Old Moon Fades

Old Moon Fades

Chapter Fifteen: Conflicted Emotions

After Ginny had shooed him away Ron took his time showering and talking Quidditch with Seamus in the Gryffindor Common Room. Just as Ron started wondering what was taking Harry and Ginny so long, Harry burst through the portrait hole. Everyone in the Common Room turned as if sensing the anger pulsating off of Harry's body. Ginny walked through a few seconds later and he could tell by the crackling of her hair that she was just as mad as Harry was. Maybe more so. Neither had showered and were still covered in the dirt from the pitch.

Ron knew better than to call out to Harry or to try to engage him in any kind of conversation. As Harry swept past Ron and the others and into the boys' dormitory Ron caught a whiff of tangy sweat and earth. The door shuddered as Harry slammed it behind him making it clear to everyone that he wanted to be left alone.

Ron immediately turned toward his sister to find out what had happened. Dirt was smeared inelegantly across her forehead and caked in her hair. Her cheeks were pink from the wind while her eyes were vivid and dark. She was angry and volatile beneath the surface and Ron knew to tread carefully. She was the first to speak not caring that every eye in the Common Room was trained carefully on them.

"I'm sick and tired of this stupid fight between the three of you! It's ridiculous! I'm not putting up with it any longer. You and Harry are going to apologize to Hermione. Tonight." Ginny was fierce and reminded Ron of his mum when he got into trouble.

This was not enough however to deter Ron from lashing out at his sister. "I don't see why I should have to apologize to her first! If anything she should apologize to us! She's the one going behind our backs and siding with Malfoy!"

There was a collective gasp as the other students heard the accusation. Ron turned angrily and shouted at the assembled group of Gryffindor, "Shove off and mind your own business! This is a private conversation!"

He wasn't very good at masking his emotions, but he was much more hurt by the fight than anyone realized. It made his stomach turn and his throat feel like lead. But more than anything else, his heart was sore. When he'd found out that Hermione had been kidnapped he wasn't sure if he wanted to punch a hole in the wall or crawl into a dark corner and die. Ever since the Order had found her at Malfoy Manor, he'd been so unsure of himself. After they brought her to St. Mungo's Ron didn't know how to act around her or what to say. At first he'd been so mad at the Malfoy's that he hadn't been able to speak and seeing her lying in the hospital bed all bandaged up and broken made him seriously consider murder. It was a good thing that Lucius Malfoy had already died because Ron would have killed him.

But since then, everything he knew had changed. Hermione had changed; she had lied to him to protect Malfoy. She knew that he hated Malfoy more than anyone else and still she chose to side with him. He thought that he'd known her, apparently he hadn't. And now Ginny, his own sister had turned against him too.

Ron fidgeted where he stood. He was angry, livid even, but more than that he was sad. Things would never be the same, not now. It would take a miracle to fix their broken friendship. It would take more than just hollow apologies to get him to forgive. But he knew that he would never forget. It was over. Any feelings he may have had for Hermione had died along with their friendship.

Ginny must have sensed a change in him because she softened and placed a warm hand on his arm. "Ron, everything will work out, you'll see. I know that Hermione wants to tell you, she just can't right now. It's not her secret to tell, it's Malfoy's."

"All the more reason that she should tell us. It would give us an advantage." He tried sounding hopeful but it was impossible. His anger took over. "He tried to kill her! Don't you remember?! It makes no sense that she would support him! I just don't understand!"
Every eye in the Common Room was on them now despite Ron's earlier warning; this gossip was just too juicy. Ron no longer cared, he had nothing to lose anymore, but Ginny did. "Ron, maybe we should talk about this later, the three of us. You, me, and Harry. Why don't we meet down in the Great Hall for dinner in half and hour. We'll work it all out. You'll see." She smiled up at him before glancing down at her dirt covered hands. "I've got to go get all this dirt off of me. See you in half an hour?"

"Yeah. Half an hour."

