Nick Cleveland and the Philtre of Love

Nick Cleveland and the Philtre of Love, a Ravenclaw House story

By Technomad

(Author's note: This is set in the Slytherin Rising alternate universe. All Slytherin Rising characters are © J.L. Matthews, all Harry Potter characters are © J.K. Rowling.)

Whooping laughter, Draco Malfoy soared over the towers of Hogwarts on his broom, heedless of the frantic hooting of the owl that was flying after him as hard as she could. From the ground, Deanna Tyler watched him, her dark eyes narrowed.

"What is that idiot arsing about with this time?" She turned to her chum Marlie Lovegood, who was standing nearby. "I can't seem to turn my back without him doing something to break his previous world record for stupidity!"

Marlie, despite being Draco's cousin, was under few illusions about him. "Beats me, Deanna. Hey, Luella, pass me those Omniculars, will you?" Her housemate and longtime friend, Luella Martin, wordlessly handed Deanna the Omniculars she had brought outside to watch for rare birds with.

Once she had the Omniculars, Deanna could see what her fellow Slytherin was up to. "Of all the stupid---that bloody pillock!" she snarled. "He's got an owl's nest up there with him! He thinks it's funny to tease that poor mother owl by flying around with her nest! When I get my hands on him---!"

*

Draco's flight was suddenly cut short by a magically-amplified voice that thundered from the ground. "Draco! Land right now!" Peering down, he could see who was shouting at him. Not wanting to be caught red-handed at his "sport" by prefects, even from his own House, he came down to a perfect landing on the Quidditch field, a fair distance from where Deanna, Luella and Marlie were standing. It wasn't until he had landed that he suddenly realised that he'd have done far better by flying directly to where his housemates were...

*

Deanna watched Draco come in for his landing, and began to stalk over to where he had landed with blood in her eye. Then she saw who else had been watching, and broke into a run.

Melinda Yang, a Ravenclaw sixth-year, was headed for Draco, and from her body-language, she was absolutely furious. Deanna, along with all of Slytherin House, knew exactly what Melinda was capable of when her private Furies had her in their grip. The previous year, she'd come back from an absence to find that Marlie Lovegood was chasing her boyfriend, Nick Cleveland, and before Nick could intercept her, she had come very close to killing Marlie. Even though Deanna loathed Draco and his whole family, who had been enemies of her own family for centuries, she had no wish to see him killed---or to see Melinda, who she saw as a fearless, honourable warrior, expelled or sent to Azkaban for murdering him.

Luckily, Deanna wasn't the only one who had seen the danger. Before she could intercept Melinda, a small, blonde girl had run ahead, clinging to Draco and shielding him with her body as he stood there, paralysed with fear.

"No! Melinda, don't hurt him! He's my cousin and I love him! Please don't hurt him!" Deanna could barely believe her eyes. Melinda Yang in a rage was something almost no student at Hogwarts would willingly face, and here was little Luna Lovegood, coming between Melinda and her victim-to-be! Is she crazy? Marlie always said...

By this time, Deanna was close enough to watch proceedings. Draco's face was the colour of old cottage-cheese, as he stared at Melinda in terror. While he was no coward, Draco had the usual keen Slytherin appreciation of the value of self-preservation, and he realised that he'd really made a mistake this time. Melinda Yang was three years ahead of him in school, and a ferocious student of martial arts as well as magic. Even without her wand, she could tie him in knots.

But---strangely, Melinda seemed to be stopping. This was unusual; when Melinda chose to attack, nothing normally stopped her. Nothing could stop her---but someone could. Nick had called Melinda off once, when she had been about to attack Deanna's mother, a greatly-feared Auror. Had Luna done the same thing? But how...?

"And why, dear, shouldn't I hurt him? You saw what he did!" Melinda's voice was as sweet as honey, but with a dangerous edge, and her fingers were twitching as though they ached to be wringing Draco Malfoy's neck. Draco was paralysed with terror, unable to take his eyes off Death in the form of a lithe, long-haired Chinese girl. Deanna could see sweat forming on his brow.

"I know. You can yell at him all you like, but please don't hurt him! I'm sure he's sorry!" Luna reached out and took the owl's nest away from Draco, who seemed to be unable to stop her. "Here---I'll take this back up to the Owlery. There, there, mum," she cooed to the nest's owner, who was fluttering around, hooting, "your babies are all all right---aren't they, Draco?"

"Yes..." Draco's voice came out in a terrified squeak.

"Good. Now, before I go...will you promise me on your magic not to hurt Draco? Please? I love you, but I love him too."

