Why You Should NEVER Capture Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood stood on Platform 9 and 3/4, scanning the platform for her father. He wasn't there yet, but Luna wasn't too worried. He often ran late if he was working on an important story, and Luna knew that right then he was working on the most important story ever, an investigative piece about Death Eaters. She sat down patiently on her trunk. The crowd thinned, and the Hogwarts Express pulled away, presumably to return to Hogsmeade, while she waited. Luna didn't really notice, she was lost in thought.

'Such an easy target.' He approached with caution, waiting until everyone else had left the platform. Her father wouldn't be picking her up any time soon, not if his colleagues had followed their orders. With the speed and grace of cat, he tossed the bag over her head, muffling her surprise, and activated the port key. Easy enough. Once they were at their destinations, he pulled off the bag, wand pointed at her. "Welcome to Malfoy Manor, Miss Lovegood," said Lucius Malfoy with a smirk.

Luna looked around her. "Thank you," she said politely. "It's very pretty here, but I'm meant to be waiting for my father. He gets a bit cross if I wander off, and even though I'm sure he'll understand that I didn't wander off, he might be worried. Besides, he's taking me to the Magical Menagerie this afternoon to buy a pet. I'm not sure what kind to get, though. Do you have any pets, Mr. Malfoy?"

"No, I do not have any pets," Lucius snapped. He knew the girl was a bit of an airhead, and decided that he would have to be less subtle. "I don't think you understand the seriousness of your situation." He waved his wand, gesturing at the stone doorway behind her. "Walk," he ordered. "You'll be staying in the dungeons."

Luna did as she was told, but turned her head to address him over her shoulder. "I've never seen a dungeon before. Is it a proper, working one? Because of course, Professor Snape holds classes down in the dungeon, and it's rather chilly there. But I don't know what you mean about staying, because while it's VERY kind of you to invite me, I'm afraid I haven't asked Daddy's permission to come stay. I think-" Here her monologue was broken off as she tripped over a slightly projecting stone in the floor and fell down. "Oh, dear, that's a rip. And in my good robes. I don't suppose you could mend them for me?"

Lucius raised an eyebrow, then leaned over and hauled her to her feet by the neck of her robes, creating another rib in the fabric. "I would be silent if I were you, Miss Lovegood. Your father is... indisposed at the moment, and if all goes well, you'll be released in the morning. If not..." He trailed off with a smirk, ordering her to keep walking.

Luna's eyes went wide. "What do you mean indisposed? He hasn't been drinking too much claret again, has he? That doesn't happen very often, usually only when he goes to a dinner party. If you have told me you were inviting him to a dinner party, I would have told you to make sure no more than three glasses of claret. Otherwise he gets a headache. Are there any leftovers? I'm a little hungry." Luna resumed walking, and soon found herself in the dungeons. Mr. Malfoy was behaving rather oddly, and he had put ANOTHER rip in her robes. Well, she supposed the house-elf could mend them when she got home. Mr. Malfoy probably hadn't meant to, after all, he'd just been helping her up.

'Chatty little thing, isn't she?' "No, he has not been here at all. Perhaps you've heard of a faction known as the Death Eaters? Hm? Well. Your father has rather... upset them, in a most unfortunate way." They came at last to the chamber. It was, in short, a torture room. Manacles hung on the wall, clean and well-oiled, two racks were lined neatly on the other side of the room, a large iron maiden graced the third wall, and a cabinet full of tiny devices, such as thumbscrews, and poisons was on the last. He ushered her over to the manacles. "Against the wall."

Luna hadn't really paid attention to what he was saying. Something about Daddy upsetting the Death Eaters. Well, of course he had, but that was the role of a newspaper, to upset people and push them outside their comfort limits. Luna also missed Lucius' command, and instead stood looking in through the cabinet full of torture devices. "This is very nice. Almost museum quality. I should tell Daddy, he might like to do a piece on them for the Arts section sometime. I saw something rather like these in a museum in Bavaria once. It was quite interesting. Daddy had taken me as a treat for getting such good marks on my exams. Do you have a Spanish Boot? That's the one that has a tiny little furnace underneath it, and you make the person put it on, and then you stoke up the fire. I'm not sure if they're actually Spanish, though, most torture things are assumed to be Spanish. Because of the Muggle Inquisition."

"Actually, those particular items come from the French Revolution. The- wait." She was obviously more crafty than he'd originally thought. Trying to get him off track. "Against the wall!" he ordered again, waving his wave. A few sparks shot out. Lucius would not let a little girl get the better of him.

Luna looked at him rather reproachfully. "There's absolutely no reason to get so cross, Mr. Malfoy." Luna went over to stand against the wall, gazing at him serenely. "Is Draco here? I don't know him very well, of course, what with him being a Slytherin and a year ahead of me. But then, Harry's a year ahead of me, and a Gryffindor, and I know him fairly well. It's funny how these things work, isn't it?"

