Elevation

"Love, lift me out of these blues

Won't you tell me something true

I believe in you" - Elevation by U2.

*

"How the hell did I get here?"

"I" was, of course, Remus Lupin, wizard, war hero and werewolf. He was also quite inebriated, on his way to becoming down right drunk, and in a very foul mood indeed. Part of it was due to the fact that "here" was some horrible, horrible crowded Muggle bar which, although fashionably decorated with light wood and many metallic details, was depressingly out of date with the music. Remus shuddered when The Eagles' Desperado sounded for the third time that evening. That band had been completely uncool as early as the seventies and certainly hadn't improved with age. He supposed it was meant to be "ironic" or something. Where the hell did Tonks find these places, anyway?

"How" was the main reason for his uncharacteristically foul mood that evening. A few hours earlier he had been doing some research, still tired from the full moon two days ago and acutely aware of, but very determinately not thinking about, the fact that it would soon be four years since the events at the Ministry of Magic. Then Harry had Floo'ed in and insisted that he'd join the rest of the Order in their regular post war get-together. He'd really wanted to just say no, but then Harry would have looked at him, the fire in his eyes extinguished, and quietly said "I'm sorry," sorry about Sirius and the war as if he really was the one to blame for everything and Remus just couldn't take it again so he had come along with Harry. He had smiled and talked to everyone even though he was in no mood to socialise. The little voice in his head which was the wolf said [boooooring]. Remus quietly agreed. Frustrated, he had settled for drinking, a lot of drinking.

Now it was well past midnight and the elder members of the Order had made their excuses and left a long time ago. The younger ones were gone too, he noticed, but where? He winced as he took another swallow of whisky , feeling a little guilty for almost emptying the bottle himself, but what the hell, since Harry was paying for it and Harry wanted him to stay here.... Oh yes, now he remembered. Harry had wanted to show everyone his new tattoo, so they'd gone to the bathroom, as it wouldn't do to have The-Boy-Who-Lived flaunt his body in public . That would be all over the papers the next day. Remus, aware of his intoxication level, had decided that standing up was not a very good idea and had offered to stay behind and watch their table. He was focusing hard on pouring the last drops of whisky into his glass when a voice sounded next to the table.

"Professor Lupin ? What a pleasant surprise to meet you here!" Blaise Zabini said in his usual ingratiating tone. Remus saw a group of girls and boys standing at the other side of the room, giggling and whispering while looking at him.

"Mr Zabini," Remus answered, frowning slightly.

"I was looking at you from the bar," he said, his voice dropping to something Remus supposed was a seductive tone. The effect was spoiled by the insincere way in which he spoke. "I said to myself 'Blaise, here's your chance to really get to know your sexy werewolf teacher.' What do you say, Professor? Want to have a drink?"

Remus was baffled. He snorted a laugh, suddenly feeling quite wolfish. Was Zabini hitting on him or not? Well, either way, he certainly wasn't in the mood for flirting tonight, as if he ever was.

"No, thank you. I already have company."

This didn't seem to go down well. Blaise Zabini's smirk deepened to a frown.

"So you turn me down to spend time with some old people and Gryffindors and your...." he stated unbelievingly. Remus didn't catch the last words in the din in the room.

"My what?" Remus asked, much less amused now.

"Red-headed step child!" There was silence for a moment. Remus' mouth started to speak on its own.

"Oh dear, plan didn't work out?" he hissed, now quite annoyed, quite nasty and very much in touch with his inner wolf. "You figured, some friendly words, and suddenly your poor, old teacher is fawning all over your good looks and you can get a laugh with your little friends? Well, I'm not in need of a mate right now," he winced mentally for what he knew he was going to say, but still grinned wolfishly baring his teeth a little too much, "but I could certainly do with a snack."

The look on Blaise Zabini's face was priceless. Disbelief, fear and humiliation mingled as he gaped and stared at Remus. He made a strange gurgling sound, turned on his heel and almost ran from the table towards his group of friends. The wolf snickered quietly. Oh, shut up, Remus thought. He berated his drunken brain for giving in to the impulse and scaring Blaise off. His conscience was beginning to churn, but he knocked back his drink, promised himself to worry about everything later and hoped he was too drunk by now to remember it tomorrow.

"So, who was that? The nice-looking young man who was talking to you?" Tonks said teasingly, as she sat down opposite him. "What did he want?"

"That was Mr Blaise Zabini, a known Slytherin, and apparently he wanted me," Remus summed up the situation, and seeing the excitement in Tonks' face, hastily added: "Oh, please. I'm not in the habit of debauching my former students. It was his idea of a practical joke, I'm sure of it."

