Fear and Loathing

Fear and Loathing

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Hermione Granger sat in a window nook staring absentmindedly out at the black night. Her brownish blond hair had grown into soft waves, half of which were pinned up save for a few tendrils that framed her face. A sigh escaped her lips as she stared out onto the darkness.

The rain outside pounded furiously against the window as the wind howled, wrecking havoc on anything that interfered with its path. It was quite the contrast to the warmth cast on the young woman by the fire in the room where she sat, the back of her fingers barely grazing the glass. Lightning cut through the darkness followed immediately by an explosion of thunder.

Lightning.

She shut her eyes as if they would help prevent the flood of memories that threatened to overwhelm her. She let out a breath she had been holding and opened her eyes. Again lightning flashed.

Lightning.

Oh it's no use, she told herself, as she let the onslaught of his memory take her.

*************************

She was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace in the common room, glancing every once and awhile up at the door to the boys' rooms. He's going to do something stupid, I just know it, she thought. The day started out well with a wonderful trip to Hogsmeade with Harry and Ron, but as they headed back to Hogwarts, an overheard snippet of conversation between two witches changed the mood of the day. They had just been on the outskirts of town, passing by some houses when they happened upon a conversation between two neighbors talking to each other over their fences.

"I'm telling you, Gertrude, I just don't know what to do with Sammy," a short plump witch with short brown curly hair said to her neighbor. "I have repeatedly told him not to practice any more magic; he's only a child, not even ready for Hogwarts yet! But this morning as I am out in the garden, I find a rat! Poor thing must have escaped from his room because he had a silver paw! Another spell gone wrong, I don't know what he was trying to do to the poor thing. Anyway, I tried to catch the poor creature, but it just ran off. But I told him, I said Sammy, the next...."

The three of them kept on walking, suddenly silent, the conversation replaying in their heads. She knew what they were all thinking, through the courtesy of Fred and George's Extendable Ears, they had overheard Snape telling the Order that Voldemort had been displeased with Peter Pettigrew, and that Peter having heard this, had disappeared. Run away, fearful of the wrath of Voldemort, he was probably looking for some way to weasel his way back into his master's good graces. But Hermione knew that the wheels were turning in Harry's head, for he had been silent the entire way back to the castle, not responding to the conversation efforts made by both Ron and her. He was deep in thought even on the way to the common room and upstairs to his room, leaving Ron and her alone downstairs. She turned to Ron and gave him an exasperated look.

Ron sighed, "I'll go talk to him."

So this is where she is, pacing and pacing, wearing a path into the carpet. The door to the boys' dormitory opened, as Ron bounded down the stairs followed by Harry carrying a silvery bundle in one of his arms. The invisibility cloak, thought Hermione.

"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded as she stepped in front of the two.

"Where do you think?" Harry answered shortly. She gave Ron a desperate look but he didn't say anything as they both moved around her.

She ran around in front of them again. "No! Don't even think about it! Don't you even think about going after Pettigrew by yourself. Tell Dumbledore, he'll tell the Order. Let them take care of this. Besides, you don't even know if Pettigrew is still around."

"Oh he's around, and there's only one place he could possibly be."

"Please, please Harry stop and think about this--" she pleaded as she grabbed his hand but he cut her off.

"I have thought about it!" he snarled. "I've thought about since he got away last time! I've thought about it since Sirius...." He abruptly stopped unable to finish the sentence.

"I know, Harry, but let the Order take care of this."

"We don't have time to let the Order take care of this! Besides, this is personal."

"Stop it, Harry! Haven't you learned your lesson? Look what happened last time-" she shut her eyes immediately and cringed. Damn it, Hermione that was the wrong thing to say, she thought to herself. She bravely opened her eyes to look at the angry and hurt look Harry was giving her. He yanked his hand from hers.

"Are you coming with us to the shack or not?" Ron asked her rather angrily; he too, was giving her a withering look.

