Enigmas, Conundrums, and Other Mysteries

Enigmas, Conundrums, and Other Mysteries

Everyone always talked about his voice. Silky and stern. So deep that it echoed. Perhaps because it was always saying my name as if it pained him that I never really saw the appeal. Others talked of his elegant hands, with their long slender fingers and frightful grace. Personally, I found them too thin. Bony with large knuckles, and permanently bent into a claw, which I was almost certain he would happily lodge into my skull if given half a chance. Minerva once confided in me that she liked his eyes-- black as night, and reflective, like polished onyx. In truth, I was always a bit hesitant to look directly into them. I considered it nearly the same as looking into the heart of an eclipse; I feared I'd go blind.

For me it was always more than any one part of him, because each component on its own was unremarkable. But when placed together, these singularly unremarkable things had a power that most could never hope to possess. Together they created fire.

I have known Severus Snape longer than nearly anyone else that remains in my acquaintance. We were eleven when we first spoke on the Hogwarts Express; he didn't really like me much then either. Now, over thirty years later, I know much more about the person underneath the billowing robes and devilish sneer, but not nearly as much as I'd like. Friendship isn't really an option with Severus. The man can barely manage civility, and given our history, the fact that he hasn't hexed me into oblivion is as much an overture of amity as I could ever hope to receive. On the other hand, I've always doubted his insistence that the taste of the wolfsbane couldn't be helped; he took far too much pleasure in informing me of that fact each time I drank the potion. But if being the target of his pettiness was the price for keeping my human mind when the rest of me was...well, less than human, so be it.

Severus Snape has always intrigued me, so dark and sullen, even in youth. He never possessed the wide-eyed innocence of his peers. He wasn't prone to the mischievousness of adolescence or the joy of childish amusements. There would be no Quidditch matches, games of Exploding Snap, or secret rendezvous in the Astronomy tower for Severus Snape. I had once pitied that, felt sorry for the man who was never a boy. I feel differently now, having lived a lifetime dealing with the loss of everyone I've ever loved. Now I understand the pragmatism of his ways-- that a heart can't be broken if it is kept protected behind thick walls.

Yes, I was very intrigued by the man, the ex-Death Eater turned spy that half the Order refused to trust. The hated professor who seemed to thoroughly enjoy being unpleasant. The powerful wizard who, in his first year at school, knew more than those who were supposed to teach him. The man who never laughed.

It was this intrigue, this need to learn more about the enigma, that lead me to do something very foolish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye were having a heated discussion regarding the use of Aurors in a recent raid on a suspected Death Eater training camp. Minerva McGonagall was questioning Mundungus Fletcher about his recent acquisition of Erumpent horns, a highly prized and highly illegal potions ingredient. Molly and Arthur Weasley were arguing over a recent missive from their son Charlie regarding some peculiar sickness that seemed to be overcoming the dragons in his keep, and the danger that presented to their son. Nymphadora Tonks was absentmindedly biting her finger nails while Bill Weasley outlined plans for surveillance on Number 4 Privet Drive while Harry went back there at the end of the term.

Remus Lupin sat quietly in the corner of the room full of steadily rising voices. He was, by nature, a quiet man. He learned early on that werewolves were best served by slipping into the background and not garnering too much attention. In truth, he enjoyed watching the conversations, listening to what was said, and speculating on what was not.

He knew that Kinglsey had a deep respect for Mad-Eye and listened to his worries, no matter how paranoid others thought the aging Dark wizard hunter to be. Remus also figured that Minerva was just a little impressed with Mundungus's ability to get his hands on the most obscure items on a moment's notice, but that decades of scolding students prohibited her from showing it. Any conversation between Molly and Arthur regarding their children seemed to revolve around Percy, though his name was never mentioned. And it didn't take much to see that there was something else entirely going on between Tonks and Bill.