"But surely you wouldn't mind a bit of debauching? Come on, it's been almost four years since ...."

"Tonks, please don't start with that again," he snapped, then sighed. "I've told you, all I want is Sirius [the other one] some peace and quiet." He glared at her.

"What are you two talking about?" That was Ron, glorious, wonderful Ron, who - thank Merlin - was carrying a tray with drinks and another bottle of whisky. Remus felt like kissing him, so grateful was he for the interruption to Tonks' never-ending matchmaking. The others sat down at the table too. He noticed that their number had dwindled further after the excursion to the bathroom. Only Harry, Ginny and Hermione remained.

"Blaise Zabini. He's over there, looking positively edible, don't you think?" Tonks said suggestively.

"Oh, him. I saw him earlier. He was looking at me," Ron shrugged.

"Maybe he wants to get together with you again?" Harry interposed, leering at Ron.

"No way! Did you do Blaise Zabini? Oh, he's so hot! When was that, Ron? Why didn't you tell me? How was it?" Ginny squealed. Hermione and Tonks looked very interested too. What was it with women and other people's love lives? Remus thought dryly.

"Er - short, sweet and mostly drunk. We kind of got together at the unofficial exams party," Ron said, his ears reddening with every word. "Then he wanted me to invite Harry to join us, so I told him exactly what a weirdo he was and that was it, really."

"No way!" Ginny squealed again.

Remus tuned out from the conversation and focused on more important matters, like getting some whiskey into his glass. Poor Ron, he thought. Well, better him than me. He'd already had his fair share of matchmaking. Tonks was always on about how he should "start living again". Harry too, but more considerately. Since he had discovered the joys of near-marital bliss he wanted to see everyone equally happy. Remus was happy, why couldn't they get it? He had his work, his friends, his house and quite a bit of money, even if most of those things were Sirius' to begin with.

Sirius. He had loved Sirius for such a long time and had mourned his passing deeply. Unfortunately, he was more accustomed to not having Sirius in his life than the alternative. Once he had admitted this to himself and everybody else his sorrow was much easier to bear. If he missed something now it was more the loss of the chance to pick things up than the person itself. But generally, Remus endeavoured to live in the present, not the past. Sometimes he'd get these bouts of loneliness, as if he craved something [the other one] but he usually shrugged them off easily. Or cleaned the kitchen thoroughly until the feeling went away.

He looked at Ron, who was blushing quite fetchingly under the assault of questions. At least he wasn't bantering Remus about getting a love-life. They could just sit and play a game of wizard chess and talk quietly about work, the war, Quidditch -well, anything really, and it was nice. Perhaps he should invite Ron over. It had been a while since he'd had a good challenge. Chess definitely wasn't Tonks' cup of tea.

He had a few more drinks, mulled over some thoughts about his writing, and occasionally hummed his agreement to various statements, most regarding the questionable morals of Slytherins. When Harry rose and announced that it was getting very late, Remus found himself to be in a slightly better mood than earlier in the night.

"Remus, you're way too drunk to Apparate or Floo. Why don't you let Ron help you get a taxi?" Harry said to him as they were making their way out. "No problem, right Ron?"

Remus was already on his way to saying No, thanks, I'll manage when the world suddenly spun around. He was falling, but someone's arm grabbed his shoulders and steadied him.

"Yeah, no problems, mate. It's on the way to my place anyway." Ron's voice sounded distant and oddly distorted to Remus' drunken brain.

*

He was dreaming. He knew that it was a dream, but it was also a memory. And a dream in the memory. Because-

Hands. Warm, wonderful hands were caressing his arms, moving up to his shoulders. They stilled for a moment and then continued to his hair. He shivered, first at the touch, then also from the cold. He could feel the warmth [love] radiating from the other person. Then he remembered where he was.

He had gone to the Shrieking Shack. He had gone to the Shrieking Shack because he was at Hogwarts and everywhere else was chaos. There was no Snape, no Wolfsbane, no potion and suddenly no time as the full moon rose. The wolf had not been happy at all, no. It had smelt the scents of its pack mates who all were gone and howled and howled and torn itself until it bled. Remus could the feel the cuts on his arms and face.

Fingertips slid down his cheek. A kiss, soft lips brushing briefly against his, breath mingling with his- was this love? Who was this ? Who are you? You're not...

"Sirius?"

A gasp. Then the sound of someone moving away. No, stay here. Don't leave me. The door closed. He was alone again.

Who are you? [The other one] the wolf said.