She and Harry just stared at each other; she didn't even bother to hide the desperate look on her face. She was desperate, desperate to do anything to keep Harry from marching into certain danger. Anything. She plunged into her robes, reaching for her wand, but Harry was faster.

"Expelliarmus!"

Her wand went flying out of her hand and landed somewhere in the common room. Harry dropped his invisibility cloak and lunged for her, clapping one hand over her mouth as one arm wrapped around her, trapping her back against his chest as she struggled against him.

"Have you gone mad?!" Ron was looking at him incredulously.

"Just open that door!"

She struggled against Harry, her protests muffled by his hand. Wow, when did Harry get so strong? She shook her mind of these thoughts, given her situation, now was not the time to admire his physique. As Ron opened the door to a broom closet, Harry unceremoniously threw her inside, then quickly shut and locked the door. She banged against the door as she began to cry.

"Harry! Harry, please open the door!" she cried. "Please, just think about what you're doing! Please don't go!" She banged on the door again. "Don't do this! Don't go!"

She slumped down on the floor, weakly banging on the closet door; tears were streaming down her face. I can't lose him, please don't let me lose him. Let him be safe, please, bring him back to me. I love him so much; give me the chance to tell him. She thought of his beautiful eyes, and his smile that made her go weak in the knees. His smell, the feel of his arms around her just a moment ago, his laugh, his messy hair. Just him. Harry. Her Harry. It felt as if a weight had settled in her stomach, and she couldn't breathe.

"Harry," she sobbed weakly.

"Hermione? Is that you?"

Hermione scrambled to her feet.

"Neville! Neville help me! I'm in here!" she banged on the door.

She heard Neville run over to the door and unlock it. She flew out of the door, nearly knocking Neville over.

"Hermione what were you doing in there?"

"Have you seen my wand?" She was frantically searching the common room.

"Yeah, I have it"

He held her wand out to her as she snatched it and ran out of the room. She had to tell Dumbledore, she had to get help. She ran as fast as she could through corridor after corridor, not caring if she ran into Filch or Mrs. Norris. She had to help Harry. She had to get to Dumbledore's office.

She was nearly there, and had just turned a corner when she collided with someone, her wand clattering on the floor. She was nearly knocked to the ground, but a pair of hands wrapped around her, stopping her fall. She turned...

"Malfoy!" she gasped. "Listen, I don't have time to stand here and listen to your insults! Let go of me!"

"Shut up and listen, Granger." He too sounded out of breath. "Where's Potter?"

She stopped struggling against him, and looked at him disbelieving.

"Why the hell would I tell you?" She was wasting precious time.

"We can make this easy or we can make this difficult. Where the fuck is Potter?"

"Go fuck yourself Malfoy."

He looked at her calculatingly; she could see him having an internal debate with himself, chewing on his lower lip. She had to leave, she had to help Harry, and she was wasting precious time standing here. She had just started to struggle when a determined look came over Malfoy's face (This can't be good), as he popped what looked like candy into his mouth. She had barely enough time to process this odd gesture before Malfoy's lips came crashing down on hers.

She couldn't move. This unexpected action had rendered her paralyzed. She weakly struggled against him, but his grip on her was too strong, his hands bruising her arms. She couldn't believe this, this couldn't be happening. But as soon as she tasted something sweet on his lips, all thoughts and worries seemed to slip from her mind. The grip on her arms relaxed, and she felt his tongue press lightly on her lips, asking to be invited. She complied and parted her lips as his hands left her arms and cradled her face, holding her closer to him. Something in the back of her mind told her that something was wrong. She felt dizzy, her mind blissfully content, too content. She felt like she was in a trance. He drugged me. No, no, no. Stop! I had to do something important. Focus, focus, focus. It was no use; the task she had set out to do was fading, slipping helplessly through her mind.

Malfoy broke the kiss, but his face was still centimeters away from hers, his hands still cradling her face.

