Tea Time 2

The Devil (henceforth known as Devil), The Grim Reaper (henceforth known as Grimmy Reaper), Voldemort (henceforth known as Voldie), and Saruman (henceforth known as Saruman) are sitting at a table, drinking tea.

Grimmy Reaper: Hello everybody.

Voldie: Hello everybody.

Saruman: Hello to y'all, too. Let's get on with it!

Grimmy Reaper: Did you just say y'all?

Voldie: He did. I heard him. With my ears.

Saruman: No, you heard me with your tongue.

Grimmy Reaper: Mwahaha! That's sort of gross, actually.

Voldie: Then why did you give an evil laugh?

Grimmy Reaper: I like my evil laugh.

Devil: Hell-O everybody! Do you guys get it? HELL-o everybody. I'm from Hell! Get it?

Saruman: Where were you for the entire beginning of this conversation?

Devil: Trying to figure out that joke. So, do you get it?

Voldie: WE GET IT!

Grimmy Reaper: I couldn't have said that better myself. Mwahaha.

Saruman: Alright, anyway, what has been going on in the world with y'all?

Voldie: There you go again with ya'll.

Saruman: Shut up.

Devil: Well Grimmy, here, hasn't been killing very many people (ahem).

Grimmy Reaper: If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times. There are very strict rules about that.

Devil: You've never told me that.

Grimmy Reaper: Oh. Mwahaha.

Voldie: So no evil dictators have come into Hell recently?

Devil: Nope.

Voldie: Phew.

Grimmy Reaper: But I have been sending him his favorite kind of people.

Saruman: Terrorists?

Devil: No, people who drive to slow in the fast lane!

Saruman: Of course.

Voldie: Recently, I've been trying to kill this little brat.

Devil: Harry Potter?

Voldie: Yeah. How did you know?

Grimmy Reaper: We've been reading the books.

Voldie: There are books?

Saruman: Of course there are books. Even I'm not that bloody ignorant and I've been in Middle Earth for the past millennium.

Voldie: So, there are muggles who hate me?

Saruman: Join the club.

Grimmy Reaper: Personally, I like Saruman's Lord of the Rings series better than Harry Potter, though.

Voldie: Now, I'm offended.

Devil: That kid bothers me. I mean, if he's such a good seeker then why does he need glasses?

Saruman: Maybe he wants to seem smarter.

Grimmy Reaper: In that case, why doesn't George Bush wear glasses?

Saruman: Hey! Grimmy, keep political opinions out of this conversation. What if a republican reads this?

Voldie: What do you mean by 'reads this'?

Grimmy Reaper: Everything we say is being written down. Mwahaha

Voldie: Everything?

Saruman: Everything.

Devil: Everything?

Saruman: EVERYTHING!

Devil: Ooglie Booglie! Piggly Wiggly! Fuzzly Wuzzly! Biddly Diddly! Ugga Bugga! Acka Wacka! Nana Boo Boo!

Saruman: Is that out of your system now?

Devil: Yup.

Voldie: Good. Now let us drink in peace.

~They all drink their tea and there is an awkward silence so Voldie conjures up a platter full of heart-shaped cookies with sprinkles. The cookies are eaten in silence...~

Saruman: Tom Marvolo Riddle! Stop that impeccable chewing!

Voldie: Don't call me that!

Grimmy Reaper: Mwahaha! He said impeccable.

~...almost. When they are finished there is another awkward silence.~

Devil: I feel you too. Feel those things you do. In your eyes I see a fire to burns to free the you. That's wanting through. Deep inside you know the seeds I plant will grow. One day you will see. And dare to come down to me. C'mon, C'mon now take the chance. That's right, let's dance.

Saruman: I thought you said that was out of your system!

Devil: That wasn't me. You thought it was me, but it wasn't. It was this. ~Pulls up tablecloth to reveal radio~

Radio: That song was "Devil's Dance" and this is AM666, Hell's number one radio station. Now here's a favorite. Call in if you know what it is and win a casket! Living easy, lovin' free. Season ticket on a one-way ride. Asking nothing, leave me be. Taking everything in my stride. Don't need reason, don't need rhyme. Ain't nothing I would rather do. Going down, party time. My friends are gonna be there too.

Saruman: ~turns it off~ Turn that infernal racket off!

Voldie: You just did.

Saruman: Well, don't turn it back on.

Grimmy Reaper: Hey! I knew that song. I could've won a casket.

~...~

Grimmy Reaper: Well aren't you going to ask what the song is?

~...~

Grimmy Reaper: Apparently not.

Devil: Is anyone but me bored?

Voldie: I am. Let's play chess! ~takes out a chess board and sets it up~ Anyone care to play? ~no answer~ Anyone? ~still no answer~ Fine have it your way. ~puts chess board away~

Grimmy Reaper: Oh, damn.

Saruman: What?

Grimmy Reaper: Some guy just blew himself up. Those stupid suicidal humans! I've got to go.

Devil: Can I come? Can I? Can I?

Grimmy Reaper: Oh, no, those cookies are kicking in. Mwahaha!

~Devil and Grimmy Reaper leave~

Saruman: Now it's time for the real fun.

Voldie: Viva Las Vegas Baby!