All I Really Want

Do I stress you out?

My sweater is on backwards and inside out

And you say "How appropriate."

Harry had only just managed to make it out to the Quidditch pitch in the darkness. He had tripped over objects unseen three times, and had almost been discovered by Filch. Draco had met him at the base of the stairs, and had kept quiet for the sake of not being discovered. He had glided beside Harry with a grace that the dark-haired boy could never hope to achieve. It was this frosty grace that attracted Harry to Draco, and yet, at times, he felt so repulsed by the iciness of his lover that he fell asleep in his own bed, tears staining his face. 'I wonder if he even knows'.

I don't want to dissect everything today

I don't mean to pick you apart you see

But I can't help it

Draco rolled his eyes at Harry's clumsiness. He had held his tongue as long as they were in the castle, but as soon as they were on the pitch, he let his vicious remarks fly. He stopped only when he saw the look on Harry's face. 'I'm sorry' he thought. But he never said it. He just shut up, and Harry knew that Draco wasn't angry anymore. 'Harry, my love, you know I can't help it ...'

There I go jumping before

The gunshot has gone off

Slap me with a splintered ruler

And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already

If only I could hunt the hunter

'Draco, my love, I love you more than I can say. There aren't any words to express the desperation that encompasses me when I am alone. I know you feel the same- I can tell by the slightly glazed-over loving look that sometimes comes into your eyes when you look at me. I thought I had loved Hermione, thought I had loved Ginny- but I never knew how love felt until the first time you kissed me. My world spun much too fast that day, and never returned to the way it had been before. No one knows about us because you want it that way. I don't care if anyone finds out, but you say it is better this way. We both know I will do whatever you say'

Harry didn't mind being dominated- all his life he had been told what to do. He was expected to be strong, to never give in and never lose hope; he wasn't ever expected to think. His Aunt and Uncle had first done the thinking for him, then by Hermione and Dumbledore. Now Draco did his thinking, the only difference was that Harry didn't mind.

And all I really want is some patience

A way to calm the angry voice

And all I really want is deliverance

He never talked back when Draco yelled at him and Draco never apologized. They made up silently, kissing first timidly, then more passionately, until both were sure of the other's undying love. And this was how they made up now, on the dark Quidditch pitch in the middle of night, after sneaking out to be alone for a few precious hours. They let themselves fall backwards onto the soft grass of the pitch and tumbled around like two playful puppies. Then they lay still, Harry underneath Draco, both of them muddy. Their lips met and their tongues intertwined, first in Harry's mouth, then in Draco's. They kissed until the need to breathe forced them apart, then they collapsed, spent, next to each other.

Do I wear you out?

You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out

I'm consumed by the chill of solitary

I'm like Estella

I like to reel it in and then spit it out

'Harry, my love, you know I return your feelings. But I am not as oblivious as you are to the world around me. And I am not able to show my emotions like you do- it's just not as easy as you would have me believe. I know I let my frustration out on you and yell at you far too often, but you take it in stride. You know that I cannot express what I feel any other way'

Draco's love was harsh and brutal, but that made it all the more powerful. Sometimes he wondered how Harry could stand it. He was sure that everyone had a breaking point; where was Harry's? How much could he stand before he cracked under the strain?

And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land

If only I could meet the Maker

And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man

I am humbled by his humble nature

Harry took everything that Draco threw at him and returned it with a passion and warmth that made Draco falter.

'Harry, my love, I want to be like you, when I see how happy it makes you to please me. I wish I could be humble like you. Yet sometimes I feel like I'm comforting a small child, and being your surrogate mother, not your lover. Harry my love, I will never be humble like you. I cling to my pride with a force of will that almost matches the strength of what I feel for you'

What I wouldn't give to find a soul mate

Someone else to catch this drift

And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Harry loved Draco in a way that made his head spin when he thought about it. So he didn't think about it. He gave his love unconditionally, and took everything that came back, not for a reply or payment, but for what Draco chose to give him just as unconditionally. Harry didn't consciously realize that Draco was the only person in his life that had ever understood him fully and completely in a way that no one else could ever fathom. He knew that his lover was special, but couldn't explain why he felt so safe in his arms that he never wanted to leave, the warmth which drove back the frost of Draco's demeanor when he kissed Harry. It seemed like Draco was a part of him.

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute

Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while

The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses

Falling all around... all around

Why are you so petrified of silence?

Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines?

Or when you think you're gonna die

Do you long for the next distraction?

Sometimes Draco wished there was something to take his mind off everything around him. But there was nothing powerful enough to push back the thoughts of Harry that constantly inhabited his mind. He thought about his future, and inevitably, his death. He wondered what would become of him if anyone ever found out about their relationship, and what would happen if he became a death-eater. But his thoughts always ran back to Harry. There was no way he could stop the process, somehow his thoughts always got snared on some little detail that brought him back to black hair, green eyes, and the most sensual mouth he had ever seen. 'Harry, I don't know how you did it, but you have bound me to your side'

And all I need now is intellectual intercourse

A soul to dig the hole much deeper

And I have no concept of time other than it is flying

If only I could kill the killer

They lay together, intertwined, on the pitch for what seemed like years, both of them savoring the cool night air and the other's warmth. The grass rippled around them, like waves on the surface of the lake in a light breeze. Crickets chirped, and animals were awake in the forest. Something large raced through the undergrowth, but neither boy moved; they knew it wouldn't come out onto the open pitch. They lay for what could have been minutes, or eons, each thinking their own thoughts, staring into the deep blue-black depths of the infinity above them, which was broken by tiny dots of light, chunks of rock and balls of gas burning a billion miles away.

Finally Draco stirred, and Harry knew it was time to go. They walked arm-in-arm towards the castle, both of them looking forward to their comfortable beds, and at the same time not wanting to part.

As Harry lay awake in his bed later, thinking about that night, he felt something warm settle around his heart. Even though the days when they pretended to hate each other stirred up doubt in him, the nights they spent together were enough to reassure him, over and over again.

'I know you love me, and I know you will always be there for me, because I love you and will always be there for you. I need you in the same way you need me, like the cycle of life and death, and heaven and hell in perpetual movement and rotation, we will always find our way back to where we started from'

All I really want is some peace man

A place to find a common ground

And all I really want is a wavelength

All I really want is some comfort

A way to get my hands untied.

And all I really want is some justice

And at the other end of the castle, there lay a boy so infinitely different, yet so infuriatingly similar, thinking about the boy that was thinking about him.

'How will I ever be able to give you back what you have given me, and still give me every hour, every minute that we are together? I know you feel happy just having me near you, in the same way that I feel complete in your presence, and yet, I cannot do anything but beg you to trust me. For shouting our happiness out to the world would result in tragedy for either you or me; or for everyone else. I feel so helpless, but I know that secrecy is the only way to save us both. Everything will be all right as long as we have each other.