Beloved

Professor Pennypotens stood at the front of the class, her authoritative voice ringing through the class. Today, as usual, her lecture held little fascination for Dea. In theory, on paper, she was very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts. She knew the proper steps, the proper incantations, the proper wand movement. But her heart wasn't truly in it, and so her spells usually produced mediocre results at best.

Her heart was in healing.

She'd discovered it not through classes or through counseling, but through her nature, her habits, her history. In that light, she counted herself lucky, indeed, to have magic. If she'd been only a Muggle, she would have been hard pressed to choose between becoming a mechanic or a doctor. Putting things together all seemed the same to her, and with magic, she could heal both things and people and no one thought worse of her.

As though it would be possible for them to think any worse, she reminded herself glumly, shooting a sidelong glance at Severus Snape. Ungrateful brat that he was.

"All right," Professor Pennypotens said with finality, clapping her hands together. "What I'd like for you to do is break into pairs, practice the incantation on page 231. Please do not do it with wands, as the end result would be unpleasant. I merely want you to get accustomed to the words."

Dea's eyes flew open, breaking the half-daze she'd been in. Group work? In any other class, any other day, that would be her cue to slip out and head unnoticed down the hall. But now... She glanced at Severus again, knowing she wouldn't make it two steps toward the door before he said something.

"Well, then," she said, turning to him and smiling because there was just nothing else to do, "It looks as though you'll have to be my partner. No one else even realizes I'm here."

"Lucky you," he muttered, glancing around. He contemplated finding someone else, even doing it alone as he often did, but Sirius Black chose that moment to cast his eyes to the back of the classroom.

"Oy, Snivellus, it looks as though you'll have to go it alone, eh? No one fancies hearing out your curses, you ugly sod." He snickered, wincing when Professor Pennypotens brought her wand down on the back of his head. Though James and Sirius continued to laugh, Dea watched as Remus, sitting with Peter Pettigrew, cast his eyes back down to the desk, his cheeks burning.

Interesting, she conceded, falling back into the habit of observing.

"Very well," Severus said, turning back to her. "It's only a few minutes, anyway."

"Don't sound so enthused, Pollyanna," she retorted, rolling her eyes as she rubbed her hands together. When he stared at her, incomprehension written clearly on his features, she realized her mistake. "Muggle reference," she said under her breath, mumbling the incantation as the professor walked by.

"I'd thank you not to muddy my day with any such references," Severus sneered, wincing as soon as the words were out of his mouth. His father's words, coming out in his father's voice. He watched with some fascination as his partner's usually gregarious, open face hardened into something firmer, soberer, and more cynical.

"Then I'll not make the same mistake twice," she retorted in a tone identical to his. Embarrassed by her own reaction, she looked toward the windows as he said his incantation and caught Remus Lupin looking in their direction.

At Severus, she told herself as a nasty little chill ran up her spine. He's not looking at you, Dea. But it shook her certainty, and she knew she would be up half the night repairing what was starting to crumble.

~~~

"I've decided the Quidditch team should take Christmas holiday together this year." James walked backward in front of the three other young men, his steps measured to keep him just ahead of them as he talked animatedly.

"You've decided, have you?" Sirius asked, taking a longer step and making James stumble a bit.

"We should go to America," James said, wiggling his eyebrows. "You know what they say about American witches."

Peter tittered and scampered a little to make sure he was closer to James. "Well, Lily Evans won't be in America, mate," he said jokingly, looking at the others in turn.

Sirius turned to Remus, clapping him on the back hard enough to break his stride. "What about you, Moony? What's Christmas look like for our wildest friend?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm staying here," he said plainly, shaking his floppy fawn-colored hair out of his eyes. "There's a full moon this Christmas." His voice dropped a little. "I'll need to stay here so I can... be out of the way." Everyone was silent for a few moments, a silence Remus felt heavily. "Hey," he said suddenly. "Did you guys see Snape's partner in Dark Arts? I didn't even know she was in that class."

"She who?" James's brow furrowed as he tried to think. If there was a girl in the class worth noticing, odds were he'd already noticed.

"The girl from the dining hall yesterday. The one who fixed..." Remus trailed off slightly, a shadow of discomfort crossing his long poet's face. "The one who fixed his robes after they were torn."

"Allison," James said immediately. "But she's not in that class."

"Her name's not Allison," Remus said impatiently. "I said it was Amanda yesterday, but I don't think that's right. It's something else..." He began muttering to himself, earning strange looks from his companions. "Same meaning, though. Amo, amas, amat..." His Latin conjugation trailed into nothingness as he stopped and snapped his fingers. "Amadea."

"Same meaning?" Sirius laughed. "You were always a bit handier with the languages, Remus. Give a bloke the thirty-second lesson, will you?"

"Beloved. Her name means 'beloved,'" he explained. "That's why it's memorable." He looked confused for a moment. "Or it should be. But no one ever remembers her. And she is in there, James, you just..." He couldn't think of a single explanation. "You just forgot, is all."

"Forgot what?" Peter seemed already to have lost the thread of the conversation, and as insistent as he'd been on the topic, Remus found that he, too, was having a hard time keeping his mind on-topic.

"Exactly," Remus said to Peter, his expressive, gray-green eyes wide. "Listen, I'll catch you up with the lot of you later." He took off at a jog for the library, making his friends stare after him in disbelief.

"I think dear Remus needs a girlfriend, don't you think?" James grinned after his departing friend and turned to the remaining two. "Well, let's not just stand here. Let's find something to do."