Melinda smiled a rather cruel smile. "Very well, Luna, since you ask it." She pulled her wand, and Draco flinched. "I promise on my magic not to physically harm Draco Malfoy for this...this arsewitted escapade involving him stealing an owl's nest." The end of the wand flared brightly for a second, showing that the oath had taken. "Now---along with you. Mum, here, wants her babies back!"

Luna scurried off, with the owl floating along behind her, obviously happy to see her nest and babies. Weak with relief, Draco turned to go...only to find Melinda standing beside him, gripping his arm. "Not so fast, Malfoy. I didn't say I wouldn't talk to you, did I?"

Deanna smiled. The Ravenclaw girl was normally as straightforward as a Gryffindor, but her boyfriend was one of Hogwarts' most Machiavellian students. Deanna, herself, had once observed: "That...is what makes him so dangerous! You have to watch him, really watch him!" Apparently some of that had rubbed off on Melinda.

Draco tried to escape, but Melinda was wiry and strong; she kept her grip on his arm without apparent effort. Leaning close to him in a parody of affection, Melinda purred: "I may have promised not to harm you, darling, but that was the limit of my vow. I didn't say that I wouldn't talk to you...or about you, now did I?" Draco shook his head very fast. "Good! I so hate it when I have to explain things!" The Chinese girl's smile turned into a terrifying snarl, as she continued: "I didn't say that I wouldn't tell Nick about this escapade. Or didn't you know that he loves owls?" Draco's eyes went wide. "Oh yes, darling, Nick breeds owls. Back in Whitehaven, he has a nice little sideline going, breeding them for the wizard market! He's even won prizes!"

Deanna's eyes narrowed. Now that Melinda mentioned it, she did remember that her late owl, Spooky, had come from a cage marked "Whitehaven." She filed that bit of information away for some time later. There's always the chance that I might want to set Nick on Malfoy...

Melinda smiled; her smile reminded Deanna of a love poem wrapped around an ice pick. Deanna shuddered involuntarily at the thought of Melinda ever smiling at her that way. "So, darling, what do you think Nick would do if I mentioned this to him? You'd just better hope that Luna doesn't think of saying anything to him, or that he doesn't happen to hear something and ask her if she knows anything about it! You know she doesn't lie!"

Draco whimpered in terror. Melinda grabbed him by the front of his robes and began shaking him effortlessly, making his head flop back and forth on its hinges. "Listen to me, Draco Malfoy. You know me, and I think you know me well enough to know that I do not lie. If I ever catch you doing anything that low, cowardly, and nasty again, no matter when it is, I'll make making you miserable one of my goals in life! Long before I'm done, you'll be begging them to put you in Azkaban, because that'll be the only place you're safe from me! Capisce?" Shoving him backward, Melinda stood over him as he stumbled and sat down hard, wiping her hands as though she'd been touching something filthy. When she decided that he was thoroughly cowed, she turned and stalked back toward the castle, radiating outrage.

Draco sat there, staring after her with a dazed expression on his face. Reluctantly, Deanna and Luella came forward to help him up. Even when they did, he didn't quite seem to be tracking. "Are you all right, Malfoy?" asked Luella.

Draco shook his head, as though he was coming out of a dream. Never taking his eyes off the distant form of Melinda Yang, he muttered: "What---a---woman!"

Deanna and Luella exchanged glances. This promised to be extremely amusing.

*

The next morning, Melinda was sitting on one side of Nick Cleveland, eating her breakfast, when an owl landed in front of her. In its claws, it clutched a bouquet of roses. Startled, she turned to Nick.

"Hey, don't look at me, love-of-my-life. I think you have a secret admirer!" Luna, on the other side of Nick, gave Melinda a wide-eyed look.

Melinda looked slightly shocked. "But---who could it be?"

Nick looked thoughtful. "Hmmmm---that's a puzzlement. We're looking for someone male, with good vision and good taste. Now, does that narrow the field any?"

"Good vision and good taste?" Luna considered that. "Why do you say that, Nicholas?"

"Simple, Luna-moth. Since Melinda, here, is beautiful beyond the lot of mortal woman, any healthy male with eyes to see should, inevitably, fall in love with her."

"Oh---you!" Melinda blushed, embarrassed. "I'm nothing like that beautiful, and you know it, you flatterer! If Death were female, you'd probably try flirting with her! I remember how you wound Madame Malfoy around your finger!"

"Flatterer? Moi?" The look of conscious innocence that Nick put on was so overdone that Melinda and Luna both started to giggle. "Since when do I flatter---without a reason?"

"You have a good point, Nick," Melinda answered, her tone reflective. "After all, you have me. Body, mind and soul, I'm yours." The Chinese girl put her arm around his shoulder. "I also know you well enough to know when you're pulling a fast one."