Ron was hungry. Very hungry. Dinner might be a good thing even if he was forced to talk more about Hermione. He slowly climbed the stairs to relay the message to Harry. He twisted the door handle and pushed the door open.

"Harry?" He stepped into the room reluctantly and closed the door behind him. "You in here?"

The curtains around Harry's bed were thrown back and Ron saw Harry lying on top of his blankets. He was still dirty from practice. Harry didn't say anything and just lay motionless on the bed.

"Look, Ginny wants the three of us, just you, me, and her to meet for dinner," Ron looked for some kind of response in his friend. There was none. "Half an hour, alright?" Still nothing. Ron knew better than to push it with Harry when he was in one of these moods. "Okay, see you soon."

Ron walked out of the dormitory and back into the Common Room. He sank slowly into one of the fluffy chairs by the fire. It was getting cooler outside. The first match was this weekend against Slytherin. He was excited. He wanted to knock Malfoy off his broom.

He relished in the dream of defeating Malfoy on the pitch for the next half hour. Ginny came down and saw him sitting there. She was clean and her hair was pulled back from her face.

"You ready, Ron? Where's Harry? Did you tell him?"

He stood up quickly and moved to the portrait hole. "Yeah, I told him. He was still cleaning up when I talked to him though, so it might take a little longer for him. We should just go on down. He'll meet us there in a few minutes."

"Alright. Let's go, I'm starving."

They opened the door and stepped out.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Ron and Ginny, Harry had no intention of coming down to dinner and was watching the Marauder's Map carefully to see when they would leave him in peace. He sighed audibly in relief when he saw them leave the Common Room. As they entered the Great Hall with all the other students Harry felt it safe to relax.

He was angry at Ginny for yelling at him and even angrier that she had caught on to his secret. She was subtle about it, more subtle than Hermione had been. But she knew. That was bad. He had no real reason to be mad at Ginny. Not really. He could justify being mad at her for yelling at him but only for a short time. After that he'd have no reason to go on being mad at her. He'd have to tell her or risk her telling Ron and Hermione that he had a secret. He could deal with Hermione thinking that he had a secret because he wasn't on speaking terms with her. The fact that she too was keeping a secret was reason enough not to tell her. But he had no reason not to tell Ron and Ginny.

He didn't want to tell Ron. Ron was already so upset about Hermione that Harry didn't feel like telling him that it was highly likely that he would die soon. Ron had already lost one friend, he couldn't lose another too. He couldn't tell Ron. But Harry knew that Ginny was relentless, more so than Hermione because she was so damn subtle about it.
He'd have to tell her. Soon. Or else she would tell Ron. Tonight. When the two of them got back from dinner, he'd tell her then. He'd drag her off to the Room of Requirement if he had to. He had to have secrecy. He'd make her promise not to tell Ron or Hermione. She had to agree. She knew how upset Ron was about everything, she'd agree with him to wait to tell Ron at the right time.

It entered his mind that he actually wanted to tell somebody. He needed to tell someone. The secret of the prophecy was eating him up inside. He couldn't take it anymore. Not alone. The burden was too heavy to bear with just one pair of shoulders. Ginny would help him. She would have advice and she would know what to do. She had to. He had no idea what to do by himself.

He glanced back down at the Marauder's Map. Ron and Ginny were still eating. He wondered what they'd said when they realized he had no intention of showing up. It didn't matter anyway. Not after tonight. Tonight everything would be different. He wouldn't be alone.

He studied them in the Great Hall before scanning the rest of the map. It never ceased to amaze him that his father, Sirius, and Lupin had created this. Now all he had left was Lupin. Wormtail betrayed them all. He wondered if Hermione would betray them too. Then he thought that she already had.

That's when he noticed her on the map. She was in a little room on the first floor on the far side, away from the D.A.D.A. classroom above the Great Hall. He'd never been that far down that corridor. Then he noticed the other person in the room with her. He couldn't believe his own eyes. It was Malfoy.