But what interested Remus the most was not the discussions going on around him, but the one man who hadn't said a word since he entered the crowded room. Remus watched as Severus's expression changed from disinterest, to disdain, to pained boredom. It was only when Albus Dumbledore entered the room that Severus seemed to take notice of his surroundings. He sat up straighter; he folded his hands on his lap, intertwining his fingers. If Remus didn't know better he might have thought that Severus looked nervous.

"If I might," the headmaster began. The words were barely above a whisper but silenced the room nonetheless. Remus couldn't help but note how tired Albus looked. The last year had been hard on him. The Ministry was in disarray as accusations of corruption blared from the front page of The Daily Prophet every morning. People were disappearing without word or warning, and parents were asking Dumbledore to allow the children to stay at Hogwarts year round as they thought it was the safest place for them. The strain of the last year showed itself on the headmaster's face, in the deepening lines on his skin and the darkening bags around his eyes. In his sluggish gait. In his somber sighs.

"I'm afraid I have received some disturbing news," he continued. "There has been an incident in a remote northern village. A child has been bitten by a creature of unknown origin. It is believed that Voldemort is experimenting with cross-breeding dark creatures and one of them escaped and attacked a small girl. Local wizards were able to trap it and are holding it until we can investigate things further. Severus has generously agreed to travel to see if perhaps he can help the young victim. He will be gone for an indeterminate length of time."

"Is he going alone?" Remus interrupted, his brow tightly creased as he mentally processed the abundance of information Albus had divulged.

"Yes, Remus," the headmaster answered. "He will be."

"Is that wise?"

"I am perfectly capable of handling this, Lupin, but thank you for your vote of confidence. It warms me."

Remus sighed. "It has nothing to do with your abilities, Severus. I'm concerned that this task is too much for any one person."

"Are you volunteering to accompany Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

Remus thought for a moment. "I suppose I am."

"I don't need you holding my hand, Lupin," Severus snapped, obviously not appreciative of the offer.

"Severus, think for a moment. Can you think of anyone else that has more experience dealing with dark creatures than I do?" Severus's eyebrow rose and his lip curled. Remus took this to be a concession.

"Then perhaps you are better suited to this mission than I am."

"Severus, we both know that I am useless at potions. You are needed to help that little girl."

"It's settled then," Albus interrupted. "You will both go. Does anyone else have an opinion on the matter?"

Not surprisingly, no one said a word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew exactly what was going through the minds of everyone in the room: Remus Lupin had gone insane. I admit it may not have been the wisest thing to do but I couldn't let Severus walk into a potentially dangerous situation alone. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't exactly have a way with animals or small children. I was thinking as much of their safety as I was of Severus's.

And yes, there were some less than altruistic motives involved in my actions. Severus and I would be alone for a long period of time, forced to work together. I would be lying if I didn't say the prospect didn't fascinate me. He couldn't hide in his dungeon or behind his cauldron. It was a chance to understand a bit more about the man and the mystery. A chance to pull him away from his normal habitat and observe him in a natural setting, without restraints, without boundaries. I wasn't about to turn away the opportunity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days after the Order meeting, Remus Lupin found himself on a train platform waiting for Snape to make an appearance. Since the confirmed re-rise of Voldemort, Apparating licenses were suspended, and the floo network shut down. People got a bit nervous about allowing others to just pop in and out of places without limits. They decided to take a train.

He was nervous about Severus Snape being in close quarters with Muggles but they had little choice as Severus out and out refused to fly on a broom or anything else. Remus had got there an hour early and was growing nervous as the time for departure neared. He eyed the station clock as it chimed. "If we miss this train I'll--"

"You'll what?"

Remus turned at the sound of the familiar drawl. "Severus...Severus?" He had intended to lecture Snape about something or other, but was having a hard time remembering what. Severus showed up in the crisp black lines of a Muggle suit, perfectly tailored to fit his frame. His hair was tied back at his neck, and he wore small round sunglasses and his trademark smirk. Remus half expected him to pull out one of those Muggle portable phones and begin making lunch appointments.