"Now, Hermione," he spoke softly, "where can I find Potter?"

"The Shrieking Shack." Her voice was detached and had no emotion in it.

"Good girl. Now, I know you know a shortcut. Where is it?"

"The Whomping Willow. Prod the knot with a stick, then go down the hole."

Malfoy still didn't move, he just looked down at her. His head leaned forward, just a fraction, as if for another kiss before he stopped himself. He let out a breath, dropped his hands, and took off running. Dizziness overtook her and she sank to the floor. She heard footsteps running away from her, then more footsteps running toward her. She was too confused.

"Hermione!"

Neville had dropped to the floor with her.

"Hermione, I've been looking all over for you. Are you alright?"

She looked up at him, gazing stupidly, trying to focus. "Neville, I think," she started, "I think I did something stupid."

"Let's take you to Madam Pomfrey. Come on. Up you go. I've got your wand."

He helped her up off the floor, but she swayed and she was unsteady. Neville picked her up and carried her toward the hospital.

"No, Neville. Take me to the common room, I just need to lie down and think." Her speech was slurred and slow.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I was about to do something. Something..." she was losing her concentration again.

~~~~~~~~~

She heard voices above her.

"What happened to her?" exclaimed Ginny.

"I don't know, I think she's been drugged or something," Neville put Hermione on the couch.

"Lavender, go get her some water!" Ginny ordered. "Hermione? Hermione are you okay?"

"Malfoy drugged me," she slurred.

"That slimy git! Hermione!" Ginny shook her lightly "Hermione stay with me, don't fall asleep!"

"Here. Try some of this," she heard Seamus say behind her.

"Wait! Isn't this your hang over potion?" Neville asked.

"It's worth a try. After all, it's just a really strong pepper-up potion," said Ginny. "Here you go Hermione."

As soon as the drops hit her tongue, she felt as if a fog had been lifted of her brain. She felt herself coming back to reality, regaining her focus.

"Here you go, Hermione, drink some water." Lavender had returned.

"Thanks." She gulped it down. "How long have I been here?"

"You passed out on the way here. It was a good twenty minutes before Ginny could wake you up" said Neville. "What's going on? You took off like a bat out of hell. Where are Harry and Ron?"

Hermione froze. "Harry." Realization struck "Oh my God, Harry!" She quickly stood up, a little too quickly because she got dizzy and fell back on the couch.

"Whoa! Take it easy there. Now, what about Harry?" Neville asked her.

She opened her mouth to respond, but a loud commotion outside the portrait hole got everyone's attention. The portrait swung open...

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Knock, knock, knock.

Hermione was yanked back out of her memory. "Come in."

The door opened as Neville poked his head inside. "Sorry to bother you, but everyone's here."

"I'll be down in a second."

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just watching the storm," she smiled at him.

He looked unconvinced but let it go. "Don't be too late," he said as he shut the door.

Hermione turned back to the storm outside, her breath had fogged up some of the window. She suddenly realized that her finger was on the glass, she had been absentmindedly etching into the foggy glass. She looked down at the pattern.

It was a lightning bolt.

She had drawn a lightning bolt, but it wasn't just a lightning bolt, it was the image of a scar. His scar. A feeling of anger swelled within her as she stared at it. Lightning flashed and thunder roared. She smeared the drawing with her fingertips.

"Screw you, Harry Potter."

And with that, she left the room.

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Ron Weasley sat behind a large pile of papers on his desk. He stared at the pile, hoping that it would miraculously disappear. But it wouldn't, these were registration papers for every muggleborn witch or wizard in England. They had to register for everything these days, register for employment, register for a broom, register for a home. It really wasn't fair considering that "Purebloods" didn't have to go through this much paperwork, and as Ron could see, the registration process was time consuming. As a result, muggleborns were passed up for jobs, homes, and whatever else just so people didn't have to deal with all this paperwork. They were slowly being