Choice

He'd shoved his mother out of the way to reach the door, not hearing or heeding her squawk of indignation. The back of the boy and his trunk had almost reached the corner - when the boy was around it, he would be lost forever.

He turned the corner and was gone.

Shock hung heavy over the doorstep.

He's your brother, someone said.

Good-for-nothing blood traitor, he told them.

But he was right a lot of the time, they replied. You know it. And he is your brother.

I don't owe him anything! He argued.

No. No, you owe him nothing. You are right. The someone sounded utterly sad and disappointed. He would have cringed, if he could. He couldn't bear hearing it sound like that. But, you know... The someone sounded like it was almost about to cry. I thought you were a bit more decent then you had cause to be.

His hand had twisted back without turning his body. He reached out and touched the cold silver of the door handle -

- and was running down the street, heart pounding as fast as his feet, racing, sprinting, running and running -

- and he rounded the corner and stopped there. His brother was halfway down this street. He could have called out, yelled, cleared his throat, thrown something - but the somebody inside him was telling him no, no, you can't let him know that way that you'll miss him, can't shout that you knew he was right -

- you can't tell him that you love him.

Let him see for himself.

He choked on a sob, swallowing - he was never sure whether he made some noise or if his brother just turned, only now, to look back. He saw the figure at the end of the street, and dropped his trunk.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, and he opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"You know I'd stay if you asked me to, Reggie."

He stared. He hadn't known. Not consciously. His brother would stay. Stay here, stay with him, stay -

Stay in a house he had been smothering in since he was born?

"You know I'd come with you if you asked." He would, too. He would hate it, hate it as much as his brother would hate staying, but he would come.

They stared at each other for a while. He wanted so much too just ask, stay here, stay with me, I'll talk mother around, I know I can, please...

And the look on his brother's face told him the same conflict was going on in both their heads.

But his brother was the older brother, and the one who always did the right thing - so he didn't ask.

He just lowered his head.

That left the decision to the younger. Keep your brother with you, he did offer, if you just ask.... But keep in the place he detests, the house where you could see he was dying slowly from the first time he came home from school.

He didn't ask either.

He just said, "Good luck, Sirius."