"In any case," piped up Luna, "we're forgetting the problem at hand. Nicholas...why do you assume that it's a male who sent these?" Nick's eyes went wide. "I mean---I don't get into those things myself, but a good many of the girls here...they like other girls." Luna paused. "A lot."

"What she means, my easily-shocked love, is that there are quite a few girls at this school who're L.U.L.---lesbians until leaving." Melinda explained. "Not me, as you know perfectly well---but the atmosphere in the girls' dorms can get very steamy when that crowd are up to things."

Nick looked utterly gobsmacked. "I---I never even dreamed---I mean, we guys don't---"

"No, you wouldn't, would you, darling?" Melinda looked rather amused. "Men find that sort of thing more threatening than women do, I think---at least here in the West. It's got less of a social stigma on it in China. Still and all, I don't participate. The Sturm und Drang quotient's too high---and, in any case, with you in my heart, I don't have room for anybody else."

"Not even me?" Luna looked up at Melinda with wide eyes.

"Luna! I didn't mean it that way! Of course I love you too! It's just not in that way! In any case," Melinda suddenly looked rather stern, "you're much too young for that kind of nonsense. You worry about your education!"

"I'll be thirteen soon...and you told me that when you'd barely turned twelve..." Luna was cut off by Melinda shushing her.

"I think that right now, we don't have enough data to know who sent this." Nick mused. "Let's see what happens. Sooner or later, someone will do something out-of-character, and we'll have clues."

*

Over at the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy was watching the Ravenclaws hungrily, forgetting even to eat. Rianne Stormosi nudged Marlie.

"Looks like you were right, Marlie." She indicated Draco. "Your dear cousin's in lurrrve!"

"I just hope that when Nick finds out who's chasing Melinda, he doesn't decide to include all of us in whatever revenge he cooks up," Marlie answered. Everybody in earshot on the Slytherin table shuddered; Nick Cleveland was very, very good at revenge.

"Did I ever tell you what I saw, when Melinda was out cold down in the infirmary?" asked Melissa Bulstrode, Millicent's older sister. Into the sudden curious silence, she went on: "Well---I needed to see Madam Pomfrey, and I went down there after curfew. It's good to be a prefect sometimes."

"Go on," said Luella. "You needed to see Madam Pomfrey. What happened?"

"It was awfully late. I went down there, and there was Melinda, out cold. And, sitting there beside her, was Nick. I could tell that he'd been there ever since she was brought in. He was asleep in his chair. He'd tied their wrists together so that even when he was asleep, he'd be holding her hand. He awoke when I stopped by his chair, and grabbed his wand."

"Sounds like Nick," commented Rianne. "When we went down there, after Marlie was hurt and Melinda was knocked out, he was sitting right there, and pulled his wand the second he saw us coming. He wasn't even afraid of Mrs. Tyler."

Melissa looked very impressed; Deanna's mother had a fearsome reputation as an Auror; some fugitives turned themselves in voluntarily when word was out that she was after them. "In any case," she went on, "once I'd convinced him that I meant Melinda no harm---she looked so pathetic lying there, I couldn't help but feel for her---I asked him what in the world he thought he was doing. He said he was staying there with her until she was conscious, and holding her hand because he'd read that often unconscious people could still feel things. He wanted her to know that he was there, that she wasn't all alone."

"You mean to say he stayed down there all week long?"

"Right. A cousin of mine's in Ravenclaw, and she told me that Nick managed to talk Flitwick into giving him permission to stay down there. His classmates took notes for him, and made sure that he knew what work he had to do---but he didn't stir from her side all that week. Not for a second." Melissa paused briefly. "He finally staggered back up to Ravenclaw when Melinda was awake, and my cousin said he looked like a walking corpse. His roomies guided him up to his room, and he slept the clock around."

The Slytherins were silent. Finally, Deanna spoke up: "I somehow don't think that Draco's got any kind of chance with her, even without the age difference. When and if this blows up, though, we'd best make very sure Nick understands that this was none of our doing."

*

Over the next few weeks, the anonymous gifts continued. Melinda received more flowers, which she and her roommates welcomed, and love poems, which amused her greatly.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" she said to Luna. "Listen to this:

"Your eyes are like deep forest pools

Your face is like carved ivory

I wish you were mine, you're really divine

And someday you'll belong to me."

"It isn't very good poetry, is it?" Luna commented. "Poetry's awfully hard to write, though."

"At least I'm sure that it isn't one of our housemates," Melinda said, putting the poem aside with the others she had received. "No Ravenclaw would write verse that scanned that badly."

