Musings of a Red Head

I don't want to brag or anything like that, but I pride myself in being one of the main reasons Ron and Hermione finally got together; Harry being the other. It took about two weeks after Hermione first talked to me in October for her to finally decide how she really felt towards Ron, and then another couple of days for them to get together.

It was a week after I had first talked to Hermione, that she stopped me in the hall and asked for more help. I decided that if I was to play matchmaker for Ron and Hermione than I was going to need a bit more time to think of tactics than a couple of quick ideas made up on the spot. So I asked Hermione if she wanted to meet me at the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer on Saturday, as it happened to be (quite conveniently) a Hogsmeade weekend.

Once again I don't mean to brag, but I do admit that this particular move was a stroke of genius on my part. It bought me time to consult Harry about Ron and discuss a few ideas on how we should get them together. At this point I was really getting into the whole matchmaker thing, love was in the air and even if it wasn't someone’s love for me, it still made me smile every time I saw Ron and Hermione together.

When I went to talk to Harry the Friday night before my scheduled meeting with Hermione, I was happy to discover that he was more than willing to help.

"You don't know how exhausting it's been, all Ron seems to talk about is Hermione," I recall Harry telling me, though I didn't dare tell him things probably wouldn't change after they got together. After all I couldn't single handedly get Ron and Hermione to realise their love for each other.

The next day Harry took Ron for a little 'Chat', while she and I were at the Three Broomsticks. There we talked about a lot of things; it was so obvious that Hermione was in love with Ron. The way her cheeks got all pink when she mentioned him and how her voice sounded different when she talked about him wasn't lost on me. I remember being so frustrated that the two just wouldn't realise how perfect they were for each other.

Hermione and I became much better friends in the week to come, if not best than really good friends. I had forgotten any grudge I might have had for her before, and my mind seemed to be concentrating on Ron and Hermione only. I guess it was another escape of some sorts for me, but from what I'm not sure.

By the time I got Hermione to finally tell me her true feelings for Ron, Harry had convinced Ron to talk to her and from then on it was easy. All we had to do was come up with a plan to leave them alone long enough for Ron to get up the guts to say something. Ron and Hermione rarely did anything without Harry lately, so we waited for the right moment.

It was a Wednesday evening, just three days after Hermione told me her feelings that the perfect opportunity presented itself. I had taken to eating meals with the threesome during this time and was present when Hermione suggested that they go to the library that evening and begin researching something, she wouldn't tell me what though.

"I don't know Hermione," I remember Ron saying. "Maybe we should go later." He was looking at me nervously. It was so predictable, the way those three would include you in their little circle one minute and the next completely throw you from the loop. I knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would happen before Ron and Hermione were together.

The two were sitting beside each other on one side of the table and Harry and I on the other. When we first started sitting like this, Ron had been a bit suspicious that we were together or something like that, but he hadn't mentioned it for a long time; I think Hermione might've stepped in and convinced him otherwise.

So when Harry said, "It's okay Ron, we can tell Ginny about it, she's okay." I think Ron's suspicions were confirmed, for a little while at least. Harry had never stuck up for me like that before, or at least never expressed a want for me to be included in their adventures. I was even a little shocked that Harry said it; looking back now I realise that, like me, Harry probably saw that going to the library at night was the perfect opportunity to play our plan out. He knew that I wanted to participate so he tried to include me. A particularly nice thing of Harry to do and it made my heart soften towards him again, maybe a little bit of my old crush came back.

Ron, surprisingly enough, didn't say anything; I think he was under the influence of Hermione once again. I could tell he wanted to say something; his mouth was all pursed and he was glaring at me. I thought he had gotten over the little 'Must protect my baby sister' thing in my second year, but apparently I was wrong.

Before Ron could give in and say something about the situation, Hermione stepped in.

"Sure why not," she said. "You can come along, Gin." Hermione smiled at me, though her eyes didn't look completely sincere. I decided to ignore this and thanked her for including me, making sure I got a good glare in at Ron.

The magical clock had just struck 7 when we were leaving the Great Hall and heading towards the library. Hermione briefed me on what I was supposed to be looking for, some ancient artifact, I can't remember the name of it now; she didn't tell me anything about why I was looking for it. I wasn't really interested anyway; I was more excited about finally getting Hermione and Ron together.

When we walked into the library, Madame Pince gave us a discouraging scowl, as if we were violating some school law; she was in one of her moods. Harry suggested that we go back to the more private areas of the library and start our search there, we all agreed.

