The Lone Marauder

THE LONE MARAUDER

"Sirius and James were the definition of best friends. They didn't tease me about reading a lot, like most of the other students. They didn't tease me about being a prefect when they were the biggest pranksters in school. They supported me. How many Christmas mornings did I find books from them? They laughingly brushed off my attempts to stop them from getting into trouble, but they never refused my help with the pranks when I offered it. My being a werewolf didn't matter to them. I was a person as far as they were concerned. I was a person who deserved to have friends. They even became illegal Anamagi for me.

"In my seventh year, my parents died. I took it very hard. I wouldn't eat, sleep or read. Sirius and James came to my rescue when no one else even noticed. They made me eat. They made me sleep. They even picked out my clothes for me so I matched. They took me in and wouldn't let me drown in sorrow. After the year ended, Sirius took me in while I looked for a job. They were my brothers.

"We had a lot of good times. We had a lot of bad times. Voldemort was taking everything good from us, but we refused to let ourselves go down. We kept happy attitudes and smiles on our faces. Sirius and James watched me closely, and this time, they had a lot of help. Lily became as much my friend as James and Sirius ever were. She force fed me at times when I was upset over the deaths that had become such a part of our lives. She invited me around the house to play with little Harry. She lent me books that she had run across in the Muggle world. There's something about a hot mug of tea, an ancient novel, and a little baby giggling on the floor that makes my heart lighter.

"And then James and Lily died. Their deaths tore me up inside. My brother, who was ten feet high and bulletproof, was mortal after all. Lily, the flower of our manhood-driven group, had finally faded from the world. Adding to the pain was the fact that Sirius was the secret keeper. Sirius, my roommate, my other brother, had told Voldemort where to find them. He stood back and let them die. He betrayed the trust that we all had in him. He let Lily and James die.

"I spiraled into a deep depression. I knew that Harry had lived, but at that point, I didn't care. No one could bring me out, and trust me, they tried. I stopped reading. All of those books Lily gave me over the few years that I was close to her sat on my shelf gathering dust. I stopped doing anything, really. I was at the bottom of a deep pit. I couldn't see any light anymore. My two best friends weren't there to help me this time, and my parents were gone. There was no crackling fire, hot tea, or giggling child to make me feel any better about life. I hit rock bottom. I tried to kill myself. Those scars on my wrists are my shame. They still remind me of that dark place.

"I would have died that day if Dumbledore hadn't found me. He took me to St. Mungo's for treatment. After many days and nights of help, I began to see the light. James hadn't died a pointless death. He and Lily died to save Harry. So long as Harry lived, Lily and James were still among us. Harry became my new goal. I had to protect Harry, as the last Marauder. Harry became my life preserver, just as his father, mother, and godfather had.

"I had to get money for my new mission. But, being a werewolf, no one would hire me. My self-esteem suffered. I clutched harder to my Harry- life-saver, and gritted my teeth. Surely something would show itself if I tried hard enough. Lily's books sat on my shelf, not quite so covered in dust. They were the most expensive things I owned, but I could not bear to part with them for the world. They reminded me of a happier time.

"Finally, Dumbledore asked me to teach at Hogwarts. Professor of Defense against the Dark Arts was something I could do easily. It was something I was good at. I accepted. Once again, I was where I needed to be. Sirius escaped from Azkaban, causing terror in the hearts of most wizards. At the end of the year, inches from his now unrecognizable face, I finally learned the truth. He wasn't the secret keeper for Lily and James after all. It was another Marauder who was, Peter. There was a lot of interesting conflict that night, resulting in the last three of the Marauders being reunited for a short time. Sirius and I tried to kill Peter for what he did to Lily and James. But he escaped. It was my fault, even though Sirius and Harry tell me it wasn't. It was my transformation that allowed him to escape.

"Sirius and I became brothers once more. We clutched to the thought of saving Harry. We became closer than ever, once again sharing jokes and ideas. It was like the old days had once again graced the earth, as dark a time as it was. Voldemort came back and almost killed Harry. He did kill another boy, Cedric. It was the beginning of a new time. It was another war.

