What You Want

There's a storm raging....

I watch as it quenches its rage and fury- drowning the world in its tears, reveling in the madness, laughing in its insanity....

And I seem to feel its madness... will it to feel my pain....

We become one as the night fills me too and it makes me wish I can forget the pain, forget the rage....laugh in my insanity......

And for a moment I do, shutting out the screams as I turn to find his warmth. But I hear them rise as we rise to the crescendo once more, a craze of pure pleasure so complete in its insane hatred, a fear that makes me ache for that agony... go on till I can silence my own yearning demons.

I feel him brand me- his lips a hot sear against my skin, and I move with him, if only to let him know no one else can deserve that mark as much. I crush my lips against his, my fingers so tight in his hair, moving until he moans and I feel that power...

Feel desired... feel needed.

It scares me but I know I'll be able to run away from that fear. Just as I run from all my fears...I run and I run till I leave it all far behind...I do not know I cannot escape my own shadow....

The crescendo breaks and I slump, sweaty and shaken, against my clothes, the taste of my tears mingling with the taste of him still on my lips...

I trust my pain will get me my revenge...

Look what you did to me. And its all your fault.

I wonder if this is what love feels like.

------------

They had told her it was impossible...a hundred reasons to make her see how wrong she was, how stupid she was...

She had wanted to know for herself.

Hoping against the laughs... and the hundred reasons...

Maybe...just maybe...

She couldn't understand why she had been so foolish. Fooled her own self to believe there might be a chance...

It happens to the best of us...

And that was what made the expected ever so the painful, the break of her heart ever so sudden and the tears so unreal as she ran and ran down that corridor...But this time, she couldn't get away...not even when she had left him far behind. Not from herself, not from the horrible sting of her first heartbreak...

He had never known?...Not after all those years- years that she had lived for him and him alone...? Not even after all those times she had been there for him, even while she could have so easily stayed away and not let his own hurt make her cry too? She had changed for him...but now, it seemed like he had never noticed. Ever.

They had been right after all...

She had leaned her face against the cold stone...hidden away so nobody would notice and tease.

Why had she done this? She had known it'd hurt...And now it hurt even more as she understood things had changed forever....There would be no eager leaps of the heart when she'd watch him laugh or smile or talk or look at her for once. There'd be no hope that the twinkle in those eyes would someday be just for her. No.

There'd only be that numbing, sickening, deadening feeling. Telling her it was all over. That she had loved and failed. And he wouldn't know how that hurt...

He'd laugh and smile and talk once again- maybe show her a little sympathy. Pity her, maybe. He wouldn't have it killing him, every wretched moment of every wretched day.

The tears would be all hers.

"And what do we have here?"

And she had looked up in shock, and backed away, till the wall and the piercing stare of his eyes held her there.

And before she knew it, he had crushed her lips under his. She had pushed against him in horror, trying to get away but he only pushed her further into the chilling stone, his fingers rough and painful through her hair.

His stare was unfathomable as he broke the kiss, releasing her in a wave of shock, almost as sudden as that with which it had begun.

"I wanted to do at for a long time."

She knew he hated her and she knew she hated him too.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit him.

She pulled him to her and kissed him, and never let it stop.

-----------------

"Weasley?" He leaned over and smoothed the flaming red trail down her back, "You still up?"

She tore her eyes from the raging storm that now fell in steady sheets across the window, and met the piercing grey of his eyes.

"Do you hate me?"

He seemed to read her silence and was silent too for a long time.

"Then why did you do this? Why didn't you hit me, curse me, scream at me to stop?"

He took his answer from her silence again. When he next spoke, his tone was quiet.

"Is this about him?"

She looked away, but he lifted her chin to look straight into her eyes. "I hate him and you know that. And I hate you too."

She drew in a sharp breath at the words, a sudden twinge at her heart. His fingers caressed her cheek and left a warm flush in their wake.

"Do you know what I hate you for, Ginny Weasley?"

She didn't trust herself to speak.

"I hate you for making me stop hating you. I hate you for making me so weak I want to do anything to have you. I hate for making me feel like a wretch for all the years that I hurt you. I hate the way you make me lose control, lose all sense of mind. I hate you for making me love you tonight"

Ginny listened to the wind and the rain and what felt to be like the frightening pounding of her own heart.

No....

"I want you, Ginny Weasley."

She could walk out of there right at that moment, show the world what she had done, make the one who broke her heart hate himself for making her run into this...

Perhaps he would even run back to her. He'd do it out of guilt maybe, maybe out of what he'd feel was his duty.....

"Do you love me?"

She had felt needed...desired....

For the first time ever.....

He had hurt her and ravaged her but now, in the silence of midnight, the screams sounded fainter...

She hated him. She'd never love him. But he wanted her. It would not last. But then, nothing did.

Harry and the corridor seemed to be a memory very far away. She had her choice. To walk right out that door, to someone she'd perhaps never stop loving, who would be there by her side all his life. Or stay right there for someone she hated and always would, who would leave her in time, leave her alone again.

But she didn't want to be a duty. She wanted to be a desire. Even if she was so for someone she despised with all her being.

Her family....her friends...?

But she'd feel that power once again.....

Ginny Weasley had changed and it shocked her. But she did not love him. And it made her understand she'd never have to break her heart again.

She touched her lips to his.

"So I guess I will take that as a 'Yes'" he smirked, kissing her back, long and deep.

Yes, she hated him...and he hurt her. But he wanted her... They'd call her crazy but she knew this was what she wanted.

And she knew things were about to change once more.

But this time, it did not scare her.

She looked up at him as a new thought struck, "But what about your son?"

"Oh, don't worry," he drawled, "Draco'll get used to it. He's his daddy's boy."

And outside the storm raged once more as the two inside began again what they had left undone.