Wasted Time

Wasted Time

Ron sat in the Hogshead Pub and considered his ale. It was a long walk to Hogwart's to face what he had left behind and he reckoned he needed at least three of these before he headed that way. There were so many memories.

It had been ten years since he had stepped onto the Hogwart's school grounds. Now he had been asked to teach there. What was Dumbledore thinking?

He looked down at his ale again and thought long. "Not a good thing Ron. Show up for your first day of work legless." He pushed the tankard away and sat back.

"What's the matter, Weasley, not man enough even for a malted?"

Ron's brow furled. It hadn't been enough years to forget that voice, even if he had tried. "Snape," he muttered coldly. He pushed back his chair turned to find his former Potions teacher standing over him. He forced a smile. "I was just," he started to make up some excuse and then he remembered he was an adult. "Ah, bugger off, Snape!" he said leaning toward his drink.

Snape pulled the chair out next to Ron and sat down. He gestured toward the barkeeper. "Another round of ale and bring the bottle," said Snape, pulling some gold coins from the pocket of his robes. The gentleman nodded and went off for their drinks.

Ron looked at Snape suspiciously. "Shouldn't we be getting on to the castle?" he asked as the bartender placed two mugs of ale, a bottle of Firewhiskey, and two glasses in front of them.

Snape grunted. "Your classroom will still be there when we've finished this bottle," he said holding it up and pouring the first round of shots. Ron considered that Snape had lost his mind, but he took the glass of whiskey. He had a feeling that if this was what awaited him at Hogwart's he was going to need the fortification. "To your new position," said Snape with a sneer. He downed his whiskey and then leaned back in his chair with his mug of ale.

Ron looked over the shot glass at Snape and then drank his as well. It was harsh and it took everything he had to keep from choking on it in front of Snape. He quickly picked up his malted and took a drink. "So, Professor," started Ron finding the words hard to find.

Snape found a crooked smile. "Severus. Boy, you're no longer a student," he said glaring at Ron over his mug.

"I'm no longer a boy," said Ron indignantly.

"Yes, I can see that," admitted Snape clearing his throat.

Ron was seeing things himself. He was seeing an older Severus Snape, a man who the war had taken its toll on. His hair was graying, there were quite a few more lines on his face, and there didn't seen to be the same anger in his eyes that once was always present. "All right, Severus," said Ron with a bit of sarcasm in his voice. "What shall we drink to next then?"

Snape chuckled coldly, "To Albus Dumbledore, the founder of this feast."

Ron couldn't help himself. He laughed and then downed his whiskey. "A little Dickens, Severus?"

"It's been a long summer," muttered Snape, pouring the next round.

Ron gave him a curious stare. He wondered what kind of impact the changes at Hogwart's had made on Snape, the new teachers, the death of Professor McGonagall, his promotion to Deputy Headmaster. He was sure that somewhere, beneath all that greasy black and graying hair, was some sort of a heart, or a least a soul, be it a dark soul. He had after all fought by Harry's side and been there for him in the end.

"Thinking of him, Weasley?" Snape asked in a low hissing tone.

"Shut it!" Ron pulled the bottle from his hand and poured the next round. "Ron, my name is Ron!" He downed the whiskey and then hoisted his mug.

Snape grinned widely, a ghostly grin, his pale skin shining in the dim light of the pub. "Ron it is," he said lifting his glass and then downing it.

They both sat quietly for a moment. Ron had struck a chord and he knew it. He hadn't actually intended to, not really. Sure there had been animosity between him and Potter, you would most likely consider it hatred, but in the end it had been Potter that who had saved his life. He had given his life for Snape's, something that Snape would never understand.

Snape realized that Ron was staring into his eyes and quickly sat up right. "Now you were thinking of him, weren't you?" shot Ron accusingly.

Snape reached for the bottle of Firewhiskey and shook his head. "You're fooling yourself if you think that I--"

Ron grabbed the bottle and his hand. Snape looked into his eyes and scowled. "Admit it Severus!"

