Selfish

Chapter 1: Me, Myself, and No One Else

When I became older, I began to fantasize darker dreams. Life would become so hard, due to my obsession with being perfect, and trying to due everything. It was a sickness of mine, this obsession of mine. It never left me, never eased up. In the end I wished that I wasn't myself. Sometimes I just wanted it all to go away.

"You all right, Hermione?"

"Yeah, Ron, I'm fine. You?"

"I can't complain. Where's Harry?"

I've just gotten here and all you can ask is where's Harry?

Sorry, I'm all right.

I'm not upset.

I'm okay, in fact I'm great.

You could be better though. You could be a lot better.

In fact you could stand to lose a little weight. Look at you stomach. It's repulsive.

You should get some more sleep. You have bags under your eyes.

Sit up straight! Smile! Play the role you need to to get through day. No one will ever know that you might be... not all right.

Ron doesn't notice. Though he's blind as a bat. He'd never notice even if I had it tattooed onto my forehead.

Wait... I don't have a problem. Remember?

"He's probably looking for a carriage," Hermione said cheerfully.

"Hermione! Ron!" came a very happy voice. Hermione turned to see Harry Potter running at them. "It's good to see you, mate," he said clapping Ron on the shoulder. He turned to hug Hermione. "You too, Hermione. How have you been?" he said, hugging her for a little longer. Hermione clung to him, not wanting him to pull away. She just wanted to melt here in his arms, but she restrained herself. She pulled away from him first.

"Great, great, and you?"

"Just fine," he said, sighing in relief. "I got a letter from Dumbledore. Congratulations, Hermione. Our new Head Girl."

"Yeah, you too, Harry. Our new Head Boy," she laughed.

"How could you tell?" he asked with a boyish grin.

"Come on, let's find us a carriage," Ron said, dragging Harry and Hermione away. He shook his head.

"Maybe it was stamped all over your forehead... and your chest," Hermione said. "Your badge," she added quickly, fighting a flush. "And I got a letter too."

Harry snorted. "It's good to have you back, Hermione."

"What am I, invisible?" Ron said indignantly.

"Of course not, Ronniekins," Hermione said, ruffling his hair.

Ron stopped, checked the empty carriage, and held the door open to let Hermione in first. After Ron got in at last after Harry, and slammed the door shut, it began to pour rain.

Hermione's heart sped up and she panicked.

Oh no, what if it ruins my hair. It will turn it into a frizz ball.

I'll have to run to my dormitory and fix it again.

I'll get soaked and my clothes will stick to me. They be able to see my body's imperfections.

You don't have imperfections! said a bigger voice in her head. You are perfect in every way! Get over it, it's just a little rain!

Hermione hummed to herself in the dark carriage. There was a crack of lightning overhead and she shivered.

"Hermione, are you sure you're all right?" Ron asked cautiously.

She nodded quickly, but didn't speak a word.