"The Order was recalled. Sirius and I took up our old places, Sirius allowing the use of his house as headquarters. We began to entrench ourselves into the soil, knowing that it would be a long and drawn out battle for our lives. We settled ourselves and began to return to our happy ideas of love and friendship to pull us through.

"The casualties didn't come as soon as we thought they would. Harry was the only one to survive seeing Voldemort come back and the Minister of Magic, Fudge, was not about to believe a mere boy of fifteen years. It was a fantastic story, we all admit. It was true, of course, but fantastic at the same time. It could have been made up, but one look at Harry's eyes would tell anyone otherwise. He was haunted by the death of a classmate. His fifth year was hard. Fifteen is a hard age for any child, but take away parent figures and give the poor boy death instead and it's a recipe for disaster. He became fiercely protective of Sirius, the last memory he had of his parents. I was a bit jealous, I admit, but I had another thing to occupy my thoughts and didn't think too much about anything else.

"All at once, the death began. Harry and his army walked right into a trap set for him by the Death Eaters. Once we found out, we rushed to offer what help we could. We found, of course, Harry and the others fighting admirably. These were not children. They were young adults. The occasion would have been cause for celebration had the first battle death not occurred the same night.

"Sirius. Why did it have to be Sirius? He was a source of untold strength for me, and yet it had to be he who died. I became the last Marauder. I was the last who remembered the old days, the last who could claim that I remembered what we fought for then. Looking at my brothers, they lie dead before me. Lily was dead. James was gone. Sirius fell threw the veil and was beyond my reach. Peter had turned and was as good as dead to us.

"I began to contemplate my fate. If all the others around me had died, my fate might not be so different. Life is fleeting. Mine might be coming to an end.

"The slight distraction that had occupied my thoughts when Sirius was still alive came at me full force. A young woman, at least 16 years younger than I, was very much in love with me. The werewolf. As much as I wanted to say that I returned her love, I couldn't. I couldn't let myself hurt something so pure, so young, so innocent. I was a monster once a month. I could hurt her. I could kill her.

"There had been enough death. There had been enough destruction. While Harry battled it out at school his sixth year, I retreated to the sewers of London and lived among my equals. I tried to turn as many of them to Dumbledore as possible, but it was a near-hopeless task.

"I learned the truth of who and what I was. I was my parents' son, I was James, Lily, and Sirius's brother, I was Harry's professor, I was a werewolf who could not love Tonks the way she needed to be loved, I was the victim of Greyback.

"It was Greyback who bit me so many years ago. He was the one who took so much away from me. I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was and why I acted the way I did down in those sewers. I realized that poor Harry was now alone out there. The only link to his family was me. I wanted so badly to step up into the role that Sirius left open, but couldn't. Sending letters to Harry Potter would not have gone over well.

"There should be an end to the story. There should be a happy ending. But now, Dumbledore's dead. Harry is out of great protectors. It's down to the Order to protect Harry as much as possible while he tries his hardest to put a stop to the death. Voldemort has taken so much from this boy, and yet, it's this very boy that's remaining completely in love with the idea of love. He hasn't given himself over to death, hate, or revenge. He's simply trying to put an end to a plague.

"As for me, I'm throwing my lot in with Harry. I've seen the boy fight. If there's anyone who can get rid of this guy, it's Harry. In a lot of ways, I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm alive despite everything. I have something to fight for. I have Tonks, now that I've given up fighting her as well as Voldemort. I have a roof over my head.

"I'm the last of the Marauders. But I'm not alone. Someone once told me that everything happens for a reason. I'm trying to see what good this war might hold. It's hard, but I'm trying. Sirius and James were my brothers. Lily was my guiding light. Dumbledore was my mentor. They were my true family. I trust that one day, we'll see each other again. Until then, I'm grabbing harder than ever to my Harry-life-vest, and swimming."