Pimp or Limp??

Pimp or Limp??

Lucius Malfoy was pouting. Sure, he had so much--a castle, evil powers, awesome hair, and an ultra-cool cane. Which brings me to the topic of why he was pouting.

Someone at the Ministry had--he shuddered at the mere thought of it--actually had the nerve to call his cane a...a...pimp cane. He had killed the man, of course, but that was beside the point. Did people actually think that this exclusive diamond-tipped ebony wand carrier cane was for prostitutes?? Ha! Little did they know....Lucius Malfoy used to have a limp. He had an excuse. It might have been corrected now but it still gave him the look and air of being important. Not to mention it did draw the attention of some pretty beautiful girls...especially young fresh ones...but he was NOT a pimp....was he?

But did other people think that his cane was--he still hated saying it--a PIMP cane?? Surely...hopefully not! He would just have to find out.

Ginny and Draco

Lucius Malfoy knocked briskly on the door to Ginny and Draco's flat with--coincidentally--the item in question: his cane. He waited a second and barged right in, eager to hear their opinion and thoughts. He found them on their dining room table. Let's just say they were rather busy and couldn't talk because their mouths were...er...full at the moment and the author wishes not to elaborate for fear of being sick.

He stood there for a moment, mouth agape at such...monkey-like behavior. My god, it was quite alarming. Finally, after what he felt was quite enough, he cleared his throat rather loudly.

Draco pulled up, alarmed at the thought of someone watching them. Ginny, who just happened to be lacking in a certain vital item most call a shirt, covered herself and ran into their bedroom.

Draco ran his fingers through his hair, his face flushed, and said in clipped tones, "What do you want, Father?"

"Well...there has been a problem at work..." Lucius was feeling quite embarrassed at this moment--but didn't show it, of course--and continued, "Someone actually had the nerve to call my cane a pimp cane." Lucius winced at the word "pimp." "Do you believe it to be so?"

Draco stared at his father for a second before bursting out laughing.

"Father", he gasped between fits of laughter, "Of course it's a pimp cane--it's not used for medical purposes, now is it?"

Lucius opened his mouth and closed it again, resembling a confused fish. "Well..."

By that time Ginny had surfaced from the bedroom again, her face still bright red and her hair tangled.

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy. What can I do for you today?" Ginny asked politely, throwing a questioning glance at Draco's uncontrollable laughter.

"Well, you see..." Lucius began, feeling even more embarrassed and uncomfortable, "Draco and I were just discussing what he thinks about my cane."

"Oh, your pimp cane?" Ginny asked innocently, her eyes wide.

"See, that is exactly our point Ms. Weas--uh--Mrs. Malf--uh--Virginia. Do you really think it's a pimp cane?" Lucius asked, praying for the answer to be 'no'.

Ginny started giggling. "Well, I just always assumed that...oh. Do you mean that it's used for medical purposes? "

She was thoroughly embarrassed now, and a hand flew to her mouth, trying to hide the smile that was now spreading itself across her face. She too began to laugh. And laugh. It was just all so funny!

All of a sudden she caught Draco's eye, and then they were on each other again, snogging each other senseless, as if they hadn't done enough already.

Lucius sighed and rolled his eyes. You couldn't get a five minute conversation with the two of them without them snogging mercilessly. They were completely and utterly in love.

He left in a huff, but not before being narrowly missed by a flying--what was that? Wait a minute; he didn't even want to know. His next stop--his very own mum.

Mrs. Malfoy--Mummy

He didn't even bother knocking this time--he just opened the door and walked right in.

"Mumm-y!" he yelled, exactly the same way he did when he was six.

"Lucius? Is that you?" came an old, weathered voice from inside the back parlor. "Do come in; I haven't seen you in ages!"

He ran right in and sat down on a couch next to his mother, who was reading The Daily Prophet.

"Mummy some people at work have been calling my cane a pimp cane. It's not fair! Do you think it's a pimp cane?" he asked, sounding like he did when he was six.

"Oh, dear, there there, there there. You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to have a cane to do that for you. But I say that if you need a cane or want one, by all means use one. It is entirely up to you. You don't care what other people think. No matter how suspiciously pimp-looking your cane is."

Right about that time Serena Malfoy had a violent coughing fit that surprisingly sounded like "cough but cough cough that cough is a cough cough pimp cane cough".

Lucius, though, being the oblivious, self-centered human being that he was, beamed foolishly and said, "Well that's all I came here for. Have a nice day mother!"

And with that he stood up, fluffed back his hair, and Apparated to his own house, where he would ask one final person about it: Narcissa herself.

Narcissa

Lucius Malfoy finally Apparated to his home, where he flopped on the couch and promptly yelled out "NARCISSA!!!!!!!!!"

In seconds she was right by his side, eager to do anything he asked of her.

"Yes, Lucius?"

"I have had a very trying day, and I need some...relaxation," he replied, putting his hand over his forehead in an overly dramatic fashion.

"I think I can do that..."she said, grinning mischievously.

She began unbuttoning her robes and taking off her shoes, but Lucius stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"First, I have a question to ask you. Do you think my cane is a pimp cane?" he asked, still shuddering at the word "pimp".

Narcissa stopped and thought for a moment--she wasn't very good at these types of questions. Or any other kind, for that matter.

"Well," she finally said, "it depends."

"Oh really?" Lucius said, his eyebrows high in surprise, "Pray tell me what you mean."

"It depends on what you want me to say," Narcissa said, completely serious.

Lucius sighed heavily. This was one of the down sides to having an ignorant, blonde wife. She was beautiful as hell, of course (nothing but the best for the Malfoys), and a pureblood, but dumber than dirt.

"Well it seems that we have only one other option." Lucius sighed again, "--sex."

Narcissa smiled her most seductive smile.

"Now that is something I'm good at," she said.

And she proceeded to throw herself upon him, and they....

Well. Let's just say Lucius felt much better after it, because the author wishes to keep this fic PG-13....

THE END