By now, most of Ravenclaw had heard about Melinda's anonymous admirer, and there was a betting pool about who it would turn out to be.

"I'm thinking it's Cedric Diggory," mused Cho Chang. She gave Melinda a very dirty look---she and Melinda had never hit it off. "If it is, I'll---"

"You'll what?" Penny Clearwater looked rather amused. "Start a fight with her? Before you do, would you mind signing this will here---the one that leaves all your worldly goods to your great friend, Penelope Clearwater?"

"Do you think I couldn't take her?" Cho looked disdainful.

"No offence, Cho, but I've seen Melinda sparring with Nick, a few times. She'd tear you into little pieces and dance around in your blood, singing hallelujah." Pat Chisholm, a Ravenclaw prefect, looked thoughtful. "Why do you mind if it's Cedric? Sweet on him yourself, are you?"

"You know bloody well I am!" snapped Cho.

"Then why don't you ask him yourself? He's a Hufflepuff, and you know how good they are at subterfudge. If he's chasing Melinda, you'll know."

"But he doesn't know I like him!" Cho blushed scarlet. "What if he figures it out?"

"Then, if he isn't chasing Melinda, you might just have yourself a boyfriend!" Penny patted Cho on the shoulder. "Go for it, girl!"

"I'll do just that!" Cho got to her feet. "If he doesn't like me----?" She turned pale.

"In that case, come back here, and we'll tell each other how clueless men are." Pat gave Cho a gentle shove toward the door. "Let us know what happens!"

* * * * * * * * * * *

A few days later, Melinda received a box of chocolates by owl post. She was just about to tear it open when Nick saw what she was doing.

"Melinda---stop!"

Melinda froze, her big black eyes wide with shock. "What's the matter, Nick?"

Nick had his wand out. "Do you know who sent you those?"

"Er---no. I thought there was a card..." Melinda's voice trailed off at Nick's exasperated glare. "Wasn't there? I thought that maybe you had sent them."

"No, I didn't. And, until we know who did, you aren't eating them, capisce?"

"But---it's chocolate!" Melinda looked slightly horrified. "I mean, who'd meddle with chocolate? Isn't that one of the Unforgivable Sins in your Western religion?"

"Don't ask me, love-of-my-life." Nick scooped up the box. "I'm not even a Christian. None of my father's family are, and Mum's a London slum girl; they've been pretty much alienated from any churches for generations. Long story; I'll tell you sometime. In any case, the finer points of Christian doctrine are not my strong suit."

"So what are you going to do?" asked Melinda, following the box with her eyes.

Nick grinned nastily. "Easy. I'll put a Return-to-Sender charm on it, and leave it out. That way, anybody who picks it up will be compelled, without really realising it, to take it closer to its sender, until it's back where it set out from. Then we set back and see what happens."

"Oh, Nick!"

Nick gave his girlfriend a very stern look. "Do you really think it's beyond the reach of the Tcho-Tcho to try to poison you? That stunt you were in on hurt them very badly, if half of what I've heard is the truth. Hogwarts is supposed to be safe, but the operative words are 'supposed to be.' Ask Harry Potter if you want confirmation of that! Or, for that matter, Marlie Lovegood! Don't you remember when someone she trusted poisoned her, back in our second year?"

"Oh." Melinda suddenly went pale. "You're right. Thank you for being concerned for me. I'm not really used to it, you know."

"Yes, I do." Nick's expression darkened. "I do hope to accustom you to it."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Severus Snape was busy in his office, grading essays and wishing that he'd never heard of first-year Potions, when the door burst open. It was Melissa Bulstrode, a seventh-year Slytherin prefect.

"Sir! Sir! You've got to come quick!" She paused to catch her breath. "There's trouble in the dorms!"

"What is it this time?" asked Snape, jumping to his feet and reaching for his wand. "Have Tyler and Malfoy finally decided to have it out, once and for all?"

"No! It's Crabbe and Goyle, and they're fighting over who loves Draco more!"

Now, this was unexpected, and, at worst, a break in the routine. Melissa was obviously extremely upset; normally, the hulking seventh-year hid her emotions behind a façade of calm. Snape followed her, breaking into a run.

Sure enough, the boys' dorm was utter chaos. Draco was Petrified, lying on the floor, as Crabbe and Goyle circled each other, wands out.

"I say I love him more, so he's mine!" yelled Crabbe, firing a hex.

Goyle dodged and returned fire, shouting "You're mental! I love him twice as much as you do! He's mine!"

Snape was an old hand, and didn't bother trying to reason with the combatants. One Petrificus later, calm had returned, and he began investigating. "Miss Stormosi, in my office, you will find a supply of bezoars. Please bring them here; I believe we have before us the result of a wrongly-applied love potion."