Harry threw back the curtains and pulled on his boots. He didn't care that he was still filthy from practice. He didn't care that his hair was matted with mud and his clothes were covered in dried dirt. He stormed out of the dormitory and into the Common Room. The few students that had returned from dinner already stared at him as he walked past them. He swung the portrait hole open and slammed it behind him. He went quickly through the corridors and down to the first floor where he knew they would be. He didn't even know why he was going. Obviously it was hopeless. She had made her decision. They had ignored her and yelled at her and drove her right to Malfoy.

He found the door and waited. They had to come out eventually. It was dinner time and he'd never seen Hermione in the Great Hall with the other Gryffindors on the map. She hadn't yet eaten. She had to come out soon.

He heard them; their voices were soft and low. Harry couldn't make out what they were saying. He was surprised at how Malfoy's voice sounded so gentle with Hermione. He heard them move closer to the door, their voices sounded nearer. They were coming out. The door opened slowly. He saw Malfoy's hand push the door open and usher Hermione through before him. She wiped at her eyes before she noticed Harry standing there.

She visibly stiffened and leaned back into Malfoy as she met his eyes. Malfoy noticed her change in demeanor and looked up over her shoulder cautiously. When Malfoy saw him standing there it was obvious to Harry that he was relieved. That emotion was quickly masked and Harry didn't have time to ponder why Malfoy would have felt relief at his presence. Malfoy quickly schooled his features and adopted the sneer that Harry had seen so many times on the other young man's face. He hated him.

Malfoy put his hand on Hermione's shoulder and boldly challenged Harry to defy it. Harry said nothing. What could he say? It was his fault that this had happened. He'd driven Hermione straight into Malfoy's outstretched arms. Harry ignored Malfoy for a moment and looked at Hermione. She watched him wearily as if she was afraid that he would explode. He didn't. He didn't have that right anymore. He knew that now.

Malfoy taunted him again as he slid his hand down Hermione's arm before clasping her hand in his own. It was so strange to see it in front of him. Harry had no idea how to respond. He wanted to say something, to yell and tear them apart. But he couldn't. It wasn't his place anymore. Hermione still watched him. She didn't notice the hand holding her own smaller one. Or if she did notice she ignored it.

"Come on Hermione, we've got business to take care of." Malfoy's voice was firm but gentle with the girl. She snapped her eyes up to him while Harry looked on taking in all the changes. She nodded hesitantly and looked at Harry one last time before Malfoy started walking down the corridor with her. He still held onto her hand. She didn't say anything or pull away from Malfoy; she just let him lead her down the hallway.

Harry continued watching until they were out of sight. He didn't know what to do. He felt guilty. And it was the first time since the start of term that he actually felt he owed Hermione an apology. To see her with Malfoy was more than he could bear. She was one of his best friends even though he didn't treat her like one. They'd all abandoned her. Dejectedly Harry made his way back to the Gryffindor Tower. The only hope he had was that maybe by telling Ginny about the prophecy he'd begin to feel less guilty about the secret. In time he'd tell Ron, once he had a plan and knew what to do. It would work out. It had to. There was no other way. Then, once everything was settled, he'd try to regain Hermione's friendship... if she'd take him that is.

* * *

Her hand was trembling in Malfoy's as they turned the corner away from Harry. She was going to cry. She couldn't help it. Every emotion was overwhelming and she couldn't keep them all at bay for much longer. Dumbledore's office was located in one of the towers. She just had to make it a little farther before she broke down. She just had to get out of sight from Harry.

She was shaking as they walked up a staircase at the end of the hallway. Harry was gone. She sobbed and tried to keep it in; she just had to make it a little farther. Malfoy squeezed her hand in reassurance. Why was he being so nice? It didn't make any sense. None of it did. If she stopped to think about everything the emotions became too much. All her self-doubt and fear bubbled to the surface. She couldn't control her emotions any longer and gave in to the tears.

