Poison

I dream of you lying next to me asleep. A gentle smile playing on your lips as you dream sweet dreams of love and peace and warmth. You're in my arms and I can feel your breath on my skin, making it tingle. I lean over to kiss you gently, careful not to wake you. You shift gently and the friction of our skin touching sends a shiver down my spine. I push the hair out of your closed eyes, languishing in the softness of it between my fingers. The moonlight reflects off of your skin and you glow in an ethereal way, looking like an angel sent to save me from my torment.

Oh God kill me kill me kill me...

In my dreams you appear at my bedside and your eyes devour me with their passion. Your kisses are firm but gentle, never demanding but conveying the strength of your love. Your fingers are light and nimble as they caress my willing skin; leaving an imprint of yourself on me. You're always with me... Your name is on my lips, and your lips are on mine. Tracing images of love on my soul. It would be this way every night forever, you would posses me completely with your heart, and I would distil part of myself into you. We would become one together all night and you would stay in my arms forever.

The pain won't stop, you hurt me, I hurt you, pain in never ending circles...

If you were mine I'd hold you like this every night and watch you sleep. I would hold you all night and wake you with sweet kisses in the morning. Every morning, you're with me every morning...We'd never be apart because I'd never let you go. I'd never hurt you my angel. My dark angel, sent to destroy me... You would become my obsession, my saviour and my life.

My obsession, all I can think about. Why did they let this happen...

My love for you is impossible and it's killing me. We're too different and you would end up hating me. You would hate me for my past, for my family; most of all you'd hate me because I've been poisoned by the world that killed your parents. Black hatred runs through my veins, injected by the life I'm forced to live and making me impure and unworthy of you. Poisoned... That's why you can never know. I will never tell you about my dreams for us, or about the longing in my heart that is tearing me apart.

I was only a child, I didn't understand...

This was never meant to be, but I still feel it; the irresistible draw of the forbidden. Pulling me in, gently tugging in a way I could never refuse. I love you, I love you, I love you...I can see you, feel you, smell you; you're all around me. I'm drowning in you and I find myself wishing that it would kill me; that it would smother me and I would die a sweet death, surrounded by memories of you.

They killed me, they killed us, this is too much...

I hate you sometimes, because you can't see, but it's better this way. Everything is...disjointed. I don't understand... Better for you. The hate I feel for you fights with my love, two opposites in battle for superiority, just like you and me. Hate, so much, too much, poisoned...We are different in so many ways; we are light and dark, good and evil, the hero and the coward. The one in love and the other oblivious. Love will always conquer hate.

They dirtied my love, ruined any chance. I can remember the blood; I never knew I had so much blood...

This is why I have to kill you. It's the only way my love, don't you see...In my twisted, poisoned mind the only way to protect you from myself is to kill you; stop the pain before I cause it. Pain, pain, pain...I don't want to see the hurt in your face, the tears on your cheeks. I could make you love me, worship me. Fuck me...You would die for me if I asked. But I can't. With a bitter sadness I have realised that it could never work. I would kill your heart and you would kill my body.

Just like they killed me, all of them, poisoning my mind, twisting, manipulating, tearing at me, destroying me...

I watch as you struggle in the death grip I hold you in, wheezing your last breath. Don't struggle my angel, your pain will end, be thankful...A look of horror, betrayal and confusion on your face. No love, I see no love... I say nothing, because you would never understand that this is the only way it can be. A solitary tear escapes my eyes as you stop struggling and fall limply into my arms. Oh my God, did I do that... I kiss your lifeless lips and a profound sorrow hits me and crushes my soul. I fall to the ground and begin to scream.

Fuck them! Fuck them all! The darkness of infinity without you...

They didn't have to lock me away in this dungeon cell. They told me you were beyond recognition, but they were lying. I could still see you. I'll always see you. Surrounding me...I'm already trapped in my mind and unable to escape. The black walls close in around me, shutting away everything but you. Suffocating me...Images of your soft, smiling face taunt me, but my mind twists and deforms them. Disgusting. Kill me...I see your face bruised and broken almost beyond recognition, blood runs like tears from your eyes until they close, never to open again. The words you say are twisted; the words they whispered to me as they hurt me, trying to justify their accomplishments as they came. Kill me...The only thing I recognise now is the jagged scar on your forehead. Hurt me... It glows gently, the intensity of the light slowly increasing until it is blinding; overwhelming my senses, and I begin to scream my pain. I scream words of madness and longing; I scream at the unfairness of a world that made me kill my love. Most of all, I scream because of the pain I can still feel as they force me, tearing my insides apart and poisoning me.

Kill me, please. Did I really destroy the only thing that ever meant anything to me?

You still smile at me with love that was never there. It had to be this way. There was nothing else I could do. I stopped your pain, but made mine eternal.

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