Breaking the Shadows

Breaking the Shadows

Prologue

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets. ~ Andre Malraux

From the Diary of Mark Evans...

I have to admit that my life is Hell even if it does not compare much to other people's Hell.

I never really see the only man that could even be somewhat of a father figure in my life anymore. When he is with us, it feels as if he is not. He stays only for a while and then leaves. I assume that his visits are only for war purposes and to tell Mum about Harry. I don't blame him for being a Death Eater, but I blame myself sometimes. It's not that I don't know who the real culprit is in the War, that's of course, simple enough. Voldemort causes him hurt and fear but I cause him anger and shame.

I guess I can plainly say that I cause Severus pain. Most times, he can't stand to look at me. He has never so much as looked at me without a scowl or a glare or a disgusted look in his eyes. I cannot talk around him without him addressing me first or he'll curse at me. Then my mother will scream at him and they'll fight for a while. I hide upstairs and distract my younger brother and sister from the sounds of breaking glass and my mother's breaking heart. After all, Severus is her only true connection to the world.

Sometimes, I can tell myself that I hate him and I'll believe it for a time. Really though, I don't think I can hate him. I guess that it is because I feel like I owe it to my mum. She lost a lot in her life.

My grandparents died the year that my mum got married. I don't know much about them. I guess it is too painful for her to talk about them. I saw some pictures of them in the attic last summer and they seemed like nice people even if they were Muggles. Not that I have anything against muggles but the ones that I am allowed to meet don't like me too much. They seem to think I'm ruddy looking. It must be my hair and faded slightly big clothes. Mum has to buy what she can afford. I know Severus would help if he could but he has had a small dispute in the fact with his parents and his only money is his teaching salary. (For the record, I am not sure that I am happy that he is going to be my Potions teacher when I start Hogwarts. He may take pride in teaching me even if he hates me. Though he's taught me considerably more about potion ingredients than the average first year, I have never actually brewed a potion... Blame Mum for that.)

My father was killed by Voldemort. He died trying to save my mum and brother, taking the Killing Curse for them. Mum says that he was a good man and I suppose he must have really loved her and my brother to give his life for them. Mum says I look a bit like him. I have his eyes and hair that looks as if a comb never touched it. I like to think I look more like Mum though. I think Harry should look like Dad. He deserves it more than I do.

She lost her friends in many ways. One went to Azkaban on a false conviction; he is my brother's godfather, Sirius Black. Later he was proven innocent by Harry and two of his friends when I was eight. Dumbledore told us that Severus was nearly responsible for giving Sirius the Dementor's Kiss. (Mum wouldn't stop screaming for three hours and then she cried for another two. Needless to say, we had to fend for ourselves that night. Severus didn't come to the house for a whole two weeks. I have always known that he was scared of Mum.)

One friend turned into a traitor by betraying them, making my mum hide and killing my dad. Indecently, he was the same one that framed Sirius. (I thought it was funny when I found out that he had to live as a rat for twelve years. Sure tells you that his Animagus form knows about what is on the inside. Mum didn't seem to like that.)

Others friends she lost by just having to conceal herself away from everything. She talks a lot about Arabella, Alice and Remus. I have only seen one picture of Arabella and Alice. They were both part of the Order of the Phoenix. They were in a group picture together along with Mad Eye Moody (who I met once in passing, creepy fellow,) and Sirius and others that I don't remember. Remus was apart of the Order too. He was a real good friend to my dad, (a Marauder, which I asked Severus about that one day and he came close to hexing me) and he my mum's best friend.

She lost my brother by having to go away. She had to give him up to my Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; (I don't know much about them either, just they are muggles. I met Aunt Petunia at the market one day. She got into an argument with Mum when my little brother ran into her. She didn't recognize Mum though with the appearance charms and sun glasses. Shame really...) Dumbledore said that Harry would have to leave because it would be too dangerous for him to live with us. So, Mum has to be 'dead'. I have to simply be non-existent along with my sister and brother, Rosemary and Zachariah.

Personally, I think that Dumbledore has been lying to us all along. Severus once said that the old man was full of tarp. I can't help but believe that just a little bit.

I've seen my brother, met him just last summer in fact. He saved me from Dudley Dursley and his gang of bullies. I could hex them as Severus taught me a few that I am sure they don't teach in Hogwarts. I have my Dad's old wand. I still feel weird holding it, knowing that he died with it in his hand...

So anyway, Dudley and Piers was kicking me. I knew a good Stabbing Curse* would teach them to stop even if Mum would be mad at me. (I mean mad as in the equivalent of the temper of a Hungarian Horntail but that is beside the point.) I felt my wand sticking me in the back where I had put it in my pocket. It wouldn't take me much time to get it and cast the charm. Then Harry came around the corner and he locked eyes with me. So, no payback would happen that night. Bloody bad timing runs in the family...

After Harry 'saved' me, we talked for a little while and it occurred to me to tell him everything. I didn't though. Mum wouldn't scream...Severus would and that would be much, much worse.

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* The Stabbing Curse is just a few of the hexes that Snape taught him. It may be preformed later on in the story. If you remember that it is called the Stabbing Curse than the description will make it easy to tell that it is what it is.