Snape looked down to where their hands were touching and then up into Ron's eyes. His face was not the freckled young Weasley face that once ran from spiders and blushed when he was called out in class. His face told the tale of the war as well, of the losses of friends, best friends, and family.

"I'll admit nothing," grumbled Snape. He then yanked the bottle out of Ron's hand and leaned back. "You can pine over the Potter brat all you want. I will have no part of it." He poured himself another glass and downed it.

Ron stared at him. "What an incredible amount of bullshit, Severus Snape! Say what you want to others, I won't believe it." He reached for the bottle and poured himself another glass. This was when Ron realized that he was not a heavy drinker. He leaned back in his chair and nearly fell over. Snape began to laugh loudly.

"Getting wankered already," he said with a smirk.

Ron grimaced. "Shut it," he said again, a bit quieter this time. Snape laughed again and lifted the bottle.

"Not quite enough, I think. You're still a git!" He turned and yelled to the bartender. "Barkeep another bottle."

Ron sneered and then shook his head. "I'm a git?"

"Well, we just need more whiskey that's all," Snape, decided.

"Much more and I won't be able to make it to Hogwart's," mumbled Ron.

"Very well. Then we'll go now. That way if you can't later, you won't have to." Snape rose to his feet, paid for the bottle of whiskey that the bartender had just brought to him and then stood staring at Ron. "Well?" he said tapping his foot impatiently.

Ron looked at his former potion's master dumb-founded. What could he say? No thanks, Snape. I think I'll stumble off to the castle by myself thank you. I didn't care for your ass when I was at Hogwart's why the hell would I want to talk to you now?

Ron swallowed hard and nodded. "I suppose I don't have a choice."

"Of course you have a choice. You can be humiliated by me here or back in my quarters," quipped Snape.

Ron cracked a smile. "Well, I would finally get to see what the dark and mysterious Severus Snape's living quarters look like," decided Ron. He stood and steadied himself on the table as Snape chuckled softly. Ron was sure he'd not heard this sound before.

"No luggage?" said Snape looking around and smiling slyly.

"My things were delivered to the castle earlier today," explained Ron. "I suppose I was afraid I would change my mind if I didn't." He couldn't believe he said it as soon as the words left his mouth. Snape smiled a knowing smile as he stepped forward.

"It's a long walk, let me help."

It was a long walk and for the first ten minutes, neither man spoke. Ron had let Snape help him out of the bar, but when the brisk wind and the light rain that was falling had hit his him in the face, he sobered up enough to make it the rest of the way on his own.

"I haven't heard from Hagrid in months," said Ron as they passed the abandoned stone cottage on the grounds.

"He was here to see Albus a few weeks ago. He's very happy in his new life I suppose." Ron noticed that Snape spoke quietly. It was as though there was a longing in his voice.

They had reached the front stairs of the castle. The sun was setting over the north tower. Ron stopped and felt a chill run through his body. "Maybe you can't go back?" he thought as the reality of where he was hit him.

Snape turned on the top step and looked back down at the redhead. "Ron?"

"I can't."

"You're being childish."

"Laugh at me. Go on. It's what you've been dying to do since you found me at the pub."

Snape descended the stairs and stood beside him. "I didn't come to Hogsmeade to laugh at you."

Ron's eyes widened. "What did you say?"

"We'll discuss this in the castle. It's dark and it's raining. I prefer to be dry," he said as he begun to ascend the stone stairs once more.

Ron hesitated but then he had taken this as a command and he had never disobeyed a direct command from Severus Snape. He followed.

It was an eerie feeling listening to the sound of their footsteps echo in the empty hall. He could almost hear the voices and noises of friends long past. Hermione nagging him to study for one more test, Fred and George pulling off one last gag, Malfoy calling him Weasel, Harry standing by him. The memories were flooding back like water over a damn. It was what he had anticipated, but he had not factored in Snape.