pushed down the socio-economic ladder, so why had they done it? Cornelius Fudge. Tricky bastard played off the fears of every witch and wizard since the return of Voldemort, by issuing a registration system for muggleborns. He insisted that it was for their safety, it was a way for the ministry to keep a closer tab on them, since they were the most in danger. It would offer them safety, their floo networks would be watched over and guarded against, their homes monitored and watched over for any danger to them or their families. He even called it the Muggleborn Protection Act, and under that title it was passed. Muggleborns were now beginning to see the consequences of this, but save for a few protests were powerless to stop this. In a way, it did work, their homes were watched over and their floo networks were secure. There had been few Death Eater attacks against muggleborns, but to Ron and a few select aurors it didn't make sense.

Yes, Ron was an auror, and worked in the Ministry of Magic. However, due to the lack of Death Eater activity, aurors were now assigned to paperwork desk jobs, floo network monitoring, and home inspections. All leading to mountains of paperwork. But it didn't make sense; Death Eaters could easily attack, regardless of how many "precautions" were taken. And there were no shortages of Death Eaters, that was a fact. The only action the aurors received were the skirmishes between Death Eaters and resistance groups. Apparently, there were select group of people who did not swallow the bullshit the ministry was feeding them, and had taken it upon themselves to deal with the Death Eaters and the Ministry. One group in particular was a thorn in everyone's side, they called themselves the Underground. They were covert operatives with spies everywhere, elite fighters, smart and highly dangerous. Quite a few aurors could attest to that, having gotten to know St. Mungos quite well after an encounter with them. Their sole purpose seemed to be to ruin Voldemort's day and humiliate the Ministry. Ron had to agree that they were good goals at that.

He leaned back in his chair and stared out the window at the gray sky. It was a cloudy and overcast day. In fact, he really couldn't recall the last time sun did shine down on London.

"Ha, ha, ha! Check it out!" Colin Creevey slapped the Daily Prophet onto Ron's desk. "My best work yet!"

There on the front page in large print was the headline: Minister Exposed! And underneath was a picture of the unveiling of the new statue of the Cornelius Fudge in front of the Ministry of Magic building. It was supposed to be a grand event; members of the ministry were invited, as well as prominent wizard families. All gathered around the covered monolith that was to be Fudge's greatest achievement, his pride and joy. Naturally of course, someone had taken the liberty of adding a few special touches to the final product. After listening to the minister drone on and on about himself, and the lie that everything was going to be okay, that things were looking up from here on out, the curtain fell. There in all its magnificent glory, in front of newspapers, wizards and witches alike, stood the golden self-proclaimed icon of the wizarding world, Cornelius Fudge. An anatomically correct Cornelius Fudge. An anatomically "small" correct Cornelius Fudge. The newspapers had a field day with it. There in the picture on the front page was Cornelius Fudge, so red he was nearly purple with anger and embarrassment. He was gesturing wildly to the crowd, "Who did this?! Who did this?!", while his assistants in the background were frantically trying to cover the statue back up, with much difficulty.

A smile broke out on Ron's face as he watched the picture. "Oh he's going to be in a great mood today." He put the paper back down on his desk.

"Do you have any idea who was behind this?" Colin asked.

"Who do you think?"

"The Underground?"

Ron didn't say anything. Colin shrugged his shoulders, and then started to walk out of the office. He opened the door, then paused, the expression on his face was apprehensive.

"You should really look at that picture." And with that he walked out and closed the door.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Ron picked the paper back up, leaned back into his chair and propped his feet up on his desk. He scanned the photograph, what was he looking for? Suddenly, he sat straight up. There in the crowd, barely noticeable, she stood watching the scene unfold in front of her. Hidden away in shadows in a black cloak, but he knew it was her, her knew her too well. He knew those eyes, those lips.

