Broken

“You’ll Never See the Courage I Show”

Ginny had strange dreams all night. She kept dreaming about her days as a witch and seeing her friends from the past. When she woke up, she was grumpy to find that she was still living in the Muggle world. Enough time had passed that Ginny knew that nothing or no one was going to save her from having to live as a muggle. Still, it was disconcerting that the idea had not made it into her subconscious.

Upon finding herself still in her cramped apartment, Ginny angrily ripped the covers off her and jumped out of bed. She kicked her dresser as she walked past, ignoring the stab of pain she felt in her toes. Ginny quickly stepped into her bathroom and pulled off her pajamas, so she could take a shower. She turned the handles and set the temperature to be bearably warm. The water heater in her apartment had no ability to control itself and would vary from being scalding hot to lukewarm at a moment’s notice. Water streamed over her face washing away the tears that filled her eyes. She felt ashamed that she was even crying. This life was her own now and nothing was going to change that. Furious with herself, Ginny scrubbed shampoo into her hair. Unfortunately for her, Ginny got some shampoo into her eyes and began crying anew to get the irritant out of her eye.

Ginny quickly washed the shampoo from her eyes and hair and began soap herself up. Soon her shower was over and Ginny stepped out of her shower. Ginny looked at the clock by the side of her bed and saw that it was five thirty in the morning. Ugh. She had about forty-five minutes to dry her hair, find something to wear and make herself look decent. Ginny decided to concentrate on getting her house on time instead of her ridiculous dreams. If she missed her bus at six thirty she’d be late for school and her day would be ruined.

An hour later Ginny was sitting on the bus, looking out the window as the streets of London flashed past. She’d heard from her dad that they used to have double decker busses, but she never got to ride in one. She assumed they were now mainly used to cart tourists about. Ginny imagined sitting on top and feeling the wind rush through her hair. She could just sit up there and imagine she was flying on her broom, still playing quidditch at Hogwarts. However, realizing she was waxing nostalgic over things that could not be changed, Ginny pulled herself back into reality and pulled a textbook from her leather backpack. Ginny lost herself in the world of extremely contagious diseases until the driver stopped short with the bus, jolting her forward and announced, “Med school stop. Get off your arse and get out, Red!”

Ginny looked up at the driver, amazed at his rude outburst and stood up. Her face flaming with embarrassment, Ginny packed up her books and walked past the other passengers. As she past the driver, he pinched her bum. Too shocked to speak, Ginny hurried off the bus and walked onto her school campus. She wished she could hex him or do something awful to that bus driver. Happily, she spotted her friend Susan reading on a bench and bounded over.

“Whom do you talk to when the bus driver pinches your bum?”

Those made Susan quickly shut her book and look up at Ginny. “The conductor grabbed your arse?” She began laughing.

“It’s not funny. He did it in front of all these other people.” Ginny sat down on the bench next to Susan.

Susan squinted as if she were giving the matter great thought and then spoke, “ Was he cute?”

Ginny laughed. “No, he’s horrid. Ugly and young and quite obviously a pervert. I guess I am going to have to smack him around a little bit if he does it again.”

“What? You want him to do it again?”

“Shut up you slag! We’re going to be late for our first class if you don’t pack all your crap up right now.” Ginny stood up from the bench and shifted her backpack so that it was on again.

“Stuff, Gin, stuff. It’s not shit or crap, it’s my stuff. When will you learn that?” Susan was slowly putting her things back into her backpack and looking up at Ginny.

“Perhaps when you learn some manners, missy.” Ginny was happy to see that Susan had finally gotten all her crap together. Finally they could get to class. As Ginny walked to class with Susan she thought about her dreams from earlier. Would she ever get used to idea that she was a muggle now? It didn’t really matter if she was or wasn’t going to get used to the idea, she was a muggle now whether her mind accept it or not. “Did you study for the physiology quiz?”

Susan shrugged and spoke quietly. “I tried. My parents were fighting like cats and dogs last night. I don’t think I concentrated very well. One of the neighbors called the police. It was so embarrassing.”

Ginny frowned and looked over at her friend as they stood in front of their class. “Did your dad hurt you or your mum?”

“Nah. He was too pissed to even stand. They were both drunk and yelling at each other. The officer acted like I was the parent and they were the children. He told me that if he gets another call about them, they’re going downtown.” Susan looked down at the floor, ashamed.

Ginny leaned over and hugged her friend. “I’m so sorry, Susie. It’s hard to have something that serious come up when you’re trying to work. Why don’t you move out?”

Susan bit her lip and stared at the bulletin board across the small hallway. She was avoiding Ginny’s eyes. “I can’t. My school loan will only pay for my school expenses. I’d never be able to afford living on my own.”

‘Poor Susan!’ Ginny thought. “You could always stay with me. I don’t have a lot of room, but I’d be glad to share.”

