Why Children Aren't Allowed in the Order

    Nearly four months after the defeat of Voldemort found various members of the Order without missions or tasks to be completed. Dumbledore looked happily around the kitchen of Grimmauld Place at them, most of whom were also in various states of euphoria. He watched as the last two - Severus Snape and Remus Lupin - hurried in, closing the door behind them. This wasn't a meeting of sorts, but more of a party. And the mead (or scotch, or brandy, depending on preferences) had been flowing for an hour already. Dumbledore himself was feeling rather tipsy. "Good of you to join us," he said to the newcomers, one of whom blushed, the other shooting him a nasty glare. He smiled serenly at them, and looked to Alastor Moody, who was laughing with Arthur and Bill Weasley over something, and, at the far end of the table, Mundungus Fletcher, who was taking great delight in the endless mead that came his way.

    Mundungus had clearly had more mead than was good for him, as was evidenced when he said, "D'you know, I 'aven't 'ad such good stuff since that waitress at the Leaky Cauldron quit. She always kept a drop of the special stuff for me because I straightened out some problems they was 'aving with excise taxes." He glanced at Moody a bit nervously, and continued quickly. "Course, I always kept a drop of something special for 'er as well," he said with a bit of a leer. "That's 'ow I got that scar on my backside. 'er husband came back from work early one night, and would you believe it, the blighter cursed me as I was crawling out of the window naked. What kind of man would do something like that?"

    There was a pause before the majority of the table burst out laughing. Arthur shook his head, saying something about if it had been HIM. Bill grinned, a somewhat fixed expression, as he was currently on his fourth scotch. "If it had been you, what, Dad? Mum would never cheat on you anyway."

    Arthur conceded the point. "Though there was that time at school when were broken up for a bit." He blinked, trying to focus on the glass in front of him. "She went off with that bloke... forget his name, and I took up with... Mad-Eye, what was that girl's name I shagged in the potions lab?"

    "Amoria Wist," Moody said. "I remember, because she came to me not a day later," he added, with a sly grin.

    Bill started laughing. "Sounds like a right little slut, that one."

    "No," Moody said, crossly. "She just had excellent taste." He thought for a moment. "Now that other girl really was a strumpet...you remember, Arthur, the one who was always following you around, with the long red hair? Think she had a crush on you, but she wasn't above spreading her legs for anyone else who'd give her the eye."

    "Please tell me you aren't talking about Elaine Diggle."

    "Elaine Diggle it was!" Moody said with satisfaction.

    "Aunt Elaine?" Bill said, looking horrified.

    Arthur glared at Moody. "She was my cousin, you bastard!"

    Dumbledore chuckled slightly, and Mundungus looked as though he were trying very hard not to wet himself with laughter. "Elaine No Knickers Diggle!" he shouted gleefully.

    "We seem to be outnumbered, Severus," Remus said, taking a sip of brandy, wincing at the strong flavor.

    "I seem to recall rather a large number of rather easy girls during our time at school," Snape said, downing the last of his drink, and plucking Remus' from his hand.

    At this, Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and the group turned to look at the two of them. "Girls and boys," Remus added, taking his drink back. "Kristine Abbott."

    Mundungus looked up. "You shagged Kristine Abbott?"

    "Who didn't?" Snape asked, with a wry smile.

    Remus grinned, blushing a little. "Among others." He looked around at everyone, who were staring back in an amused way. "I never said I was innocent," he said with a cheeky smile as he tipped back his brandy.

    Bill looked dreamily reminiscent. "Back when I was at Hogwarts they were like...apples. Falling off of trees," he said rather incoherently. "I remember the Ravenclaw girls..." There was a general roar of agreement, and a toast was lifted to the Ravenclaw girls of all ages. Bill persevered, "And of course Tonks..." He blinked and found himself staring at a table full of eyes that were glaring at him, not least of which was a vivid, electric blue eye. He gulped. "Tonks used to tease me about not getting any sleep," he said quickly.

    "Good cover," Arthur said, most unhelpfully. He edged away from Moody, who was looking rather murderous, and pushed another drink in his direction.

