Prelude

Prelude

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An action or event that precedes another and leads up to it

~

Hermione allows herself a few moments as she stands outside of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. She is just a few steps away from re-entering the wizarding world after a month-long absence, and though the time away was relatively short, she feels like a different person than the one that left Hogwarts a mere four weeks previous. She has changed. Though by no means reflected in her physical appearance, she has now lost what little innocence of youth she had. She has grown. She is now an adult.

She takes a few steps forward and knocks on the door. It doesn't take long for the door to swing open to admit her - after all, she was expected. After she places her bags on the floor, she embraces Ginny, who was the one to admit her to Grimmauld Place. Hermione grins stupidly as Ginny leads her to one of the many parlour rooms - she is so happy to be back with her friends. Back in her world.

Ginny opens the door and they see Ron, Harry, Fred and George lounging around. The boys all look up and beam at the new arrival.

"Hi," Hermione says.

Harry and Ron immediately stand and go to her. Hermione hugs Ron as they exchange greetings. She then turns to Harry and hugs him tightly.

"How are you?" she whispers into his ear as their arms remain wrapped around each other.

"Fine," he replies, though she knows he is lying.

"Oi, Hermione," Fred yells as Harry and Hermione release each other. "Where's the love for us?"

"Yeah?" George chimes in.

Hermione laughs. "Well, come over here and I'll see what I can do," she replies teasingly.

The twins practically knock each other over in their haste to get to Hermione. Everyone is laughing now, and Harry, Ron and Ginny make playfully suggestive noises when Hermione kisses Fred and George on their cheeks.

The six teens settle themselves on the two couches and begin catching up on their month apart. The Weasley clan has been staying at Grimmauld Place for a few weeks now; it was easiest that way as Molly and Arthur then wouldn't have to worry about Ron and Ginny while they were doing work for the Order as there was always someone around to watch them. Harry had only just arrived the night before, so they all had a lot to catch up on.

They ended up doing nothing but talking for hours, Hermione all the while keeping a subtle watch on Harry. Although he would on occasion get a far-away look in his eyes, or go quiet for a few minutes, he otherwise is much better than Hermione anticipated.

There is a soft knock at the door and Mr Weasley pokes his head around it. "Hello, Hermione," he says brightly when he sees her.

"Hello, Mr Weasley."

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes, kids."

They all get up and make their way to the dining room, except for Harry who 'does the gentlemanly thing' and takes Hermione's bags upstairs to her room.

Hermione smiles to herself when she enters the dining room and sees some familiar faces. She moves across the room and says hello to Tonks and Moody, who welcome her back to Headquarters. Molly Weasley enters the room with a large pot of steaming food in her hands. She places it at the centre of the table, then immediately hurries to Hermione and hugs her warmly.

When released from Mrs Weasley's embrace, Hermione spies yet another familiar face. Well, in actuality, she sees a familiar body, as his back is currently to her. She walks over and taps him on the shoulder. He turns and immediately smiles at her.

"Hello, Hermione."

"Hi, Professor."

"Remus," he corrects her with a slight smile. "Call me Remus."

She returns the smile but before she can say another word everyone begins to take their place for dinner. Hermione and Remus withdraw from each other and the assembled group sits down at the table and begins dishing out food.

As quite often happens at gatherings such as these, the adults sit at one end of the table while the younger generation sits at the other. The conversation at Hermione's end of the table consists of simple, easy topics, such as school, the twins new business and general reminiscing.

Hermione glances to her left, down the table past Harry and Ron, and she can see Tonks and Molly Weasley talking together, and though she can only hear snatches of conversation she knows they are talking Order business, if only in the most vaguest of terms. Arthur Weasley, who is sitting at the head of the table, is deep in conversation with Moody, who is sitting to Mr Weasley's left. They too are speaking in hushed tones but Hermione can tell by the way they are sitting and the occasional word she can hear that they too are discussing Order matters.

As Hermione's eyes move from Moody to Remus, she sees that he is not engaged in conversation with anyone. Instead, he is looking at her. No, staring at her, openly and unabashedly. She meets his gaze, and fully expects to hear a lull in the conversation around her as everyone stops to wonder why they are staring at each other across the nearly full length of the table. It never comes; the noise bubbles around them as they stare into each others eyes.

