Love, and Other Things That Hurt

Chapter Eleven

When he finally slipped into an uneasy sleep, Draco dreamt of his family.

He saw his mother, the sunken blue eyes staring from out of her bloodless face curtained in her white blonde hair. Her lips moved as though she was speaking to him but all he could hear was the disembodied words in of an all-too-familiar person.

"Well, look at you," came his father's voice from out of the mist, drawling and mocking and so far away. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

Draco awoke drenched in a cold sweat, and it took him almost a full minute to remember to exhale the breath he was holding.

-

When she finally slipped into an uneasy sleep, Ginny dreamt of birth.

She dreamt that she was sleeping in a riverbed and from her belly blossomed fully, leafy vines, delicate white flowers and grand bouquets of indigo and navy and gold, thickly veined leaves and feathery velvet petals. The blooms were beautiful, but when Ginny's hands fell to her stomach and she felt what was growing there, her hands began to tear frantically at the colourful blooms, and she woke up at sunrise, her pillow damp and her heart beating aggresively out of her chest.

Before the dawn had fully broken over the mountains framing the Forbidden Forest in the distance, Ginny slipped out of bed and dressed silently as her dorm mates slept on. She crept through the vacant early morning corridors and up the stairs until finally she reached the door of the hospital wing. She knocked three times and, moments later, Madam Pomfrey opened the door, dressed in her usual floral robes and already holding her clipboard chart.

"Miss Weasley," she said, appearing to be startled. "It's quite early. Is everything alright? Are you feverish? Trouble sleeping?"

Ginny didn't hesitate. "I'm not alright," she said flatly, her eyes overbright and steady as they fixed upon the matron's. "And I have a favour to ask you. Regarding my...situation, and how it's already begun affecting my life."

Madam Pomfrey's forehead creased. "How do you mean?"

Ginny inhaled and exhaled deeply through her mouth. "I know I can't delay it forever," she said, and her hands fell, almost instinctively, to her inconspicuous belly. "But I also know that I can't face it today. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to, and I'll be able to start making the necessary changes and adjustments. But I need....time."

Madam Pomfrey's nostrils flared. "Miss Weasley," she said, clearly attempting to maintain her composure calmly. "I hardly need to explain to you how impractical the notion is of delaying the reality of the situation, no matter how temporarily."

Ginny refused to concede. "I know that I made mistakes that I need to face the consequences of," she said vehemently. "But I need time to think." Her expression softened slightly as she gazed up appealingly at the matron. "You can understand that, can't you, Madam Pomfrey?"

The matron stared at her piercingly for a few moments before releasing a sigh. "Ginevra, I understand that for a girl of your age, that this situation is...delicate. I just don't see how -"

At the steely, determined look on Ginny's face, however, she seemed to relent.

"Alright, Ginevra," Madam Pomfrey said, sounding weary but resigned. "What is that you want?"

Ginny's voice was unwavering, and her jaw was set. "I want to see Professor Dumbledore," she said, her eyes blazing. "I need to tell him I'm going home."

-

Ginny was sitting on the floor of the dormitory with all the clothing she owned strewn across her bed, staring down the massive pile, lost in thought, when the letter arrived. Out of the corner of her eye, Ginny was pulled out of her musing daydreams by a sudden burst of flame on the windowsill. She scrambled to her feet, but as soon as she blinked, what had seemed to be an illusion was gone.

For a moment, she stood there gazing at the spot where it had vanished until, with a start, she saw that a folded piece of parchment was sitting on the windowsill, with no sign of having be borne from flame. Cautiously, Ginny moved forward and picked up the envelope, on which her name was written in precise, flowing script. Feeling slightly bemused, Ginny tore open the envelope and carefully slid out the letter from within.

Dear Ginny,

I wonder if I could request the pleasure of your presence in my office at your earliest convenience. I would greatly appreciate the chance to sit down and have a chat with you, if you would be so obliged. Please stop by presently, if you will, with the knowledge in mind that I am very fond of Chocolate Frogs.

Yours most sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore

Ginny bit her lip as she re-read the letter, but she was resolute. She couldn't stay here in this castle, not with Draco so close and yet so absolutely distant. The memory of his words the previous night caused her a wrenching pain in her stomach that she couldn't seem to banish and she stood, tucking the letter into the pocket of her robes and leaving the dormitory.

The corridors that led to Dumbledore's office stretched, long and empty, as Ginny traipsed down them alone, walking past the closed doors of classrooms, alone in the silence until she reached the two gargoyles flanking the entrance to Dumbleore's office.

"Um," Ginny said tentatively. "Chocolate...Chocolate Frog?"

There was a brief pause before the gargoyles creaked to life, moving aside and revealing the stone door sliding away to reveal a narrow moving spiral staircase. Ginny, having only been in this office twice - once covered in blood and trembling after she, Ron, Harry, and Professor Lockhart had been pulled from the Chamber of Secrets by Fawkes the phoenix, and once to hear the news that her father had been attacked by a snake - felt slightly anxious as she reached the door to Dumbledore's office - although she knew that wasn't the only reason. She hesitated for a fraction of a second before lifting the brass knocker and dropping it with a resounding bang onto the wooden door.

"Come in," came the voice from within.

Ginny emerged into the office and found herself struck momentarily speechless by the spacious room. She didn't know if she had just forgotten or if the brilliance of the room had increased since her last visit, but she was dazzled by all the whirring instruments, devices emitting smoke and shimmering lights. Only when Dumbledore gave a small cough did she remember why she was there, and she turned towards the large mahogany desk in the centre of the circular room.