Though he considered himself nicely dressed in khaki trousers and a slightly worn but flattering sweater, he did feel slightly underdressed. "You do realize we are going to be in a train compartment for about four hours."

"Your point, Lupin?"

Remus realized he really had no point. If Severus could be comfortable in the layers and layers of heavy, scratchy material he wore daily, this outfit should present no problems. "Let's find some seats."

They entered the train and found an empty compartment near the rear. Remus situated himself and took out a book. Severus sat opposite him, removed his sunglasses, folded his hands on his lap, and sat back.

"Did you bring something to read for the trip?" Remus asked. "Because if not I bought several--"

"I'll be fine."

"It's no trouble--"

"I'll be fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew it wasn't going to be easy. One can't often use the word easy in anything to do with Severus Snape. I did think it would be slightly less excruciating. I found it difficult to relax with Severus sitting as if he had a glass rod in his spine and it might shatter if he relaxed. He didn't speak, didn't look out the bloody window, and were it not for the slow rise and fall of his chest I would have wondered if he was breathing. In four hours he got nothing to drink, nothing to eat, and didn't once go to the lavatory. It was inhuman.

I, on the other hand, had a difficult time sitting still. Severus made me uncomfortable. Whether it was his ramrod posture, the unnatural silence in the compartment, or the fact that he looked better than I had ever thought possible, I couldn't be certain. All I could do was wonder what other surprises would come out of this trip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They arrived at the station a bit early. Remus, who was relieved to be out of the stifling compartment, had offered to collect their bags, while Severus kept an eye out for their contact. Laden with his two pieces of luggage, as well as his companion's six, he returned to find Severus speaking with a rather young, rather handsome man. The young man in question was just a bit taller than Severus, with wavy brown hair and bright blue eyes. He was smiling broadly at Severus and laughing heartily. For his part, Severus was smiling back.

Remus stood there a few moments, and when he realized neither man noticed his presence he spoke up. "You must be Mr. Dodd," he remarked, holding out his hand to the stranger.

"Yes, and you must be Mr. Lupin," he replied warmly, taking Remus's hand and shaking it with a firm grip. "Here, let me help you with those. I was just filling Severus in on the current situation..."

Remus didn't hear the rest as he was thrown aback by young Mr. Dodd's use of Severus's given name and the familiarity with which it was said. "I'm sorry, can you...can you repeat that?"

"You'll have to excuse Mr. Lupin, Matthew, it's been a long trip and we're both a bit drained."

Matthew! Remus was finding this all a bit surreal. He was gone a mere three minutes and in that time these men went from grumpy Potions master and complete stranger to Severus and Matthew.

"Of course. I'm sorry. Follow me, it's just a short drive to the village." They followed Matthew to the car, where Severus got in the front passenger seat and Remus rode in the back. The short trip turned out to be a two-hour ride wherein Remus was subjected to the easy conversation between Severus and their guide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were making small talk, as one usually does when entering an unknown, uncomfortable situation. I was expecting to be the one to initiate it, the one trying to make everyone else at ease. I would quickly find out how little I was needed.

Severus was articulate and witty. He was complimentary and attentive. He was bloody charming. And Matthew was all praise and wit and dazzling smiles.

The whole thing was repulsive.

Had I not been intent upon hearing every word and mentally cataloging every response, every laugh, every gentle lilt in Severus's voice, I would have gladly ignored their interaction and concentrated on what I'm sure was a lovely landscape passing the car window. As it was, I had no idea what the blazes the countryside looked like. We could have passed a village on fire, or a banshee parade, and I wouldn't have noticed. I can tell you, however, that Matthew offered to personally take Severus on a tour of the town at some point during our stay, that Severus laughed a total of sixteen times at various small jokes and once actually guffawed, and that their eyes met far too often and lingered too long to be considered appropriate.

