Love / Hate

Love / Hate

Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough. ~ Diana Shore

It was always the same, always in secret, always concealed in the shadows. She would come and wait, sometimes forever, sometimes all night. He came only when he could; not realizing that she would begin waiting long before his letter would arrive telling her he would not be there. She never knew. She always thought he did not care anything for her because she never received them.

"I hate you," she whispered, tears falling down flushed cheeks, salt water sliding over swollen lips. She pulled away from him, hiding her face, shame lighting in her eyes.

"I hate you," she whispered again, her eyes now boring sullenly into his. He stared back as his insides crumbled, wanting her to walk away. So she would never know, so it would be easier to give her up, so he wouldn't have to break her heart.

He wanted her to run because he couldn't. He had never known love before her. "Why?"

Her heart shattered; her bravery drowning as he walked toward her. He stood, towering over her, hands tangling in her hair. He was traitorous to himself, the Heart fighting a battle that the Mind would win.

"Why do you hate me?"

"Because you always... you... you hurt me Draco..."

He stood rigid, still, his insides growing cold. He looked into her eyes, searching but they were like glass marbles that could not be read. Like his own. Secrets and lies, rebuttals, struggling for control, wishing for the easy way out...

He knows what she means but still tries to ignore. "I try to be gentle. You..."

"No... no... not that..." She mumbled sobbing. She reached for his hand, which he gave. She looked into his eyes, her pain shining in her own, becoming a broken mirror with her heart bleeding through. She entwined their fingers and placed their hands over her heart.

"You hurt me, Draco..."

His other arm came around her and he buried his face into her hair. He felt tears sting his eyes as he held her. His fingers squeezed hers as her head came to rest on his chest. He felt her tears soak through his shirt. He wished he too could cry but those like his dreams had shriveled and dried by now.

"I hate you," she whispered once more, softly and almost affectionately. She looked into his eyes, a small sad smile on her face. "And I hurt you..."

"I'm sorry," he said, smiling back at her. "And I hate you, too."

He kissed her then, wishing he could shut down his thoughts and just drift in this moment. He wanted to be with her more than he ever wanted anything before. He wanted her because she was forbidden, he supposed, the only creature that had ever shown him forgiveness and love.

"This is it." He wanted to scream but couldn't, wanted to die in her arms but couldn't. "This is the last night."

He had a duty, a mission, and a scar. He couldn't change his destiny, too much of a coward.

She could perhaps because she was brave. Braver than him but not courageous enough to stop him. She placed her hand over his mark, and squeezed and he knew she was willing it away. She knew that they couldn't stay together.

He would kill her one day. She wouldn't begrudge him of that. She would stay alive for him. So that he would kill her.

She had never before in her life both loved and hated something as much as she did him.