Tiny Bubbles II

I refuse to call my dog Mister Snookims. However, I cannot get the damn creature to answer to anything but Mister Snookims or Snook. Snook Snape. This is one of those times that I wish Voldimort had managed to kill me.

Minerva was kind enough to bring a present for Snook. I sneered at her, but must admit that I rather liked her gift. Snook is now the proud owner of a black leather spiked collar. Sometimes the best way to treat a joke is to turn the tables on the jokester and pretend that they were being sincere. This makes Minerva quite angry. I love bursting her bubble.

At any rate, the fur ball has managed to become tolerable in the last fortnight or so. Perhaps his being housebroken has contributed, as well as the fact that he no longer barks at every sound. It is amazing what a well placed silencing spell can do. I would have never thought that a dogs face could be so expressive, but his is. He looked genuinely frightened when he realized that there was no sound accompanying his barks. I think that he has given up trying to bark, perhaps he thinks he's mute. All the better for a good night's sleep for me.

Have also stopped him from following me everywhere. I have Mrs. Norris to thank for that bonus. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Mrs. Norris in a while either. I would call the scrap a tie, even though Filch keeps bragging that Mrs. Norris is the victor. Ha! Her ear looked much worse for wear than Snooks'. His fur is growing back quite nicely and should conceal the tiny scar he will have.

I am the all around winner, as now the students take getting caught out after curfew more seriously than they did when Snooks was following me. It is hard to be taken seriously when there is a puppy gamboling about one's ankles. If hexing students weren't verboten there would be quite a few nervy Gryffindors wearing extra ears or noses.

Albus is being really insufferable about the whole thing. He is the worst. I can't give him detention and he is my boss, therefore I have to put up with his constant uninvited visits to admire Snooks. The man obviously needs a dog of his own, and I am looking forward to Christmas.

Won't he be surprised at the Mastiff he will be receiving?

Of course a puppy won't do. Oh no. He will be receiving a full-grown one-year-old pup named ..Puddles. Happy Christmas Albus. I cannot help but snicker. (If you tell anyone that I snicker you will wish you had never been born. Consider yourself lucky that I am even sharing this with you)

As to the Granger girl. I haven't forgotten about her, oh no. I have merely been biding my time and plotting my revenge. Letting her stew, so to speak. She will be staying on here for the Christmas hols. This suits me quite nicely. I am going to give everyone something to talk about over the break. I can just hear the conversations around the various dinner tables on Christmas Day as her fellow students regale their families about the latest salvo in the war. Perhaps this will make the Daily Prophet.

But first, I must make a visit to St. Mungo's.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I caught myself humming King Wencelas this morning as I shaved. I must be careful, it wouldn't do to have a student or worse, Albus hear me being so cheerful. I must act as if this is an ordinary day, with the exception of showing the customary enthusiasm regarding the end of term.

Today is the day I have been waiting for, for the past fortnight. Today I launch the next salvo in the battle between me and Miss Granger. I barely contain a smile as I take my seat at the high table. Of course she is there with her little friends Potter and Weasley. I find myself mildly disgusted at the appalling table manners of Mr. Weasley and wonder what Molly would do if she were to see him attempting to talk with a mouth full of porridge.

Albus is whispering to Minerva, who is blushing at his words. They have been a couple since the fall of The Dark Lord, and I for one am getting quite sick of the pair of them. I accidentally walked in on them the other day and caught them in a, shall we say, compromising situation. I have been taking Dreamless Sleep Potion every night since then.

Ah, it appears that Gilderoy has arrived, for the doors to the great hall have just burst open, revealing the conceited little git. I must say that he follows instructions well, as the loudness of the red suit and white fur trimmed cape attests. This is priceless. Colon Creevy is snapping away with that accursed camera of his. Go Colon!

All conversation has halted, and more than one mouth is hanging open. No wonder...

"Where is the most beautiful witch in the world? Where is my Hermione?" he is shouting. Miss Granger is currently trying to crawl under the table, and we cannot allow that.

"She's over there!" Draco exclaims amidst the giggles coming from his table. Thank you Draco. Twenty-five points to Slytherin.

"Ah. My love! My dearest, Hermione!" Lockhart sighs loudly as he practically runs over to the Gryffindor table. "I have searched the world over for you."

Oh bugger! He is looking confused. I hope he remembers the picture..ah there we are. He has found her. Her face matches his cape. I think she is even paler than I am. He has seized her hand, which she is desperately trying to pull away.

"Ah. Heaven!" he cries then presses his lips to her trembling hand. "I have missed you so! I have been searching for you everywhere my love!"

The Hall is filled with nervous giggling, punctuated by the outright laughter coming from Slytherin. Weasley looks a bit queasy and Potter has buried his face in his hands. The rest of her house is alternately blushing and looking away. Miss Granger looks as if she is about to faint.

"P-prof-fessor!" she stammers. "Really!"

"Yes my dearest," he replies, clearly misunderstanding her admonition for a question "really! Then Severus Snape happened upon me one day and told me where I could find you!"

Oh shit. The nutter wasn't supposed to say that!

Double shit! Miss Granger has now turned an angry shade of red. What's worse, Albus is now twinkling at me. The bastard.

"Did he really now?" she asks Lockhart. I don't like that cold tone her voice has taken. Neither do Potter, Weasley and a few of my Slytherins apparently as they are looking somewhat frightened now.

"Yes!" he answers nodding his head vigorously. "Only, I didn't remember who it was I was looking for, I have this short term memory problem you see. Severus was kind enough to remind me. And look, he even gave me your picture when he found out about my memory problem. Wasn't that kind of him?"

"Very," she agrees as she shoots daggers at me with those eyes of hers. "But, Gilderoy darling," she continues as she grasps his other hand in hers "I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, but I don't love you anymore."

What is she up to? Why isn't she running from the hall in tears? She is supposed to run from the hall in tears and he is supposed to chase her, calling her name longingly. Fuck! Lockhart looks at her, his expression puzzled.

"You don't?" he asks.

"No, Gilderoy. I'm sorry," she sighs, shaking her head in feigned sorrow. "Someone else has stolen my heart."

I am beginning to think that I should make a swift exit. But that would be running away, and I don't run away. Even if an angry Miss Granger is more dangerous than a room full of Death Eaters.

"Who!" he shouts. "Who is the libertine that dares steal my Hermie from me? Tell me who he is and I shall call him out!"

Who was the dumb ass that gave this insane mass of narcissism the wand he has just pulled out of his robe?

"No! Gilderoy you can't!" she shouts as he waves his wand carelessly around the room, causing students to duck . "Please!"

"But my dearest-"

"No. You can't fight him. You would kill him and then I would have to kill myself because I could never live with out him!"

The students are giggling at her declaration, this is most satisfying. However, Lockhart is looking truly angry. Albus is looking at me and laughing silently and Minerva is smirking as she places a restraining arm on Hagrid.

"Very well then, my love you give me no other choice," he declares as he picks her up and flings her over his shoulder. "You have obviously been placed under a spell by a nefarious bastard. I must rescue you from his evil clutches!"

"No! Put me down!"" she is shouting, pounding her fists into his back. The entire Hall is laughing now, including Potter and Weasley who are guffawing loudly. I allow myself to smile as she glares at her friends, her eyes narrowed. The she looks as me, her eyes suddenly merry.

"Severus my love, help me!" she screams as he carries his struggling package toward the doors.

There is a loud collective gasp, as all eyes turn to me. Except for Albus, who has fallen into his chair, his laughter ringing through the room.

Fuck.