He stood up and walked toward the window, propping his forearm against it as he stared out, his other hand against his hip. It was Hermione Granger. One of his best friends, no scratch that, ex-best friend. He would never forgive her.

*****************************

He opened up the door to the boys' sleeping quarters to find Harry rummaging through his trunk for his invisibility cloak. Night after night he had listened to Harry's nightmares about his stepfather; he had heard the longing and sadness in his voice. He knew that Harry was going to go after Pettigrew, and he had every right to. As far as Ron was concerned, he had earned the right to. Pettigrew betrayed Harry's parents and was responsible for Harry missing Sirius for the majority of his life. Yes, Harry was due. And as his best friend, he was going to stand by his side.

"Do you have the map?" Ron asked.

Harry found the cloak and stood to face him.

"You don't have to come with me."

"I want to."

After all, Peter had betrayed him too, by posing as his pet for 12 years.

Harry gave Ron a grin. "Alright then, let's get Hermione and go."

But Hermione didn't go. She had tried to stop them. He couldn't believe that she, of all people, wouldn't stand by Harry at the moment he needed her. She even went as far as bringing up Sirius' death to rub in Harry's face. That, was a low blow, and most definitely uncalled for. And although he thought Harry had lost his mind when he stuffed her in the closet, he felt that she had deserved it. Even though a small part of him did admit that she had a good point.

They were standing a good safe distance away from the lashing branches of the Whomping Willow when Harry stopped walking. He turned to look at Ron.

"Go. Go back and get Dumbledore," he told him.

"No. No way, I'm not leaving you to do this by yourself."

"I'm not going to. I'll wait for you inside the tunnel. You need to go and find Dumbledore. Tell him everything and bring him back here. I promise I won't go and do something stupid."

Ron hesitated.

"Go!" Harry demanded. "Go and get Dumbledore, I'll just wait in the tunnel. That's all, I promise!"

Reluctantly, Ron turned and ran back to the castle. He was running down the corridor to Dumbledore's office when he heard voices. He stopped and hid behind a pillar. Crap! Was it Filch? He cautiously peered around the pillar.

His jaw dropped.

It was Hermione and Malfoy. Kissing! His mind seemed incapable of processing this information, as he closed his eyes and shook his head then opened them again. No, it wasn't some twisted hallucination, he was kissing her. And she was kissing him back! A rage filled within him. Hermione, the girl he's had a crush on since fourth year, was kissing his greatest enemy. They broke the kiss, and Ron stepped behind the pillar again.

"Now, Hermione" he heard him say, "Where can I find Potter?"

No, no, no he pleaded silently.

"The shrieking shack," she answered. Damn it!

"Good girl. Now, I know you know a shortcut. Where is it?"

"The Whomping Willow. Prod the knot with a stick, then go down the hole."

Urgh! You fucking bitch!

He heard footsteps running his way and he quickly ducked into the shadows. He stepped back out as Malfoy ran past, and walked toward Hermione. She was sitting on the floor staring at the wall opposite her. How could you do this? How could you betray Harry like this? You practically delivered him to Malfoy, future Death Eater in training. He stared at her in disgust, but he could still prevent this, he could still stop Malfoy. He turned and sprinted after him.

He ran after him, reaching the Whomping Willow just as Malfoy had slipped into the tunnel.

"NO! Harry!" he screamed.

A branch of the willow knocked him of his feet, he had been standing too close. He had to find the stick; he searched the ground with his hands.

"Where is it? Where is it? Come on! Aha!"

He grabbed the stick and poked at the knot at the base of the tree. It immediately froze. He was just about to run under when he saw two figures emerge from the mouth of the tunnel. It was Malfoy and Harry, struggling against each other punching, kicking, dragging and pulling. Ron ran in to join the fight.

"Get off him!" Ron yelled as he pulled Malfoy off Harry.

