Missing

Hermione and Severus appeared at Hogwarts' front gates with a small pop. Hermione made her way toward the front doors rather quickly, leaving Snape behind to handle the bags. She smiled to herself, thinking about him picking up the box of tampons, not knowing what it was. 'Better knowledge of the Muggle world my ass,' she thought; he hardly knew anything about it. The man knew more than most, she gave him credit for that, but he hardly understood why she wanted to keep stuffed animals, or 'the ugly stuffed things' as he had put it. He looked through her book collection and turned up his nose at most of it, commenting on how he thought she was smart enough not to read 'that garbage.' Hermione sighed; this was her life now. No mother, no father, just Hogwarts staff as family. Hermione had stayed in the house, her old home for only as long as it took her to grab her and her deceased parents' things.

Severus was shocked at how short of a time they stayed - he had expected to be there almost all day, but it seemed like she wanted to leave as soon as possible. He could tell Hermione was ignoring the reality of things, and pretending that she didn't care. He knew it all too well. When his own mother died he pretended that he didn't care or that she hadn't mattered to him at all, but one day he snapped and lost all control over the dam of emotions that he had built up. That was the day he found himself on the doorstep of Hogwarts pleading from Dumbledore. He knew that she would need someone to be there when that happened; granted, he also knew that she'd need someone whom she hated. Someone she would never want comforting her. Severus realised that if Sirius or Dumbledore too care of her, she would never let out her true feelings, she'd bottle them inside of herself like he had.

Hermione thought of her parents as they walked up to the doors of Hogwarts. She knew that her life had changed forever but she wasn't sure how it would affect her at the moment. Sighing again she thought of her parents, and images of days spent shopping for clothes or books, came flooding into her mind, catching her off guard. 'No dammit, you are not going to start crying now, just hold it until you are alone.' She had once told herself that she would never let anyone see her cry; it was a form of weakness and that was the last thing she wanted anyone to know. Quickly gathering her composure she thought more practical thoughts; she would need things like tampons and clothing items but didn't even know who could take her to buy them...maybe Snape? She shook her head at her own thought, 'Why on earth would he want to take me to buy stuff?'

Dumbledore greeted them at the worn steps and promptly took the pair to Hermione's new room. She thought of it as her new home. Hermione wasn't stupid; she already knew that Dumbledore had told the students that her parents were killed. And she knew how there would be whispers behind her back and many questions that would need to be answered. She just hoped that she wasn't the one who had to answer them.

"Hermione?" She looked at the aged headmaster as he brought her out of her reverie. "I have talked to all your teachers, save one" he glanced at Professor Snape, "and you are dismissed from all of your classes for the remainder of the week and for as long as you need it."

She nodded for a second then began to shake her head, knowing that if she fell behind she'd have nothing left, she'd have to advance at Hogwarts in order to become successful in the wizarding world. "I appreciate the thought Professor, but no thank you. I am ready to go back to classes."

"Miss Granger, please, take the remainder of this week off, get settled in your new rooms and if you really feel that you need to go back to your classes you may do so next week."

Hermione shook her head once more. If she didn't go to classes there would nothing to distract her from what had happened, from the cold hard truth. "Please, Professor," she pleaded, "I need to go back, I have to go back." She paused for a moment, and then took up a new tack. "I really don't feel I should be treated differently from the other students, sir."

"Miss Granger." Snape's voice was almost civil and it sounded alien to Hermione. "I do agree with the headmaster, you need some time away from classes and three whole days is really not going to cause you to fall far behind." Hermione looked at him, shocked. Was the notorious Professor Severus actually suggesting what she thought he was? He was practically giving her leave to bunk of school.

Severus slipped away to go to his own chambers as Dumbledore lead Hermione to her new room.

The wizened man closed the door behind her, knowing she'd need some space. He wanted to talk to Severus but realised that now was not the time.

Once inside and alone Hermione locked the door and wondered how she was going to make it on her own. Yesterday she was merely a teenager with her parents to take care of her and now it seemed like she would be living her days out at this school. Glancing around the blank slate that was now her room, she took out her wand and started decorating it to her liking. She settled on a lavender colour for her walls with butterflies that flew around.

~*~

The next few weeks weren't as easy as Hermione had told herself they would be. The whispers through the Great Hall, the way the Great Hall got silent whenever she walked in, the way everyone stared. Once Hermione started her classes again, she threw herself into work. During classes she sat between Ron and Harry, who insisted on sitting by her to make sure she was okay. She had to admit she liked the idea of them trying to take care of her.

"Miss Granger. So kind of you to join us. Do you think the death of your Muggle parents is an excuse to miss three whole days of class?"

Hermione looked at him in disbelief. Her eyes met his, and in his eyes she could see that he didn't mean it. That it was just his front to play his double role. And in that moment she chose to ignore the snickers that came from the Slytherin side of the classroom. She wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of seeing her upset.