"Hilarious," he said, with no amusement in his tone whatsoever. He clamped the manacles around her wrists tightly, thoroughly enjoying the 'click' they made. They magically climbed up the wall, raising her arms over her head, feet barely touching the ground. Her robes, which had not been clasped, hung open, and her Hogwarts uniform tops had hiked up, allowing him a lovely view of her midriff. 'Oh yes. She will be quite fun,' he thought, pacing slowly in front of her.

Luna was drawn up on her tiptoes. "Mr. Malfoy, is this some custom your family has that I'm not aware of? Because, not that I want to be rude, but I'd much prefer to just have a cup of tea with you. Not that I want to denigrate your customs, but this is a tiny bit uncomfortable, even though I DID want to be a dancer when I was very little, but Mother said I was too clever for that."

"I believe you are under the misconception that you are here as a guest. Let me clarify." Lucius stopped in front of her. "You are my prisoner, Miss Lovegood. I'm not here to give you comfort, or pour you tea." He ran a gloved finger down her cheek, then under her chin, tilting it up. She was slightly attractive, though her eyes were a bit creepy, hair slightly dingy, but in all, not so bad. 'That will make it so much easier.'

Luna watched him, looking as if she were feeling rather sorry for him. "Was Azkaban very hard for you?" she asked gently. She supposed he had some kind of fixation that made him reenact his imprisonment with other people. Maybe if she could just keep him calm, he would feel better and let her go. Anyway, someone would be bound to find her eventually.

Lucius' eyes narrowed and he stepped back, raising his wand. "You will not speak about that place. If you do not want your stay to be any more unpleasant than it will be, I suggest you hold your tongue."

Luna was very, very sorry for him. Clearly Azkaban had been horrible for him. Perhaps Fudge had let the heliopaths at him, since he was so bad. "I'm sorry," Luna said, soothingly. "But it might make you feel better to talk about it. There's really no need for you to hurt people. If you like, you can come home with me, and I can owl my Aunt Elspeth. She works at St. Mungo's, and I'm sure she could tell us where you could get some help to deal with this problem. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I am not ashamed!" Sparks once again flew from the end of his wand. He quickly composed himself. "Apparently, you are still not understanding your position. I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be intelligent." He conjured a small knife and pressed it to her chin, then slid it lower, to her throat, pushing slightly. "Perhaps I should cut out your tongue to stop your inane babble."

"I would bleed all over your nice dungeon floor," Luna said firmly. Really, even if he was a little disturbed, there was no reason for him to be so rude. Luna held very still, though. She didn't want to be cut. Though if she was cut, she had an idea for a very good healing potion. Murtlap, lacewings and beetle eyes. She just needed to figure out if it needed to steep after brewing. If so, she'd better make some before she got cut. "Do you have a potions laboratory, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Yes, I do. But you needn't worry about it, because you will never see it." Lucius dragged the knife away, scraping her delicate skin just slightly on the jagged edge. "And as for bleeding over my floor, it is no matter." He pocketed the knife, and took out his wand again. "The house-elves are quite used to cleaning it off." He smirked.

"Daddy doesn't believe in house-elves, even though we have one. He tried to free her, but she wouldn't leave, so now he pays her every week, and then she throws the money away and sulks for a day. It's a waste of money, but Daddy says it's only ethical, and some day she might WANT the money, you see. Do you pay your house-elves?" Luna decided not to mention that he had scraped her skin. He hadn't meant to, she was sure.

Amused, Lucius conjured a comfortable armchair and sat, facing her. "No. house-elves are vermin and do not deserve to be paid." He crossed his legs, wand resting gently on the arm of the chair, and checked his pocket watch. Twelve more hours before he could let the brat go... or kill her. A very small, very evil smile touched his lips at the thought of the latter. It was a shame, as the Lovegoods were such an old pure blood wizarding family, but this girl was hardly fit to be an heiress.

Luna sighed. "I know a lot of people believe that, but if you could just meet Squinky, our house-elf, I'm sure you would think differently. She's taken care of me ever since I was a little girl, when I lost my mother. Of course, Daddy takes care of me too. It's nice having people to look after you, even though sometimes it gets a bit frustrating. Like when I wanted to find the nargles, and I went off into the woods. Daddy came and found me, and was very cross. He said I was too young to go off like that by myself, and next time I was to tell him and we would go together." Her arms were beginning to ache, but Mr. Malfoy didn't seem to like it when she pointed out that she didn't much care for being chained to his wall. She shifted slightly on her toes.

'Maybe if I block her out...' Lucius let his mind wander, secure in the idea that she wouldn't be going anywhere unless he let her down. He wondered how the 'interrogation' with the elder Lovegood was going, if they were torturing him yet. He sighed. Snape always got the good jobs, and he was barely in the Inner Circle. His loyalty wavered, what with maintaining his teaching position with that fool, Dumbledore. But no, Lucius had always been Voldemort's most faithful servant. And the way he was repaid? Babysitting a little brat. If he'd wanted to watch over a child, he wouldn't have sent Draco away to Switzerland for the summer with his mother. Luna was speaking again, and he tried to drown out her voice.