"Your quarters are closer to Gryffindor tower of course, I shall show you later," he said as they approached where the stairs led to the dungeons. Ron nodded. "Unless--"

"No, Severus lets go and have that drink," he said quickly. The thought of being alone in his new Hogwart's home terrified him. Snape smiled.

"You can find Albus in the morning. He'll understand."

Ron hadn't thought about this. He was certainly in no condition to greet the Headmaster. He nodded. Snape turned and headed down the dungeon staircase. They made small talk about what they saw on the way there as they walked. However, Ron did not truly begin to talk again until he was resting comfortably in front of the fire in Snape's quarters, a fresh drink in his hand. Snape had poured them both one after removing his wet cloak.

"So are you ready to take on a classroom full of ingrates?" asked Snape with a soft chuckle.

Ron shook his head and smiled. "You know I always envisioned Hermione as the teacher. It was her that I saw following in McGonagall's footsteps, not I."

"Fate has dealt you a new set of cards, Professor Weasley," said Snape in a misty voice.

Ron snorted into his drink. "How is the old bat?"

"As daft as ever. You'll be happy to know as soon as she heard of your return, she predicted your death straight off."

Ron roared. "Well, it's nice to know I'm being welcomed so warmly."

Snape laughed loudly as well. "To Sibyll Trelawney."

"Cheers," said Ron lifting his glass. They both drank. "I reckon some things will never change."

Snape leaned back in his chair and looked at Ron. "I suppose you're right."

"What about you, Severus, have you changed?" he asked leaning down to pour himself another drink.

"Absolutely not," he said scowling on cue. "I still treat my student's with the same amount of animosity."

"Yes, just the same," chucked Ron. He was feeling warm and more than slightly tipsy now. He sat back and looked around trying to focus properly. Snape watched him, feeling a bit warm himself.

"So, are my quarters what you expected Mr. Weasley?" he asked with a bit of a smirk.

Ron considered him over his drink. "Well we did have bets as to how many chains you had hanging from the ceiling and what kind of leather gadgets and such," said Ron trying hard not to snort into his fire whiskey. "I guess I lost that bet."

Snape took a long hard sip on his whiskey and then answered most soberly. "Well, you haven't been in the bedroom yet."

Ron sat up abruptly and nearly choked. Snape laughed. "You think you're rather clever don't you?" asked Ron after he recovered.

"No, Ron, I know I'm clever." He leaned forward and poured them another drink. Ron laughed.

"I can't believe I'm sitting here having a drink with Severus Snape, the," Ron stopped.

"The biggest ass you ever met," finished Snape. "Or something equally as rude," he chuckled but Ron said nothing.

"You know, Severus, I've seen a side of you that you've," he stopped and looked across to Snape. The whiskey was breaking down his inhibitions.

"You've seen nothing, Weasley," said Snape coldly. He rose from his chair, placing his drink on the table in front of him; he crossed to his desk and turned away from Ron.

However, he had seen it, the gentler, kinder side of Snape, if there was one. There was a point when it had made him angry, because it had drawn out something in Harry that Ron had tried for years to find. It was Snape who had been there for Harry in the end, not Ron. This had taken Ron a long time to come to terms with. "You can pretend to be who you want in the classroom, Severus Snape, but you can hide from who you are when alone in your room."

Snape turned and looked into Ron's eyes. He stood there silent for a moment, both of them trying to read each other's thoughts. "You sound as though you are speaking from experience."

Ron sighed. "Loneliness is something I am familiar with." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Perhaps it's time for me to go to my quarters," he said after a long silence.

Snape looked down and up again, he nodded. Ron tried to stand but didn't make it, he had had more than one too many. He collapsed back into the chair. "Bollocks," he said dropping his drink and shattering it into a million pieces. "This is your fault," he scolded.

Snape chuckled. "Well, I didn't hold a wand to your head," he said chuckling. He crossed to Ron and stood beside the chair. "Come on, I'll help you," he said extending his hand out to Ron.