Hermione sat down in the place saved for her and took her things out. Looking down at her blank parchment, Hermione half listened to Snape's lecture as thoughts of her parents drifted through her mind. The way they used to laugh and tease her. The way her mother was there whenever Hermione needed her and the way her father made jokes to lighten her mood - no matter how much he had to put his dignity aside to get a smile out of her.

Class had ended as soon as it had begun and Hermione hardly seemed to notice when every one rushed out of class in a hurry. Harry had asked her if she was coming, quietly she told him she'd catch up. Staying in her seat and staring at the parchment in front of her, Hermione didn't dare to move, or to get up to lunch. Today she just couldn't face the sniggers and the whispers.

Hermione watched as the shadow on her book seemed to grow and looking up she saw her Professor whom she thought would angry, or annoyed. Instead she saw a caring look in his eyes something she wasn't use to seeing. He bent down to her level, so that he could look her in the eyes.

"Hermione?" She jumped slightly, unaccustomed to him using her first name. She looked at him and knew no one else was in the room. She also knew that he was to be looking after her. Hermione knew she was pushing herself. She had yet to properly grieve, and yet here she was going back to classes, and trying to concentrate on her last year at Hogwarts, her last year before she was out on her own alone in the cruel world.

"Why aren't you in the Great Hall with all the other students?"

Swallowing the lump that had found its way into her throat she responded despondently. "I'd rather not."

She knew he was trying to connect with her, but she knew that the second she got close to someone they'd die, and with the position he was in she knew that even if he got close to her, it'd only mean trouble. She didn't want to be the cause of someone else's death.

"I think I'll just go to my room now."

He watched her as she practically ran out of the classroom. Severus knew that the dam she was beginning to build up would soon come crumbling down. And he wasn't so sure that it would be something he'd want to witness. He slowly made his way to the Great Hall noticing the chair that was next to Professor Dumbledore was open. He took the empty seat and glanced over at him.

"How's Miss Granger?"

Severus knew what the headmaster wanted to hear, but it wasn't the truth and lying wouldn't help the girl. She needed the support of her friends now more than ever. The war was upon them and she would be a target. The first one Voldemort...or at least Lucius would be going after. For some odd reason he felt the need to protect this young child. There was something that called him to her.

"She's doing as best can be expected with Malfoy and his idiot friends making snide remarks, and every Tom, Dick and Harry whispering in the halls and staring at her."

"It looks as though she has a long road ahead of her."

Severus could only nod in agreement; things were going to get worse before they got better for her, and he could only wish that she didn't have to go through what she was going through alone.

~*~

Hermione had promptly locked herself in her room wanting to get away from everyone and everything. She sat at her desk, staring at her textbook, which had been opened to the same page for the past hour. Her thoughts weren't anywhere near the book in front of her.

She couldn't help but wonder what the last moments of her parents' life were like. Hermione knew the attack happened suddenly and didn't end so suddenly. She also knew that they suffered, suffered far too much. The state her house was in proved that.

The knock at knock the door brought her from her thoughts.

"Hermione? You in there?"

She got up from her desk, and she opened the door to see Ron and Harry standing at her door. Harry had a plate of food and they were obviously worried about her. She appreciated it, they were the closest thing she to family at the moment, and she wasn't about to force them away.

"We noticed you missed lunch, and we figured that you needed to eat something."

The sheepish grin started to form on Ron's lips and Hermione couldn't help but smile. Opening her door wider so that they could come into her room, she stepped aside as they walked in. Harry set the plate of food on her desk as she sat on her bed.

"How are you Herm? Really?"

"How would you be if your parents were murdered just so that an example could be set for the Muggle born witches and wizards..?" After a moment she realized that she was being mean, trying to push them away so that they wouldn't get hurt, but something inside her told her something she already knew...she needed them. "Oh, I'm sorry Harry. I'm, I'm still dealing with it. Its not easy, and I'm doing the best I can." Her voice wavered at the end of her sentence and Hermione started to cry silent tears and her body began to shake. She started to crumple inwards but Ron reached over and forced her into his arms, knowing that she needed to know that someone loved her. That even though she felt alone, she wasn't and never would be.

"You coming to class?"

Hermione shrugged, knowing that she most likely wasn't going to be attending. She needed some time to herself, some time to think about the way she was going to make it through the next few months. She also knew that she'd be able to get away with missing classes for a few more days.

"I'm not sure Harry, I think I just need some time alone," she said, and clutched Ron tightly one last time before letting him go.

"Well, we've got to get going Hermione," said Harry as he got up and slung his bag over his shoulder. He put an arm out and Hermione leaned into it. "We'll come by later," he murmured into her hair. "If you need anything, know that we're here for you."