Matthew was flirting with Severus. The trip had apparently been more tiring than I thought as I was obviously hallucinating that Severus was flirting back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matthew apologized for the length of the trip. Being one that he made often, he didn't realize how tiring it might be for his guests. Severus insisted that it was no bother, that the invigorating conversation made the time pass in a flash. Remus nearly retched.

"I'll show you to your rooms and allow you to freshen up." Matthew began flashing another brilliant smile. " Come downstairs whenever you are ready and we'll have some tea and discuss everything that's been going on. Here, Severus, let me help you with your bags."

"I've got them," Remus replied, the luggage spilling out of his arms.

"Are you sure? There seem to be a lot of bags."

"It's fine," he said, while trying to balance the bags and navigating the narrow halls of the house. Remus was proud of himself, the voice in his head laughing with the thought that he had successfully diverted Matthew's plans to following Snape into his room. That voice, however, soon choked with a sputter and a gasp as Matthew laid a hand - his unburdened hand -- on Snape's arm as he led them through the house.

When they finally found their rooms, Matthew took Severus's bags from Remus and placed them in a large and rather comfortable looking room with a private bath. He then directed Remus to the room that he would be occupying -- the much smaller room at the end of the hall. Remus smiled politely and made his way down the hall. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end at the sounds of laughter coming from behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no logical reason for my feeling this way, which makes sense, of course, because my dealings with Severus Snape have always been spectacularly less than logical.

He never showed me anything other than contempt and loathing, forever scowling in my presence, insults flowing like water from his thin lips at every turn. There were the few merciful moments of indifference where he simply ignored my presence entirely, and then there were the rather loud moments in which he made sure all others present knew he could care less about my being there.

I never took it personally. He was cold and heartless and it never really bothered me because he was consistent. Severus Snape hated the world and considered it a cursed place full of fools and idiots. We were all fodder for his disdain and I thought I was a favorite target; as I learned, I was just one of many.

And therein, I suppose, lie the problem.

There were many he treated worse than me but few he treated better, and I had never actually seen him be nice to anyone in all the years I had known him. Seeing him being cordial and pleasant to someone he's known all of two hours was infuriating and unusually painful. I had always thought it was the circumstances that we found ourselves thrown into that prohibited any friendship from forming. That and Severus's inability to feel anything other that annoyance, aggravation, anger, hatred, and another dozen unpleasant adjectives.

Perhaps it wasn't his natural countenance but a more specific one aimed directly at me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They spoke of the reason for the visit over a steaming cup of tea, and the relaxed tone of the conversation on the ride in was replaced by something darker and baleful. Matthew began:

"We had been hearing odd noises from the surrounding woods for months-- howls and cries that weren't recognizable as any animal we'd ever heard before. Most of us just ignored it, figuring we had all let our imaginations run wild since the news of You-Know-Who's return.

"Early last Saturday morning we heard what sounded like an explosion northeast of the town, from the neighboring mountains. That evening little Emma was attacked while playing in her yard with some friends. Apparently this beast stumbled in and when Emma tried to play with it, it bit her. By the time we realized what had happened it got away. A group of us got together and searched for it in the forest and....and brought it back. We've been keeping it sedated in a cage.

"We have no idea what it is; we've never seen anything like it before and all our research leads us to dead ends. Someone made a comment that it seemed like a mixture of creatures, like someone made it out of parts of other animals. That's when we called Headmaster Dumbledore. It was obvious Dark forces were at play here. "

Remus got very quiet as the story was told, his eyes downcast and his hands sitting limply on his lap.

Severus asked, "And how is the child?"

Matthew shook his head. "It's up and down with her. One minute she's fine and then she's got this impossibly high fever."

"Is she stable?"

"For the time being."

