Over My Head

Chapter 7: Into the Woods

Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?-Possession, Sarah McLachlan

We moved into a nightclub of sorts. It was a popular haunt for most of the Slytherins and Draco had told me about it once.

Hermione didn't look too pleased about my chosen spot. I guess it might have been the women dancing on the tables. She was very set on not admitting that she was screwing a girl, and watching the sex-dance probably didn't help much.

"Oh fuck, Herm. That hurts," I said as she pulled the cloth away from my neck.

"Grow a little backbone, Ginny," she replied curtly, taping a bandage she had conjured over my battle wound.

"Backbone? You were there back in the graveyard, weren't you?"

"Oh come one. Your great power of shoving a piece of wood into the undead proves nothing. If you were just there, you would have seen that I can do the exact same thing."

"You'd never last for three seconds with a vamp if you didn't have your wand."

"I just saved your-"

"And I'm grateful, but it's not the same as actually fighting them. You came up from behind. It was preoccupied at the moment, in case you didn't notice, and therefore couldn't really fight back. Amazingly enough, even with all of the killing of the innocent and everything, the fuckers don't want to die."

"Alright. I give up." She stopped for a moment, looking at me as though she were trying to think of something. "Oh! You were going to tell me what that vampire was talking about earlier."

"Ooh, lady wants to hear a story, does she?" I returned her look, unsure of if she needed to hear what I might say. I hadn't even though about it myself. It was better that way. I had to put a distance between it and myself for the sake of sanity. And Hermione was much more...delicate than I, and even I can admit that I'm not great at subtlety when it comes to these things. I'm rather...blunt.

"Yes, she does," she replied, curious as she ever was. Something about the look on her face made me give in. I think it was akin to love, but far enough away that I still knew what it was.

"Alright, I'll tell you. But promise me that once I've started going you won't stop me, because I'm not sure that I could start up again."

"I promise." Her face turned to worry.

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "Summer, before school started is when it happened. What she was talking about, the tasting? It's not...it's not the same as what she was doing. Anyway, it was summer, right? And in summer, boredom ensues, right? And I've never exactly...enjoyed Ron's company. So I wanted to get out of the house. I went for a walk. Into the woods. Behind the house, a little ways, you can find this lovely wooded area, and I go there sometimes to think. I normally stop at this little pond that's about two miles away from the house, because most likely nobody's going to go that far in. But that day I wanted to get farther away from everything than I'd ever been. So I just kept walking. I must have walked for an hour. Anyway, I noticed when I entered a clearing that the sun was at its zenith." She looked shocked that I had used the word zenith. Maybe it was me. "So I figured I should start going back before somebody started looking for. In retrospect, I shouldn't have bothered. Right, so I turned around, but somebody was there. I saw something dart between the trees. I pulled my wand out, ready to use my bat-bogey curse in case it was Fred or George playing a trick on me or something. Oh, I guess you wouldn't know about that. They were expected to come home to stay for a while later in the day. Right. I moved forward to the trees, when the thing jumped out, and before I could finish, it had disarmed me. My wand flew straight out of my hand. I couldn't...anyway; I noticed then that whatever it was, it was wearing Death Eater robes. It laughed at me. Well, he laughed at me." I watched as she mouthed his name under her breath. "Score one for the rookie. Lucius Malfoy. He told me that carrying a wand was useless. Anyone of any real threat could expel it from you easily. In case you're wondering, this is why I carry around a knife." A look of disgusted realization crossed over her. "And he came forward and he...well...he used some sort of spell that bound me in chains so I couldn't move or fight him...and...he..." I was interested in the sudden inability to speak that passed over me. I had never spoken the words aloud before, but I didn't comprehend until that moment that I simply couldn't.

"He raped you?" Her eyes were wide in shock and horror.