Hermione strangely does not feel uncomfortable under his intense gaze, but in the end a sense of propriety makes her glance down to her plate. When she looks back up, he is still staring at her, looking as though he has never actually seen her before. The conversation around her continues to flow, and a small part of her brain registers that opposite her, Fred and George are telling their end of the table about their latest invention. But she doesn't hear the specifics because she has become lost in Remus's stare. She raises an eyebrow at him and he finally blinks and turns away. But he looks slightly shaken by whatever it was that just transpired between the two of them.

Remus quickly and quietly stands and leaves the table. No one notices, except for Hermione.

She makes up her mind in an instant. She looks across the table at Ginny and the twins, glances beside her to Harry and Ron, and seeing them all deep in conversation, she stands and hastens from the room. She catches a glimpse of Remus's form as he hurries up the stairs. She runs up the stairs to catch him.

"Hey, wait," she calls, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough so no one else does.

She knows that he hears her, but he continues at the same pace up the stairs. He reaches the landing and continues to walk away from her. Hermione breaks into a full run and finally catches up to Remus, walking around him and stopping in front of him, essentially blocking his way.

"Are you okay?" she asks, slightly breathless.

"Fine," Remus replies.

He tries to move past her, but Hermione reaches out to stop him, placing a hand on his arm and saying, "Remus."

Perhaps it's because this is the first time she has said his name. Possibly it's because of her hand on his arm. Or maybe it's because of both that Remus freezes.

He slowly turns to face her.

"Are you okay?" she repeats, her voice low and gentle.

Remus smiles lightly. "Yes, I'm fine," he says, and Hermione isn't entirely convinced that's true.

And then Remus does something that surprises Hermione. He chuckles. It is humourless and raw, but it is laughter nonetheless. Hermione suddenly realises, as though his laughter has brought it to her attention, that her hand is still on his arm. She drops it immediately.

"How did it come to this?" he mutters to himself. But Hermione hears him and gives him an inquisitive look.

"I should be the one enquiring after you, Hermione. You shouldn't be up here, worrying about me. You should be downstairs with your friends, talking and laughing, like all kids your age do."

Hermione looks at him for a moment, her brow furrowing. "I'm not a child, Remus," she says simply.

Remus considers this young person standing before him. He has the same expression that he wore downstairs at the dinner table, like he is seeing her for the first time. "No," he says eventually, "I don't suppose you are."

A silence passes between them. At length, Remus says, "You should go back downstairs."

Hermione looks at him, unsure where this sudden desire to make sure he is okay has come from. "Are you sure?"

He nods. "Go on."

She reluctantly turns and has only taken a few steps when she hears him call out to her. She briefly debates whether she should pretend she hasn't heard him, whether she should make him chase after her, like he did earlier. But she doesn't. She stops and turns to face him.

Remus looks at her and Hermione has the impression that he is fighting some kind of internal battle.

"Thanks," he says softly, then he steps towards her, gives her a quick kiss on the cheek, then turns and walks away.

Hermione watches as he retreats upstairs. She then slowly turns and walks back downstairs, her mind a blanket of white noise.

She rejoins the dinner table, whose occupants are still chatting loudly. Harry leans in close to her and whispers, "Everything okay?"

She smiles at him. "Fine," she says. But her eyes unconsciously flick to Remus's vacated seat before she rejoins the conversation with her friends.

The night continues without incident and before she knows it, Hermione is crawling into bed, the same one she occupied the previous summer. Ginny turns off their bedroom light and bids Hermione good night.

"Good night," Hermione replies, shifting in her bed to try and get comfortable.

A long while later, Hermione hears the rhythmic breathing of Ginny across the room, and she knows Ginny has fallen asleep. She sighs heavily as she sits up, leaning against the headboard.

She can't sleep. In fact, she can't remember the last time she felt so awake. She is feeling unsettled and she has no idea why. But the strangest part is that she isn't sure this is a bad thing. Yes, she feels strange and on edge and keenly aware of everything around her but the feelings whirling inside her do not have a negative connotation. They just are.

The hours pass and Hermione is no closer to sleep than when she first got into bed. With a deep sigh, she flings the covers aside and gets out of her small bed. She grabs her cotton dressing gown and throws it on over her shorts and singlet as she creeps out of the bedroom.

Hermione quietly makes her way downstairs to the kitchen. The house is dark and silent, as it should be at three o'clock in the morning. But as she approaches the kitchen, she sees there is light pouring from the doorway. Someone is in there.