Mr. Malfoy didn't seem to be listening, but Luna continued anyway. It was a welcome distraction from the pain in her arms. "My arms hurt a little bit," she said, breaking her resolution not to mention that. "Of course, it doesn't hurt as much as other things. Like, once, I was up on the roof, collecting bird's nests, and I fell off. Daddy charmed the roof after that so that I couldn't fall off. I suppose you have quite high roofs here, though I didn't get to see them, coming in. Did you ever have to charm your roofs to keep Draco safe, Mr. Malfoy?" He didn't answer. "Mr. Malfoy?"

"No," he said, coming out of his daze. "My son never did anything as stupid as climbing up to the roof." 'Does nothing shut this girl up?' If only he hadn't been ordered not to hurt her too much, he might have used her for archery practice. It had been a while since he'd taken up a bow. Or darts. He smiled slightly, imagining Luna's body as a dartboard. However, arrows would probably cause more pain, and create more blood. Idly, he realized he was calculating her weight and height to estimate how much blood she could lose before she died. It was rather a fun pastime.

"It wasn't a question of stupid, really. Our pet kneazle had caught the bird, you see, poor thing, but I knew where the nest was, and so I went up on the roof so I could get the eggs. Otherwise, other birds might have eaten them or something. Birds do that, you know. They eat other birds' eggs. Well, some do. Other birds nurture the eggs of other birds. That's rather nice, isn't it? At any rate, Daddy got the nest down for me, and had Aunt Elspeth mend my wrist. I had broken it you see. But I didn't cry at all, and they said I was very brave, but I didn't see what there was to cry about. Did you ever break a bone, Mr. Malfoy? Did you cry?"

"I've broken several. And Malfoys do not cry. And if you do not wish to cry, I suggest you keep quiet." Lucius checked his watch again. How was it possible that only a few minutes had gone by? He uncrossed his legs, then crossed them again the other way, shifting slightly in the armchair. Archery practice was looking more and more tempting. However, the thoughts of the Cruciatus kept him from actually doing anything. Voldemort and his stupid orders...

Luna sighed and shifted on her toes again. Her arms were really hurting a lot now. "I don't cry, I just told you that. Except once...but that was a very long time ago. And I'm trying to keep quiet, really I am. People do say I talk too much sometimes. Only you don't seem to want to talk, and I can hardly stand here staring at you in silence." A cunning thought occurred to her. "If I'm quiet, will you let my arms down?"

"No." 'Merlin, make her shut up.' Deciding that a gag would not be breaking any rules, Lucius summoned one, crossed the room, and tied it securely around her mouth. 'There.' He smirked and sat back down, checking his watch once again.

Luna was shifting her weight from foot to foot, trying to keep the pain at a bearable level. It was very boring to be standing there with no conversation at all. Suddenly, the door to the dungeon broke open, and standing in the doorway were her father, Tonks and Moody. Luna smiled behind the gag.

"Stupefy!" It was Mr. Lovegood whose spell hit first, and Lucius slumped to the floor. Mr. Lovegood hurried over to his daughter, removing the gag. "Are you all right, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Daddy. Well, my arms are a little sore, but they're okay." She smiled serenely at her father. As she spoke, he worked to get her down. "Mr. Malfoy and I were having the most delightful conversation. Well, before he gagged me that is. I don't think he was having very much fun. He kept looking at his watch as if he was waiting for something." She massaged her sore arms, and looked over at him. "I do hope he wasn't hurt in the fall."

"Not hurt enough," Moody, who had been examining Lucius' body, said. He quickly cast a spell binding Lucius tightly with ropes, and then said, "Enervate." Lucius, with a groan, began to rouse.

"Daddy," Luna said, "what will happen to Mr. Malfoy? I was thinking maybe he ought to go to St. Mungo's. He seems to be a little, well..." she leaned forward to whisper, "unbalanced."

"He's going to Azkaban, sweetheart," Mr. Lovegood explained, putting an arm around her shoulder.

"Oh," said Luna, sounding somewhat dejected. "We shall have to visit him, then."

Lucius eyes widened, hearing this statement. "No," he begged Moody. "For the love of Merlin, keep her away from me!" He tried to inch back from Luna, but the bonds held tight. He looked at Moody. "Please!"

Moody, taking in the situation, gave a large smile and picked up the gag that Luna had been wearing and tied it around Lucius' mouth, drowning out the cries of terror. "Luna, I think that's a very good idea. I think you should visit Malfoy here at least once a week. I just know he'll enjoy it immensely. Right, Malfoy?" The last thing Luna saw was Lucius shaking his head vehemently as he was led away by the chuckling former auror.