Feelings of What?

4

Closer

After Sirius had died, things had been on a turn. Tonks started to notice Remus and even tried to talk to him about it, though it would only go as far as, "Remus..." Tonks wasn't one to ask guys out, but she knew how to go for it and get what she wanted out of them most of the time. Hermione and Remus started to notice each other; Hermione and Viktor was a little thing, no matter who told her what. They had drifted with the letters by the end of sixth year, the same time that Hermione started to notice Remus. But then, news had gotten around that Remus and Tonks were officially a couple and to prove it, she saw them holding hands at Dumbledore's funeral. She had started to cry, half because she knew that Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without Dumbledore and two, because Remus finally had something in his life. As Hermione had ran off after the funeral, all Remus could do was watch her. He had seen plenty over the summer, but it just wasn't the same now. Tonks and he were together, though he didn't want to for many ways, but he tried it, at least decided too.

Remus came back to Hogwarts the final year for Harry and Hermione: that's when Hermione became closer to him and him the same. They would talk, joke, grade papers, and do homework... anything to enjoy one another's presence for just a while longer after classes. But the day that Remus tried to hang himself... it was something he wished he could take back...

~

Remus angrily came into the classroom after dinner. Snape was the cause of tonight's anger. No, or was it Hermione? Minerva? Albus? It all came back to Hermione. It always came back to Hermione in the end. He liked her beyond believe, but he just didn't feel like she did like him. He angrily scattered the papers across his desk, sitting in his chair in fury. He looked into the roaring fire, clenching his teeth and balling his fists. Remus got out of his chair, walking to the mantle and knowing it illegal for teachers to drink, conjured up some Fire Whiskey and started to drink at it feverishly. What was he to do? He wanted to touch her, kiss her... but she was a student! A teacher liking a student? How absurd! It was monstrous, dangerous and above all as illegal as the Fire Whiskey.

Remus through the cup angrily into the fire and quickly conjured a hanging rope. If he couldn't have her, he mine as well end himself quickly. He levitated himself to the rope and tied it around his neck. Remus closed his eyes, a picture of Hermione placed in his head. Before he could help himself, he let go of his wand and he fell into the rope, but it didn't break his neck. He stayed there struggling, thinking that this was an awful idea. But with no wand to help him get out of this, he just hung there, letting the darkness pull him in....

~

Something warm was on his mouth. At first he had felt electricity, then thumping, and then... something warm was on his mouth. He opened his eyes tiredly to see a pair of hazel eyes looking down at him. The eyes disappeared quickly and soon it came back. He was looking even wider now, trying to see something, who it was. He thought it was Hermione, but was it? Remus heard something, a soft voice tells him it would be okay. But he thought to himself no it wouldn't and decided to tell them that. It responded again, "Remus Jonathan Lupin, don't say that! I'll always make sure you're well and healthy. I'll always make you feel better..." Then something light and whispery covered his mouth again. This time he responded and soon, he was envisioning himself kissing Hermione, but soon, the kiss lightened again and something solid and dense hit his tongue. Instantly, his saliva was filled with chocolate and as he opened his eyes wider, he saw Hermione, smiling sweetly down at him. The words that had followed while he chewed the chocolate made Remus eat slowly, wanting the soft voice of Hermione to continue and the sweet chocolate to be in her mouth, to make her more perfect than she was. He smiled back at Hermione, reaching over to her hand and taking it to his mouth, kissing it softly before placing it on his chest.

Remus started to smell her, the peach aroma potent and permeating through the room at least it did to him. He wanted to stay in her lap forever, her hand placed on his chest, her aroma permeating through his mind...

~

Remus let Hermione out of the embrace, another knock echoing through out the room. He looked down at her and placed a finger to her chin, making her look up at him. "I'll be right back. We need to talk." She nodded and he turned to the door leading to the kitchen that lead to the stairs that lead to the front entrance. When he opened the door, a very happy Tonks was standing there. She smiled at him and came in, hugging and kissing Remus. He truthfully didn't want her here right now; he actually wished for other things to happen with them, but it never seemed to happen.

Tonks leaned back and smiled brightly, "Want to go out for dinner Remus? My treat."

Remus shook his head lightly pushed onto her stomach. "Not tonight Tonks, I have company."

She looked at him, and blinked a couple of times. "Can't you tell them to leave, come and talk another night. I really wanted to out to dinner with you tonight."

Remus shook his head, "Tonks, not tonight."

She gave him a pleading look. "Remus, ple-"

"Tonks, not tonight!" he yelled at her, his once calm expression changing to fury. She blinked at him surprised and nodded, turning around and walking out of the door. Remus closed the door and went into the other room where Hermione was. She was looking at the fire in a trance as he entered and didn't budge from the view. Remus stood next to her, his hands sliding into his pockets. "I stand here from time to time, thinking about things, James, Lily, and Sirius mainly. But sometimes I think about other things and other people too."

Without looking away from the fire, Hermione asked, "You didn't have to send her off. I could have come back another night."

Remus inhaled a breath and closed his eyes, annoyed in a way. He looked at the fire when he opened his eyes before turning his head a little towards Hermione. "I don't think you would have returned after what you saw and probably heard... Hermione."

He noticed that her eyes were red and tired looking, not like the young Hermione that she was and used to be before all of this. Tears were forming in her eyes and she shook her head, removing the tranced look from her face as her bottom lip started to quiver. "I would have Remus, just like I always have." For the first time since he had entered this room, and they started the conversation, Hermione turned and looked at him. He wanted to reach over and wipe away the tears, help her heal, but he didn't think it to be right. Then, he had the urge to kiss her again, just like he had dreamt of the time that awoke from attempting death. He wanted to taste her, feel her soft lips, but was afraid.

And Hermione felt like she always did when she looked into his eyes, the feeling of an empty, cold man, trying to fix things, but knowing he was failing. She reached her hand over to touch his face, to caress his left cheek, a watery smile on her face. "Your not alone Remus, so don't face it or look around and think you are. You have Tonks--"
Remus interrupted her, placing his left hand over hers, lacing his fingers over hers when they spread apart on his shadowed face, "But I don't want Tonks." And with his right hand out of his pocket, he put his right hand onto her waist and brought her closer to him. With a quick inhale of breath, he had her lips captured with his, deep and passionate. He broke the kiss quickly and with a lustful glance at her, he stated, " I want you."

He could smell the familiar scent of peaches and wanted was to smell it forever.