Ron looked at him suspiciously and then took his hand. Snape pulled him up, but he had forgotten how much he had drunk and pulled them both into the floor. They landed in a pile and began to laugh. "This is bloody brilliant!" said Ron lying next to Snape, their legs entangled. "Definitely a situation I never imagined myself being in." He turned still laughing and found himself face to face with a laughing Severus Snape. He was suddenly very uncomfortable. He tried to untangle and straighten himself to no avail. He burst into laughter again and collapsed on the floor.

Snape sat up this time, being a bit more in control and looked down at Ron. Ron stared into his black eyes and felt very overwhelmed. He reached up and grabbed Severus, pulling him down to where he lay he kissed him.

Severus pulled back and drew a deep breath. He turned away from him and sat up. Ron closed his eyes and immediately began berating himself. "Severus, I . . I, ... bugger," he said finding as much balance as he could and sitting up. He reached for the chair next to him and tried to pull himself up, he once again found the floor, this time face first.

"Damn it, Ron, you're going to end up in the hospital wing and how will I explain that!" cursed Severus turning around and once again coming to his rescue. Ron had indeed bloodied his nose this time. "Accio towel," said Snape, as he pulled Ron up and cradled his head in his lap. He was soon tending to his nose and shaking his head at him. "You know, you're a git."

" Well, well you're a bastard," muttered Ron trying to push him off.

"Hold still, I'm trying to help you."

"Feels like you're trying to strangle me," moaned Ron.

"You're a big baby."

"No one asked you to help me."

"Well, no one asked you to kiss me either."

Ron pulled away, blood trailing down his face and chin. "I'm going," he said trying to get up.

"Sit down before you kill yourself," said Snape pulling him down. "You're drunk."

"So are you."

"True." They sat and looked at each other for a moment in silence. "Hold this on your nose, I'm going to get some ice. I think you've broke it."

Ron was sure he was right. His nose, in fact his whole face was throbbing. If he hadn't been so drunk, he was sure he'd be wailing. He did exactly as he was told and sat holding the cloth while Severus went for ice. It took awhile for him to return, enough time for him to think about what he had done and why he had done it. He hadn't an answer for either question other than it just seemed like the right thing to do. The most disturbing part was, he wanted to do it again.

Ron had managed to get himself into a chair by the time Severus got back, which brought a chuckle to the Potion Master. "Didn't break anything else while I was gone, I see?"

"Clever," said Ron, rolling his eyes and then regretting it.

Snape leaned down, placed some ice inside the towel, and placed it upon his face. "Black eyes and all, you look smashing."

Ron whined, "Can't you do anything? Don't you know a spell?"

"I'm not a healer, but I'll give it a try." Snape pulled his wand out and stuck it in Ron's face.

Ron's mind flashed back to his second year and Lockhart's blotched attempt at fixing Harry's arm. "Never mind!" he said quickly, his eyes widening. He pushed Snape's arm away. Snape chuckled and put down his wand.

"We could go wake up Poppy," was his next suggestion.

"In my current state, no thank you." Ron sighed and decided he'd take his medicine. "I'll go down in the morning."

"Fine, but no more whining," snarled Snape.

"Leave me alone and I won't whine," countered Ron.

"Not a problem," he said standing and returning to his drink. He took the bottle and went to the other side of the room where he sat with his back to Ron.

Ron sat back and watched him. He pulled the towel away. His nose no longer bleeding, he reached down for his glass and remembered that he had broken it. "Bugger," he mumbled again. Severus turned. Ron was searching through his robes for his wand.

"Stop, you're going to hurt yourself," said Snape sarcastically. Ron glared. Snape pulled out his wand. "Reparo." Ron's glass fixed it self and returned to the table.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Don't worry I won't."

Snape chuckled and then looked down at the bottle in his hand. "I suppose you want some of this now."

"Well."

Snape floated the bottle to him. Ron grabbed it and poured himself a drink. "Not that I need this," he said before downing it. Snape laughed.

"True. I think we'll try to get you home again." Snape put his drink down and crossed the room. Ron nodded and pushed himself up carefully. He made it to his feet. Snape put one arm around him and they started toward the door. Ron stopped. "What's wrong?"