    There was a lull in the conversation, as the men around the table thought about their past affairs, with slightly glazed looks, which could've been attributed to the alcohol. Dumbledore cleared his throat, and all heads turned toward him. "Poppy Pomfrey once told me that I looked good in my new earmuffs. Of course," he added, eyes twinkling, "she said I looked better out of them."

    Several mouthfuls of liquid were spat out, and Bill buried his head in his arms. "Noooo..." he said helplessly. "I didn't hear that. I didn't. It didn't happen..."

    "Bloody hell," Mundungus said, fascinated, staring at Dumbledore.

    Snape's eyes were narrowed. "Is that why you're always helping stock the infirmary? 'No, no, Severus, my boy, I'm sure Poppy and I can handle this, you just run along.'"

    Dumbledore's smile didn't waver. "Better than you trying to convince me that Gilderoy Lockhart had come to you for help planning his curriculum, and that it was just taking up a great deal of your time."

    Snape coughed. "He had some...difficulties with the...with the pixies..."

    A murmur of disbelief went through the group, and Remus patted Snape lovingly on the shoulder. "Of course, is there a person who could resist the charms of Lockhart? Not to mention..." He leaned over and whispered something in Snape's ear, causing the man to blush slightly, something that was extremely rare. Remus looked around the table, eyebrows raised. "Well?"

    Moody and Arthur exchanged glances, shaking their heads. "Molly, though..." Arthur said, trailing off.

    Bill looked over at him. "Mum?"

    Arthur rolled his eyes. "Came close. Had to threaten to hex the bastard."

    Mundungus grinned, knocking back another drink. "I 'ad a go at 'im."

    Dumbledore shook his head. "Poppy would have my head. Not to mention-"

    "We get the idea," Snape said, cutting him off. He looked at Bill. "What about you, Weasley?"

    Bill gave a little grin, taking a sip of his drink.

    "Please," Arthur said, shaking his head. "Your little nostalgic visit to Hogwarts that autumn?"

    Bill grinned again. "It's good to visit your old school. Keep up with things that are changing," he said mischievously.

    Remus looked at him with a little smile of his own. "As I seem to recall, when you were a lad, you were keeping up with Madame Pince, or so I heard."

    It was Bill's turn to blush furiously. "I had to study...Head Boy...and she said I was a strapping young man."

    Arthur patted him on the shoulder. "You were, Bill, you were." The others tried to hide their laughter.

    "Yes, I believe Madame Pince was quite desolated when young Ronald left Hogwarts. Said something about no more Weasleys. She seemed very put out over it," Dumbledore said with a little smile.

    Arthur choked on his drink at the thought of his children involved with the librarian. "Okay. I'm going to bed," he said, coughing. He stood, bade everyone good night, and left, shaking his head and muttering something about a very long hot shower.

    Mundungus turned over his glass, rising unsteadily to his feet. "I best 'it the sack 'swell. Nice chattin' with you gentlemen." He gave a tiny salute to the table at large, and ambled out of the room, tripping into the doorframe as he left.

    Bill finished his drink, a silly smile still on his face. "I wonder, Dumbledore, does Madame Pince need an assistant next year?"

    Dumbledore smiled. "I shall certainly propose the idea to her."

    Bill nodded his thanks. "Good night all," he said, standing and following after Mundungus and his father.

    Moody looked at Dumbledore speculatively. "War's over, Dumbledore. Can't I hex the little-"

    "I fear not," Dumbledore said, standing up and smoothing out his robes. "Good evening, gentlemen."

    Moody sighed and went upstairs, and soon, Remus and Snape were left alone in the kitchen. Remus looked at his lover with a smile. "So, do you still love me? Even though I don't have curling golden locks?"

    "Don't be an ass," Snape said with a snort. "He couldn't find his asshole with both hands. And trust me, he tried."

    Remus laughed, and leaned in close to his lover. "I'd rather have you than every strumpet who ever lived."

    "That's because you're MY strumpet," Snape said with a little smile, before they went up to bed.

FIN