I Promise I'll Never Leave You

Care

I am a half man, cursed and marked

A creature split in two

A man

A beast

Forever linked together

In fear and pain

Remus rummaged his trunk for his key. When he did not find it, he searched his pockets. Finally he found it and unlocked the backdoor at Grimmauld Place. He entered the empty kitchen and put the trunk down with a sigh. He had to sit down on a chair. He was feeling very dizzy.

Of course there was a natural explanation for this: The moon was waning.

Recovering from his transformation to a werewolf was almost the worst part, he thought to himself. He always became so weak, just carrying his trunk a few meters made his head as heavy as a bowling ball.

Well, as long as he had not woken him up.

Kreacher was probably lurking somewhere but Remus did not care, the elf had orders from its master to let Remus in at anytime.

Remus slowly stood up and got his trunk. He sneaked noiselessly up the stairs, thinking that he could just find an empty bed and leave a note on Sirius' door. But as he reached the door to the room, he got an urge to just go in and watch him sleep. He had missed him so these last few months since he had last seen him, the Order was very busy hiding Dumbledore.

Remus hesitated for a moment, and then he grabbed the handle and slowly twisted it. As the door opened, Remus suddenly was pushed violently backwards, falling over his trunk and colliding with the floor before he could draw his wand. Someone was lying on him with all its weight, trying to prevent him from getting up. When he opened his eyes again Remus' heart started beating even faster when he saw a big black dog growling at him. But as he made eye contact with the dog, it suddenly stopped growling and with a loud "puff" the dog had turned into Sirius Black.

The two men stared at each other for a long moment.

Then Remus said, "I just didn't want to wake you up."

"Right," Sirius said, still looking shocked to see his best friend.

A moment or two passed.

"You are, um, still lying on top of me". Remus said. His head was spinning again and his legs were running out of blood.

"I know," Sirius said. Then he smiled that significant Black smile that no one could resist. He got up and offered Remus his hand. Remus took it but when he got up, he felt very faint and he sat right back down again.

"Waning moon?" Sirius asked, sounded worried.

"Yeah, that's sort of why I came. I need a place to recover," Remus said while pressing a hand against his forehead.

The gods have turned their back on me

Men as well

In this world I stand

Alone

Abandoned

"Is that the only reason you have come?" Sirius asked quizzically.

Remus looked up and met Sirius glowing brown eyes. His long hazel brown hair framed his face in a way that made Remus' knees soft. No, that was not the only reason he had come. Oh, how he loved that man.

"Well, I thought I'd better come and keep and eye on you," he said with a wry smile.

Sirius smiled back, revealing a set of strait white teeth.

"Come on," he said in a more business like tone, "lets find a bed for you before you pass out. Can you walk?"

Remus slowly got up, his face contorted in pain from all the fresh hidden cuts on his chest.

The Beast is laughing at me

Deriding my human feelings

He is omnivorous

Eating my

Pride

Dignity

Away

"Are you kidding, I could do a marathon," he bravely said. He knew how scared Sirius sometimes got when he saw him in this condition - even though he tried to hide it.

Sirius gave a little smile, and put his right arm around Remus' waist to support him. Remus had expected him to lead him to a guest room, but Sirius led him into his own room. Remus' heart pounded a little faster.

He lay down on the bed and looked up at Sirius who was finding a clean shirt for his guest. On the bedside table was a picture of Lily and James with baby Harry and also one from their school years. He smiled at James, ignored Peter and when he saw Sirius he suddenly remembered how much he had been in love with him already back then. He had finally confessed his feelings to him in their seventh year and they had been a couple until the day Sirius went to Azkaban. Remus remembered with a shudder how he had felt that night - the night he lost everything.

But he got the smile back when he remembered how relieved he had been when he learned Sirius was not the traitor after all.

Two years had passed since then and they were still just friends. It had taken time for them both to accept this new change in their lives but Remus felt ready to try again. He just did not know how to say it.

I am so tired, like I had lived a hundred years

The Beast is tearing my body

Apart

Away

I need to rest

Release me from my curse or I will

Die

"Here you go," Sirius said, handing him a shirt. Remus unbuttoned his own and noticed how Sirius out of shyness pretended to be preoccupied at something by the window. But then Sirius saw Remus bruised chest and gave a little exclamation of surprise.

"Good God, Remus, we've got to clean those," he said worried and with a wave of his wand he produced some iodine and cotton.

He sat down besides him and started dabbing him very gently with the iodine. Remus squirmed as it hurt. Sirius took his hand and Remus trembled. It was ridiculous that you could be as nervous as a fifteen year old when you were in fact thirty-five.

Sirius worked his way from up with the cotton from the navel to he reached Remus' neck. They looked at each other for a long moment. Then Remus said, almost out of breath,

"I've been thinking."

Oh how stupid that sounded. He sat up and Sirius looked at him worried. He looked down at his hands; he did not have the courage to face Sirius.

"I want to... try again, with us. If you want, of course," he said very fast and nervously and looked up.

Sirius was looking a little surprised. Then he looked down on his hands too.

"Do you mean it?" he asked. Remus gulped. But he knew the answer.

"Yes I do. I love you Sirius."

Sirius looked up. One tear was slowly making its way down the rough cheek. But he was smiling. Remus leaned in and met Sirius in their first kiss in fourteen years and suddenly he felt like he was twenty again. His headache vanished and he forgot his sore chest. A warm, tingling sensation spread all over his body and as Sirius caressed his neck Remus felt something in him wake up. A fire ignited. He had not felt this alive in many years. Remus breathed in Sirius' scent: fresh air, sweat and his usual cologne. It was a familiar scent, of his own Sirius. They belonged together. Like Yin and Yang, summer and winter.

What is a man
What is a man
Who's between man and beast?
Can't separate them
What

(Rammstein)

Sirius took Remus' hand and kissed each finger. Remus looked at him and smiled.

"Promise you'll never leave me again," Remus whispered.

Sirius looked into his eyes.

"I promise I'll never leave you."

- End -