When the bezoars had been forced down Crabbe and Goyle's throats, Snape released Draco, who looked around, wide-eyed and terrified. "What got into those two? I mean, I was just sitting here minding my own business, and all of a sudden, Crabbe and Goyle burst in, fighting over who loves me the most!"

' "That is what we are attempting to find out, Mr. Malfoy," murmured Snape. "The symptoms seem to be those of a love potion. Do you know anybody who would have such a thing?"

At this, Draco paled, and Snape didn't miss it. "You do realise, of course, that love potions are forbidden at Hogwarts?"

Draco visibly clammed up; Snape knew what that meant. "I shall investigate this whole incident. Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle will accompany me to the infirmary; Madam Pomfrey is best-equipped to determine just what caused this."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The next Saturday afternoon, Deanna and Marlie were standing in one of the corridors talking when Melinda Yang came along. Nick was a few paces behind her, with Luna riding on his shoulders.

"Hello, Marlie-and-Deanna. How're tricks?" asked Nick.

"Everything's fine with us, Nick," answered Marlie. She grinned. "Did you know you have a girl on your shoulders?"

Nick did a double-take. "I do? Really? He twisted his head back, and Luna looked down and gave him a friendly wave. "Blimey! So that's where she wandered off to! And here I thought I'd just put on my heavy winter cloak by mistake! What are you doing up there, Luna-moth?"

"Enjoying the view, Nicholas. It's fun being taller than anybody else. I'm as tall as Hagrid! If he were here, I could lean over and give him a kiss!"

"No, Luna," said Melinda. "Mustn't kiss teachers. That's not what they're here for. In any case, why don't you come down from there and help Nick fetch our swords? It's almost time for our fencing lessons, and you said you wanted to come watch."

"Okay. Let me down, please, Nicholas." Nick bent forward, taking the soles of Luna's feet on the palms of his hands. Luna stood up straight, and Nick gradually bent his knees, lowering Luna a little at a time until her feet were a few inches from the ground. When she stepped off, Nick straightened up, and Luna grabbed him by the arm, towing him off toward the Ravenclaws' common room.

The Slytherins had been watching this little byplay with awe. "Sweet Merlin, he's as strong as a bull!" muttered Deanna. Marlie's eyes went wide, and she licked her lips.

"Yes. He has other things in common with one, but that's neither here nor there," answered Melinda, giving them a wicked smile. "I like sparring with him because I can't be certain that any future enemies will be chivalrous and only send women in against me."

"If it's time for your fencing lessons, would you mind if I came along, too?" asked Deanna. "I'd like to learn more about that."

"Can't see why not. Our teacher's said he wishes more Hogwarts students took an interest in armes blanches---you can't be certain that your spells won't be countered, or that your wand won't be broken or taken."

Half an hour later, they were in an upper room of the castle, brightly lit by several large skylights. Luna, Melinda and Deanna watched quietly as Nick crossed rapier blades with the teacher, a tall, lean, bald man who called himself "Mr. Forell."

Back and forth the fight went, the blades moving nearly too fast for the eye to see. Nick was wearing a chest protector and fencing mask; Mr. Forell had dispensed with such fripperies, but seemed to be in no great danger. Finally, after a complicated passage, Mr. Forell's blade darted out and touched Nick in the center of his chest. "You are a dead man, Mr. Cleveland."

"Whoof! I feel dead, too!" Nick pulled off his mask and wiped sweat off his face. "What'd I do wrong this time, Maitre?"

"You allowed yourself to be fooled by the feint I made, which created a hole in your guard. You are improving, but there is much still to be done." Mr. Forel turned to the others. "Miss Yang---it is your turn. Please to take your place."

As Melinda crossed blades with Mr. Forell---Deanna could see that her style was rather different from Nick's, depending more heavily on a very strong defense and much parrying---Nick came over and swigged greedily from a pitcher of water that had been left out. "Blimey, that's a workout! I'm going to score on that old man, fair and square, one day, though---you mark my words!"

A howl of surprise interrupted him, and they turned to see Melinda flat on her back with Mr. Forell's rapier blade at her throat. "You tripped me up!" gasped Melinda.

"To be sure, I did, Miss Yang. We do not train here for polite bouts in the salle d'armes; here, we train with real blades for real fights, where there are no rules. And you are a dead girl." Courteously, he extended his hand to help her to her feet. "You tend to compartmentalise your thinking, Miss Yang. There is no 'martial arts,' no 'fencing'---only the art of combat. Had you been thinking in terms of a possible martial arts attack, I would not have been able to do that."

"I see." Melinda looked very thoughtful. "You've given me a good deal to think about."