"Good, then we must go see the beast immediately. We won't know how to treat her until we know exactly what bit her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have no recollection of how we got to the cage that held the creature; my mind was swirling with Matthew's tale. I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes avoided mine as he spoke, how his voice trembled a bit when he spoke of the group that went hunting for the beast-- and make no mistake about it, it was a hunt. I can picture the scene: an angry mob, their wands and fists pumping in the air, their screams of vengeance, their hunger for blood. It's amazing they had the presence of mind not to kill it outright. Very few creatures survive such a search.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cage was in the basement of a church. Matthew explained that the minister insisted it be placed there. Remus supposed it had more to do with the safety of the creature than the townsfolk-- he had received sanctuary from more than one church in his lifetime.

He remained quiet as they entered the cathedral, listening to the sound of their boots echoing from the high ceilings. As they walked the length of the building, Remus found it harder and harder to breathe; by the time they began the descent down the dark narrow stairway, his heart began to race. He found his throat dry and tight and his hands balled into fists.

The three men entered a large room; it was freezing cold for such an usually warm night, and smelled of musty books and earth. In a cage in the far corner lay a huge mass with long hair. Its pelt was caked with mud in some parts, and what looked suspiciously like dried blood in others.

"Well, it looks like it's part Demiguise," Severus said without delay. "The size and hair tell us that much."

"That's what we thought as well," Matthew began, "but they are peaceful creatures. Why would it attack?"

"Normally it wouldn't, but the Dark Lord is adept at persuasion. Headmaster Dumbledore believes this creature is part of his attempt to create a beast to do his bidding when others would not."

"But what's the point of using a peaceful creature that would never harm anyone?"

"Because they are peaceful creatures and people would approach them without expecting any danger. That is what probably happened to your young Emma. The question now is: what else is mixed in there? What was added to make a normally passive creature violent?" Severus got closer and circled the cage. He crouched in front of the sleeping creature and stared at it for a few moments before reaching between the bars and lifting its face.

"Severus, be careful," Matthew said as he jumped to where Severus stood.

"It's fine. This thing is so full of sedatives I'm surprised it's still alive."

Matthew flushed. "It wouldn't go down. We had to keep administering the potions until it ... until it..."

"Until it stopped flailing and whimpering, right?" Remus said, his eyes half-lidded and unfocused, his voice low and bare. "How many of you were there? Judging by the bruising, quite a few. Am I also to assume that you administered the potion by sitting on its chest and forcing it down its throat? That is standard practice for dealing with such creatures, isn't it?"

Matthew looked down and said nothing while Remus continued. "Did you use Letifer Serum?" Remus smiled humorlessly at Matthew's discomfort and then turned to Severus. "Taking the serum is like being exposed to a Dementor for great lengths of time; it leaves you empty and weak, feeling helpless and hopeless. Death would be a welcome alternative. Even after the immediate effects wear off it takes weeks for it to leave the system completely."

"I know how it works, Lupin," Severus remarked.

"You should. It's a favorite at the Ministry...and you make it for them quite regularly."

Severus didn't answer Remus, but continued his examination of the creature. He lifted his hand to the top of its head and felt around what appeared to be two peculiar lumps. "Horns," he said softly.

"What? "

"Horns. This creature had horns, and it would appear that they were hacked off. I would venture to guess they were removed to make it harder to identify." Severus then looked at the creature's torso and reached down, parting its hair and examining the skin beneath. "Tough skinned, like leather or dragon hide."

"A Graphorn?" Remus felt his stomach twist and churn painfully. "It's a Graphorn, isn't it?"

Severus nodded slowly.

"Good Lord." Matthew went pale.

Severus stood, his eyes still honed in on the sleeping animal. "You make one of the most dangerous creatures in the world look like one of the most harmless, and wipe out entire towns before they know what hit them. The Dark Lord at his best."

"But it didn't work. This one was caught the same night."

"The half of him that didn't want to hurt anyone overpowered the half that did," Remus said, his anger flaring. "It didn't ask to be the product of some sort of deviant experimentation. It probably only attacked because it was scared out of its mind." Remus found the room starting to spin and he nearly fell over. He was relieved to hear Severus's voice.