"Not good," said Ron looking pale.

"No, you're not?"

"Yes, I am," he said, holding his stomach.

Snape shook his head and summoned a wastebasket just in time for Ron to get sick into it. The third time he threw up, Snape forced him back into the chair. "You're not going anywhere."

"To hell I'm not," said Ron weakly.

"Don't be a git. You're in no condition to traipse across the castle. You're staying here," decided Snape.

Ron started to argue with him, but couldn't. He instead nodded, "Fine." He stretched his legs out, grabbed his cloak from the back of the chair, and pulled it over him. "Good night."

Snape shook his head and sat down across from him. "Good night."

Ron woke sometime later from the throbbing pain in his face. "Bloody hell," he muttered trying to open his eyes. It seemed that his face had begun to swell and his right eye was giving him fits. He sat up and realized his head was pounding as well. "Bugger!" he yelled. "This was asinine." He leaned forward and caught himself on the edge of the table. This is when he noticed that Snape wasn't in the chair across from him. He sat up and looked around. "Well, I'm glad you went to bed," growled Ron. He pushed off and got up. "I'll find my own quarters, thank you."

"Where do you think you're going?" Ron was so startled by Snape's voice that he lost his footing again and fell. "Brilliant," said Snape coming from behind him and kneeling next to him. Ron gabbed his head. "What have you done this time?"

"I'm fine," Ron lied.

Snape looked at the egg-sized lump on his head and rolled him over. "Yes I see," he said surveying the damage. He helped him back into the chair and summoned more ice. "Where exactly were you going?"

"My quarters," answered Ron. Snape looked at him and shook his head. "Where were you?"

Snape smiled. "Is that what this is about? You were leaving because you thought I was gone." Ron didn't answer. "You're staying, and this time I'm taking you to the bed." Ron's eyes widened. "Stupid boy, I didn't say taking you to bed."

"I'm not going to your bed, Snape, and I'm not a boy!"

"You're acting like a boy!"

Ron's face was red now, in addition to swollen, black, and blue. He was definitely the making of a bad wizard's joke. He leaned back, balled his fist, and swung. Unfortunately he was too drunk and his eyes too blurred and swollen to make contact. He was headed for the floor again, but Snape caught him. He pulled him up and face-to-face. Severus would kiss Ron this time. Pulling him into his arms, he kissed him.

Ron pulled back. "Want another swing at me?" he asked releasing one of his arms.

Ron's mouth hung open. "I . . . I'm confused," whispered Ron. "Before, when I . . . you."

"You took me by surprise is all," said Severus.

"But, I," he shook his head.

"Look, this has been difficult for me. Do you wish for me to get down on my knees?" said Snape letting go of him and stepping off.

This was not a good idea. Ron went crashing to the floor again. Snape turned and fell to his knees. "Hell, Ron I'm sorry," he said lifting him off the floor and into his lap once more.

Ron looked up into his eyes and then began to laugh hysterically. Snape looked at him like he had lost his mind. "You know I don't think I've ever heard you say those two words." He said after a few minutes laughter.

Severus sighed. "Well I have plenty to be sorry for," he admitted pushing the blood soaked hair out of Ron's face.

"Oh?" asked Ron, his laughter dying. "Like what, letting Harry die?" asked Ron bitterly.

Severus scowled and turned his head. "Is that what you think? You think that I let him die."

Ron sat up allowed Severus to pull back as well. "Not exactly, not intentionally. Perhaps you just didn't do your best," he stuttered around, "or try your hardest to save him."

"He was determined to be a martyr. Haven't you figured that out?" he spat out the words. "Harry Potter, you still worship him and he's been gone for nearly eight years."

"Don't speak of him, you bastard. You're not worthy."

"Why do I bother?" muttered Snape, rising to his feet. "You'll never see."

"You're right, I'll never see Harry the way you saw him. He was my friend. My best friend," he paused and looked at the ground. "I loved him," he added quietly.