The tree unfortunately started moving again, and knocked all three of them clear of it. Ron landed with a thud nearby, Harry landed next to him, and Malfoy not far away. He groaned and picked himself up, as Harry struggled to his feet. He walked menacingly over to Malfoy to start another fight, but Ron stood in between them, holding Harry back.

"You asshole. I knew it!" Harry growled at Malfoy. "Come to save your fellow Death Eater's skin?"

Malfoy let out a small laugh. "You really are an idiot, aren't you? You were walking into a trap, Potter."

"Oh really? And how would you know?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? Go ahead, go back and walk in to find out for yourself. I already told Dumbledore, read the prophet tomorrow if you don't believe me."

"How did you know where I was then?" Harry asked bitterly.

"He didn't," Ron interrupted. "He was told where you were."

"Setting your spies on me now, huh Malfoy?"

Malfoy just smirked at Harry. "Wouldn't you like know."

"Hermione told him," Ron blurted out. The smirk was instantly wiped from Malfoy's face.

"WHAT?!" Harry rounded on Ron.

"It's true. I went back to the castle for Dumbledore like you told me to, that's where I saw them in the hallway. Together."

"Together?"

Ron hesitated to continue, for Harry's expression was getting dangerous. "They were kissing."

"You're lying!" Harry turned back to Malfoy. "She would never kiss you! Never!" Ron could hear a bit of desperation in his voice. "Tell me he's lying! Tell me!"

Malfoy just looked at Harry, then his smirk grew back on his face. "A gentleman never tells."

Harry didn't say anything, no one did, he and Malfoy just stood there glaring at each other. Suddenly, Harry drew his fist back then slammed it into Malfoy's face, knocking him to the ground. Harry then spun around and stormed toward the castle. Ron ran to catch up with him.

"Harry. Harry what are you going to do?" He had been struggling to keep up with Harry as he stormed toward the common room.

"No, no. She wouldn't do this to me. She couldn't," Harry kept ranting to himself.

"Harry. Harry talk to me."

"Fizzing whizbee!" he shouted at the portrait. He didn't even bother for a reply, just yanked the portrait door open.

"Young man! You need some manners..." the pink lady scolded, but he ignored her and stormed into the common room.

Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing as Harry and Ron walked in, stopping in front of Hermione who was surrounded by our friends.

"Harry--" Neville began, but Harry cut him off.

"Everyone go upstairs," he said with authority never taking his eyes of Hermione.

The Gryffindors all looked at each other, confused.

"But, Harry--" Ginny began.

"NOW!" he shouted.

Everyone jumped as glass shattered and goblets exploded. Harry was radiating powerful magic. Suddenly frightened, everyone scrambled up to their dorms. Everyone except Hermione. Harry stood there staring down at her, a pained expression on his face. It was that moment that Ron knew, no he always knew, this just confirmed it. Bringing it painfully to realization, that Harry Potter, his best friend, was in love with his other best friend Hermione Granger. He had always known that there was something going on between them, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. But everything was clear now, it was as if a light switch had suddenly switched on. Unfortunately for his best friend, it seemed as if his light switch had chosen this moment to make its presence known. He saw the look on Harry's face, for he knew it well, it was the look of heartbreak.

"Ron, you too. I would like to talk to Hermione alone," he said coolly.

Ron nodded and headed upstairs. As he opened the door, a flood of questions hit him.

"What's going on?"

"What happened?"

"Is everything okay?"

But he ignored them as he headed straight for his bed, climbed on top, and pulled the curtains shut. He felt numb inside as tears began to sting his eyes. He felt so bad for Harry and he felt sorry for himself. They had both fallen for their best friend, who wouldn't, she was Hermione after all. But she betrayed them both, betrayed them with Malfoy, of all people. Anger surged in him again. She had hurt him, but she had broken Harry. She hurt his best friend, he was so angry with her for it.

Harry didn't come up for awhile, everyone was asleep when he walked in, but Ron was still awake. Ron didn't say anything to him, he just watched him pull his Firebolt out of his trunk. He started to walk back out of the room but stopped and looked back at him.

"Goodbye, Ron."

He walked out and was never heard from again.