"Score two. And when he was finished, he stared down at me and whispered in my ear 'Was it good for you?'" I broke off once more, the memory of his face before me. "And he took out his wand and burned his initials into my forearm, in the same place of the Dark Mark on his. And he left. I was still stuck there, bound by chains. I heard a movement in the woods and closed my eyes, afraid some other Death Eater was going to come at me for more. But instead, Draco stepped out into the clearing." Hermione looked at me, questioning. "No, he didn't take his turn or anything like that. He got my wand and gave it to me, and he vanished the chains, and he helped me redress, all without saying a word. And then he started to leave, but I pulled him back. I asked him why he'd helped me, and how he knew what his father was doing. He said 'I always know.' He showed me his arm; there was an 'LM' in the place where Harry always said he would have a skull. 'I've known since I was six who it would be next, and when,' he said. 'He chooses who knows. You won't.' I didn't understand, so he continued 'The same way the Dark Mark works, when the Lord wants all of his followers to meet, he touches a Mark on one of their arms, and it burns on all of them. With my father, he thinks, and those who are chosen to know, simply know.'" I stopped, shook my hair out, getting restless. "So I asked him why some people knew and some didn't. He said that Lucius only let know the ones he truly wanted to torture, and that by not having me know, he was insulting me."

"Oh my god. When he was six?" Her eyes were plates and growing larger by the second. "That...changes...everything...it changes who he is...why didn't he tell anybody?"

"In his place, what would you have done? He was six years old. Lucius was equivalent to god...or maybe Satan...hell; they're the same thing, really. Anyway, he couldn't have told anybody. And it's not like Narcissa didn't know. She was even more terrified of Lucius than he was."

"I just...I wish I had known..."

"You don't have to feel guilty for treating him badly. He was a prick. He still is, in fact. To you, anyway."

"Still..."

"Okay, I'm bored now. Wanna dance?" I got up and spun around. "I've got a lot of pent-up energy waiting to pop."

"Pent-up energy? Are you kidding? I can barely stand." She looked worried about me again, as if this proved once and for all how far over the edge I'd gone.

"Of course you are. Anyway, you killed the last one, so I kinda feel...I just need to get it out of my system." I shook my hair out as she continued to stare. "What? Is something wrong?"

"You're amazing in your own right." Granting her a smile, I turned away to watch the rest of the club.

The music was something of an obnoxious, overbearing beat mixed with a woman's syrupy voice uttering words with no true meaning. It looked to me that the women on the tables were actually customers who had shed clothing and gone up all on their own. Every once and a while, the music and the dance slowed long enough for some disgustingly pimply or overweight specimen who appeared to have a penis to throw money at their receptacles. Most of them had basket at the end of their tables. I watched a woman jump down and redress herself before taking all the money out of her basket and walking away.

I stepped further into the bowels of the room, where a dance floor throbbed in front of the stage. I could make out several class-mates in the crowd, mostly Slytherins but a few Ravenclaws. I was about to succumb to the beat when somebody tapped me on the shoulder and whispered "Are you alone?"

I looked around to find Blaise grinning at me.

"Of a sort. She doesn't want to dance," I replied.

"Let me guess. Hermione?"

"How'd you know?"

"I'm omniscient. Hadn't you figured that out already?" She tilted her head to the side before continuing, "Come on then. Dance with me." She grabbed my hands and pulled me out into the middle of the floor, silver and blue lights flashing around us.

When I'd finally exhausted my last reserve, I made my way out of the crowd, bidding farewell to Blaise, and back to Hermione.

"Hey babe, did you miss me?"

"You look more and more like Malfoy everyday," she replied. "Well, I should look at your...er...neck now."

"Right," I said, peeling off my bandage and handing it to her.

She didn't speak for about a minute.

"Oh my," she finally managed, her eyes huge once more. "It's gone." I put my hand to my skin, finding that it was healed.

"I guess I just heal quickly," I said, shrugging.

"Ginny, people don't..." She closed her eyes, apparently so she wouldn't have to look at me. "Without the proper healing spells, it's simply impossible for you to have healed that fast, unless...unless you were some kind of demon." She opened her eyes again.

"Wow." I smiled, feeling sardonically. "You know, Dumbledore was saying something of the same thing. Something about being able to kill vamps so easily. Are you in line with him or something? Damn creepy old guy..."

"What are you talking about Ginny?"

"Dumbledore wanted to know if there was any demon in me. You know, like a demon in the family? Like I'd inherited super-human strength somehow."

"He might have a point, Ginny. I think you should look into it."

"What are you trying to say, Hermione?" I stared hard into her face. "Do you think I'm not human?"