Dumbledore looked the same as ever, with his long white hair and beard, his crooked nose and those piercing blue eyes from between his small half-moon spectacles. He wore his usual sweeping robes in deep violet and had his hands folded in front of him on the desk as he surveyed Ginny upon her entrance.

"Ah, Miss Weasley," he said, his eyes twinkling. "Thank you for your prompt follow up to my invitation. Please, have a seat."

Ginny took a few steps forward and dropped gingerly into a cushy armchair, crossing her arms uncomfortably. Dumbledore's gaze kind, but Ginny couldn't help feeling a slight sense of trepidation. Madam Pomfrey had clearly told him something, but she didn't know if he knew everything.

As though the thought had fluttered from her mind across the room, Dumbledore gave a soft sigh and nodded grimly. "I am aware of the current situation," he said lightly, his eyes calmly upon Ginny's reluctant gaze. "Or, at least, as aware as Madam Pomfrey felt it was prudent for me to be." He paused, still watching her closely. "The most important immediate matter is your health, and although I am told you have been experiencing rather severe symptoms to the pregnancy -" Ginny flinched at the word and Dumbledore continued on as though he had not noticed, "- you are doing just fine."

At these words, Ginny felt, to her horror, her eyes begin to fill up with tears. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, wiping hastily at her eyes. "I - yes, I know that I am healthy."

"And that is something to be grateful for," Dumbledore murmured, more, it seemed, to himself than to her, and he silently passed her a tissue over the desk for her streaming eyes. "Despite the trials that life may present to us, we must never forget how fortunate..." He cut himself off midsentence and focused his attention directly back upon Ginny, his face very solemn.

"I am not going to ask you how you feel," he said gently, leaning forward slightly, his eyes locked upon hers still, a stare that made her shift uncomfortably in her chair, as though he was examining her soul. "Nor am I going to assume that I can empathize with the storm of emotions no doubt churning inside you, because I am certain that I cannot. I do not feel that it is my place to make inquiries of you."

Ginny took a sharp intake of breath, relief flooding her. "Professor Dumbledore, I -"

Dumbledore held up a hand to forestall her speech. "There is no consolation for this kind of turmoil that is altogether so unintended and unexpected," he said gravely. "And you may trust that I, more than anyone, understand and treasure the need for family at such uncertain times and periods of what seems like isolation from all others."

"I -" Ginny hesitated. "I can go home?"

"I think it best," Dumbledore said musingly. "Yes. If you choose to return to Hogwarts before the start of your exams, no harm done. If you make...a different decision, that is to say, to remain at home indefinitely, we will, of course, discuss your options."

Ginny felt a rush of shame. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, dropping her head to stare at her hands, twisting together in her lap. "Professor, I'm so sorry that I'm embarrassing you...and the school..."

Again, Dumbledore held up a hand to stop her. "Love is in itself the most persuasive, stupefying, magnificent, and inexplicable sensation we as humans are ever presented with in our lives," he said softly. "And as humans, we often have very little strength to resist it when it comes knocking upon our door, no matter in which form it may visit us in."

Fresh tears sprung to Ginny's eyes, and this time, she let them fall.

"I just wish I could fix things," she said, her voice breaking, and in that moment, she had a feeling that some silent understanding between she and Dumbledore meant that he knew that her words went beyond the obvious situation. "I wish that I could go back and..."

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "Alas, time is set - the time that has passed, in any case. The future is still ours for the taking." At Ginny's expression, Dumbledore heaved another sigh, his gaze shifting to the open window through which Ginny could see owls swooping by, their feathers glinting in the daylight and the sun framing the distant mountain range. "It isn't easy," he said, moving his focus back to her, and folding his hands under his chin. "But the silver lining always hides beneath the clouds."

Ginny nodded miserably, and Professor Dumbledore seemed to know what she was thinking.

"When it comes to the worst, it always helps for us to remind ourselves of the most important of realities," he said, regarding Ginny with his kind face, his blue eyes twinkling behind his spectacles. "And it is always better for there to be life than for there to be death."

-

It was raining at King's Cross station when Ginny stepped through the barrier of Platform 9¾ that evening after a long train ride through the England countryside as the Hogwarts Express wound its lonely way down the tracks towards London. She pulled her trunk behind her and pulled up the hood of her Muggle jacket as she scanned the moderately crowded platform for her parents.

"Ginny! Ginny!"

Ginny turned and found herself immediately face-to-face with her mother, who was wrapped in a yellow rain slicker with her feet in her gardening boots. Molly seized her daughter and hugged her tightly, and Arthur, who wasn't far behind, took his turn once Molly had released Ginny.

"Professor Dumbledore sent us an owl telling us you were on the train home!" Molly said, looking slightly tearful as she examined Ginny from head to toe. "He said you'd been feeling ill for a few weeks and needed some time to rest up at home before your examinations."

"I'm alright, Mum, really," Ginny said soothingly as Molly anxious toyed with the buttons on Ginny's coat. "I've just been run-down for...for awhile now. Madam Pomfrey thinks it's best if I have some time to just...you know. Regenerate."

Molly nodded, wiping her eyes. "We were just worried, dear," she said, clutching Ginny into a tight hug again. "But it's lovely to have you home, even for a short time."

Arthur picked up the trunk, and as they started towards the street, Molly babbling in earnest about how wonderful the rain would be for the garden, Ginny took one quick glance back towards the barrier between platform 9 and platform 10. You would never know by looking at it that just by walking through that apparently solid wall, you could find yourself instantly in another world you had no idea existed. It was astonishing, the amount of invisible things in the world that were often the most awe-inspiring of all. Ginny turned away and walked arm-in-arm with her mother towards the taxi that was waiting, forcing her thoughts away from anything that wasn't home.