Snape stopped dead in his tracks and closed his eyes. There was pain in his heart, a great emptiness. "You're going to have to see Albus in the morning, and you'll need to see Poppy first. You best take my offer and use the bedroom. It's through that door," he raised his hand and pointed to a large oak door to his right. "I'll be in my office." He headed toward the door they had entered sometime ago. Ron had no idea how long since he could no longer see the clock on the mantel.

It would be the second time, when he awoke on the cold dungeon floor that he would convince himself to head to Severus' bed. He could barely remember their conversations, but he remembered they had been bitter and harsh.

It would be the sound of something breaking in the next room that would awaken him next. One of the house elves had knocked over the bottle of whiskey as she cleaned. He looked around Snape's bedroom, the pain of his swollen face returning immediately. "Hospital wing," he muttered finding the edge of the bed.

Madam Pomfrey hadn't asked him too many question about his injuries, but then she never had. She had given him a warm welcome back, fixed his nose straight off, and given him a potion for the pain. He would have to live with the black eyes since he had not come to her right away. He then headed off to Dumbledore's office before he decided to head back to London.

"Come in Mr. Weasley, or should I say Professor," said Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling. Ron returned his smile and entered the office.

"Can we go with Ron?" he asked taking the seat Dumbledore offered.

"Ron it is then." He sat down across from Ron and surveyed his face. "I heard you've had a visit to the hospital wing."

Ron's ears went pink. "Hogwart's hasn't changed a bit sir."

"I suppose not," he said with a chuckle. "So you've found your quarters satisfactory?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

Ron shifted uncomfortably. "Well to be honest sir, I haven't seen them yet."

"Oh?" answered Dumbledore his eyebrows arching.

"Yes, well, I didn't make it there last night."

"I see. I suppose that means Severus made it to Hogsmeade then," he said with a chuckle.

Ron leaned forward. "Excuse me, sir."

"Severus, he came to Hogsmeade and brought you round to the school?" repeated Dumbledore.

"You sent Professor Snape to Hogsmeade to get me? I mean you knew I was in Hogsmeade. Professor Dumbledore, I wasn't due to arrive until today," rambled Ron.

"Ron, relax, even the best of us have our demons to wrestle with. Let's just say I had a feeling that you were thinking things over a bit. Then, when your things arrived early ...." He stopped and looked at Ron's anxious expression.

"So you sent Snape to look for me," Ron sighed and lowered his head, "just like I was a student again."

"On the contrary, Severus volunteered to go and look for you. I was quite content to wait. I knew you would show up," he finished a knowing smile on his face. Ron's expression was one of confusion now. He didn't know what to say, he just sat there for a moment, staring like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," answered Ron snapping out of it. "I'm . . . it's just a bit strange to be back here and well it's brought back a lot of memories."

It was Dumbledore's turn to sigh. "Yes, I'm sure that it has. I can't say that I think things will be easy for you Ron, but I do think that in the long run meeting your past head on will be best and not just for you."

Ron looked at him curiously. He didn't know how to respond so he didn't instead he stood. "I think I need to find my quarters, I need to change my clothes and perhaps shower." Dumbledore chuckled.

"Well, I'd show you to your quarters myself, but I have a meeting with the Minister and I'm already late," he said rising from his desk and coming around to the front. "I'm afraid there's not many of the staff around yet. I don't really require them to be on the grounds until a bit later. I'm sure though if you find Severus, he can show you." He watched Ron's expression as Ron forced a smile and nodded. "Very well then, I'll see you soon." Then he turned and led Ron out the door.

"Snape," whispered Ron scowling. "Maybe I'll just find this place on my own. Shouldn't be too hard, he said it was close to Gryffindor tower."

Ron started toward the tower, his eyes watering slightly from the pain that remained. He muttered to himself as he walked. "Ickle Weasel losty?" Ron stopped and closed his eyes.

"No," he said to himself. "Not today." There was a loud cackle and a water balloon smashed at Ron's feet.

"Peeves, I'm not in the mood," moaned Ron.

