One Last Prayer

I kneeled down to pray in front of my makeshift altar, my shrine to Lily, the only deity I believed in any more. Jesus, Muhammad, and Sri Krishna... they´d all have put me out of my misery long ago, before I could hurt Lily, and before I could endure the dark years after her death. But Lily, my Lily... she always held hope. I began to pray.

"Lily? It´s me again. Time passes so slowly now... seems like an eternity since I´ve held you in my arms, or kissed you. My hands, they call for you, they too wish to hold you, and to caress you."

"Just a few short years ago, seems like ages now, you left. I had pledged to marry a man I didn´t love, and you would not be an adulteress to my desires. I´ll never forgive myself for that. I was young and stupid, but that was certainly no excuse for the single most foolish act in my life. I chose darkness and blind hate over light and love. Darkness is a horrible beast, a worse master and the consumer of my soul."

"I´m going to pay the debt for my transgressions now. Lucius will be here soon, he´ll put a wand to my head and it will be over in a flash of green light. He will then turn it onto himself. There is no escape, if he doesn´t do it, some Ministry Auror will. I´d pray for mercy, Lils, I really would, if I felt I deserved it. All I want now is an end to this madness."

"But Lily... there is one thing I must say before I perish in this senselessness: I love you Lily Potter. Soon my soul will join yours, if only for the moment I am judged."

I drifted up, beyond the treetops and church bells, over fields of barley and hay, finally arriving a few feet in front of Almighty God. I could see Lily, looking through the gate, but she was on the other side. She said nothing, and I too am silent.

The Lord himself began to solemnly speak, "Narcissa Malfoy, you have come before me to be judged. You have done horrible things with your life, you have broken a woman`s heart to marry a man you do not love, you have raised a son, training him to kill and filling him with hate. You, yourself have killed."

I bowed my head into my palms, which were suddenly covered in crimson blood. It was not my own.

"Narcissa Malfoy, it is obvious you deserve a corner of hell so deep the light of day is no more than a fantasy."

I braced myself, preparing for this hell, knowing it was of my own making, and that as much as it might hurt, I deserved it all.

"Narcissa Malfoy, lift your head."

I tried not to, not wanting to see God, or look at my love on the other side, eye to eye. It would be too painful. None of this mattered, as I was compelled to move.

"Lily Potter, step forward," commanded the Almighty. My love pulled out the key from within her robes and walked though the gates. My heart leapt. "Show your scars."

My love pulled up the sleeve of her robe, revealing horrible red scars all over her porcelain skin. I bit my lip, trying hard not to cry, but the tears came slowly anyway, unbidden and unwanted. It was her who spoke next, eyes full of tenderness. "Do not cry, my love. I endured hell for ten long years, yes. I`d do it all again if given the chance, for this was not aimless pain." It dawned on me then: Lily had gone through the fires of hell for me, the woman who broke her heart; to amend for my sins and to pay a debt that was mine, not hers. Even after I broke her heart, the thousands of tiny pieces still loved me as much as I love her. The Almighty nodded his head, acknowledging my thoughts, reading my mind. My soul had been set free.