"Graphorns tear their victims to shreds. There has to be something else in here to cause the fluctuations in the child's condition. Judging by its clawed feet and slitted red eyes, I would venture to guess some sort of serpent. I should be able to provide a counter venom. I'll just need to examine the child and make note of her symptoms. We'll begin first thing in the morning."

"What about..." Matthew had the decency to look ashamed. "What about him?"

To the surprise of everyone in the room it was Remus who answered. "He's dying." He turned to Severus, who was watching him with a very thoughtful eye. "This is a creature that was never meant to exist, on any plane. Nature is a very delicate thing, carefully woven over thousands of years. One cannot simply come in and mold it to his own purpose on whim, Dark Lord or not. I doubt...I doubt he will last the night."

Severus turned his gaze from Remus to the creature in the cage. "There is nothing more we can do here. We should leave him in peace. At least he is not in any pain. In fact, he will most probably never regain consciousness."

"All the same, I can't let him die alone," Remus said quietly. He looked up and looked directly into Severus's eyes. "One last act of kindness from one dark creature to another."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was first bitten I was taken to a processing facility where I was examined and tagged. My name was placed in a registry that would follow me for the rest of my life. I remember thinking how strange it all was: my mother crying, my father fighting with people in starched white robes, strange people poking me and taking notes. I didn't know exactly what was going on but I knew it wasn't good. In fact, I knew that it was just the beginning of a lifetime of 'wasn't good' moments.

I was scared and a bit hurt at the way I was treated; people had always been kind to me. Nobody seemed to want to be kind to me anymore.

Amidst the chaos of the facility and the mass of people rushing past me, ignoring me, there was an older man who sat across from me throughout most of the day. I would never find out who he was, or why he was there, but I would forever remember what he said to me just before I left. "They will tell you that you are an animal-- that you are not worthy of the things others take for granted. Don't ever believe that. The second you do, you prove them right. You will grow up to be a fine man, son. Always remember that is true, above all else."

I learned all too quickly how right he was. My friends could no longer play with me. Very few people would interact with me voluntarily, if at all. Leaving my home became dangerous. Eventually, we had to move. We would continue to transfer from place to place and pray each time that no one found out. Not much has changed over thirty years.

Before me lay a creature that was created to destroy. It didn't ask for this fate-- to have dual personalities in complete contrast to each other. Contradictory instincts were battling for dominance -- one telling it to kill, the other trying to stop it. Like untold numbers of Dark Creatures, it was manipulated and controlled by those who sought to gain something, and would be abandoned and forgotten once that goal was achieved, if it could be achieved at all.

And now it was dying.

I could only guess that Voldemort realized this experiment was a failure and set to destroy the facilities he was using, hence the explosion heard by the townspeople the morning of the attack. This failed experiment survived only to venture into a world that would hold no pity for it. It would be treated as others like it have always been treated: with open hostility, brutality, and ignorance.

It may not have wished for this end but it was the most merciful thing that could have happened to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remus opened the cage and sat next to the creature. He laid a hand on its head and began to stroke the dark hair which shone blue in the soft lamplight. It didn't move. Severus was right; it wouldn't regain consciousness. He sat in the silence staring at the creature, feeling his chest constrict and the sting of tears in the corners of his eye.

A soft tapping broke through the silence-- the sound of boots walking along the floor of the room above him. He turned to face the doorway, and though he couldn't know for certain who was coming, he wasn't surprised to see the Potions master standing in the doorway. Both were quiet as Severus crossed the threshold. Over his arms hung several blankets; a satchel dangled from his shoulder.

Severus crossed the room without saying anything and set the satchel down on the ground next to Remus. He handed Remus a blanket, placed another on the ground, and took a third and draped it over the lifeless creature. He then sat down next to the werewolf, opened the satchel, and took out several sandwiches, some fruit, and a flask of some liquid. Remus was dumbfounded by what he was seeing and could only stare mutely as Severus handed him a sandwich.