Hermione watched as her two best friends in the whole wide world walked out of her room. She knew that she had to be strong; the coming months would demand it of her. It was time for her to make her parents proud of their little girl.

*~*

The next few months flew by; before Hermione knew it Christmas had come around, the first Christmas she would spend without her parents. She was beginning to hate the holidays. She knew Harry would be going to Ron's for Christmas as he always did, and that Mrs. Weasley would invite her to come along as well. The last thing she wanted to be was around a family so soon after hers was torn apart.

"Hey, Hermione? You know Mum would be more than happy to have at home for the holidays."

"I know, Ginny, but I don't think it's a good idea right now, I have a load of schoolwork."

She knew Ginny wanted her to come and have another girl around the Weasley home, but Hermione didn't feel as though she'd be such good company. She wanted to be in a place where she could get some peace and quiet and preferably get some schoolwork done as well. Hermione wished Ron Harry and Ginny a merry Christmas and watched them leave Hogwarts, knowing that come next year she'd be with them at the Weasleys' being happy. But now she needed time to heal, to prepare herself for the battle that was ahead.

A couple of days after they left, Hermione found herself sitting in the Great Hall with a cup of hot tea in her hand. She has attempted to get some work done in the library but just couldn't concentrate as there were too many things that were going on inside her head. Teachers had already asked her if she was all right or if she needed anything, but she just shrugged it off not wanting to be bothered. Finally Hermione was sick of everyone staring at her so she closed her book, placed her mug on the table and got up, heading towards her own room. She walked to her room but once she was there, she decided not to stay and only opened the door to place the book on her bed. She kept walking.

Wanting to get away and not caring where she went, she ended up in the bottom of the castle, knowing all too well that this would be the last place anyone would look for her. She slipped into the potions classroom, knowing Snape's private rooms where attached to his classroom. Hermione felt as though maybe he was the only one who could understand what she was going through. There had once been a time when she loathed the man and now, here she was, running to the one place she would never have gone to on her own.

Slipping through the door and trying to make as little noise as possible and sat in the corner of the room on the cold stone floor. Christmas used to be her favourite holiday; she would leave Hogwarts, get on the train, and meet her parents at the station. Then they'd go home to enjoy dinner and she'd tell them all about school. The next morning she'd wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking. They'd eat and then they would let her open presents. Hermione never realized how much it meant to her, until it was gone. Hermione hadn't realized how much it all meant to her until it was gone.

~*~

"Miss Granger? What on earth are you doing in here?"

When she didn't answer he moved closer and realised she was sobbing. He gently touched her on the shoulder and finally he got her to look at him. For one split second she let him see her crying, let him see her at her weakest point. She wiped her tears away and stood up having every intention of walking out of that room.

"I'm sorry Professor, I was sick of being stared at in the Great Hall."

"Her...Miss Granger, everyone is worried about you."

"Why? I'm fine, I am not so sure why..."

"Because you haven't been yourself. Every one of the teachers has seen it. Professor Dumbledore is the one who is most worried about you."

She couldn't understand why she was playing the role that she thought everyone wanted her to. To be the perfect student, to be okay with the fact that her parents were killed just a few short months ago, and she couldn't have stopped it had she of been there herself. Severus had led her to a chair and told her to sit. She didn't really want to stay but she had nowhere else to be.

"How are you doing?"

She just shrugged her shoulders, the answer wasn't there. Not for him, not for her. Truth be told, Hermione Granger no longer existed. She had died the night her parents were killed. She had no one left in the world to care for her and love her. She was alone and she wanted someone to care for her and what Professor Snape was doing now was a far cry from what he acted like when they were in class.

"To be honest I thought I was doing fine until this morning. It's Christmas, my parents loved Christmas. They loved to spoil me; almost every present under the tree would be for me." She laughed as she thought on blue remembered hills. Her expression soured. "And this is the first Christmas that I've spent alone"

"It's understandable, your parents were taken from you."

"Understandable? What do you understand? My parents were taken away from me to make an example out of them. And now here I am, in the middle of a war and I'm the target. Malfoy takes every chance he gets to make it known that it was his father who killed my parents and yet no one has done a damn thing about it."

By this point Hermione was out of the chair pacing back and fourth, yelling at him, as if it was his fault. And instead of yelling back he let her go, knowing that the dam that she had built up over these past few months was about to break.

"Why my parents? Because I'm friends with Harry? There are plenty of other children who have Muggle parents. Why did mine have to die? Why?"

She grabbed a jar off his desk and threw it with all her might across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into thousands upon thousands of pieces. Hermione dropped to her knees; the sobs at this point were racking her entire body as she curled up into a ball, trying to disappear into the floor. Dimly, she was aware of two strong arms encircling her waist, and a low voice soothing her until she finally fell asleep.