Sometimes It Be That Way

... Home

*

'And I thank you

for bringing me here

for showing me home

for singing these tears

finally I've found

that I belong here.'

~ Depeche Mode, Home

*

That night. It was a night she'll never forget. She lost her virginity on that night. But she gained someone to call her own. She became pregnant with a little child that she'll never give away, no matter what the costs were. She'll never let him take the little child. She'll protect the baby with her life.

Heat. It was all she felt. She felt like she was flying above the stars with the clouds whisking by her, the moisture from them staying on her skin.

Sweat. It drenched her. A mistake, of course. How can sweat drench you so much? But it did. It enveloped her, its watery arms folding around her. The stars shone brighter and she seemed to be flying upwards more steeply, her body arching into the sky. The blackness enveloped her too. It seeped into her every pore, filling her.

The stars mixed together and began to fade. When she woke up, she was laying on a bed, naked but covered with sheets, with no one else in sight. Days mixed together and she no longer saw him. He had been avoiding her as she had been avoiding him. When they passed in the halls, they didn't speak. They sat on opposite sides of Ron when eating and rarely stayed in the same place together for a long period of time.

For her, it hurt too much to know that she had slept with him and he hadn't said anything about it. Then, she found out that they were going to have a baby, and she no longer wanted to be in the same room as him, she was so disgusted, not only at him but at herself. She could feel his mind taunting her, calling out names like 'slut' or 'whore'. She couldn't stand it.

She couldn't stand it!

*

Ginny woke up then, her eyes burning from unshed tears. It was still daylight out, although, in a couple of hours, it would be dusk. She was in the back seat of a Muggle car sitting next to Hermione, who gave her a comforting smile when she saw that Ginny was awake. Ginny's parents were in the front seat with Arthur at the wheel and Molly looking on anxiously as he dodged numerous poles on the side of the road. Every once in a while, Ginny could hear her father muttering, "Damn those bloody Muggle poles! They always get in my way!"

They were on their way to the Burrow. Ginny was about to walk in on that part of her life she did not want to walk back into, but she had no choice and she rather would have gone than have put up a fight and get in trouble with her mother. So, now she was going to face Harry for the first time since they had slept together and he was going to ask how she was and why she run away and he was going to turn on Hermione for harbouring Ginny and Hermione was going to smack him.

Or at least, Ginny hoped that it would go that way. She wanted to smack him for impregnating her, but she wanted to forgive him at the same time. She supposed it was a basic instinct of new mothers to find a father for their unborn child, or at least just a strong father figure. After thinking about that concept for a while, she decided she hated having all these wacky hormones.

The car soon turned into the driveway at the Burrow and Ginny looked up nervously. Here was her home, standing tall and proud, although why it was proud she couldn't say. She knew it wasn't because of her, of what she had done. She looked away and swallowed the bile of anxiousness that was starting to rise, hoping that it didn't spill out. Hermione squeezed her hand in sympathy and, as soon as the car stopped, they both got out; Hermione probably happy that she was about to see Ron, and Ginny dreading the minute she walked through the front door.

Molly ushered the girls up the front steps of the tall house while Arthur collected the bags from the trunk and began to tug them inside. Molly opened the door for them and Ginny hesitated while Hermione went in first. Molly noticed Ginny's frightened expression and rubbed her shoulders comfortingly.

"Come on, Ginny, dear," Molly said gently. "It's going to be alright."

Ginny took a deep breath and started inside. The kitchen was empty except for Hermione who stood at the kitchen table, reading a note. On Ginny and Molly's curious expressions, she explained, "The boys have gone out to play Quidditch in the back yard to release some steam."

Molly nodded and went to the stove, immediately going to cook them supper since they hadn't eaten yet. When Arthur brought all the bags in, the two girls, who were relieved of cooking duty with Molly, brought them upstairs to the room they were to share. Ginny simply put her bags on her bed and let Hermione unpack. She was restless. Delaying the confrontation with Harry made her feel jumpy and nervous. She had to do something other than pack, and it had to be something that would take her mind off Harry.

She slipped out of the room without Hermione noticing and made her way up the stairs again, this time headed for the attic. There was something specific in mind that she wanted to find which might help her get to know how her mother had dealt with her own pregnancy. In fact, she was looking for a diary.

The attic door nearly didn't open until she gave it a push, accidentally hitting some boxes behind it. She looked behind her to make sure that no one was watching her before peeking her head inside. It was dark, of course, and it smelled distinctly of dust and moisture. She pulled out her wand, muttered 'Lumos' and the tip of her wand sprang to light, illuminating a path inside around many closed cardboard boxes. She squeezed through, leaving the door slightly open to air it out, before wending her way through the piles of clothes and cardboard boxes.

She went to a vanity table on the far side of the room and squeezed around the boxes, stepping into clear spaces awkwardly. She remembered a time when she was younger where her mother had shown her a small, but thick, book that she had kept as a diary as a young girl. She was hoping that her mother had kept writing entries in it until after she had given birth to Bill and had kept a record of how she had managed to take care of a little baby.

Sliding her fingers along the top of the table, she swept off the dust that coated it. Somewhere on the surface of this table was a little niche that, when the board was picked off from it, it revealed a small compartment underneath, just big enough for a book. She felt the top, her fingers suddenly grabbing at a small niche made into the wood that was worked to easily lift the board away from it. Off the board came, dust sprinkling in all directions. She aimed her wand at the inside of the compartment, hoping that it would highlight a small, leather-bound book which bore a name plate that had the initials M.D. for Molly Devinsborough, her maiden name.

"Ginny?" someone called uncertainly from the door. Her head snapped up in shock and her body tensed at the voice. This was not the moment for any interruptions, especially from him. "Look, Ginny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just use you like that. My only excuse is that I wasn't thinking straight, what with Remus being jailed for something he didn't do, but--"

"It shook all of us," Ginny interrupted softly, "not just you."

She could almost hear the small sigh that escaped from his lips before he said, "Yes, I know, but I want you to know that whatever pain I caused you that was so much that you had to run away... I'm sorry. I truly am. I never intended to hurt you."

She wanted to yell. She wanted to scream. She wanted to do both these things at him. And yet, she bit her lip and stood there, not daring to turn around and face him, lest she suddenly blow up at him and her family find out that Harry was the father from all her yelling. She waited for him to get the message that she didn't want to talk to him and he obeyed, his footsteps going back down the stairs. She waited until she couldn't hear him anymore before daring to even move.

And she shone her light back into the cupboard and saw what she was looking for. "Bingo," she muttered.