She gingerly approaches the room, then stops in the doorframe as she sees who else is up in the middle of the night. Remus is sitting on a stool at the kitchen bench, a still full and steaming mug before him, his head cradled in his hands. Although she can't see all of his face, the parts she can see are pale. He looks so sad.

Hermione is about to retreat from the room, not wanting to intrude upon his grief, when he stirs. He sees her out of the corner of his eye and does the smallest of double-takes, but when he turns to her he doesn't look surprised, just weary.

"Hello, Hermione," he says gently.

"Hi," she replies, her voice low.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" he asks.

Hermione fights the desire to repeat the question to him. Instead, she answers, "I couldn't sleep. I just came for a drink of water."

Remus stands. "How about some hot chocolate?"

She can't help but smile at the offer. "Okay."

Remus busies himself about the kitchen as Hermione sits upon the stool next to the one Remus has just vacated. After a few minutes, Remus places a mug of hot chocolate in front of Hermione and sits down by her side. She gives him a smile in thanks and the pair drink their drinks in a companionable silence.

"So do you want to tell me what you're really doing here?" Remus says after a while.

Hermione turns to him, surprised at this breaking of their shared silence, but even more surprised at what he has just asked her. "I told you, I -"

"Couldn't sleep. Yeah, I know. So, why can't you sleep?"

She watches as he takes a sip of his hot chocolate. And suddenly feeling quite bold, she replies, "Why can't you sleep?"

He turns to her and their eyes met. Then Remus smiles slightly and turns away, taking another sip of his drink. Hermione realises that this is his way of dismissing her question. So she says, in her most soothing voice, "Remus, why can't you sleep?"

He puts down his mug, pushing it a bit away from him. He looks at her and realises that this is not a question borne from banter, but from genuine concern. Concern he doesn't think he deserves.

"I haven't had a full nights sleep since it happened," he confesses.

Hermione nods, trying to hide her surprise over the fact that he has finally admitted that something was wrong. She knows from reading between the lines from Ginny that Remus has spent this last month quiet and withdrawn. A few people, mainly Mrs Weasley and Tonks, have tried to get him to open up, but they were thwarted at every attempt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

Remus is looking at his hands, concentrating on them so intensely, as though they might hold the answers to life's great questions. He finally shakes his head. "No," he says, but he looks as though it was the single most difficult thing he has ever had to say out loud.

Hermione wants to ask if he is sure, she wants to let him know it will be okay, that she is here for him if he needs her. But she has too much to say; she doesn't know where to begin, so she simply says nothing.

They sit in silence and Hermione wonders where this sudden need to comfort Remus has come from. She can't explain it but she knows it is genuine and important and real. In fact, to be concerned about Remus feels as natural and as necessary as it is to breathe.

Hermione finishes her drink and a few moments later Remus takes her empty mug, along with his own, and places them in the kitchen sink. Hermione watches him, and when he turns back around, their eyes meet and for the briefest of moments Hermione can see beyond the façade Remus has put up. She can see the true depth of his pain and grief. And as they gaze at each other, it feels like the most honest moment of Hermione's life. She feels rushes of emotions so strong and intense that although she cannot identify exactly what it is she is feeling, it is enough to make her grasp the bench top with one hand while the other goes to her stomach. But the moment is over the instant Remus looks away.

Running a hand through his hair, he walks back to the bench, but does not sit down. "It's late," he says. "You should try and get some sleep."

Hermione doesn't want to return to the room she shares with Ginny but she cannot think of a viable reason to stay. Remus seems to sense her hesitation, so says, "Come on," as he moves towards the door.

Hermione has no choice but to follow. She gets up from the kitchen bench and follows him to the doorway.

With no discernible movement from Remus, the kitchen lights go off and the pair makes their way silently through the dim house. Remus leads the way quietly up the stairs and when they reach the first floor, he walks Hermione to her bedroom.

They stand by the closed door. The house is so quiet that Hermione thinks if she listens hard enough, she would be able to hear Ginny breathing on the other side of the threshold.

"Well ... goodnight..." Hermione whispers.

"Goodnight, Hermione," Remus whispers back.

And then Hermione feels, for the briefest of seconds, Remus's hand squeezing her own, before he turns and walks away. She watches him go and when he has left her sight, she takes in a large gulp of air, feeling like she hasn't breathed for the last hour.

She quietly sneaks back into her bedroom, takes off her dressing gown and climbs back into bed. And as Hermione finally succumbs to sleep, she can't shake the feeling that on this most ordinary of days, she has turned down a path that will affect the rest of her life.