Mr. Forell gave Nick a meaningful look, but before he could say anything, Deanna found herself asking: "Sir? If it isn't too much trouble, could you let me have a go?"

"A willing pupil is always a balm to a teacher's heart, Miss---?"

"Deanna Tyler."

"Ah---do you have the honour to be related to the Auror, Caitlin Tyler?"

"She's my mother!"

"You are most fortunate. I trained her and her colleagues in blade-work; it's something that even a near-Squib, such as myself, can do and do well." Deanna felt a warm glow; it always pleased her to hear her mother praised. "I will start you with the sticks, I am thinking."

Soon, Deanna was wearing a chest-protector and mask, with a long, straight stick in her hand. Mr. Forell was explaining: "The purpose of this exercise, Miss Tyler, is for you to prevent me hitting you with the stick. At first, I shall call out the angle and side that I am aiming at; as we gain speed, I shall dispense with that. Do you understand?" Deanna nodded. "Very well---high left!"

Click.

"Low right!" Click. "Low left!" Click. "High right!" Click.

Twenty minutes later, a chastened Deanna stepped back, took off the mask and chest protector, and felt her ribs. Despite her best efforts, Mr. Forell had scored on her quite a few times, and she knew she'd have bruises up and down her sides.

"May I have a go, sir?" asked Luna. She'd watched all the time, saying almost nothing but absorbing everything that had gone on. "I think I'd like to know this, too."

"Very well, Miss---?"

"My name is Luna Lovegood, sir."

"Ah. A well-mannered girl. Please to be donning the protective gear, and take a stick. Miss Tyler will, no doubt, be happy to relinquish hers."

The routine began again, and Deanna turned to Nick and Melinda. "Are you sure you want her exposed to this?" She knew that both elder Ravenclaws were very protective of Luna.

"Yeah," answered Nick. For a second, he looked very weary. "Despite our best efforts, we can't always be there to protect her, and I'd far rather she was able to look out for herself. She's not as spacey as a lot of people think she is, but she does seem awfully defenceless. I don't want her to be the prey of any more bullies." As he spoke, the room echoed with a steady click---click---click.

Some time later, Mr. Forell stepped back and lowered his stick. Melinda had been watching, and her eyes had gone wider and wider. "Luna---how often did he hit you?"

"Not once, Melinda. Isn't that what I was supposed to be doing? Not letting him hit me?"

This caught Deanna's attention instantly. "How did you avoid him hitting you? I've got bruises on my bruises, and I'm a trained martial artist!"

"Oh, that was simple," beamed Luna. "I noticed that sometimes he would say, for example, 'high right' and come in low and on the left. I just tuned out his words and concentrated on his body-language; that doesn't lie, and told me exactly where his stick would be next." She gave them all a huge smile. "And he didn't hit me once!"

Mr. Forell had been gazing intently at Luna all the while. "Miss Lovegood---would you be willing to join your friends in these lessons?"

"Please, say yes, Luna!" implored Melinda. "Do you realise how long it took me to learn that? You've something there that mustn't be wasted!"

"All right. Daddy will be pleased; he thinks I don't take enough exercise anyway. I'll be happy to join you."

Just then, the door opened, and Professor Flitwick came in. "Mr. Cleveland, Miss Yang---you're wanted in the headmaster's office. Oh, hello, Mr. Forell! Still teaching, I see!"

"Yes, I am. Have you kept up your skills?"

"I have. I'd love to demonstrate, but Professor Dumbledore wants these two, toute suite." Flitwick turned to Deanna. "You're a prefect; you may escort them. Miss Lovegood, I shall return you to our common-room."

As the little procession marched toward Dumbledore's office, Deanna heard Melinda say to Nick: "What have you done this time, you schemer?"

"Nothing! I can't think of any reason the Headmaster would want to see me! Honest!" Deanna scrutinized his face, and the Ravenclaw looked like he was telling the truth. However, Deanna had long since learned to be wary; Nick Cleveland was one of the trickiest people at Hogwarts. She wondered what he'd done to attract the Headmaster's attention. Your reputation may condemn you, Nick, she thought, regardless of your innocence or guilt...

When Deanna had marched the Ravenclaws into Dumbledore's office, she noticed that the Headmaster wasn't alone; Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were standing by his desk, both looking distinctly ominous even before their eyes lit on Deanna. Curiouser and curiouser, thought Deanna.

"You! How dare you do what you did? You've finally gone too far!" snarled Lucius. "You're going to be expelled for what you did to my son!"

Done to Draco? What in the world? Deanna was agog with curiosity, and blessed the luck that had brought her here.

