing every once and a while that Hermione clutched my hand all the way back. He smiled and raised his eyebrows suggestively at me before he left.

"We're alone again," Hermione said as she closed my bedroom door and walked toward me.

Her hands were like fire, running through my hair and down my back, leaving scorched trails behind them. God, how I hated loving her so much. I felt it within her as she shivered, as my hands forced her down onto my bed. My lips ran over her skin, her chest rising more quickly each time. I slid further down her, and her head threw back, arching the rest of her body, allowing a faint, whispery moan to escape from something far deeper.