A Guide to a Romantic Life with Blaise Zabini

A Guide To A Romantic Life With Blaise Zabini

By Harry Potter

Lovingly transcribed and edited by Hermione Granger

According to one Harry Potter, dating Blaise Zabini is not impossible, as a few lucky chosen have claimed. It's just that there are certain steps that must be followed, and rules that must be adhered to. Harry is now compiling these in this guide-not that he believes anyone else will ever need them, but because Harry takes a certain amount of pride in being the only one to have ever managed to learn and live by them.

Part 1:

Getting A Date With Blaise Zabini:

1. Interact with Blaise. This includes talking, playing games-all the standard things.
2. Wait for Blaise to notice you. (This could be a very long time, or a very short time. It depends on Blaise.)
3. Let Blaise choose that he wants to date you. (Again, this could be a good while, so be patient.)
4. Say 'yes' when he asks you out.
5. Stammer like an idiot when he asks how long he's kept you waiting for a date.

Part 2:

Dos and Don'ts On 'The Date With Blaise'

1. If Blaise wants to go to someplace with strange food where they don't speak English, then don't complain. This will cause him to frown and say that you need to be open minded.
2. If you can't read the menu, pretend that you can and order something at random. If Blaise realizes what you are doing, he will think it's funny. If he doesn't, he'll think you took his advice.
3. If what you ordered turns out to be disgusting, admit this (POLITELY), and Blaise will let them bring you something you can identify.
4. If you want dessert, get it. And make sure it has whipped cream Blaise can steal, because if he does, it's a sign he's comfortable with you. (Harry would like to admit at this point that he didn't understand this until the aforementioned Hermione Granger explained it to him.)
5. If you want to kiss Blaise at the end of the date, go ahead. He'll like it. If you're too scared to do it, just hang around and shuffle your feet a little. He'll smile and kiss you.
6. Lastly, just try not to be immature, and the date should go fine. Repeat these steps in various scenarios until Blaise is 'officially' your boyfriend.

Part 3:

Being in a Relationship with Blaise; The Most Important Things

(Harry would like to point out that these are in no particular order.)

1. Blaise is never late. Never. Ever. Even if the sky falls, and there is a tornado, a hurricane, and a tsunami on the same day, Blaise will be on time for your date. Therefore, make an effort to also be there on time, or Blaise will be annoyed.
2. If there is a debate over the evening's entertainment, offer to compromise, or Blaise will dig in his heels just to make a point. Blaise can be annoyingly superior that way.
3. Ginny Weasley is never to be mentioned except in a distinctly negative fashion. (Ex. 'Ginny looks a little chubby, doesn't she?' is an acceptable question. 'Ginny looks pretty, don't you think?' is not.) If this rule is not followed to the letter, Blaise will be jealous.
4. Never accuse Blaise of being jealous. This will only serve to annoy him, and he will never admit it at this stage of your relationship.
5. Don't ask too many personal questions. Blaise doesn't like them.
6. Be polite to his friends, even if you want to turn them into slugs, step on them, and scrape them off into the garbage.
7. Never ever try to find anything in Blaise's desk. You will ruin his system, and he will yell at you before making you sit in the living room for half an hour as he reorganizes.
8. If you want to have sex with Blaise, admit it, and don't try to seduce him or play coy-you will fail horribly and Blaise will think you're trying to end the relationship.

On that note, let us move to-

Part 4:

Having Sex With Blaise

(Harry would like to admit that there will be no actual sex tips, this is a rules only section, as Blaise would not like their sex life on the front page of The Daily Prophet.)

1. Be aggressive if you want to. Blaise likes that, and if he overcomes you, don't whine about it. Go with it.
2. Don't cover up. Blaise doesn't like that.
3. Ginny Weasley is never to be mentioned, period. It doesn't matter if she just died, Blaise will not speak or touch you if she is mentioned.
4. Don't worry about how you look or you sound too much. Blaise is picky, so if he wants you in his bed by this point, he isn't going to let one silly-sounding phrase stop him.
5. If you want to cuddle, do so. Just don't expect Blaise to initiate at first.
6. Relax, enjoy yourself, and make sure to bring a toothbrush if you want to stay the night. Blaise is picky about things like that. However, he will not care if you wake up beforehand and make yourself breakfast.

Now, lastly, and in Harry's opinion, most importantly-

Part 5:

Being In Love with Blaise

1. This stage will drive you insane for at least a week after you realize you are really truly in love with Blaise. You will go through various stages of denial, embarrassment, more denial, and finally acceptance.
2. Do not mention it to Blaise until you can say it to yourself, aloud, write it down, and admit it to someone else. (That doesn't mean you have to tell someone else, just that you can.)
3. Do not say it right before you have sex. Or right after. This will annoy Blaise. (Again, Hermione Granger had to explain this to Harry.)
4. Say it because you want to, not because you think it should be said.
5. Don't wait Blaise to say it back. He'll do it when he feels it's right, and waiting and not receiving will just make you sad.
6. Blaise is sometimes brutally honest, Blaise can be cold, and sometimes Blaise can be downright irritating. But above all, Blaise can love, and when he does, it is something that can be depended upon above everything else. (Harry would like to point out that this is the most important thing in this guide, and if you remember nothing else, remember this.)