"Peeves, heard the ickle Weasel was coming back. His Professorship was saying so," cackled Peeves heaving another water balloon past Ron's head.

"You bloody bastard. I had to put up with this as a student. I sure as hell will not as a teacher!" yelled Ron.

Peeves cackled louder and circled Ron's head.

"That's enough!!"

Peeves froze.

"I do not need your help," hissed Ron.

"Apparently you do. Peeves, be off now or Dumbledore will find out what you've been up to in the dungeons this summer," snarled Snape ignoring Ron's words.

Peeves considered Snape and then after lofting one additional balloon at Ron, flew off cackling. "I suppose you think I'm going to thank you."

"Your welcome," said Snape dryly. Ron rolled his eyes and walked off. After hesitating, Severus followed. "Do you know where you are going?"

"What does it matter to you?"

"It doesn't, but I'm Deputy Headmaster now and unfortunately, I'm responsible for things like making sure you're taking care of and can find your quarters and," Ron had stopped and rounded on him.

"You weren't too worried about me last night," he barked angrily. "I seem to recall you walking out on me and me waking up on the floor."

Snape drew a deep breath. Ron's words had pierced his soul. It had been very hard for him to walk away from him last night, but the pain in his heart had forced him out. "I couldn't . . . I couldn't stand there and listen you talk about what happened, knowing that you had your mind made up," answered Snape quietly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" spat Ron grabbing him by his robes.

"Are you going to hit me Ron?"

"Maybe."

"Go on, I wish you had succeeded last night."

Ron looked into his eyes and then looked at his own hands clenched tightly around his robes. He released him and pushed him away. "What do you want from me Snape? Haven't you taken everything from me? Do you have a desire to humiliate me more, is that it?"

There was a noise, the sound of footsteps and a house elf came stumbling by, apologizing the whole time for allowing her self to be seen. "We need to talk and this is not the place for it," started Snape. "Come on, let me show you where your quarters are." Ron's face was still red. He blew out a breath and nodded. In a few moments, they were entering Ron's new home.

He had never entered this place when it had been Professor McGonagall's home, but there was no way of telling it had been now. There was some overstuffed furniture by the cold fireplace, a table in one corner, and a desk in the other. On one wall were two doors that Ron supposed led to the bedroom and toilet. His bags were nowhere to be seen, but the few books he had brought and the pictures he had of family were now sitting on the desk. The house elves had been hard at work.

"Well?" said Snape as he stood looking round.

"It's nice."

Snape chuckled. "Let's hope it's not the last place on Earth you call home." He stepped to one of the overstuffed chairs and sat.

Ron thought of his words and then followed him. "Severus, what's going on? Professor Dumbledore said that you asked to come after me."

Severus considered his hands and then looked up to Ron. "It's been a long time," said Snape.

"A long time?"

"A long time to live with the decisions you make."

Ron was getting frustrated and his head was still pounding. He had little patience for the cryptic answers Snape was giving him. "If you're talking about the war and your decision to let Harry die, you deserve to live with that. You should have to live with it every waking moment as far as I'm concerned."

"Stupid boy, you have no idea what you're talking about!" yelled Snape.

Ron was on the edge of his seat, fists clenched. "I'm not a boy, you bastard!! Everyone knows how you felt about Harry!! You may not have killed him but you certainly wouldn't have gone out of your way to save him. I didn't have to be there to know that!!" Ron leaned forward. Snape was sure that his face was about to meet with Ron's fist.

"You can believe what you want. You will, no matter what I say," answered Snape in an even toned.

Ron growled. He wanted to hit him but there was something in Severus' eyes. "Why won't you defend yourself? Why won't you tell me then, if you think there is something else I should believe?" Ron had left his chair and was in Snape's face.

His heart was pounding he couldn't breath. Severus Snape did not like it when he wasn't in control of things and he was losing ground fast. "I can't tell you, you wouldn't believe me if I did," he said trying to look away.