I must've searched through a zillion old and yellow books before I decided that it was time for me to do something. Closing the dusty volume I had been flipping through, I stood up.

"Well I think we're about done this section, Harry why don't you and I go start on the other side of the library?" I gave Harry a look to make sure he understood what I meant.

"Ok," Harry said closing his book and putting it away. I have to give him credit; he looked like Draco Malfoy, all calm and collected like he hadn't been surprised at all. Maybe he wasn't, but at the time that's what I thought.

Hermione was deep in concentration and didn't even notice we were leaving, but Ron looked up and questioned us.

"We're just going to start looking in other parts of the library; you two can stay here and finish this area, okay?" Harry stated, winking at Ron.

"Uh...okay," Ron said, sounding a bit unsure. I don't think he got the message right then, but he must've figured it out.

Harry walked behind me as we headed over to the other side of the library. I could feel his hand on my back, guiding me. At that time I felt this weird vibe coming off him and I didn't particularly like it. I thought that it was because he had been walking so close behind me, unnecessarily close actually. I moved a bit away from him, looking curiously up into his green eyes, they smiled back at me. I looked away quickly, I can't really describe what I was feeling, something about the way Harry was acting freaked me out and I started to feel uncomfortable.

"Why don't we sit here for a little while and wait," I said, trying to concentrate on something other than Harry's hand on my back.

Harry didn't say anything but just sat down at the nearest table. I sat across from him. For some reason I felt that our relationship had changed at that moment. During the weeks that we were planning on Ron and Hermione getting together we had just been simple friends, nothing complicated. We would joke around and have fun, but never really touched on anything serious, apart from the two lovers of course. Now he seemed to be looking at me differently, like there was something about me that he wanted to know but couldn't quite tap into. He was looking at me with those bright green eyes that had made so many girls' knee's tremble. I guess it was because I hadn't thought of Harry as anything else but Ron's best friend for so long that I didn't feel anything special.

"Stop looking at me like that, Harry," I joked, trying to make light of the situation. As we were sitting there I confess I tried my hardest to feel happy, I mean this is what I had wanted all those years ago; but the effort was pointless, I was trying to fool my heart and I knew that couldn't be done.

Harry chuckled and looked away. "Listen, Ginny there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up and I've been wondering, you know, if you'll go out with me?" He said turning back to face me with those unusual eyes.

I hadn't been expecting that at all. The shock sort of felt like when your cauldron blows up in potions, splattering gooey stuff all over you, surprising but not particularly pleasant. I really was tempted to say yes, it was his eyes that weakened me, they were so, and I’m not sure how to put it, captivating I guess. I swallowed my fears though, and didn't really answer him at all.

Biting my lip I said nervously, "I'm sorry Harry, it's getting late, I'll talk to you later." Gathering my book bag, I half ran half walked out of the library, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I hardly even noticed when I brushed up against Malfoy on his way into the library, I only vaguely remember him yelling, "Watch it Weasley!" at my back.

Once out of the library I ran up to Gryffindor Tower, muttering the password to the Fat Lady and then arriving at my dorm and collapsing on my bed. I don't really know why Harry acting like that scared me so much. I guess it was because I had given him up so long ago and now that he wanted me, I didn't want him and I suddenly felt alone. I had no one really close to me that I could talk to, no one to tell my real feelings to, I hadn't noticed it until then but I really didn't have any good friends. The thought made tears come to my eyes, more than ever at that moment I wanted someone to hold me, just give me a hug. Someone who wouldn't ask any questions but would love me anyway, and I wanted someone to love.

I started to think that I didn't want Ron and Hermione to be together, I could see them walking down the halls hand in hand, giving each other kisses before parting and spending long nights in front of the fireplace just being together. I didn't want to see it, it made me feel sick just thinking about it.

For the first time in my life I really wanted someone to love me. I started thinking about how nice it would be to have someone who would always be there to back you up and that's when I started to shiver, how alone I felt then. As I lay there I couldn't think of anyone who could make me happy and I felt empty.

I cried myself to sleep that night, lying pathetically on the bed in my school robes. All the sadness and loneliness that I hadn't even realised was there, pouring out of me in pools of tears.

The next morning I woke up and found myself to be the same old Ginny, the one before my whole fiasco with Ron and Hermione. Despite my cheerful and uncomplicated appearance though, there was a part of me that was changed, a part of me that no one else could detect. This part was still lonely and sad, it remembered that night with Harry, and it patiently waited for someone to come and give me that hug that I seemed to need all of a sudden.

I couldn't have begun to imagine how long or short a time I would have to wait.