Eventually Remus took it and whispered, "Thank you," to which Severus silently nodded before taking a bite of his own. They would be the only words spoken that night.

Just before dawn the creature breathed its last breath and Severus and Remus buried it deep in the woods, several miles away from the town. When they were done they began the long walk back.

The sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky, chasing away the chill of early morning. As they walked Remus was trying to figure out what to say to Severus, how to find out what had made him return to the church and spend the night sitting on a cold floor. It went against everything he thought he knew of Severus -- it was kind, merciful even, and it made him even more curious than he already was about the man he always considered an enigma.

They entered the house and stood at the base of the steps, turning to face each other. Remus looked at the pale-skinned, dark-haired man before him and simply asked, "Why?"

Severus looked thoughtful with his lips slightly pursed and a small crease appearing between his eyebrows. He stared at Remus for a few moments and gave a small smile before he said, "One last act of kindness from one dark creature to another."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His words echoed in my ears as I watched him walk up the stairs. It wasn't until I heard the opening and closing of the door to his room that I could bring myself to move. I made my way to my room, pausing briefly at his door and straining to hear what was happening on the other side. I could hear the faint spray of the shower and not much else. Minutes later, in my own shower, hot water scalding my tired skin, I thought of him and wondered what he was doing in his room.

Despite how long and exhausting yesterday was and the fact that I'd only slept a few hours at best on the floor of the church, I wasn't tired. My mind was whirring with thoughts of Severus. I remember the petty jealousy I felt on the ride in and am ashamed. I think of the compassion he showed both me and the creature and am warmed by it. I also remember how contented I felt with him sitting next me, how at peace I felt despite the circumstances in which we found ourselves thrown together. How comforted I was by the idea that, when I needed someone most, he came. In the face of the difficult history we share and how he may or may not have felt about me, last night he was my friend.

So, as I let the cleansing waters of the showers cover me, as the sounds of the droplets hitting the tiles fills the bathroom, I find myself wondering what else I want him to be, wondering if what I am feeling goes beyond simple friendship. I can't deny that I had never thought if it before-- hoped, perhaps, for a chance at something more, but before last night I never would have thought it possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matthew was waiting for them in the kitchen when they were both a bit more ready to face the day. Remus had never been fond of coffee but happily accepted the large cup his host offered. They ate breakfast in silence; Matthew didn't ask how they spent the night and they chose not to enlighten him. The creature was gone and that was all anyone truly cared about.

He accompanied them to Emma's house where they found the young girl lying in her bed-- the fever had returned. Remus was prepared to act as a buffer between the small child and the normally cantankerous Potions master, but once again he found himself surprised by Severus Snape. Severus was patient as he waited for answers and gentle in his treatment of the frightened child. He comforted her with sympathy and words of reassurance. Remus was captivated by it, by the sight of the formidable man in black, sitting in a chair covered with daisies in a room that was overpoweringly pink.

After Severus had got all the information he needed, he said goodbye to the child, who made him promise to come back.

"What are you smirking at?" he snapped at Remus, who had a wistful smile on his face.

"Just admiring your way with children, Severus," he answered, his smile widening.

"Don't let it get around," he groused. "I have a reputation to uphold."

Severus went to his room to work on the antidote, which he was sure he could figure out. Despite his assurance that he could do it alone, Remus forced his help upon him.

"I'll be fine."

"It's no trouble --"

"I'll be fine."

"I know, but I'm coming anyway."

With a desk turned into a work station, they set about preparing a potion for the child. Severus worked silently, only speaking to Remus when he had some sort of instruction or other. Remus cut, chopped, or ground whatever Severus needed, pausing only occasionally to sneak glances at his colleague. He wanted to start some sort of conversation, but was at a loss for words. After all that occurred in the last forty-eight hours, mindless banter and idle chitchat seemed inappropriate. Remus wanted honest answers, so he needed to be honest in his remarks.