She felt like she'd been crying for months. Hermione sank slowly to the stone stairs, her legs unable to hold her up any longer. Malfoy still kept hold of her hand. She was sobbing, her face stained and hurting from the burning tears. She felt like her insides were being ripped out of her body. She saw Harry's face over and over in her mind and the look of sadness and anger that he wore with such uncertainty. She saw Ron and knew that she was betraying him by keeping Malfoy's secret from him. He wouldn't understand that she had to do this. Ginny's face came into her mind and all the guilt that she had for telling the secret that wasn't hers to tell. Everything was just too much. The guilt, the sadness, the loneliness was suffocating her. She had no one.

The stairs were cold under her and the chill seeped into her bones. She was trembling from emotional exhaustion. She felt arms wrap around her cautiously, but didn't stop to think about them. Hermione was too caught up in her turmoil to hear the soft, gentle whispers in her hair. She was pulled into a tight embrace on the stairs and was engulfed in warmth she hadn't felt before. She was still crying as she pulled fiercely on his robes as if she were afraid she would lose him too.

Slowly Hermione started to escape from the sorrow and began to take notice of her surroundings. There was fine wool clutched tightly in her fist. Her face was pressed against his chest; it was firm and she could feel his heart beating beneath it. Her other arm was wrapped around his waist and was gripping the back of his shirt. She felt his arms around her; one of his hands was on her back rubbing circles over her own robes. The other hand was in her hair playing with the curls. His voice caressed her softly and she couldn't make out his words. They were soothing and slowly she calmed down. Malfoy.

The hand on her back was warm and hesitantly she pulled out of the embrace. They were still sitting on the staircase. No one else was around this part of the castle at night. They were alone. There was a lone window high above them that let the light of the new moon filter down and scatter its rays over them. Shyly she looked up into his face. Malfoy. Draco. His silver hair was brilliant in the moonlight. She thought he'd been so beautiful in the sunlight of the library, but here in the shadow of the moon he was perfect. The light of the moon filtered lazily down and danced in his hair and shadowed his eyes. Every aspect of his features seemed so possessed by unearthly grace and he seemed all at once almost luminescent.

His eyes were like precious metal, cool at first but heated after contact. He moved one hand slowly from her back to her face. It left behind it a void, a cold lonely expanse of skin as he removed it. Soon though she felt a warmth where his hands wiped away her tears as he continued whispering nothingness into her hair. His breath was warm on her cheek. Slowly she calmed and the feelings of loneliness were replaced with a foreign feeling that left her heart racing erratically and her lungs to pump oxygen almost haphazardly.

Malfoy pulled away after a moment of almost awkward silence and placed his hand around her own again. He pulled her to her feet and brushed an errant lock of hair out of her face. His fingertips grazed her cheekbones like a quiet breeze. His voice was soft, so much softer than it had any right to be. When he whispered it was like velvet draped over granite.

"I don't know what to do with you, Granger. You certainly cry more than any person should. How many times is this today?" He chuckled lightly and squeezed her hand.

She smiled up at him in response. Awkwardly she pushed her hair out of her face and looked at him. "Sorry, I can't seem to help crying lately." She shrugged her shoulders. "This just hasn't been a very good day."

He smirked, but it wasn't cold as his smirks typically were. "That's the understatement of the year." His eyes warmed slowly and he gazed down at her in concern. "Are you sure you're alright? When can postpone talking to Dumbledore, if you want."

"No. We need to do this. The sooner the better, right?"

"Alright, but you have to promise me that afterwards we can go get dinner. I'm starving!"

She laughed and he smiled in response. "Sure, whatever you say, Malfoy."

He stiffened slightly and stared intently at her for a moment. When he spoke several seconds later his voice was hesitant but strong. "Why don't you call me Draco. Malfoy doesn't really fit anymore. Besides we probably know each other well enough to be on a first name basis by now anyway."

It wasn't what she had expected but somehow the gesture was more than adequate to relieve some of the pain of lost friendships. He was watching her so closely, so fragile seeming that she felt only warmth for him. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to just be Hermione and for him to just be Draco.

"Alright, Draco."