Dear Sirius

Dear Sirius

You said you would be there if I needed you. you said I could always depend on you. You said you would always be there for me. I need you now, Sirius. I need you now. Where are you?

I cant do this without you, Sirius. Too much depends on me. Too many people depend on me. They look to me to be their saviour. I'm no hero, Sirius. I don't want to be one. Every time I try to be a hero someone else is hurt. It's my stupid ideas and choices that have got other people killed. The few times I have become a hero it was by accident. I have been known since I was born as the one who conquered Voldemort. I didn't conquer him. I merely stalled him. And it's my fault he's back. I should have let you kill Petegrew. I didn't want you to be a murderer. So many people thought you were, but I didn't want them to be right. And because of my stupid decision, you're gone.

I miss you, Sirius.

I want to lose to Voldemort. If I lose, he will kill me, and I could be with you. There is nothing left down here for me. What's it like up there in heaven? What's it like to be an angel? Why did you leave me behind? I want to be there with you. With every one who died by his hand. With my parents.

I could even handle hell, Sirius. It would be better than this hell I'm living.

I'm already dead in side.

But I know that's not the way this story's going to end. I have to fight. I have to try. I have to be the one to stop the destruction. I'm not fighting for revenge, because anger makes us blind, and eventually goes away, leaving us with nothing to fight for. I'm not fighting for peace, because it never lasts long if people are around. I'm not fighting for life, because I have no desire for it. I'm not fighting to save the world, because it will destroy itself anyway. I'm fighting for just two people. Just two. Ron and Hermione. They are the only people that I have left. The only people who haven't lied to me for whatever reason. Not to protect me, not to trick me, not for anything. I don't kneed protection, Sirius. I just need...people.

I don't know if I am strong enough to beat the most powerful dark wizard in the world, but what frightens me is whether I will be strong enough to stop. That's what keeps me awake most nights. If I hold that much power, what's to stop me using it? How do I know I won't become just another Voldemort? Could I stop myself from turning to the dark side of magic?

My only option is clear to me now. I will fight, I will win, and then I will disappear. I will destroy myself before the evil destroys me. And then I can be with you, Sirius. I can be with my mother, and my father, and you. And we can be together, forever, and no-one will be able to tear us apart.

I will be with you soon, Sirius. But not yet. I have a job to do

In the swirling night, a teenage boy tore a parchment into pieces and threw them into the air. And the wind carried them up, and up......

Into heaven.