He remembered - but only when he dreamt - waking up hours later. In a bed in the hospital wing, with healing charms working on his arms and the strong smell of antiseptic potion the only scent in the room. He had decided then, that it [the other one] was just a dream, because there really wasn't any time. There was, however, much chaos. He hadn't dreamt for a long time and when he finally did, he still thought of his memory as a dream and...

"Remus, wake up! We're here, come on- time to get out!" Ron shouted in his ear and shook him again. Blinking, Remus slowly extricated himself from the backseat while Ron paid the driver. He stood, swaying slightly, impressed with Ron's confidence with Muggle money. The crash course in Muggle living Harry and Hermione had treated him to last Autumn seemed to come in handy indeed. They made their way towards Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Remus gratefully leaning on Ron's shoulder. The front steps provided quite an obstacle. After several attempts they finally stood by the front door. Remus fiddled with his wand to unlock the door, thinking. There was something about Ron being here, something important, something he had forgotten to do or say. Oh, yes, to be polite.

"Want to stay over?"

"What?" Ron exclaimed, letting go of Remus' arm. He immediately tumbled over, managing to break his fall by getting hold of the doorjamb but grazing his hand on a damn ornamental snake in the process. Then Ron was there, pulling him up and holding him close to keep him upright. Remus knew he could stand by himself, he just couldn't be bothered trying right now. Ron's arms were surprisingly strong, warm and felt ... right. However...

"I'm really not in the habit of debauching my former students. I meant that you could sleep on the couch. It's late, you know," Remus sighed. And all I really want is [the other one] some peace and quiet. "And some sleep," he added.

"What? Er ... okay, I just...I mean," Ron stuttered. Then he looked down. "Oh shit, you're bleeding." Remus held up his hand for a closer inspection. It was indeed bleeding from a long, ugly scratch. "We'd better get that healed," Ron stated and practically whisked him up the stairs and into the drawing room. Remus lay down on the couch while Ron stalked off in search of a first aid kit. He couldn't really keep his eyes open and then he was drifting into sleep-

-Hands. Warm wonderful hands were caressing his arm. He could feel the love radiating from the other person. Bloody hell, THAT dream again? No wait, something's different, but what? The strong smell of antiseptic potion filled his nostrils. A healing charm was tingling on his hand. His drunken brain struggled to make the connection and after some moments, made it. He wasn't sleeping this time. The shock jolted him awake, perhaps more awake than he had been all night. He quickly grabbed hold of Ron's wrist.

"It was you, wasn't it? In the Shrieking Shack? That full moon at Easter? Why didn't you say something?" Remus asked, looking into Ron's eyes.

"What?" Ron stared, his ears reddening. [Beautiful], the wolf thought.

"Why didn't you say something about it? I've wondered who it was and it's you and ...and we," Remus said, his heart a whirlwind of emotions. "And it's great. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't..."

Ron wrenched his arm free, sending the first aid box clattering down on the floor. Rolls of gauze rolled in every direction as he stood up, looking livid.

"What?" he exclaimed wildly. "Like I was going to tell you I've had a huge crush on you since forever and that I sneaked out of the castle in the middle of a bloody war and that I just had to start kissing you even if you were unconscious like some bloody pervert and that you didn't want me, you wanted Sirius and that I still love you...." He froze, realising what he had just said. He hid his face in his hands and added dejectedly : "I'm sorry, I'm so stupid. I told myself I wasn't going to tell you, ever. I'll just leave and..."

"Ron, I want you."

"What?" Ron breathed incredulously. "You want... really?"

"Yes," Remus said almost breathlessly, and it was the truth. He was surprised of the strength of his feelings. "Yes, I want you, Ron."

Then Ron's lips were upon his and they were kissing and kissing and kissing and Remus couldn't remember how that had begun and oh my god there was Ron's tongue again and his body was pressing everywhere and he wanted more but he had to breathe and damn, maybe it was better to take things slow but some parts of his body certainly didn't want to take things slow. Other parts of his body did, however, as he found out after a short eternity of kissing.

"Hey, are you falling asleep?" Ron whispered, with a smile in his voice.

"Hmmm, yes." Remus was very warm, very comfortable and indeed, very sleepy. "I think I need to sleep. You take the bed and we'll talk tomorrow," he mumbled.

"Just talk, or do other things as well?"

"Kissing is always nice," Remus chuckled. It was really difficult to form words. Kissing Ron was much easier. He made one last effort to produce a coherent sentence. "Good night, Ron."

"Good night, Remus."

With soft lips still brushing against his, Remus let himself drift into sleep.

The End (or the beginning)