"What is it?" asked Ron less anger in his voice. "Please." Snape looked up, it was like water beating at a sand wall and it finally giving. He bent over and placed his head in his hands, taking Ron by surprise. Ron knelt next to the chair. "Severus?"

"You're wrong, you know," he started. "About many things but mostly about the end."

"The end?"

"You remember that night," he asked lifting his head enough to see Ron nod. "Harry talked you into staying at Number Twelve and waiting for Hermione?"

"Yeah," answered Ron numbly. He had relived this night a million times. "I should have gone, not you, I should have gone!"

"You would be dead too!" said Snape.

Ron backed up slightly. "What?"

"Don't you see it was his decision? He wanted you to stay there. He made up the story about Hermione and the message. I had to insist on coming with him." He paused and drew a deep breath. "A lot of good it did us."

Ron's eyes were watering again but this time they're tears mixed with the pain of the blackened eyes. "I don't understand," he moaned softly.

"He knew, even though he didn't say anything, he knew."

"Harry? Harry knew what?"

Snape rose from the chair and crossed to look out the Tower window, his robes swept behind him. Ron followed, and stood next to him. After he a long silence, Snape began again. "What else do you remember about that night Ron?"

"What do you mean?" Ron thought hard. It was true that this night would play repeatedly in Ron's nightmares on a regular basis, but only certain parts.

"You remember Dumbledore telling you that Harry was dead," he said still staring out the window.

"Yes," he hesitated. "And I remember coming to St Mungo's to see you." Ron looked as though this memory left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Snape turned and faced him. "I still remember the expression on your face. It's part of my nightmares. It's something that I have to live with."

Ron felt his heart sink. A part of him very much wanted to reach out for Severus, but he was angry. He was now remembering the two kisses from last night. The one he had given Severus and the one that Severus had given him. He subconsciously ran his tongue along his lips. "Why should you care how I feel about you?" he blurted out.

Severus looked back out the window. "Because of how I feel about you." Ron's heart was racing. Had he said what he thought he had? He felt the blood rushing in his ears. He backed up against the wall, loosing his balance. "Ron?" Snape turned in time to catch him before he fell. He helped him to one of the chairs. "You haven't eaten have you?"

Ron shook his head. "No, I went straight to Madam Pomfrey and then Dumbledore."

"With everything you drank last night and your face," he knelt next to him. "You need to eat."

Ron looked over to him. "Severus," he swallowed hard and tried to focus. His whole world was spinning. "What do you mean, how you feel about me?"

Snape tried to stand, but Ron grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "That night, Harry and I, we discussed it, neither one of us wanted you to die. Harry knew this was it and so did I. I shouldn't be here. Everyone said it, it's one of the things you're so angry with me for. Because Harry died and I didn't."

He was right. That night he had wanted to kill Snape himself. When they had gone to the hospital and he had seen him lying there. Even if Ron had begun to feel differently about Severus. Even if they had become "not enemies." It wasn't fare that Harry was dead and Snape was alive. So, anything that he had felt for him, any barriers they had broken, it had all disappeared that night. That is until last night, when Ron had come face to face with him again, inhibitions down.

Snape had been the one reason Ron had been hesitant to take the Hogwart's position, because of how he felt about him. "You decided together that I wouldn't go." Snape nodded. He didn't know whether to be angry or touched. He just felt numb. Harry and Severus had decided together to spare his life, to save Ron. "Because?"

"Because?" He growled frustrated. "Is that not clear? You're being a git again." Snape tried to rise again but Ron again grabbed his arm. This time he pulled him close and kissed him. This time Severus did not pull away. This time he returned his affection.

They were locked in an embrace for what seemed like an eternity and then Ron pulled back slightly. He was still in the chair with Severus beside it. "Severus I can't help but think that all this time, so much wasted time."

Severus shook his head. "That's just more wasted time."

Ron nodded. "What's next then?"

"Breakfast," suggested Severus with a smirk.

Ron smiled. "Now who's being a git?"

Severus stood and pulled Ron to his feet. "You haven't seen the bedroom yet."