Susan shook her head. “I wish I could. I’ve got to stay home and keep an eye on them. If they get sent to jail, it’s another expense we can’t afford.”

Ginny nodded and squeezed Susan’s hand. “I understand. If you just need to get away for a while, call me. I’d be happy to have you visit.”

Susan smiled at Ginny. Together they walked into class.

Harry was sitting in the new Order of the Phoenix headquarters. He and Lupin were trying to create a map that would map out London and show the location of where the death eaters were.

“So we’re trying to make something like the marauders map, but for death eaters?” questioned Harry.

“Basically. My only problem is that each time I try and have the paper map itself out, I’m getting the entire population of London showing up on the map, not just the death eaters.” Remus scratched his head and looked at the rather large piece of parchment. It looked as if ants had attacked the paper, so many little black dots were moving around.

“Well, how did you do it last time?”

“I didn’t. James and Sirius did. They did it one night when I was in the shrieking shack. I kept disappearing once a month and they wondered where I was. So they created this map to find me. It didn’t hurt that they showed where the teachers were too.” Lupin frowned. “The only problem is, I have no idea how they did it.”

Harry ran his fingers through his already messy hair and stared at the parchment. Several large crumpled balls of parchment already littered the floor and were waiting for disposal in the fireplace. “Well, we can’t ask Pettigrew. Could we just use a spell to map out where all the people with magical blood in them were?”

Lupin looked at the parchment again. “I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t think of that. Alright, we might as well try.”

Harry and Lupin performed the necessary spells and sure enough, this time the map worked. Harry watched as the spidery lines of black ink drew themselves across the page. Soon, fewer dots appeared and the names of several death eaters showed up. Some were in close proximity, while others lived miles away in the countryside. Harry noticed that Ginny’s dot showed her making a slow progression down an expressway. He guessed she was either driving or riding the bus.

“Hey, look! There’s Ginny!” Harry pointed to her dot on the map.

“Are you surprised? She’s still magic. She just can’t practice it anymore.” Lupin looked at the map and frowned again. “It says here that Lucius and Draco Malfoy are living about two blocks from here. They must be hiding out pretty well or I’m sure we would’ve seen them. How are they not leaving the house?”

“Can you see people on the map if they’re using invisibility cloaks?” Harry asked dumbly.

“Of course. Don’t you remember in your third year at Hogwarts? I watched you, Ron and Hermione sneak out of the castle using the invisibility cloak. I wonder if they are using it. But how would they get food?”

“Maybe they’re having groceries delivered?”

Lupin sighed. “That’s probably it. But how are they paying for it? I mean, where are they getting muggle money? They’re convicts from Azkaban, they can’t exactly go to Gringotts and have it changed over.” Lupin scratched his head and then his scraggly beard. “Someone must be helping them.”

“Who though? I mean, all the death eaters we’re seeking are wanted men. Who’s helping them? We are watching all their friends and family members, we’d know if someone was giving them inside help.” Harry leaned against the cushions of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “Sometimes I hate being an auror. It’s like I’m in a ‘Scooby Doo’ mystery. ‘I’d have brought Voldemort back if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.’”

Lupin was looking at him quizzically. Harry suddenly realized that Lupin had no clue as to who or what ‘Scooby Doo’ was. “Never mind. Just a muggle cartoon.”

Lupin nodded and looked back at the parchment. “I’m going to keep an eye on this and see if anyone shows up here that isn’t one of our usual suspects.”

“Should I stay and help?” Harry’s stomach growled irritably. It was close to ten at night and he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Lupin shook his head. “Nah. I think we’re going to have to take turns watching this thing though. Get something to eat and then we’ll trade, okay?”

Harry knew there was nothing to eat at home. Lupin and he had no time to shop. Harry grabbed his coat and walked to the door. I’ll be back by eleven thirty at the latest, okay?”

Lupin waved him away, his eyes fixed on the parchment. Harry turned the knob of the door and started to the café. As he walked down the winding set of stairs that led him out of the old Victorian tenement building, he felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably. He clutched his wand in his jacket pocket and wondered if he was worried about meeting the Malfoys outside. Thinking of a battle with them filled him with excitement, not dread. What was making him so nervous? Then he knew. It was the thought of seeing Ginny again.

He had told himself that he was going to try and befriend her the next time he came into the café. Now when face with that problem, he wondered how he should go about doing it. He didn’t want to seem like some jerky guy trying to hit on a waitress. He wanted a way to see her and spend time with her without it seeming like he was trying to seduce her. Why was he so worried about not trying to seduce her? What was wrong with befriending Ginny and possibly dating her? Harry shrugged to himself as he walked. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it, he thought. She was pretty, smart, and understood injustice. Suddenly, Harry found himself in front of the café. He pulled open the door and walked inside.