"No, Ginny, that's not it at all!" Even as she shook her head obstinately, I saw the hint of doubt in her eyes.

"No, I think that's it. I think that's exactly what it is. You know, just forget about it. I'm going back to school."

She called after me, but the music helped me drown her out. After a few moments she caught up with me. Part of me wished I had taken a different route back.

"You're not giving me a fair chance," she said as she finally matched her pace to mine. "Remember, you told me to put myself in Draco's place? Well, try to put yourself in mine. I just watched my girlfriend battle off a bunch of vampires before almost dying. And then she tells me, in the pretense of nonchalance, that she was raped by the second most feared wizard alive today, and she doesn't even let me process the information before running off to dance with Blaise Zabini. And when she comes back, she's barely got a scar where there should be a profusely bleeding bite mark! I'm sorry if I'm a little alarmed!" Finished, she came up gasping.

"I'm your girlfriend?"

"Well...I don't know. What else am I supposed to call you?" Turning her head a little, she smiled at me.

"What about Harry?"

"I don't know." She stopped suddenly and sat down on a nearby rock. "Some things are just complicated."

"I'm not sure I understand." I sat beside her.

"You know when you were dancing? You could have been one of the table girls."

"I'm not sure whether that's an insult or a compliment."

"Could be both," she said through her smile. "But it made me think. When I'm with you, I don't ever think about him. But when I'm with him, I think about you all the time. I think about what I could be doing with you if I weren't there with him." She took a breath. "And I like it better. You make me feel like I'm a real person. I guess I don't feel it with him anymore. He used to make me feel safe. I don't know when it changed."

"Around the end of your fifth year."

"Okay, you know when it changed. But it started, I think, a little before that." She sighed loudly and tilted her head back. "I just don't understand anymore. We haven't even finished school yet. Things aren't supposed to be this damn complicated. I'm seventeen! I'm not supposed to be like this." Her eyes were searching the sky, like they were on top of the Astronomy Tower.

"We're different from other people, Hermione. We've done a lot of the things that Harry's done, only we don't really get to take credit for it. He's the great brooding hero and we're the has-been sidekicks. You feel this way because he makes you."

"I don't want to blame somebody else for my problems."

"I don't see how you can blame yourself. You've been through things that you shouldn't have had to go through. And now Harry's casting you aside. Sure, you're his girlfriend, but he doesn't treat you with the same respect he once did. And obviously, it's more than that. Your parents..."

"I know. You are right. He's been treating me like a child lately. But it's not just that, and it's not just my parents. It's you. I don't understand how I could be happier with you than with him."

"Because God wills it."

"What?" She was quite confused, and it showed on her face.

"Because God wills it. It's what I used to tell Ron when he'd ask me a question to which he already knew the answer."

"You're a vixen," she replied before leaning forward and kissing me gently on the mouth. "I do know why. You still have that respect. My question was really more of a 'why am I happier with a girl' sort of thing."

"Why are you gay?"

"No. No, the question is 'am I?'" She smiled sweetly. "What life is this that represses human tendency with a mere threat of ostracism?"

"Wow. Did you make that up just now? It's quite fitting at the moment."

"I probably read it somewhere. But I've read so many things, it's impossible to tell where. Oh god, it's late. We should go to bed. Do you think there will be more things to slay tonight?"

"Can't hurt to check. I might be out a while." Don't wait up for me.

"I suppose you might." We stood together and she clasped my hands as she kissed me once more. "Good night, Virginia."

"Good night Hermione." She smiled at me one last time before running off. And instead of checking for vampires and other evil buggers, I just sat down. I put my head in my hands and tried to clear my thoughts. Of course, God decided somewhere along the line that I'd never get the chance to do that. Blaise walked up.

"Hey Ginny," she said, pulling me to my feet. "You left your only dress in my room. Do you want to come up to my room and retrieve it?"

"Oh. Well, I guess so. But I should probably..." I realized then that informing another person of my nightly activities would be rather stupid. "Sure. Now good for you?"

"Perfect, actually."

And so we were off.

And when we got there, and the door was closed, kissing her was more of an instinct than an actual decision. And when we fell into her bed, I understood that I why I was doing it and why I would regret it were the same. I was falling in love with Hermione.