Both Ravenclaws swung around to face the enraged Malfoy patriarch. "Why, Mr. Malfoy! So you're our new Headmaster? Congratulations!" Nick drawled. Unobtrusively, he pushed Melinda behind him protectively and shook his arm; his wand dropped into his hand as he held it by his side, outside of casual scrutiny but available at an instant's notice.

"Excuse me," put in the real Professor Dumbledore, "but Mr. Malfoy has not become Headmaster here. I am still the occupant of that position. However, certain events have occurred in the school, and we need your help sorting them out."

"Do you deny feeding Greg Goyle and Vincent Crabbe a love potion that caused them to sexually assault my son?" Narcissa had lost her usual control; she was clearly furious, and her fingers twitched as though they longed to be around Nick's throat.

Nick looked utterly gobsmacked; he stared at the Malfoys, eyes going wide. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I bleeding well do!" he retorted, his accent veering from his normal North American to a thick London twang eerily reminiscent of his mother. "I've not been near either of the Thickie Twins for days now! Why are you so bloody sure I had anything to do with whatever happened?"

"Apparently somebody left chocolates in the Slytherin boys' dorms, chocolates laced with an extremely powerful love potion. Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle consumed all the chocolates, and they were apparently calibrated for Mr. Malfoy. Luckily, Professor Snape was able to subdue them before much damage was inflicted," explained Dumbledore.

Both Ravenclaws' eyes went wide. "Oh ho," muttered Nick. "I think I see what's happened!" Turning to the Headmaster, he continued: "Melinda, here, has been receiving anonymous poems, flowers, and what-not for a while. We thought she had a secret admirer. A few days ago, she was owled a box of chocolates with no 'From' card on it. I stopped her eating them, and put a Return-to-Sender charm on the box; that way, anybody who saw them would put them closer to their point of origin, without really realising what he or she was doing---it's all unconscious."

"So Draco was my secret admirer?" whispered Melinda. She looked as though she didn't know whether to be horrified or break down giggling. "Draco Malfoy? Is that even possible?"

"You are beautiful beyond the lot of mortal woman, love-of-my-life. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that nobody else has tried that on."

"No, silly! I mean---everybody knows that Draco's already in love---with himself! They do say that the love affair between Draco Malfoy and Draco Malfoy's one of the prettiest ever seen!" Both senior Malfoys' eyes went wide.

"Ravenclaw rumour has it that they have to keep the mirrors in the boys' showers covered when Draco's in there, otherwise, he'll see himself, and lose hours staring at his own beautiful face," explained Nick. "The girls sometimes giggle about how anybody he marries will have to take Polyjuice to look just like him!"

Unnoticed, Deanna was drinking all this in, suppressing a fit of the giggles by main force. She imagined how her mother would react when she heard all this!

"In any case," Nick went on, "we're both willing to take Veritaserum on this one. Is Draco?"

Narcissa Malfoy's eyes had narrowed dangerously, but she didn't seem to be angry with the Ravenclaws any more. "You mean to tell me that my son tried dosing a girl with love potion?" She smiled rather grimly. "Wait till I have my hands on him..."

"Madame Malfoy," put in Dumbledore, "I fear that this might be out of your hands. Unauthorised possession or use of a love potion is grounds for..."

"Mercy!" Unexpectedly, Melinda turned to the Headmaster. "Sir, this person humbly begs mercy! Please, don't expel him!" She folded her hands together and bowed imploringly. "This person is sure that he's learned his lesson and won't try it on again!"

"Miss Yang?" Dumbledore's eyes went wide with sheer shock. As Melinda made as if to go to her knees, he held out his hand. "There's no need for self-abasement! You're the target of this, after all! Love potions are very dangerous!"

"This person nonetheless begs that you show leniency to Draco Malfoy! At least don't expel him!" Deanna had never expected to see Melinda Yang beg in all her life, and begging for mercy for Draco Malfoy was triply unexpected.

"Very well, since you ask so magnanimously. Mr. Malfoy won't be expelled. He will, however, have to serve detention, and I shall expect him to apologise to you in person. Would you prefer that to be in private, or before the school?" Dumbledore regarded Melinda narrowly. He was plainly just as surprised as Deanna and the Malfoys, who were gaping at Melinda as though the Chinese girl had sprouted a second head.

"In private, please, sir. I'd want Nicholas, er, I mean, Mr. Cleveland, present as a chaperone, of course. I do not want to cause Draco to lose more face than he must."

"Of course. Your generosity of spirit does you great credit, Miss Yang. Fifteen points to Ravenclaw. You may be excused; I wish to discuss this further with Mr and Mrs. Malfoy." As though suddenly remembering her presence, Dumbledore turned to Deanna. "You may leave as well. Please see these two back to their own House."