"I was jealous, you know."

Severus looked up from where he was measuring chopped foxglove root. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"I know it's stupid, but I listened to your exchange with Matthew when we first arrived and I was envious of how comfortable you were around each other. I had known you for years and we never seemed to be able to have that amicable a conversation."

"For Heaven's Sake Lupin," he said with an exasperated sigh, "I was a spy for years. Did it ever occur to you that I know how to talk to people in certain situations, that I have ways of getting into people's confidences quickly?"

The look on Remus's face clearly showed that he hadn't.

"It's easy to talk up people, to respond to them and be the person they want you to be. It's much more difficult to remain true to yourself and allow them to see the less than attractive side of you. To put masks aside. To trust them enough with that sort of information."

"To work in comfortable silences," Remus added almost hopefully.

"Precisely."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't help but smile at Severus and I happily went back to cutting, chopping, and grinding, secure in the knowledge that we came to an understanding that evening. Though not perfect, it was a start to something more and it was more than I could have hoped for.

I had set out wanting to learn more about Severus, wanting to understand the man that had been a puzzle to me most of my life, and though there is still much more left to learn, I feel I can truly begin to find out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It would be three weeks before the correct counter serum was produced and administered, and another three days before little Emma could play with her friends again. In that time she had grown rather fond of Severus and was very sad to see him go. On the day they were to leave, a dozen people would see them off at the train station. Matthew shook their hands, Emma kissed their cheeks, and they were off.

As they sat in the private car, Remus looked at Severus appraisingly. He was pleased to see that the tailored suit was replaced by a far more comfortable looking grey sweater and black trousers. He was also pleased to see Severus had tied his hair back again. The look suited him.

Part of Remus was saddened to have their trip end. The past few weeks saw great growth in their relationship. He had grown fond of the Potions master and felt that, given a little more time, something stronger could have developed between them. They were having actual conversations about books and the war and the world. They had shared afternoon tea every day for weeks, as well as every meal.

They had visited an unmarked grave together.

The thought that he was to lose all that, that things might revert to what they were before, was unacceptable. The question was how to make Severus see that as well. Remus found that honesty worked once before and he hoped it would again. "What happens now?" he asked.

"What happens now?" Severus repeated as he seemed to consider his answer. "I suppose we go back to the way things were before."

"To what? To not talking? To fighting over petty nonsense? Pretending that the last month didn't happen? What if I don't find that acceptable?" Remus said defiantly.

"What would you find acceptable?"

Remus looked into those detached dark eyes. The enigma was back. Severus Snape -- the conundrum. The puzzle. The man who never gave a straight answer. Whose motivation was understood by no one but himself. Who could never be second guessed because no one - no one - would be able to deduce what he's thinking. Who saw the world through Snape-colored glasses, a view the rest of us were not privy to. Remus thought he had started to solve the mystery, to piece the puzzle, but in one moment he realized he never would. He also realized he wanted to spend a lifetime trying.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "More than we were. More than we've become." He leaned forward and smiled softly. "Just more."

"I suppose the occasional tea wouldn't be out of the question," he replied with a smile of his own.

"Tonight."

"It will be a bit late for tea when we get back to Hogwarts, don't you think?"

"You're right. Brandy, then."

Severus laughed. "Brandy then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best part of any puzzle isn't knowing the answer, but the process by which those answers are found. Every time a new clue is discovered or another puzzled piece fits firmly in place there is a new thrill, a new rush of adrenaline. And a new incentive to dive back in and try again.

Severus Snape is who he is because he is indecipherable, because he plays a game that only he knows the rules to and the rest of us are running to catch up. His every movement is calculated, cunning, and sly. Purpose shrouded in mystery. Secrets hidden in shadows. He is an unbreakable enigma.

Happily, I find I am up to the challenge.

Finis