The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Prologue - The Beginning

Love falls from the stars.

~ ~ ~

I think I like him. I really do.

But I don't really know what I'm thinking or how I'm thinking or why I'm thinking it. I can't clearly process any of my thoughts any more. It used to be so simple. You have a problem, you analyse it, you list possible theories as to how the problem has come about, then you list possible solutions to said problem. It's a simple mathematical process. This isn't so simple. Nothing seems to be simple anymore. I can't think straight. Having feelings for a friend is complicated enough. But this is even more so.

I try to have an optimistic outlook on life. It's difficult when you've led a life like mine, and when you've faced so much adversity it seems easier to just curl up and shut yourself away from the world. That's how I used to feel, but when you live with two of the most energetic and positive people you've ever known it's difficult to waste away in some secluded corner thinking morbid thoughts.

For all sad words of tongue or pen, none are sadder than these: "It might have been."

So why am I sitting here, devouring him with my eyes but saying nothing? He's speaking to me now.

"...So then I said to him that it didn't matter what the hell he thought, I was bloody well going to do it anyway..."

I can't even remember who or what he's talking about, but his words stay with me all the same. "It didn't matter what the hell he thought." I wish I could say the same. I wish I could just not care. Maybe this is all a big mistake.

I think it all started about a year ago. It was a bad year. My transformations hurt me more than ever. I don't know why things got so bad, why I was no longer only bleeding outwardly from bites and scratches, but also bleeding inwardly from exhausting conflicts that broke me down. The wolf inside me yearned for control, and it tore me apart... not just during the full moon, but every single day. Everyday I fought to keep a hold of the beast that consumed my body and mind. I hated the moon.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I could face the pain inflicted upon me if only to have him near me when it was over. I would go through the pain a thousand times over and a thousand times again if he could be mine.

I've never felt love before, so this new feeling frightened and disgusted me. Frightened, because it was all so new and different and unexplored but exciting. Disgusted, because something inside told me it was wrong. But how could it be wrong when it just felt so good? An explosion of delicious sensations: hope, fear, warmth, dizziness, longing... I just ached. My mind, body, soul, heart just ached for him.

It's only now, looking back, I can see how you patched through my walls - and entered my life in waves.

But I was frustrated because I just didn't know why. What defines the moment when your relationship with someone transcends friendship and becomes love? I know there's a fine line between love, and being in love. I love my parents. I love my friends, though the general unspoken rule of preserving our masculinity forbids that any of us should admit this. But I'm not in love with any of them.

Save one.

My star. Sirius.