As they went down the stairs, Deanna kept herself from bursting out in questions by main force; however, once they had put some distance between themselves and the Headmaster's office, she asked: "Why did you do it? I mean, if I had someone who'd tried that on with me..."

Melinda looked pensive. "I---it's hard to explain, Deanna. All I can say is that I think Luna's making me soft. Soft and weak." At Deanna's raised eyebrow, Melinda went on: "These days, before tearing into somebody, or doing something horrid, I find myself asking 'Would Luna approve?' This time, just as I was about to cheer Dumbledore on as he expelled Malfoy, it was like Luna was standing there, looking at me---and I couldn't do it. I don't really approve of Malfoy, but Luna loves him."

"So that's why you've calmed down so much!" Deanna murmured. This explained a great deal; lately, she'd seen Melinda turn aside from affronts that would have normally had her going for someone's throat, or for her wand.

"Yes. My warrior edge is weakening. It isn't like it is with Nick; I know that Nick loves me no matter what." She grinned rather slyly. "I imagine I could walk up to him in Death Eater robes and cast the Dark Mark, and he'd just want to know if the Death Eaters had harmed me when I was initiated." Melinda looked very pensive. "With Luna---it's like she believes I'm a good person, or at least better than I've been, so I find myself trying to be that person."

"What you're saying, love-of-my-life, is that you love Luna and don't want to disappoint her," Nick said; he'd listened to all this with great interest. "As for you and the Death Eaters, well, let's just say you don't have it quite right. Most of my mum's family were killed by them, and I'd promptly Stun you and start figuring out how to remove that damned Mark from your arm before you took over and really made them a threat." Melinda and Deanna both giggled.

"So what are you going to do about Draco?" asked Deanna, changing the subject with some effort. "I mean, using a love potion like that isn't far off rape!"

"Oh, I don't want him expelled, but I know Nick. I saw the look in his eyes. He's putting together a scheme, aren't you, darling?"

"Oh, I am!" Nick's expression was not reassuring. "I've the most perfect idea! You know, Melinda, we've some mighty fine singers in our House..."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The next Sunday, Deanna was sitting in the Great Hall, with her friends. Draco Malfoy looked very chastened, and he, along with Crabbe and Goyle, hadn't had much to say. Slytherin rumour had it that his parents' scoldings had been loud enough to make the Bloody Baron and the portraits on the walls hold their ears in vain hope of a little quiet.

At the head table, Professor Dumbledore rose. "As you all know, Ravenclaw House has some very fine singers among its ranks. They've requested permission to serenade a fellow-student, and I have been graciously pleased to grant their request."

From the Ravenclaws' table, there came a hum, then the boys' voices:

"I took my troubles down to Madame Rue,

She is that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth,,

She has a pad down at Thirty-Fourth and Vine,

Selling little bottles of..."

And all the Ravenclaws joined in, in perfect, four-part harmony:

"Love Potion Number Nine!"

Deanna's mouth fell open with sheer shock and admiration, as the Ravenclaw girls took up the song:

"She said 'I know that you're a flop with chicks,

You've been that way since nineteen-eighty-six,'"

Then the boys:

"She looked at my hand and she made a magic sign,

And said 'What you need is---'"

And again, boys and girls together:

"'Love Potion Number Nine!'"

By the time the song was over, Deanna, Luella, Rianne and Marlie were all but wetting themselves, they were laughing so hard. Many of the other Slytherins were joining in, since Deanna had explained the Love Potion Incident to them; Crabbe and Goyle were both blushing bright scarlet, and Draco looked as though he'd have preferred a bout with the Cruciatus Curse. Over at the Ravenclaw table, their senior prefect, Pat Chisholm, stood and said: "That little number was dedicated to one of our dear schoolmates in Slytherin; he knows who he is, and he knows why."

The school erupted in applause; the teachers were obviously in on the joke, since they were all laughing. Even Snape was clearly amused. Deanna shook her head in admiration. That'll teach Malfoy a lesson he'll never, ever forget, and in a way that doesn't do him any harm! What could he do, anyway? Complain to the school's governors that his fellow students honoured him with a personal serenade of a popular song?

Rianne Stormosi leaned close, and murmured: "If I ever get on the wrong side of the 'Claws, Deanna, for the gods' sake shoot me!"

"They put me in mind of things my mum said, about the old days in Wales," answered Deanna. "Back In The Day, no sane Welshman would anger or annoy a bard. Mum likes to say: 'Do not meddle in the affairs of bards, because your name is silly and would scan well to Greensleeves.'" Both girls laughed quietly.

END